Has my weight shaped my personality? Hmm... Well I would say that naturally, I'm an introvert. And naturally I am withdrawn and anti-social. And actually, it is my theory, or what I've come up with over the years... the whole reason why I started gaining weight around 8 years old was I was really trying to divert some seriously unwanted attention. I was trying to hide, so people- boys- would leave me alone. But by that time there was like a sign on my back.
And the weight didn't divert anything. I wish I realized that sooner. it wouldn't have stopped any of the assaults, but maybe I wouldn't been in this position now with my weight.
I do have self esteem issues, but personality wise, I think I am who I was supposed to be.
I've declined social invitations because of my weight. Last year there were several occasions at uni when friends suggested going to the beach (it's a do-able walk from uni). I made excuses not to go, because I was embarrassed - I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with them because I walk so slow.
I'm loud and "jolly" because it brings attention. I used to put up with people treating me like dirt, because I didn't have the confidence to feel that I deserved better. When a friend (we've had some problems, but we're friends now) *****ed to me for the whole year at uni, I made excuses for her and put it all down to the fact she has bipolar disorder. (It's sorted now... I put my foot down over summer, she got help for the bipolar, and is now a much nicer person. )
I rarely ask guys out unless they REALLY obviously like me, because I assume they won't be attracted to me. I automatically assume I'm going to be put in the friend zone. Guy mates talk to me about girls they like, and I'm just the female friend who listens to their problems.
I don't know whether my weight has shaped my personality, or my personality has shaped my weight.
I have been shy, introverted, and had low self-esteem my whole life. I've also thought I was fat my whole life, though I wasn't technically until I was sixteen. How ridiculous is that? I'm only twenty now. That's a measly little four years of fatness, yet I legitimately feel I've always had a weight problem.
Thinking I was fat had some advantages, though. I didn't start wearing makeup or caring about it much until late high school. I wore baggy clothes because I was ashamed of my body. I think if I'd realized the nice body I actually had, I might have gotten a bit more obsessed with shallow things and not have grown so much, personality-wise. I can be friends with just about anybody, excluding extremely judgmental, shallow people. Even then, I don't hate them. My "fat girl" mentality has really opened my eyes to other people's pain and insecurities.
Then again...feeling I was fat led me to disregard the body I had, and to get to the point I'm at now. At least my weight matches my actions? I'm hoping that, as I get slimmer and actually recognize my beauty for what it is, some self esteem with come with that recognition.
I'm not sure about my personality, but as far as life experiences/milestones, absolutely.
I liked gym class up until I was about 8 (when I started gaining weight). I have never been obese, but up until May of 2010 I had always consistently been "out of shape" and feared/loathed exercise. The 12-minute run haunted me for weeks preceding and following it. I wasn't the slowest, but it scared me how close to death I felt just trying to jog on and off for 12 minutes. Team sports and short shorts were not even options.
I spent the latter part of junior high and the first half of high school squeezing into juniors' 13s and usually I was too uncomfortable in L or XL sized juniors' tops. I liked shopping once I discovered the joys of oversized band shirts and wide-leg jeans and UFO pants - remember those?! - but I didn't know what it was like to walk into a store, try on 10 things, and buy 9 of them, putting the 1 back because it was too big and hung baggily on me.
Some things felt off-limits to me because they were for "skinny people." That is a big one, an issue I still struggle with.
I didn't have boyfriends or anything in high school because I just assumed no one would say yes. I had a huge crush on someone and worked up the courage to ask him out when I was heavier (about 165 pounds) and was rejected, and then after I lost 30 pounds out of rejection-depression I suddenly became visible to the opposite sex. My crush asked me to his prom even though he had previously rejected my prom invitation and I experienced my first kiss and boyfriend at 16. After we broke up a couple months later (he went away to college), I had no experience dating and I was so amazed that people found me attractive that for a couple years I had embarrassingly low standards for boyfriends and picked some real losers. Dating losers is certainly not unique for people who have been overweight, but it was like playing catch-up for me because looks-based validation was so new.
In college I slowly gained about 20 pounds, but I had adjusted to being a normal weight and feeling comfortable with my size. I never truly felt "fat" again, despite gaining a couple clothing sizes. I moved to Japan and gained a few more. Denial crept in. I caught myself doing all the compensatory tricks - curling my hair to create volume around my face which was a bit rounder than ideal, never wearing it pulled back because I was self conscious about having a thick neck circumference, and wearing TONS of eye makeup to make my face appear less moon-like. I hated all photos of me because they made me look fat - sadly they were probably accurate time capsule shots of my size. I also had developed this "edgy" personality. I may not be the most attractive person in the room, but damned if I wasn't the most offensive.
Since losing weight again, I am much more at peace with just blending in and being me. Like GlamourGirl827's original post said, being smaller for me means being less aggressive and being content to just be. I like it so far, though new flaws are surfacing - obsession with eating/being seen eating a lot in public as if to prove to others that yes I do eat, and scary binge behaviors that never happened before I was watching what I ate.
It's all one big long learning process though isn't it? Personalities can be bent and shaped and molded for all sorts of reasons. I do hope that all future changes will happen for non-weight-related reasons.
Yes I was always (and still am to a degree) shy and introverted. I never like drawing attenion to myself because of my weight. I got bullied a lot in school because of my weight, acne, and the types of clothes I wore at the time. Also because i was so shy I got bullied a lot. I think all if that has shaped me into who I am today. I'm just a very non confrontational person because of all of those factors, I think. I also admit I'm a pushover and can't stand up for myself that well to this day.
I always have been extremely shy, I've gotten a little better since coming to college, but I'm still shy. I avoid certain situations where I know weight will be discussed because I feel like everyone is staring at me, because I am the overweight one in the room.
