That awkward moment when your friend has lost more weight than you?
I feel awful for being even the slightest bit jealous/bitter about this. It makes me feel like a terrible person but tbh I just can't stand it.
Here's the story: My best friend, up until around four months ago, was exactly the same weight as me. I think we were both around the 305-310 mark. But then she started dieting and going to the gym, and at the time I kind of just shrugged it off as my bestie, god bless her, is probably the laziest person that I know -- and I'm not saying that to be nasty. This is a girl who previously would have chewed her own arm off rather than go for a five minute walk with me; who used to get me out of bed when I was living with her just to change the channel for her; who ordered taxis everywhere when walking would have been the cheaper/easier option.
But this time she really stuck to it, and I hate to admit it, but I was surprised (I would never say this to her. I've only ever been supportive of her weight loss). She's insinuated that she's now around 255 pounds, which I'm not too sure about, but still. She does look like she's lost a significant amount of weight.
Her showing me up made me feel like a failure about my own weight and now all I want is for us to be on the same page again re. our weight. Of course I'd be doing this anyway, my reasons for wanting to lose have nothing to do with her, but it feels like we were closer when we both weighed the same.
Has this ever happened to any of you? Do you think I'm awful for being jealous of her success?
Last edited by Amy23; 03-29-2012 at 10:23 PM.
Reason: bad grammar
I think it's normal to be jealous, but don't forget that this didn't just happen to her. She worked hard for it. You're working hard for your weight loss too, and both of you are doing extremely well!
My friend has lost around 100lbs. She started way before me and seeing her success was enough to give me the kick in the rear I needed to keep up with mine. Now it's nice to have someone to talk to about all this stuff who isn't into quick fixes and all that.
I think sometimes it's just human nature to be jealous. I am unfortunately the same way when someone else that's my size starts to lose weight. I say you should use your friend's weight loss to inspire you. You probably have pulled away from her and that's why you feel a distance. Maybe you two should work out together, for support, instead of competition. I don't think you're an awful person, by the way!
I think it's normal to be jealous, but don't forget that this didn't just happen to her. She worked hard for it. You're working hard for your weight loss too, and both of you are doing extremely well!
Plus now you can help each other out =)
I suppose I'm just being childish in withholding details of my weight loss from her (she's living quite a way away from me now and I haven't told her how much I've lost) because if she turns around and tells me she's lost even more, it'll just make me feel more like a failure. And I know this is ridiculous but it's really quite interesting how something as silly as weight can upset the balance of a relationship. For most of our friendship I've always been 15-20 pounds lighter than her (except in the past six months or so when we were the same) and I never considered I'd been feeling kind of smug about not being as heavy as her, but I guess I did. And now it's biting me in the arse, which I totally deserve. I'm going to make a concentrated effort to be more positive and give her the support she deserves, regardless of my own weight, otherwise what kind of friend am I?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sontaikle
Use it as inspiration.
My friend has lost around 100lbs. She started way before me and seeing her success was enough to give me the kick in the rear I needed to keep up with mine. Now it's nice to have someone to talk to about all this stuff who isn't into quick fixes and all that.
It really is inspirational. Like you said, seeing her weight loss really gave me the sharp slap in the face I needed to get my own ball rolling, so to speak. Once I get over this and work through my own issues (which are all about me and have nothing to do with her - she's awesome) I look forward to sharing the journey with her. I'm using her strength as inspiration. She's been making great choices for months and it's showing. If she can do it then so can I.
I don't have any close friends who have lost a lot of weight - no diet buddies or anything like that. However, sometimes I bump into acquaintances that have lost a lot of weight and I feel a twinge of jealousy or fear - even if they are bigger than me! I suppose I am afraid that they have the true "magic formula" or more dedication than me, and I will regain while they continue to lose. I am weird and paranoid and defeatist in that way!
Bottom line - what you are feeling is normal. I look at it this way, even in terms of fellow 3fc dieters - we are all heading to same destination, just using different modes of transportation to get there. Some of us are lucky/dedicated enough to be riding to the end on a jet or helicopter and speed to our destination. Others are getting to goal in a car, bus, or train and face congestion and slow downs, but we still arrive eventually. Still others are biking, skating, skateboarding, or walking - it takes us longer, but we too will make it in the end.
I think sometimes it's just human nature to be jealous. I am unfortunately the same way when someone else that's my size starts to lose weight. I say you should use your friend's weight loss to inspire you. You probably have pulled away from her and that's why you feel a distance. Maybe you two should work out together, for support, instead of competition. I don't think you're an awful person, by the way!
Thanks!
