I can identify with so much of what has been written.
I am naturally shy and withdrawn, but I don't think it would be as bad as it's been the last few years if I hadn't been as heavy as I was; I've been overweight since I was a pre-teen, but before I was really aware of or cared about my weight, I didn't let it get in the way as much. I had friends, if few, I talked to people and did what I pleased without caring too much about what people thought. Over the last few years, as I've let my weight bother me, I've lost even that. Now as I'm getting thinner, I think I'm finding a little more of the "real" me, but it's a process. The old ways of thinking hang on for dear life and I suspect it's going to take some time to shake them off.
Wow... this was a really interesting question. I know it was directed to those who have been overweight since childhood but I must drop my two cents. Your post made me realize that I make friends much easier now that I'm fat than I did when I was slim(and good looking). In high school girls hated me, and I knew this because my best friend then(still my best friend today even though we live like 11 states apart) was the most social butterfly I had ever met, and she was friends with just about everyone and females would tell her all the time that I seemed like a b***h. I wasn't at all... I was just extremely shy, but not because of any self confidence issues, I was good looking and I knew it, but it didn't change the fact that I was shy, one thing doesn't necessarily have to do with the other. Now that I'm overweight I definitely make more friends in college. Females in school make conversation with me all the time. I guess not being pretty makes me more approachable... I don't know. At the end of the day I'd still take being skinny over making friends easily... I know it's a horrible thing to say, but I don't take advantage of those new friendships anyway because I never want to go anywhere because I just feel so fat and I never have anything to wear.
Although I have been overweight since childhood, I do recognise parts of your post. I'm at uni, and I definitely make friends easily.
In some ways, I feel like because of my weight, my friends wouldn't fancy me, so I'm automatically just the "friend". Kinda like my (many) gay friends (I'm in the LGBT society at my uni)... the friendship is so strong BECAUSE we know for sure that it's strictly platonic, with no possibility of it going further. So with my straight guy mates, we've got a good friendship because while they do like me for me, I don't think it would ever occur to them that I could be fanciable.
It goes both ways, though. When I meet someone new, I automatically assume that they won't fancy me, and so I expect platonic friendship rather than a relationship.
I think there are girls at uni who like me as a friend partly because of my weight - I'm not a "threat", they don't have to worry about me stealing their boyfriend because even if I did attempt such a thing (which I wouldn't - people who are taken are strictly off limits!), their boyfriend wouldn't fancy me anyway.
It definitely shaped my personality. I was always shy and self-conscious but I'm an extremely good actress, so I developed this 'super happy smiley' persona that I kept up at school and later at work so that people wouldn't see I was self-conscious. I used to say yes to everything and be madly cheerful and got a reputation as the bubbly fat girl.
Then I started getting thinner, and the 'real me' is starting to come out and a lot of people don't like her. I'm not super-happy-smiley all the time, I've got more of an 'edge' to me and I think some people that used to know me when I was bigger can't accept that I'm not a doormat any more.
My confidence has skyrocketed and I don't have to act any more. This has caused some problems and I've lost some of my old 'friends' who obviously weren't real friends because they can't accept me for me.
One of the weirdest things that getting thinner has done is changed the way other girls view me now. I'm into cars and the car scene is obviously very male-dominated, and I'm often the only girl at a show or meet. Some of the guys I'm friends with bring their girlfriends to the meets and you can see they don't want to be there, but the second I walk over to chat to their boyfriend their defences go up. Okay, so I'm a relatively slim girl, but I'm here to talk about backboxes and turbochargers and ask if they saw Top Gear last night, not steal your boyfriend. Eesh.
