I'm definitely on board this train too, though at 5'4" I'm not exactly tall and don't particularly carry the weight well. I just never stepped on a scale and avoided pictures. When I got my driver's license renewed, I wrote down 160 as my weight. Two weeks later, my doctor weighed me at 205. That was my wake-up call. I'd been in denial for so long that I'd let things really get out of hand. Now I'm struggling to undo all those bad, denial-filled years.
I finally took a progress picture of myself. Kinda made me cringe seeing what I'm like when I'm down nearly 25 pounds from that day at the doctor's office. Definitely have a long road ahead.
I'm so glad I've gotten it through my head that I don't look as great as I thought I did.
It's kinda odd, isn't it? As girls, we're always told to love ourselves and be happy with who we are and how we look, to counter all the other messages society sends us about being thin and blonde. But of course, this can also backfire by letting us continue with bad habits that end up making our situations much worse than if we'd realistically looked at our bodies in terms of health as opposed to random standards of beauty.
I'm completely the opposite. I find myself full of self loathing most of the time, and then seeing a glimpse in the store mirror or a shadow on the sidewalk or reflection in the store window, I cringe!
And this time when I lose it, it's got to be the last time. I can't go through this again. I feel like I'll be able to keep it off, but I can't go through losing 100 pounds again. I just can't.
I feel the same way. I've been a yoyo, hence my chosen sign in name. I don't have the strength to do this again.
I know I used to think I carried it well and that I was still pretty. I remember years ago a boyfriend telling me that I would never be a skinny girl... I guess I took it to heart and gave up.
NOW it is funny... everyone's comments make me think, "DANG- I MUST HAVE LOOKED REALLY BAD AND I NEVER KNEW IT!!"
But, what is more important is how good I feel now! That is still the most rewarding. I have my health back.
I remember sashaying around feeling like hotness personified when I was ~25-30 lbs heavier. I am extremely photogenic (bad news if I ever start online dating!) and did not allow "unflattering" photos of me to exist - so I pretty much based my self-perception on flattering photos.
I'm very glad I felt decently confident though, being overweight AND hating myself would be overwhelming. Sometimes I miss that carefree feeling a whole lot.
I was this way too... Until I saw photos. Holy moly. Photos don't lie. I looked like a shapeless blob! My face was being swallowed by fat. But when I looked at myself in the mirror, I found the things that still looked nice... Ignoring all the rest. Yet I avoided going to the doctor for years because I didn't want to hear it... Took going to the doctor and having serious health issues to finally get my head on straight and out of denial.
I can't get over how I can look so different in the mirror vs in a photo. It's just bizarre! Even when I take a pic of myself in the mirror, it's not what I see. I guess that is how I got to be obese.
The comment above about the drivers license made me realize that as of today, I weigh LESS than my DL says!!
I'm in the delusional club, its really bizzaro, in the mirror and in my dreams and in photos I take of myself I think I look good. Photo's other people take, not so much, they are a reality check.
@352 I look swollen, like someone has pumped me full of extra air or water like a cartoon version of myself.
@320 (current weight) I look chubby the extra "puff" isn't there though, double chin still is, I still look bleh, but I don't look quite as much like a cartoon version of myself. I look real just... Obese.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to handle how I "really" look. I know that might not be healthy but I rely on the scale to keep me honest. Really and Truely. Because if I could let myself get up to 352 twice in this lifetime it could happen again if I'm not vigillant. So even when I don't feel "up" to doing the work of LOSING weight. I get on the scale and keep things in check, I will always have to do that because I just lose all sense of reality otherwise and I don't know that that will ever change.
I am amazingly skilled at not looking in the mirror. Which is really an accomplishment now that I think about it. I'm a hairdresser. I am surrounded by mirrors all day long and can see myself from any angle almost all the time. Yet I don't see it.
I must really be putting a lot of effort into not looking at myself.
I convince myself that I Im not that fat too! I was in denial for a while. One thing that showed me how big I was was whenever I used to go to a Mexican restaraunt and there would be Mexican guys there, they used to always stare at me because I am part Mexican and I guess they thought I was pretty. That never happens anymore lol. Anyways realizing you need to make a change is the first step
I'm the opposite I am very aware of every little flaw. Every streach mark, every bad angle, every bit of FAT. I absolutly loathe how I look in in a fitted shirt and therefore do not wear them the same goes for jeans most of the time. They make me feel huge. So I usually stick to dresses or flowey shirts that atleast hide the flab. I'm extremly self conscious.
oh dont you love denial? I think what happens, is ... we dont face up to seeing the real us..Its like, we go around, pretending everything is okay and we hold our head up high in a false confident kind of way. We do this, because life happens and we cant ignore things that we have to do in life, we have groceries and cleaning, and socializing and driving, school functions, adult functions..We cant just mope around all day saying "woe is me"d...So we just hold our head high and get by..Its almost like a defense mechinism in a way..Its strange that way..Society does tolerate fat people..but to an extent, there isnt room for it. There isnt room for us to feel bad all the time, so we lie..we say its not as bad.. We say that its okay that we have to shop at the special store and wear special clothes cause hey! the special clothes still look nice right? Just not as nice as the clothes we truly want to be in? But we allow ourselves to just..get by..its how we have dealt with it in the past and its how we feel like we should deal with it now..But truly..its not the attitude we need to have..We shouldnt have a get by attitude about our bodies, and i for one, have been in that place for a long time. We need to start treating our bodies like prize possesions..We need to start seeing the health issues that come with the fat..we need to start hating the fat while loving the real us.. Cause under the fat, is a beautiful person longing to be seen..It can be seen to an extent now..but will never completely be seen , if in denial and un-willing to change..
