bonnie, I just want to give you a hug. I don't have any sage advice to add to everything that has already been posted here, but I wanted to let you know that I care and that there are MANY of us here to support you. There always will be.
I know that feeling of being so unhappy and regretful about time wasted, and the sadness of not being able to do anything about it. The only thing that has ever worked for me to ease that feeling? Doing something to make TOMORROW different. Moving forward in a positive way, no matter how small. Every step you take in a positive direction will help you to feel better, and once you're on your way and proud of the changes you're making for yourself, the regret will fade into the background. It will feel small compared to the pride you feel at doing good things for yourself, all that you have to look forward to.
Last edited by chickadee32; 04-07-2012 at 03:16 AM.
I know your post has been answered by quite a few people already but what you wrote really touched me so I just thought I'd pitch in.
OP, you are 50. Your life is NOT over. Think about how much life there is left to live; how many good times there are ahead for you; how you are still young enough to achieve goals and dreams!
I've been overweight almost all of my life and I started out here at around the same weight as you. 307. It's been a bumpy road so far and I'm still learning but the members here at 3FC have been such a wonderful support. I don't know whether I could have made it through the last few days and not binged if it hadn't have been for them. Please stay here and read through the threads, get motivated, and ask heaps of questions. If you're feeling down, make a post. If you need encouragement and support, make a post. If there's a question you desperately need an answer to, 3FC is often a great starting place. There are so many girls here of all ages who have done this and stuck around to share their wisdom with newbies. It's wonderful.
My mum is almost fifty and looks fantastic. She's still a little overweight (all of the women in my family have weight problems) but a few years ago she got motivated and lost a heap of weight. You can do that too. As easy as it is to say but not to do, try to stop focusing on the past (I do this too, at 23) and look to the future. You don't have to waste any more time. There's a new life waiting for you if you're brave enough to take a chance and make some changes.
Thank you for sharing your story, and lots and lots of hugs.
Hope to see you around the forum.
P.S. Don't put any stock in what nasty people say to you. They don't know you. As horrible as it is, people just like to make fun of fat people. They're an easy target. I've been made fun of for my size and as hard as it was I've learned to develop a thick skin. If I'm out exercising and some jacka*s shouts "FAAAAAT!" out their car window as they whiz past, I no longer give a damn. Their immaturity and shallow nature says a lot more about them than it does about me.
i know how you feel - i wasn't able to handle the social pressure twice before when i lost around 100lbs so i deliberately gained it all back.
when i was 43, i was told i'd be lucky to make it to 50 bec of my labile hypertension (when it's labile, it's nearly impossible to treat bec if you take meds for high bp and then it drops to normal, the meds push it too low and you end up on the floor - it's humiliating having an audience watching EMTs struggle a bit to get the gurney up and rolling and then into the ambulance bec you've passed out at the mall - again).
i have a daughter who just turned 5 and when i was 45, i realized i was playing russian roulette as to whether or not i'd even be alive to witness her high school graduation. i was risking leaving her an orphan at 10yrs of age and for what?
you can't get back the 15yrs you've lost - but look on those 15yrs as a learning curve. regretting those years is like regretting that you didn't learn to read until you were 7 bec your sister learned when she was 6 or regretting that you didn't learn to cook until you took a night course in your 20s.
however, like me, you can get an *extra* 15yrs you might not have had otherwise. as a bonus, you'll have the zest, the enthusiasm, and the wisdom to live those 15yrs wisely and to the fullest.
Last edited by threenorns; 04-07-2012 at 08:58 AM.
Hi Bonnie, You have received such excellent advice so far. The only thing I have to add is that you probably had many challenges besides your weight over the years. Somehow, you managed to get through it and make it work. Now it is time to tackle your weight in the same manner. I know where you are coming from, because I am the same age as you, and use food for medication. I don't know about you, but for me, I wasn't ready to give up my "medication". But suddenly it clicked that I had to, if I was going to get healthy and live an active life for the rest of my life. I realized that I could do it, cause I managed to get through all the other stuff in my life by being persistent.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, is my motto.
I am not 50 yet but otherwise completely identify with your post. I have lost 100+ twice! And I have gained it back twice. But I am determined to try it again. I sometimes feel like you do, wih questions about what life would be like if I had kept the weight off. But I can't do anything about that so I just try to stay positive about the future.
The average life span for an American woman is about 80 years, which means you could have another 30 years ahead of you! It is so important to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle so you don't spend those years in a nursing home or hospital. You have a good 30 years ahead of you, so take advantage of it and live!
I've struggled with my weight all my life, and am finally winning the battle (even if much slower than I've ever done in the past).