Funny how people perceive you based on your size, isn't it?
first off i want to start by saying, i am new here, just joined today. i am really hoping to meet people on here who is going through similar struggles and hopefully achievements.
i love this topic and hopefully i won't ramble on too much, but since i virtually don't have anyone to talk to..i might..so i apologize in advance if this gets too long.
so my answer is YES YES YES.
i am 31 yrs old, 5'4, 335 pounds, so you can imagine the shape of someone as short as i am, weighing as much as i do.. very odd shape to say the least.
so my quick story, we moved when i was in 2nd grade to a smaller town, very small town, and i really don't think i was fat then, but the kids called me fat, and if the teacher left the room, i knew i was the target, they would say raise your hand if you hate *** and they would, so of course this started the cycle, having no friends, but lots of enemies, i had no one to play with, come home, eat, stay at home, was actually kinda scared for awhile to even go around town, the fear of kids, so i think that is what started everything, my mom got pregnant and she was pretty sick with it, and she worked night shift, and my dad worked afternoons, so i was on my own after school, i remember eating a whole pack of dolly madison brownies just because no one was there to tell me no...
i have been a target my whole life, even as an adult people still yell out rude things to me, was walking one day and someone yelled out jenny craig...seriously, i thought this petty stuff ended with high school.. and high school was a nightmare..
so all this has made me have zero self esteem, never have had a actual boyfriend, just one night stands, did have a girl friend once, she cheated the whole time, but me being me thought well who else would want to be with me..
so here i am 31, single, no kids, live with my mom, no job, hardly any friends because i am so bitter inside, and hateful with everyone, and i don't want to be hateful, but i can't help it, hardwired inside of me, from years of the verbal abuse..i failed to mention i also got this at home from my father, fat cow, fat b*tch, drop dead, you will never amount to anything, worthless, etc.........
all i have is a high school education, makes job choices limited, especially when you live in a small town indiana, add to that i am fat, i can't stand on my feet all day, bad back.. last time i tried a stand on your feet all day job was 10 years ago, hurt me then, i was lighter than i am now.
i only have a couple of friends, both very big themselves, although one has had lap band and lost almost 100, but they are both good natured kind people, and very tolerate of me.. so i know not everyone is miserable that is my size, but i guess it is the way you are treated when you are younger.
i want to be kind, tolerate, loving i just don't know how to do it
Absolutely. I've been overweight my entire life. in the obese range most of my adult life...
the worst part is that everybody's always said it behind my back, but not to my face. I'm the only daughter, so my parents always told me how perfect and beautiful I am. None of my friends ever really said anything, aside from a few jokey remarks or belly pokes now and then.
so I was given false confidence until I was old enough to realize...yeah. I'm fat. I'm not healthy. even when I realized it though, the denial was still there. Avoid pictures, overcompensate, and so on.
And every now and then I'd find out somebody had said it, or, as I got older, somebody would allude to it...
my ex would use it to hurt me. He'd tell me that other people had said it, and he'd hint at it often enough to completely break me. so he was a complete jerkwad, but he'd torn my self esteem so far apart that I'd stay with him anyway.
I let my denial and my being fat become a weapon that could be used against me, and a very very hurtful one. It still is. Hopefully it won't always be...but I think for most overweight people, our chunk is totally our Achilles heel.
And I think that most human beings personalities are, in some way or another, shaped around their Achilles heel.
I think it taught me to be far more confident than most of my peers. When I was in elementary school, this one kid made fun of my weight mercilessly. I was in special gifted classes half of the time and spent a lot of time holed up in the library. Whenever I went into the regular classrooms, he would call me names. One of the names he would always call me was "Twinkie." We never had junk food in the house when I was a kid so I never ate them, let alone ate enough of them to influence my weight. I realized this kid knew nothing about me and I didn't know anything about him other than the fact that he was a douchebag. I decided I totally hated him and from then on acted like he didn't exist to me. He didn't matter enough in my life to even get a word out of me, let alone a tear. He eventually left me alone because I would never speak a word to him, hardly ever even looked at him (when I did I pretended he was a cockroach), and just walked past him when he was speaking. I think he figured out I wasn't afraid of him and what he thought didn't matter to me.
I keep that attitude to this day. If you try to hurt me, you don't exist to me. I do not tolerate people around me who don't treat me well, period. I am so grateful for that because I see my less secure friends get into horrible relationships, have problems saying no, desperately want to be liked, and let people around them treat them like garbage.
so all this has made me have zero self esteem...who else would want to be with me..so here i am 31, single, no kids, live with my mom, no job, hardly any friends because i am so bitter inside...
