You may want to look at this feeling as a reason why you put on the weight, a shield. Learn to send body language that you are not interested and this will help. There are ways you can sit, stand, that you send a guy the message, believe me I know.
I don't know the meaning of "unwanted" attention.
Yes, I'm an attention whore.
But seriously... I do enjoy getting the looks, cat-calls, whistles, compliments in all flavors. It doesn't validate my existence, but it DOES make me feel attractive, & I appreciate that. In turn, I also appreciate ogling other people that I find attractive. Spice of life, if you will!
HOWEVER - I realize SOME do take it to extremes, and some people do have a problem with that. I have no quandaries about telling someone to "back off" - but I do find it very effective to "just ignore it" as well. Depends on my mood.
Learn to send body language that you are not interested and this will help. There are ways you can sit, stand, that you send a guy the message, believe me I know.
So it's women's job to police men's hands? To police sexual harrassment?
You may want to look at this feeling as a reason why you put on the weight, a shield. Learn to send body language that you are not interested and this will help. There are ways you can sit, stand, that you send a guy the message, believe me I know.
I didn't see that Andrew was talking about sexual harassment, simply about the topic of unwanted attention. He didn't state he was talking about grabbing/groping so why assume?
I wonder if it is ever possible for an "unattractive" male to ever give attention to a woman without being written off as creepy/pervy. A lot of men are very shy and scared to approach a girl because of this.
I've never had a problem with this, but then again, I've been told I'm a wearer of the 'witch (with a b) face.' Apparently I tend to give off a, 'not interested' vibe all the time. I guess it's because I think it's creepy when people smile all the time, or make too much eye contact in public places with people they don't know...so I usually keep my expression neutral (well, I think it's neutral...I have the sneaking suspicion others see it as a scowl) and avoid eye contact unless I'm actually speaking to someone. Insecurities from childhood have made me worried about giving any guy the idea I might be interested, because then it gives him the chance to reject me/tease me. I can't flirt. At all.
Consequently, the only men that brazenly hit on me despite the 'go away!' vibe I give off...are old men. Creepy, creepy old men.
I would say that if you want them to leave you alone, don't make eye contact with them, and constantly look as though you're preoccupied/don't have time for others.
Last edited by napalmtree; 11-09-2011 at 12:23 PM.
while this would be nice, and yes, helpful
the bottom line is that we cannot change nor force another person's actions or reactions -
we can only change OUR OWN actions or reactions
which really is why ignoring said attention is the best course of action
I didn't see that Andrew was talking about sexual harassment, simply about the topic of unwanted attention. He didn't state he was talking about grabbing/groping so why assume?
I didn't take it that Andrew was referring to sexual harassment either. Merely stating that your body language can give cues that you're not interested in any attention even if it's small talk, invitation to coffee or a simple compliment.
I didn't take it that Andrew was referring to sexual harassment either. Merely stating that your body language can give cues that you're not interested in any attention even if it's small talk, invitation to coffee or a simple compliment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sacha
I didn't see that Andrew was talking about sexual harassment, simply about the topic of unwanted attention. He didn't state he was talking about grabbing/groping so why assume?
I didn't assume, but Andrew's post is a slippery slope kind of thing. Women shouldn't have to worry about projecting a certain kind of attitude at all to avoid certain kind of attention. We constantly see advice on how to carry yourself to avoid this, and avoid that but hardly anyone tells men that "hey! Women aren't there just for you to look at! They're people!" The root of the problem is those men, not whether or not a woman can project a certain kind of attitude.
Quote:
I wonder if it is ever possible for an "unattractive" male to ever give attention to a woman without being written off as creepy/pervy. A lot of men are very shy and scared to approach a girl because of this.
It is not the woman's job to be nice/interested in every man because his feelings might be hurt. Saying hello, generally being nice—I don't think most women would see this as "creepy." They may be polite back, but if they're not interested, they're not interested. Staring, touching, catcalling, that's creepy! Decent men won't do this and therefore won't be seen as creepy! Doesn't matter if the guy is Brad Pitt's stunt double or not, creepy behavior is just downright creepy!
From the OP:
"Cute guys stare at me more often as well however I'm never approached! I was once on the train and caught this gorgeous guy staring at me and we made eye contact twice however he never approached me."
^
I take that as it's creepy unless he's attractive. Sorry, a guy really can't win.
I am of course going off the OP, and not talking about people's further discussion about groping on public transportation, etc.
From the OP:
"Cute guys stare at me more often as well however I'm never approached! I was once on the train and caught this gorgeous guy staring at me and we made eye contact twice however he never approached me."
^
I take that as it's creepy unless he's attractive. Sorry, a guy really can't win.
I am of course going off the OP, and not talking about people's further discussion about groping on public transportation, etc.
You know, I just think any man staring/trying to get me is creepy since I'm wearing an engagement ring. It's like: "I'm taken, idiot, leave me alone."
I just find staring creepy in general, regardless of gender...but I suppose that's just me.
On a side note: if there is no eye contact or smiling or saying hello, how then do you meet people? I met my husband in a bar, but without that hello and sweet baby blues staring my way, I would have never known he was into me.
I take creepy as going one step past a person's comfort zone. Women by the way can be just as creepy. I saw it a lot as my husband is a musician and he had several "creepy" women hanging around. Par for the course in that lifestyle but still how do you know the other person is interested if you don't see interest.
Its been said before, we can't control others, just the way we react. If we don't like it, maybe it would be in the best interest of both parties to say that. Maybe said creepy person has enough self esteem to show an interest. How will he/she know you're not into them unless they tried. I know I struggled with self esteem and could never approach a good looking person. One man's ugly is another man's beauty...so what you might consider creepy might just be right up someone's alley.
Well I like to be sexy and I dress sexy. I walk sexy, I look sexy all the time. But I'm sexy FOR ME. It's fine if people look but there is something called respect, you don't have to STARE at my boobs as I'm in the checkout line at the grocery store. You don't have to lick your lips and LEER at me and make it OBVIOUS, it's gross. I check womyn out yeah all the time, but in a respectful manner, make eye contact and smile. That's how womyn SHOULD be treated, I should know I am one. And it shouldn't matter what you wear, your body language or how you carry yourself, but some men just don't get that! it's like the old male excuse "officer I wouldn't have raped her if she wasn't dressed like hooker" Whatever! In Ontario Canada womyn can walk around topless, it's legal, but we don't merely for this fact!
Just out of curiosity but it sounds like you only consider them creepy or pervs if you don't think they are attractive? Otherwise you don't mind. Men can't win, can they? You will get used to it and eventually come to appreciate it in time. I'm always out with my baby and now that is men repellent! lol
No not at all! these men are usually 3 times my age, or drunken bums. Just the other day this old drunk man on the train asked for my name and phone number. I've heard men grunt and mumble as I walk past. It makes me really uncomfortable.