I've been pretty lucky when it comes to the shame and self-hatred aspect. Just like everyone else I was taught that I was supposed to hate myself and be ashamed of myself, but I just never was very good at it. Oh, I tried and succeeded now and again (especially when I was interested in a guy who wasn't interested in me) but for the most part, I wasn't very good at the self-hating (maybe because my attention span is too short, and I'm too optimistic a person).
I don't think I can teach optimism, but I can suggest talking to yourself, which anyone can do.
I am fat, and Ihave been fatter, but I am not, and have never been an axe murderer. I don't kick, puppies. I don't torture children. More often than not, I am a nice person. I'm usually pretty funny.
I'm sure you have some very admirable qualities as well. so start admiring them.
Like most of us, I was taught to try to lose weight by the punishment method. Dieting was my punishment for being a fat cow. Only problem was when you hate someone, you don't really feel like helping that person (even if that person is yourself). And punishment gets tiresome, especially self-punishment.
I had to learn to lose weight by the reward method (and I know from my studies in psychology that reward is more effective in changeing behavior than is punishment. Punishment tends to work only temporarily, reward tends to be longer-lasting).
It's a whole lot more fun to pamper my wonderself thin than to try to punish myself thinner. And it works a lot better too. When I see the changes I'm making (in eating and exercise) as ways to pamper and reward my wonderful self, it's so much easier to do it.
I used to focus on the denial aspect of weight loss (I can't have this or that, because I'm trying to lose weight). Now I focus on the indulgent aspect of weight loss.
Even as a child, I envied people who were about to go to fancy weight loss spas (I may have been one of the few children to have actually wished they could go to fat camp). I thought it would be easy to lose weight if you could do it at a fancy weight loss spa.
So I decided to bring the spa to me. I was going to pamper myself thin.
Money is fairly tight (and was much tighter when I started) so when I started I had to be creative to create an indulgent atmosphere. I couldn't buy the most exotic of fruits and vegetables, but I could splurge on some. I would buy one piece of fruit that I hadn't ever tried before - whether a completely new fruit like pomello (which has become a favorite) or a variety of apple I hadn't tried before.
You do deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and while you can't make others treat you that way, you can treat yourself that way.
I'd also strongly encourage you to consider a weight loss groups like TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly - the tops.org website will help you find meetings near you).
Statistically, people in weight loss groups tend to do significantly better than people who attempt weight loss on their own. Ironicallly though the "shame" tradition of weight loss makes it difficult for many people to take advantage of that help.
Don't let shame prevent you from succeeding. You're not alone and you don't have to do this on your own.
If you're not ready for in-person weight loss group, then the online help here is always available, For me, I need more than online help. I NEED the in-person weigh in every week. There's no shame in needling help, no matter what kind or amount of help you need,
I wish weight loss groups were as easy to access as other self-help groups. Considering how widespread weight issues are, weight loss groups should be the easiest and most abundent of support groups, but they're not. It's sometimes easier to find a support group for mother's of multiples than it is a weight loss group.
Hang in there, and first and foremost kick the shame to the curb, and work at progress not perfection. Stumbling and failing to be perfectly on your food plan will not prevent you from losing weight. Giving up because you think you've "blown it" howeve,r can.
Thanks everyone. All your support means the world to me! I took a "small" step today. I wore a blouse that I thought was too tight and received some compliments. I usually wear baggy tunics. I guess it is true the baggier the clothes the bigger they make you appear? I just always want to hide all my "sins"-lol.
that is 100% true - worse than making you look bigger, baggy clothes make you look slovenly and that's never a good thing unless you're auditioning for "what not to wear".
well-fitted clothing that just skims the body is the best fit and minimizes your appearance. use colour, pattern, and cut to draw attention away from undesirable areas. for example, a false v-neck - get this by wearing a v-neck blouse or sweater with a high-necked cami in the same colour under it - minimizes an overly generous bust or use a nice soft scarf in a flattering shade around your neck to draw attention away from a poufy tum and, by pulling the eye up, add to your height. add a pair of straight-leg pants with closed-toe shoes in the same colour as the pants (to make your legs look longer) and you're rockin' it.
Last edited by threenorns; 04-08-2012 at 01:21 AM.
Thanks everyone. All your support means the world to me! I took a "small" step today. I wore a blouse that I thought was too tight and received some compliments. I usually wear baggy tunics. I guess it is true the baggier the clothes the bigger they make you appear? I just always want to hide all my "sins"-lol.
Absolutely true. Big, baggy clothes hide any hint of shape you may have. I try not to dress in ultra-baggy clothes as they generally just make me look like a shapeless blob. Have fun with your clothes and wear what you want!