I think you need a healthy dose of indignation. I understand that you feel worthless because you believe the b.s. people have told you but right now you're just making their dreams come true. Get pissed off. Don't allow people to dictate how your life will turn out. It is far better to be alone than to let other people become parasites and suck all the goodness and hope out of you. They do it because you allow them to. You have taught them that they can so they continue to do it. Prove them wrong. You're still really young, you have plenty of time to re-create yourself.
I think you need a healthy dose of indignation. I understand that you feel worthless because you believe the b.s. people have told you but right now you're just making their dreams come true. Get pissed off. Don't allow people to dictate how your life will turn out. It is far better to be alone than to let other people become parasites and suck all the goodness and hope out of you. They do it because you allow them to. You have taught them that they can so they continue to do it. Prove them wrong. You're still really young, you have plenty of time to re-create yourself.
they already have, i rarely leave the house now, but i am here, hoping i can recreate myself, by meeting people, or even just reading other peoples stories. i really don't want to just exist anymore, i want to live
I can well relate to a lot of what has been said.
I was a chubby child and having many illnesses and confined to bed for some few weeks at a time didn't help matters. My sister who was like a beanpole would tease me constantly. when she eventually put on weight after having her first child she actually said to me "If only I knew what a torment it is being fat I would have never teased you like that!" However, over the years there have been many a time I wished the ground would open up and swallow me because of horrible remarks that were made.
I have been really slim three times during my life and I soo know how wonderful it can help you to feel, more confidence, look good when getting dressed up to go out, much more energy, etc.etc.!
I really want to lose this fat for good, especially as being 76 I don't have much time left to accomplish it but I'll darn well try!!
Even when I was at a healthy weight while swimming, I still saw myself as the "fat girl." I look back at those pictures and see how small I was. (My goal is to get back to that weight.) Although being heavier has made be more introverted, I have always been very independent and hardworking. Today, I am working on becoming more social and talkative.
Being overweight has shaped my personality I have been overweight since I was little and having kids make fun of me(and taking my stuff/papers) made me shy and just always attempted to stay away from people and not be seen but being out of high school now and going to college everyone is so outgoing and im starting to be more talkative and having a lot more fun
Being overweight has definitely affected and shaped my personality. At one point, I acted like I was proud to be big (when I actually wasn't) to make myself feel better and not feel so down all the time. I would be all fashionable, flambuoyant and 'out there'. To be honest, I think I should've stayed that way. Because now, I have swung to the other end of the spectrum. Now, I stick mostly to myself, don't say much, feel depressed. I think it's because I started getting larger and larger, that I wasn't too 'proud' anymore. It wasn't something I couldn't cover up any more. Hope that made sense.
I remember when I was 6 years old, some girl on my soccer team told me I was too fat to play soccer. I got angry and tried not to let it get to me, but it did. It always has. Even though my friends told me she was absolutely wrong and that I wasn't fat at all, I was devastated. As I grew up, my response was denial. I refused to dwell on how bad I looked because I truly believed there was nothing I could do about it. While I didn't let my weight stop me from doing the things I wanted to do, it definitely made me "cold" in relationships. Even now that I've lost a lot of weight, I can't handle relationships. I like to think of myself as the worlds least needy girlfriend, but the truth is that I'm really just afraid to get close to anyone because I think deep down I believe no one could ever love me looking like this.
It's something I'm working on, and it's not going to be easy.
I don't think it's affected my personality so much as the way I think about relationships in general. I'm smart, talented at various things, motivated and funny. But despite these things I often feel that I'm dragging my friends down or losing out on romantic opportunities because of my weight. I've tried really hard not to let it make me bitter--after all, even beautiful people have friendship and romantic problems at times--but it's definitely a case of me constantly playing mental games.
I know that as I lose weight I'm going to have to change my way of thinking. ****, I need to even change it at my current weight. Being bigger doesn't make me less appealing and I don't want to find myself hiding from friendships or relationships later in life because of a silly mindset.
