Its definately shaped mine and my lifestyle..Im the quiet one that would rather not be seen in public...coming to the point where i would rather stay home all the time then have someone see me walk through the mall (after so many penguin wabble comments im sure we all get that way)...When i had dropped the weight in a not so healthy manner i was a more outgoing person felt good about me had friends the whole 9 yards...now im the quiet one ashamed to be eating even a salad at a restaurant because i feel like all eyes are on me...
Yes, being fat had definitely shaped my personality. In GOOD ways and in BAD ways. I'll start with the bad...and save the good for last
BAD:
Being overweight has affected my self esteem, self confidence, self worth, and self respect. It has made me fearful of showing my true self and fearful of pursuing dreams (Especially my dream of being a performing artist) It has made my personality shy, fragile, quick tempered, and bitter. I feel like my battle with obesity has been a giant roller coaster of emotions and situations that have left me feeling somewhat like a balloon that's been inflated and deflated numerous times. I have been shaped into a person who hides behind my weight and lives off of the dream of "what if". It's made me believe that I am not worthy nor capable of anything else. It has made me hate myself.
GOOD:
Being overweight has made me a more compassionate, open minded, non-judgmental individual. It has made me notice the beauty in all people no matter how big or small. It has made me master my sense of humor, learn a TON about nutrition and health, and has allowed me to meet some really amazing like-minded people. It has made me a lot more humble and has definitely worked over my imagination! It has brought me into this new world of vegan/raw foodists, animal rights, humanity, and the realization that what I ultimately want to do in life is strive for my highest potential so that in turn I can take care of and help other earthlings. It has helped me love myself.
there are friends i haven't seen in over a year due to my weight gain. i'm too embarassed about what they will think or say, "ooooh how sad, she used to be pretty....wow...she really let herself go...how could she let herself get like that, she used to be hot?? " it also has affected my sex life with my boyfriend...'cause i don't want him seeing me naked.
stumbled upon this thread and thought it deserved a lil bump...
Being fat is one of the reasons I'm a nurturer...I've always been the "fat friend", and usually my role as fat friend has been to make my thinner friends feel good about themselves. I've always built other people up because I know how bad it feels to be down.
Its also made me an observer.
I've never been competition, I've never been a threat to anybody...it makes me wonder. If I was thin, would my friends like me as much? Am I so nice to everybody because subconsciously I see them as somehow above me? Or am I just picking up on their subliminal cues that they see themselves as better than me because of my weight? I don't know.
One great thing I got from being fat is that I KNOW WHO I AM. It may not all be good, but I love myself, for the most part, and I know myself. I wasn't distracted with boys or cute clothes or parties....because I was always the one who didn't have enough confidence to approach boys, didn't have the courage to wear cute clothes, and sat alone at parties feeling miserable while all the guys fawned over my thinner (but not necessarily more attractive) friends.
I look back on those experiences...and I realize that then and now my thin friends who have always been thin usually got/get that attention I wanted for all the wrong reasons.
They dated in high school and it usually didn't go anywhere...My theory is that you should never date somebody that you wouldn't consider marrying...they weren't ready for that (IMO). I saved myself until I was older, and I've never regretted it.
I never got attention at parties, because I wasn't getting hammered and acting in ways that demeaned them as women. I didn't make out with strangers, I didn't show my body, and I didn't say cheap tawdry things for attention...
Because I wasn't confident enough to do these things, I now realize that the attention I craved was NOT the kind of attention I wanted...and I'm proud of myself. So maybe I didn't do a lot of things because of being fat...but i have no regrets. I think being fat has prevented me from making a lot of mistakes...and saved me a lot of time and heartache.
I spent my time getting to know myself and think about what my goals and values are...and guess what? It all worked out. I shaped up pretty well mentally...now I can get the physical stuff in order.
I don't like it, but so much of myself is different when I am heavier. When heavy, I've been yelled things from cars of drunk jerks passing I'm while walking and it made me so self conscious, I would cross the street & keep my head down to avoid people/crowds of guys [I live in a city]. If there is a seat open on the subway, chances are I wont take it because I'm worried about fitting in the seat & what others might think. I don't care what I wear as long as it fits. I don't want to go out/go to parties so I become an even bigger couch potato. I wont work out in front of people because I'm so worried what they are thinking when they look at me. Even typing this I feel like a crazy person for making so many sacrifices to who I am because of my weight but I can't help it. My low self-esteem shines through in terms of my personality.
When I feel good/look good, I am 100% outgoing, a total flirt. I put a spring in my step b/c I like my legs. I try harder in workout classes...it's like a different person. I love picking out my work outfits & doing my hair. I take much more pride in my appearance. I look people in the eye as I walk...which is a big deal for me.
It's like Jekyll and Hyde a bit...and maybe a bit sad but it's what I do.
