Sharing with friends and family who are also overweight
So I'm almost down my first ten pounds and I want to broadcast it to the world but not sure if I should. I don't want to tell my family because I don't want them looking over my shoulder at what I eat and backseat driving. I also don't want to hear "What happened to your diet?" when I have an off plan day or (heaven forbid) give up. I guess I'm a) not confident I can stick to it and b) not good at not taking other people's opinions to heart.
On the flip side I would love to tell my closest friend, who is also overweight, but she is bigger than me and I don't want to make her feel bad. She was dieting last year and told me all about it but she lost motivation or something cuz I stopped hearing about it. I didn't want to bring it up. At the time I wasn't ready to try to lose weight and we ate together alot so I felt like a bit of a pig. I don't want to make her feel like that. Not that I hold anything against her for having talked about it with me.
Do you guys talk about trying to lose weight with your core people? Or anyone?
Well... my mom and brother are also trying to lose weight, but we're all sorta going our own ways, which causes problems with each other if one of us makes/eats/wants to eat certain things. At the same time, none of my closest friends are overweight (on the contrary, they're completely thin), so I don't really talk about it with them, because I figure they wouldn't understand, or (in my opinion) they aren't really worried about hearing it.
It'll probably be a lot better if you share your progress with someone, but why not do it here? I figure that's what these forums are for. Many people have done it, and we're all here to help each other out.
I see not wanting to tell family, because people have talked about their own families doing something similar to what you described. Just have a talk with perhaps just your mother, or something like that, and mention you don't want to be judged when you're having an off day. The support will go a long way, but if you decide you don't want to bother your people, you can talk to us about it. We're all in the same boat. Maybe get a weight loss partner?
I told family about 20-30lbs in and I honestly wish I hadn't. I'd take it all back if I could! They instantly became fascinated with what I was eating, with the obligatory 'I thought you were on a diet?' comments if something they deemed as un-diet like passed my lips. At 280lbs weight loss wasn't instantly noticeable in me either (I didn't notice any changes til about 40lbs in!), so there'd invariably be jibes that I must have been making it up or exaggerating my losses and to be honest all those kinds of comments did was undermine me. My family aren't bad people or anything but I wish I'd never said a word to anyone in hindsight.
Your friend might well be different and at least if she's tried to lose weight before you know that she's not likely to be horrified by the thoughts of you dropping some pounds.
There was a really good thread on here around that time from someone who was having a similar issue with co-workers. I'll see can I go find it, it's an interesting read! Edit: Here it is.
Last edited by knoxie; 12-18-2012 at 01:50 AM.
Reason: adding link to other discussion
Well I live with my Mom so there's really no way for me to hide it. I had to explain to her about calorie counting and intermittent fasting otherwise she'd keep freaking out when I do my 24-36 hour fasts. "Don't worry Mom, I'm not gonna die doing this"
I also talked about this to my brother because I really wanted to motivate him and his wife because they live a very unhealthy lifestyle and I worry for their family. Unfortunately, their idea of dieting is eating 4 billion calories during daytime and salad at night (like the veggies will offset all of that -_-). I don't think it's right for me to tell them "that's not right" but I do tell them how I do it. I leave it up to them if they want to follow my advice.
I know what you mean. I would tell your best friend, because then she might want to join you, and then you have each other to support along the way and keep you accountable. And y'all can pig out on good food like healthy popcorn, fruit, veggies, experiment with healthy recipes (one of my favorites is buffalo chicken egg rolls) and more! You can also workout together!
Just an idea though. I understand, because I kept completely quiet about my diet until people started noticing I had lost weight, and then everyone was watching me. It's a lot of pressure and everyone wants to know your 'secret' but I think if you get a friend on board the both of you would have a lot of fun and success along the way!
If you have a friend who can be supportive—go for it! Otherwise it's really rough to tell whether or not you should tell your family members without knowing them. How do you think they'll react? How do you think they'll treat you?
For me, I never told ANYONE I was losing weight. I knew that my family would be a pain in the *** about it, so I kept it to myself. After a while it's impossible to do that though! So I had to fess up about 30lbs in. I never told anyone what my plan was though, so they couldn't criticize
Now that I've been maintaining for a year, people just leave me alone. I do get some coming to me for advice, but nobody says: "should you be eating that?" The only thing that bugs me now is that people watch me eat and ask me questions about what I'm eating...I generally DON'T mind that, I just wish they wouldn't do it WHILE I'm eating, lol!! I just want to eat in peace
If you don't tell anyone, just be prepared for the fact that at some point you will have to acknowledge it. I'm sure right now that some people have noticed, but they're not quite sure if they should say something or not.