I agree that it's human nature, though I always considered myself to be the kind of person who is "above" such nonsense. Obviously I'm not! Sometimes it doesn't matter how noble you want to be, you can't fight human emotion. And I think you're spot-on - I never really considered it, but I have pulled away from her. When she started losing and I wasn't, I really started to deliberately avoid her. I didn't answer her texts, found excuses not to answer her calls or see her, and now I just feel like the world's biggest d*ckhead. *shakes head*
If you want the friendship, than be candid with her. Tell her how you are feeling. Surely, she will understand where you are coming from. Your friendship may come out stronger because of it.
First of all, congrats on your weight loss so far!
You're not an awful person at all. You're human. And the great thing is that you've realized your error and are working on fixing it. It's not bad to have faults, but it is bad to not correct the ones that hurt people. You're doing fine.
I've never been jealous of someone else losing weight, really. But then, I'm the only overweight person I know who is my age, so... BUT, I have been on the receiving end of a superior/smug attitude from a friend who is glad that I'm fat and she's not. It's very hard to miss. We're still friends, but it can be uncomfortable sometimes.
It's good that you're tackling this. You'll feel better and so will your friend. But whether or not you should tell her how you've been feeling is up to you. Some people are fine with learning about stuff like that, while others aren't so much.
First of all, congrats on your weight loss so far!
You're not an awful person at all. You're human. And the great thing is that you've realized your error and are working on fixing it. It's not bad to have faults, but it is bad to not correct the ones that hurt people. You're doing fine.
I've never been jealous of someone else losing weight, really. But then, I'm the only overweight person I know who is my age, so... BUT, I have been on the receiving end of a superior/smug attitude from a friend who is glad that I'm fat and she's not. It's very hard to miss. We're still friends, but it can be uncomfortable sometimes.
It's good that you're tackling this. You'll feel better and so will your friend. But whether or not you should tell her how you've been feeling is up to you. Some people are fine with learning about stuff like that, while others aren't so much.
You're doing great!
Thank you so much!
I know what you mean about people around you being glad you're fat. My sister is a year older than me and we've always had a very close love/hate relationship. She desperately doesn't want me to lose weight. She's always displayed a very superior attitude regarding my weight and when she learns I'm losing she doesn't like it and actively attempts to discourage me: "Oh, but you've got so much to lose! It's going to take forever for it to show!" or "You should be eating SO MUCH MORE. You're never going to lose weight eating so little!" (I'm on around 1200 cals a day and so far it's been working fine but she never fails to encourage me to eat more.) Or "Well I lost forty pounds last year, and I was doing this, this and that. You could never do it." And no, I couldn't. Because she had a serious drug habit last year and lost all that weight while she was carrying my nephew, who was born in withdrawal. I'm sure if I developed a drug habit which completely stole my desire to eat, I'd lose weight too!
Anyway, totally TMI, but I feel you on that front.
Is she taller than you? Tall people lose faster. Was she use to eat more junk food than you? If so, she will lose faster than making healthy choices.
She was couch potato, so little exercise goingto make more difference. So, suck it up and remember the story of The hare and the tortoise. You are going to win the race.
Its normal to be jealous and like there's a distance-as long as you don't outwardly display it to her.
just congratulate her and on the inside, use it as motivation to get ur own bum into gear! =)
Is she taller than you? Tall people lose faster. Was she use to eat more junk food than you? If so, she will lose faster than making healthy choices.
She was couch potato, so little exercise goingto make more difference. So, suck it up and remember the story of The hare and the tortoise. You are going to win the race.
I think she's a little taller than me and she was definitely not used to as much exercise. Even at my biggest I still got around alright and walked the twenty minutes into town when I had to instead of driving. When she started, the fitness thing was very new for her. But yes, I just hope we can both stick to this and focus on our goals! It was no fun being two of the fattest girls in town.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixelllate
Its normal to be jealous and like there's a distance-as long as you don't outwardly display it to her.
just congratulate her and on the inside, use it as motivation to get ur own bum into gear! =)
Lol, very sound advice!
I was kind of afraid I would sound distant/jealous when I spoke to her, so I sort of just avoided her, but that didn't help at all.
But yeah, I'm definitely using her success as motivation to get myself cracking on!
I know what you mean, I have a few friends who are trying to lose weight as well, and whenever one of them tells me about a loss that was bigger than mine that week, I totally get jealous! I never show it, or say anything though, because it's my problem and not theirs. So I just congratulate them, because that's what friends do. But in my head, I'm definitely jealous. I think it's normal.
My advice is to just be supportive. You can't help that you feel jealous, and like I said, I think it's totally normal. But she is obviously working really hard, and probably really needs your support. So like someone said, I would just use it as motivation for yourself, be supportive to her, and just keep going.
Don't ever feel like a failure because your loss might not be as much as someone else's. You can't compare yourself to other people (even though it's way easier said than done). And you never know, because she's losing it fairly quickly right now, she may plateau or slow down to a point where you catch up or surpass her. You are NOT a failure!!
Congrats on the loss so far, you're doing awesome.
That awkward moment when your friend has lost more weight than you?