I'm not certain that my weight struggles in and of itself have made me an entirely different person because I had other struggles in my life as a kid that affected me too, but I do think it played a role. I went through a very shy period as a kid and even though I went from being chubby to fit right before high school it still took awhile to get over that. Even now I struggle at times with my confidence levels (but they're infinitely higher than when I was a kid).
I know at my highest weight I also tend to be more reclusive. However, in many ways weight gain for me is a symptom rather than the cause. For instance, when I was at my highest weight I was struggling with a lot of adjustments in my life and doing a poor balancing act so I went to food and ignored exercise because of that. It wasn't necessarily that because of my weight I was acting like that, you know?
I will say that my weight struggles have made me more aware of other people's food choices and how they treat their bodies (in terms of exercise, self-care etc). It's sort of a quest to be "normal" because clearly what I was doing before was not "normal".
I got fat when I became a teenager, which is also when I got to go to a bigger school where there were more people my age (I had attended a school with mulit-grade classrooms and generally was the only person in my grade to that point). I was oblivious to my weight so it didn't hold me back consciously, but i was a big failure socially, and looking back, I wonder if it was because of my weight. My friends were either introverts or others who were fatter than me. I got good grades and focused on what I enjoyed and did well.
But there were people (in school and in the workplace) who passionately hated me, and I could never figure out why. Granted, I'm smart and I'm a perfectionist - in the workplace I was an auditor auditing other people's work or fixing their mistakes (not a friend-making career, exactly). Now I do technical editing from home for people I've never met in person. I'm very good at what I do and very well-liked in my field - all of my clients are referrals.
I have come into my own socially as an adult (once I got into my 30's). I didn't go on my first date until my junior year of college. I met my husband through a personal ad in the paper. I got married in my late 20's. Now I have friends - other moms, knitters, etc. - but I think weight makes less of a difference once you're an adult, especially if you're just in the "overweight" BMI range.
My sister and my parents are very social - I am not. Part of that I think is personality, but I think also part of it is my social failures as a teenager and early adult life. I never gained the large social circle that they have. I never was gregarious or a socialite like they are, and I do think I might have been more that way (though not necessarily to the extent they are) had I not been fat. Now that I'm in the healthy weight range, I'm not longer the "fat sister" from out-of-town, but I'm still an outsider. Our lifestyle is very different than theirs, so that's just how it is. Being slim really hasn't made me any more a part of the "club" (not that it would since I live out-of-state and my parents live twenty minutes from my sister and see her multiple times every week).
So it probably has affected me more than I realize, but I was never really aware of it while it was happening. I do feel better about myself now that I'm no longer the "fat sister" (my sister was always skinny without trying, my mom always struggled with her weight but kept it within or very close to the healthy range). But those ways of relating to people have gotten fairly entrenched over the years and I still am not sure how much my life will change now that I'm slim.
My weight has definitely shaped my personality. As a kid I was trusting to everyone and I was the kid that if we ever got a new person at school I'd be the one to take them around and show them everything. Once I gained the weight tho the kids had started to be mean they made jokes and stared and I lashed out to the point of being kicked out of that school. After switching schools I went at it differently.
Instead of them staring at me because of my weight I would give them something to stare at, in 6th grade I convinced my mom to let me dye my hair blue and after about a week of going to school that way I made friends. Other kids were coming to school with the colored gel in their hair because that's all their parents would allow. In junior high most of my previous friends left me and I was alone again which led me to my next group of friends who stayed with me till we graduated high school. I was the leader of the group but in a way I stayed closed off wouldn't let them get to close.
I also got into a lot of fights because I wasn't afraid to stand up for myself or for anyone else who was getting picked on. I felt like what I went through was bad enough because nobody helped me out that I had to help everyone else. I had a lot of friends but not many best friends. When people would call me fat my reaction would be that I basically didn't care I wouldn't let someone use it as a tool to hurt me and because I acted like I didn't care I was afraid to lose the weight like somehow somebody could see through me and see what it did to me or that losing it would change me.
My first year out of school I kept with the same screw it I'm fat so what attitude. Recently I have drawn back into my shell and its like I returned to the early fat years. Every look every joke effects me now and maybe its because I've had some big changes the past few years and now I am stuck in a place I don't want to be.
Basically my weight did change me into a completely different person and still is and I don't like the person I have been recently. Getting the weight off will change me as well and I don't know if I'll like that person either, but it can't be any worse then the recluse I have become.
WOwwww thanks so much for starting this thread. THIS REALLY RESONATES WITH ME.
The good things I got:
1. Stronger - I never expect sympathy, empathy or kindness from anyone. I learned to stand on my own and never expect anything from anyone. I learned I won't get anything in life like other women expect to get because they are 'pretty'. I learned to never care for what people say - never waited for praise or expect it and don't care for criticism either.
2. Louder - I learned I had to speak up but I'm not super talkative I just speak up when I need to
3. Outward appearance of confidence no matter how bad I feel about myself although at times I may be shy
4. Focused on my goals - I have persistently pursued my dreams because I realized that I have to truly depend on myself because I felt like I would never have some 'fairytale' life.
