So I need some healthy foods I can get from a pizza/Italian food restaurant
Are you kidding? Isn't that like looking for something nutritious in Dunkin Donuts? IMHO, you shouldn't even be looking at anything from an Italian restaurant - much less a pizza place. Unless you just want to see how little willpower you may have.
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I realize I might kind of sound like an idiot in this post and I apologize for that. I can't just say no, it will cause a fight and I don't want him to feel unappreciated.
If he really cares about you, he'll respect your decision to want to monitor what you eat. If he pitches a fit because you won't eat pizza when he knows you're trying to lose, then he sounds like a self-centered individual who puts his desires ahead of yours.
It may be that he doesn't want to diet, and when you lose weight his own size will become much more noticable and attention-grabbing. Like a case of misery loves company. It would explain why he gets upset when you attempt to drop weight. I don't know if it's a guy thing or not, but as a guy, I can see this happening.
Does he realize you've gained almost 100 pounds since you got together? It's entirely possible he's managed to overlook it. Is he aware of the health risks of being that heavy?
You can totally spend quality time together without overeating. May take some work at first but shifting habit and routine sounds like the only way to get yourself out of this cycle.
I would just like to say, I feel your pain. I've been there, staring at a menu and feeling defeated for one reason or another. You've made the choice to get healthy and if he doesn't feel the same, them poo to him! You can still have treats, just maybe not every week. When he offers to order you something deliciously bad, politely decline, saying that its not time for your treat yet but he can order whatever he likes. If he tries to argue over it, try to ignore it and say to yourself that this weight loss is for nobody else but yourself. If he really does object to it, order a small 'zza eat a couple of slices and leave the rest for him.
Like i say try to make it a monthly treat rather than every week. that way when you do have that treat you'll really enjoy it more. Believe me. I used to binge on chocolate all the time... and now... well I can take it or leave it. Once your body realises what you're doing everything will fall into place.
Is hurting his feelings worth the self abuse you're putting yourself through? NO. He'll get over it. I think it might be in your best interest to ditch the eating out for a few months, it's clearly a trigger for you. If you want to be successful you have to get these unhealthy behaviors under control. Having a calorie fiesta every Thursday night is not going to help you do that. Talk to him, try to make him understand... if he won't, then realize that YOU deserve better than the way you're treating your body. Find another way to spend time as a couple than treating your bodies like garbage bins.
I agree that you should discuss this with him, tell him you need his support, etc. I don't really have anything else to add here, I think most folks have covered it all; he needs to respect your decisions and value your health. This includes not taking it personally if you can't order takeout every last week.
Can you maybe limit it to once or twice a month? That way he's still getting the tradition but it's not all the time. Aside from that, when you order takeout I would try to order less overall. Order enough for him to eat what he wants plus one or two pieces for you. Don't save leftovers- make him take them to work or wherever the next day. Because it's not always so much about the one bad meal, it's more about the backsliding that can result.
My gf and I used to order a ridiculous amount of takeout. Then we'd eat it for another day or two because there was so much left. If I'd had a slice or two of pizza on one night, it wouldn't have been so bad. But also now that I'm thinking about it, I can't really remember the last time I had pizza. When you stop eating something regularly you don't really crave it so much anymore.
When I go to an Italian place I usually get something Greek (I don't know about where you live but most of our Italian places up here also serve Greek dishes). A Gyro isn't too bad, and even better is a shishkabob with chunks of meat and vegetables. I avoid any dish with cheese or cream based sauces. A red sauce isn't too bad and will sometimes have something in a red sauce.
But I agree with the others that you have to learn to put your foot down for your health. If you know that you can't order from that particular restaurant without blowing your diet, then stop ordering from that restaurant. Do you guys like Japanese? My DH and I have a habit of going out to dinner every Friday and we choose either Thai or Japanese because there are options there that are much healthier and lower in fat. At a Japanese restaurant, fish is a great choice, miso soup is quite healthy, etc. At the Thai restaurant I like the fresh rolls, and they have a number of dishes that are very spicy and savory but don't have a high fat content.