Seeing as I calorie count and weigh out all of my food on my kitchen scale, there really wasn't any way for DH not to know, so I discuss my efforts with him. He's very supportive and asks if I can eat this or that before bringing x home or cooking x for us. Otherwise he keeps his mouth shut, which is just fine with me. I've also told my mom and best friend, who are both very supportive and helpful. When I went to visit my mom over Thanksgiving she made sure to have fresh grapes and lo-cal yogurt in the house for me so that I'd have healthy things to eat. When I went to see my bestie she made lo-cal chicken salads for us for lunch.
I would tell those that you are close with because it's nice to have people in your life who can help out (or at least not hinder your efforts).
As for other people in my life (e.g. in laws) when we get together for a meal I just playfully mention that I'm "watching my girlish figure" when questioned about not eating something. So far no one has pryed or played food police.
I wouldn't make any announcements if you're afraid it's going to turn in to a "diet police" type of situation. People get kind of weird when you start losing weight. Sometimes they even get defensive, as if your loss is somehow criticizing their size. Some people think you're just bragging. Especially if you are really open about your diet and announcing your losses. It sounds like you're already concerned about how your family will react, so maybe go with that instinct. Save your "bragging" for us, and your modest, "thanks for noticing" for them.
As for your friend, if you think she'll support you, by all means, tell her! She might even feel bad if you kept it to yourself for "her sake".
The reality is, you can't hide your weight loss for long. At some point, they're going to notice and ask. Then you can very proudly state, "why YES! Yes, I did just lose X pounds!" You'll get excitement and support, but also the food police, and the criticizing, opinions and advice. You can't really put that genie back in the bottle, so you may as well take your time and really get in to your diet and your "lifestyle change" for just you. Saver it as all yours for awhile! It will come in it's own time.
I've been called obsessed, people have commented on my food choices, criticized me for "being so good" and criticized me for "being bad". They've been supportive and wanted to know my secret, and they've criticized my dieting choices. I was very open about my diet at first, but realized no one really wanted to hear about it (that much). I started keeping it to myself unless someone asked. Now I'm at my first goal (normal BMI) and not too far from my final goal (maybe 15 pounds). I made it. As for those with the opinions....... well, let me just say I'm secretly gloating.
I talk about it if others bring it up. The last thing I want to do is make someone feel like I'm preaching to them or something.
yes, exactly! Although I have noticed that because I am quite fit people just ASSUME that I'm judging them if they eat something that is generally thought of as less than desirable.
In all honesty, it makes it difficult for me to eat in front of people at times because they're constantly evaluating my meals! If I'm eating something that looks healthy people ask me a million questions, and if I'm eating something that seems 'naughty' people make a huge deal out of it. Yes, I eat chocolate. I eat ice cream. I eat cheese, bacon, and anything else I want... I just eat a proper serving size and call it a day!
LOL, sorry, I got off on a rant there, but my point is that a lot of times people are going to judge you or have an opinion even if you DON'T make a big deal out of the fact that you are trying to lose weight.
I'm at a healthy weight now (even though I'm looking to lose a few more pounds) and I have two close friends who are also dieting, but a bit heavier than I am. I don't bring it up for fear that they'll think I am bragging or being preachy. Honestly, when I have been off track in the past, the last thing I cared to hear about was how my friend lost 10 lbs. I talk to my mom about it because she's also trying to eat healthy and exercise, and 3FC.
Last edited by OhThePlaces; 12-18-2012 at 02:05 PM.
Every one around me knows. My family, my friends, my co-workers. I can't help it; I talk about it a lot. Right now, my weight loss effort is one of the most important things going on in my life. Fortunately, I am surrounded by people who are patient and supportive. No one in my life has turned into the food police or conversely, into a food pusher. I do get quite a few questions about what I'm doing but it's truly based on friendly interest.
yes, exactly! Although I have noticed that because I am quite fit people just ASSUME that I'm judging them if they eat something that is generally thought of as less than desirable.
In all honesty, it makes it difficult for me to eat in front of people at times because they're constantly evaluating my meals! If I'm eating something that looks healthy people ask me a million questions, and if I'm eating something that seems 'naughty' people make a huge deal out of it. Yes, I eat chocolate. I eat ice cream. I eat cheese, bacon, and anything else I want... I just eat a proper serving size and call it a day!
Same thing happens to me! It's like, leave me alone so I can eat my food, haha.
Wow! Thanks for this thread! So much to think about. I think I will tell my friend I am trying to lose weight but not report every pound I lose. Even though I never felt bad when she told me how much she had lost, the reverse might not be true because she is bigger than me.
As for my family, I don't live with them (I'm referring to my mom, my dad and my brother) so they don't see everything I eat. I do spend the weekend at my parents' quite often though but so far no comments. Actually I eat more there mostly because I don't want comments! Not good.
I know that if I am successful (which I still sometimes doubt) I will not be able to hide it forever and I don't know how I'm gonna deal with that but I will probably come clean. And then I will come to you guys and complain about the food ****s! Lol. In all likelihood they will be great about it, I just suck at putting my own opinions on par with those of others. I tend toward people pleasing.
Sharing with friends and family who are also overweight