5. I'm really funny - I know yea -- I'm that funny fat person wow big stereotype LOL
6. The advisor - The designated fat counselor for all my friends that can solve everyones problems
The bad:
It has also made me be unkind to myself. I'm struggling to be happy with myself.
Two things have shaped my personality more than anything else:
1. Being very overweight as a child/teen and being treated like an "ugly" or "see-through" outsider.
2. Being an outsider in another country, trying to make another language my own to fit in (a necessity).
While rough, and often depressing, these two experiences taught me that one of the most important thing you can do in life is to help others feel at home in an often hostile world.
Nope. I have always been quite a force of nature. When I was growing up I was ultra confident, talented, assertive, and funny. Always popular, everyone knew me, always had boys crushing on me (though I didn't actually get asked out much). I've always been extremely talented with art and working with my hands, I was good at sports and always a lead in the school plays, extremely smart although I hated doing homework because I didn't often feel challenged. But then, for a really long time I didn't realize I was a fat girl. It wasn't until my later teens that I started self-monitoring more because I realized how big I was and my body image is what suffered. Even now, I'm still really funny, highly intelligent, extremely talented, and very confident in the myriad of (inward) excellent qualities I have, and I think that's what pulled me through for a lot of time; if I didn't have the gifts that I have I think it would have been a very different story.
But what I still lack, severely, is a positive body image. I don't like the way I look, and have never been nearly as confident in that. I am now very aware of my fat. And I've made peace with it in a sense (I'm the one that did this to me!!), but I can't wait for it to be gone. I can't wait to let the skinny girl of my brain out. :-)
I didn't have a weight problem until later in life, so I don't think that affected me as much as the fact that my mother has always been morbidly obese, and her attitudes, about food, and well, just everything affected me. She's always the victim. "Oh, poor me!" And for the love of God, do NOT ever be RUDE to anyone, by standing up for yourself, YOU MUST ALWAYS BE NICE!
On the other hand, my Dad, was a well, let's git-r-done kind of guy. He figured if folks were talking about him they were leaving someone else alone. He was so self confident, and just was who he was. Went about his business and usually didn't say too much, but when he did, YOU'D BETTER LISTEN, cuz the defecation was about to hit the electric rotary! He passed many years ago in an accident. Thankfully, I got my Dad's attitude. I'm comfy in social situations, quick witted, and sharp tongued to those who "seriously" offend me, (it takes a lot to do that), but quite happy and comfy being with just myself.
This thread and a lot of the comments about self esteem, etc., did get me to thinking about a lady who comes to the gym.
Very thin, probably 5'5", around 120, soaking wet, with all her clothes on and rocks in her pockets. It seems no matter when I go, (I go 3 times a week, at various times, due to my work schedule), she's always there, cardio, cardio, cardio! I live in a small community, so I don't know her personally, but I know who she is. She owns her own successful business and her husband owns his own successful business. They do seem to be a happy couple as well. Very active in the community and so on.
You would think she would be a happy woman, but you can tell she is NOT. Her whole life revolves around staying "thin". Honestly she doesn't look that great, she's too thin, gaunt, has dark circles under her eyes and does not look healthy. Most likely a combo of anorexic and bulemic. She runs, and runs and runs on the treadmill, I just wonder what she's running from?
On the other hand, I have a good friend who is way obese. You'd never know it by her attitude! She is so self confident, and so comfortable with who she is, even though she is happily married, and let's people know, guys still follow her around and fall all over themselves, trying to ask her out.
For me, the outward appearance of a person, does not matter nearly as much as the attitude they project.
Proven by me today, went to the gym, to lift. A bunch of muscle bound guys, doing group lifting, I was intimidated, but sucked it up, tromped over there, grabbed my weights, took a place on the floor and did my thing. They were very polite, said excuse me, gave me my space and kept staring, when I loaded up the bar and did dead lifts. I seriously did not want to do this in front of all these guys. But, hey, I pay my membership, I'm on a program, I have a right to be there. I was scared to death, but, in the end, I could see them all not staring, but kind of admiring a woman who would actually do that.
I've always been outspoken/perverted and always willing to get someone to laugh. The fat did do something to my self esteem though.
it wasnt fat for me that changed my personality, honestly? it was when i was a kid when i had braces. That changed me for the better! I would never smile, then after i got braces? you rarely see me with out a smile (now that they have been off for almost...GASP 10+ years :O) heck, my nick name is Smiley.
Being fat made me shy away from things, not explore fashion...(turns out i love pumps and stilettos and now i'm trying to explore that!) I think the only thing that changed was my confidence level.
I have definitely felt my personality become a little different. I try not to drag attention on myself because I'm not particularity satisfied with my body. I'm not even "fat" but I tend to not like attention anyway.