Oh also - My ex husband loves pizza, so we would order with light cheese, lots of veggies, and we had a local place that did turkey sausage and whole wheat crust. I would eat ONE slice paired with low calorie soup, salad, or vegetable based dish, he'd eat as much as he wanted, then I would foodsaver the rest in 1-2 slice baggies and freeze them so they were "out of sight, out of mind" and not wasted. If you heat them on a pizza stone, they taste fresh again.
When I make pizza at home, I like to use flatout bread because it's only 90 calories and 9g fiber for the light version. Bake on the rack for 7 minutes at 350 F, then put your toppings on and bake for another 7 minutes. Perfect every time.
I think a Thursday night "cheat" meal can be perfectly acceptable if you can get control over your other days of eating. I know everyone else says he should understand, and I agree, but why avoid it if you can still go and enjoy yourselves and time together. In the beginning of my journey, my husband and I used to go out to eat/get take out/buy something unhealthy for dinner from the store once a week. I was trying to lose weight, he wasn't, but it was a time for both of us to not stress calories, the scale, etc.
So, my suggestion is getting your binges under control fri-Thursday pre-dinner. I know that's WAY easier said than done- I still struggled and consider it a victory if I make it a week without binging. Maybe if you know Thursday night is a great, it'll help you make smarter choices the days after and leading up to it.
I was 190lbs.
Now . . . I'm 278lbs.
So understandably we aren't the healthiest people. Problem is I want to lose it, he doesn't care.
I guess I need to tell him to just get it himself and leave me out of it. He'll get pissed off but he'll get over it. To him, spending time together usually means eating together. :/
RED FLAGS everywhere right now. This is insane. If you are serious that you want to lose weight this needs to end or you will keep gaining weight. By end I mean the restaurants, not the relationship necessarily.
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Originally Posted by TheVikingNinja
I can't just say no, it will cause a fight and I don't want him to feel unappreciated. . .
Say I get invited to dinner for a family members birthday. I can't just say no in that situation either.
In general, I have no idea what to do.
You CAN just say no, all day everyday!!! Come on now, you are a grown up person. If he feels unappriciated because you want to lose weight and therefore don't want to eat out all the time that is HIS problem. Seriously, this is crazy to me right now.
You can say no all the time to everyone. You should not be eating to spare people's feelings!!!
2 things: stop making excuses and stop being a doormat. I honestly DO NOT mean that in a mean way at all but you are ruining your health as to not hurt someone's feelings. NO way, you are worth more than that.
Sometimes we need to be careful about excuses and recognize that nothing will change if we don't change either. You wrote yourself:
Thurs: huge binge
Fri: not so big but still too much
Sat-Mon: borderline Tues-Wed: doing great
That's 2/7 days where you are really on plan and 5/7 days are at best borderline and at worst, a binge.
I think part of this is recognizing that this behaviour can't continue for results. I know you are looking for restaurant options here but I would suggest that Thursday is not actually your only major problem (a binge is a problem yes), but the other days are serious contributers as well.
When I go out to eat or I'm at someone's house for dinner or any other situation where calorie counting is not possible, I simply make portion size my #1 note. Whatever is being served, be it pizza, steak, salad, etc - I just take a little bit & enjoy it. SLOWLY. If I'm still hungry when I get home, I can always have a snack!
I think it's extremely unfair to you that he acts upset and put out because you don't want to over-indulge on fatty pizza with him EVERY week...don't you have JUST as much of a right to complain that the only place he wants to take you is somewhere you're trying to stop eating at while you try to lose weight?? I think he sounds extremely insensitive [no offense]...if he feels unappreciated [your word] that you don't want to eat pizza and continue gaining weight you need to SERIOUSLY evaluate this issue... Obviously he doesn't appreciate your efforts to be healthy.
Why don't you offer to treat and try to find a new, healthy alternative place to try?
Also, I just have to add, there ARE healthy alternatives to pizza at an Italian restaurant...just getting plain pasta with tomato sauce would be a LOT healthier than a few slices of pizza...many Italian places now offer whole wheat pasta as well.
You can get a salad with a light dressing on the side that is a lot less than 1000 calories. A garden salad with old & vinegar is one example.
What about a chicken [NON-breaded] or fish dish? Please know there are healthy options out there wherever you go that can help, rather than hinder your weight loss.
Just because he is offering to pay, doesn't mean he gets to dictate what you eat. The price of a pizza pie, or anything for that matter, is not so great that it should take away your right to say no....
