Another thread about the opposite sex. But seriously...
I went out with a guy last night. I've been seeing him on-and-off, nothing serious, open sort of thing. Anyway...I am staying away from wheat (found out I feel much better without it plus my skin allergies disappeared as soon as I stopped eating it!), and so I avoided it at dinner. That led to talking about my quest for becoming fitter (I know, bad decision right there). I told him how I dropped 15lbs (no one seems to be able to notice I lost weight!!! It bothers me so much) and run every day. He said "That's awesome. Keep going. What do you have, another 20 to go or?"
I wasn't upset.
I guess I was, since I am writing this.
Ok, I was upset.
I thought I looked really good that night. I am easily fitting into size 8's and my stomach looks tight and nice. I no longer have a double chin. And yet...that made me think that maybe I am the only one who thinks I look better. I am within the normal range for my height, and my body fat percent isn't terrible and yet- I get comments like that. And I don't think he was trying to be mean.
I don't know where I'm going with this, but I basically spent the entire day feeling like a loser. I do have another 28 lbs to lose (I might settle with 20, because 28 might be far too much for me), but to point it out? Agh. Anyway, confusing, weird thread, I just want some support, since you guys are so good at that. LOVE!
I was offended so I said "Actually, I'm quite happy with how I look right now." (A lie, but sometimes, a lie makes you feel more in control). And he said "Yeah, whatever makes you happy"
I guess I wished he said "You look awesome just the way you are", but...too many men are Daniel Cleavers and not enough are Mark Darcy. Bridget Jones raised my expectations from men to unattainable heights.
Who would SAY THAT??!!! Guessing at how much weight someone still has to/wants to lose???? UNBELIEVABLE!!! Rude, inconsiderate, nasty... don't get me started.
I think we give men far too many excuses sometimes... not 'meaning' things etc. No excuse for that - the dude is RUDE!
That's all I have to say about that.
Find yourself a new guy, there are plenty of great ones who either don't care about having extra pounds, or in fact prefer their women that way. Don't take it on yourself... I bet you look fabulous in your size 8's... and 15 pounds on someone your height is a lot. Good for you!!
He just might be into skinny girls. Like SKINNY girls (not meaning you should be so skinny) or he has no idea what 20 pounds is/looks like, especially if he's never had to lose or gain weight.
His comment (first one) was surely an open mouth and insert foot moment, but his second comment, to me, was kind of like saying "I think you need to lose more weight, but if you're happy with where you are, then great!".
And honestly, he might not be worth your time as it does seem it's not a 'clicking' thing.
I started at 170 and a size 12 (probably more like 14, but I was in denial). I am now at 142 and a size 8. My point is, given your numbers, you must look fantastic!
Stuff that offends us doesn't offend them, so they don't necessarily sensor themselves when it comes to stuff like that. If he had a buddy who looked like he had 20 lbs to spare they could probably talk about it and he could say just about anything without his friend getting offended. If anything, take it as a complement. He probably thinks that you look good and therefore have no insecurities about your weight, and that guessing at how much more weight you wanted to lose wasn't a big deal. If you were 300 lbs and told him you had lost 15lbs I'm sure he wouldn't have chimed in with... What... so you have another 150 to go.
Next time just don't talk about it, when you tell people about your weight loss they usually take it as an invitation to add in comments, and you can't tell them to mind their darn business if you just made it their business if that makes any sense?
Congratulations on your 15 lbs, and more importantly on losing your double chin... I hate mine and plan on doing a special "I only have one chin" dance when it's gone Be proud of yourself.
Man, what a tactful dude! That's one of those "think it but don't ever say it" things.
Now what? Will you feel too uncomfortable to be intimate with him since he made that comment? I'm sorry this happened, especially on a day when you were feeling good. You know how far you've come and what you want to do - and I'm sure you look great!
My boyfriend says stupid things all the time but I know he means well. It still hurts. I sympathize, though. Congrats on your weight loss so far though!
I doubt this guy is clueless - he just doesn't see you as more than a "friend". My reasoning?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MustardFan
I've been seeing him on-and-off, nothing serious, open sort of thing.
As such - it's no different to him than talking to another guy and most of us don't have the issues women have.
My experience with women leads me to the following rule about their weight: Never talk about it. Ever. You can't win.
They look thinner - you try to compliment ask if they have lost weight. They get depressed because you think they used to be fat. Seriously it is a no win situation.
The guy is a bit clueless. He definitely likes me as more than a friend. It's a strange situation, I was really into him when he wasn't into me, and now that he's calling all the time...I am not that interested. That comment was maybe a really, really misguided way of asserting dominance over me. Who knows. All I know is I am definitely not going to pursue anything more serious with him no matter how much he wants to. Not because of that comment, but over all.
A bit off topic but- what happened to men who just KNOW how to do everything right? Haha! The ones who know how to compliment you without it sounding like they're telling you something you don't already know, the ones that can pay for the date without making it seem like a massive thing, the ones who are smart, charming, tall, brown hair-blue eyes...aaaaah. Anyway, I drifted off topic. Dating sucks.
I guess I felt for a second like I have a huge "MUST LOSE 20 LBS to do anything with her life" sticker on my forehead. I no longer have that. I should be happy with my accomplishments. And the moment I am happy with my weight, no comments will get to me.
Thanks for the support, gosh, I love this forum!!!! <3
Men and weight
Be proud of yourself.