I don't look for dates, I tend to avoid guys in general, which sucks, but that's just kind of how I've "trained" myself.
I was thin as a child and a teenager. I was normal.
I was outgoing and happy and I loved to be making friends and to be outgoing and social. As my weight crept on, I became less and less social.
I still felt like I was a thin woman. I was just now in a really heavy body. I didn't like it. But I didn't know how to get out of that body. I knew nothing about dieting or nutrition or why I had gotten this heavy.
Being overweight makes me want to be less social and outgoing. I don't walk with my shoulders back, I walk trying to hide because it's not who I am.
My boyfriend recently said that with the 30 lbs that I've lost, he's noticed a huge change in me. I am more confident and strong and he loves that I am happier than I have been in the past.
He's right. I'm beginning to feel like the person that I was/am. My overweight body was not me.
Ok so I havent posted in forever but ... The oddest thing, today my coworker and I discussed this very topic… In a way I feel grateful that I was always a bigger girl, I grew up with this skin (and fat cells too ha!) and I know it well… Yes in high school I dreamed of having a boyfriend, if even to prove my parents wrong when they said the boys I liked or had crushes on were way out of my league (this changed me in that I dated gorgeous jerks later on in life for many years just to prove I could). But I was friends with everyone, wasn’t in any specific group but wasn’t teased or harassed either. I was a quiet bookworm in those days and spent my time thinking that I just didn’t get the answers to the questions about life and wondered how everyone else did… then after high school I had an epiphany, no one else knew the answers… most of my classmates weren’t even asking the questions. It wasn’t till I got out from under my parents shadows (I come from a family of thin people who just couldn’t understand why I “wouldn’t” just lose weight!) That I even found who I was… I was a size 16 when I moved out and lost a little but more importantly was able to cut my hair how I wanted and dress how I wanted not based on what my Mom thought was good for my “larger” figure… the first time they saw me in my own environment they were shocked at how I had developed a style, I also realized I had a quick wit and sarcastic sense of humor.
Now I have friends who are super tiny and thin and I find that they are more uncomfortable in their nearing 40 year old skin than I, they have nightmares about gaining 10 pounds. Everything in their lives revolve around the “horror” of being fat and wrinkles gasp wrinkles!!… (I can’t understand why they don’t realize how offensive that is???) And it’s around them especially that I realize I don’t have to constantly wonder if I’m being picked for a promotion because of my looks, or wonder about the motivations of the people around me, I’ve always found love and am blessed with a family and I don’t have to worry about being stared at everywhere I go ( I usually walk behind my eye candy friends and count the men who break their necks to look at them… funny stuff) … and though I would like to lose weight and wearing smaller sizes would be a blast… my reasons are health more than anything… I am happy with my personality and I have even thought you know if everyone had to go through a 10 year period of being fat people would probably be a lot more interesting… (oh come on you all know that hot girl that wouldn’t make it for a day without being ogled!! ) Anyway I am happy in that no matter what my size I try to look my best and I wear makeup and pretty clothes (so thankful for the newer plus size stores!! Yay for big girl cute clothes) I carry myself with confidence knowing that whatever size I am I can still be a pretty girl and not just “you’d be so pretty if you lost weight” and I think it stems from developing in a body that wasn’t “perfect”, but now I can appreciate it for being a perfect fit for me… the fat is not me, but I am thankful for what it has taught me… even when I am a less big girl! just my 2 cents… (well that was probably like a dollar’s worth! LOL)
For a very long time, I have felt basically like a different species from "normal" people. I don't quite know how to describe it, but I felt like I was walking through the world, but that a lot of very normal pursuits were just not meant for me. Even trying to dress nice or wear makeup, I feared people would think "ha, what does SHE think she is, normal?" or "does she really think that helps?" I was a bit promiscuous back in my much younger years, and I know now I was looking for some kind of validation, wow, he must like me if he wants to do that. I never did feel, though, like I could have an actual BOYFRIEND who would treat me nicely, take me out on dates, love me -- just a drunken romp in the back seat was all I was worthy of. Yeah, just really, really low self-esteem. Like I really wasn't worthy of what everyone else just expects they will be able to have/do. I am a pretty intelligent girl who did great grade-wise in high school, but I never thought I could have a "good" job or career. Seeing other people acheive dreams, and I just thought, oh, that's for the other people, normal people.
Somehow with this really crappy self esteem, I was able to finish college (after age 30) and get a job that I feel is respectable. I have a husband and daughter that I adore, own a home I love, and have 2 cute doggies. It took me years and years of fighting the self doubt to achieve those things, and I did it all while fat. But now that I'm really getting my health on track, I SEE what I never recognized before - how really, really lowly I have always thought of myself, and how just now, at the tender age of 40, I'm starting to really feel like I deserve EVERYTHING life has to offer. Gosh, what a sad, sad thing to see this in black and white.
I didn't struggle with weight issue my entire life, I really only started having issues about 9 years ago. After my daughter was born, I just wasn't able to lose the weight and then I just kept putting more on.
I do however think it has changed me. Growing up, my bestfriend was always much heavier then me and about 5 years ago she lost over 100lbs. Instead of being happy for her, I was miserable about it. We have totally switched roles in the weight loss fight. When I was my smaller self, I would have been beside her pushing her on and being her personal cheerleader. We have been bestfriends since I was 12 and we've always supported each other in everything. I wasn't here for her because I was not happy with the way I looked and I didn't want her to be happy either. Like they say, misery loves company. I'm happy for her now and really proud of her, she looks great and is now helping to support me. I just wish I was a better friend when she needed me most.
Being fat definitely shaped who I was as a fat person. I am shy and quiet by nature, but when I was fat I was a downright hermit. And I come off as snobby. I don't talk to people I don't know because I just automatically assume they are somehow better than me and that they won't want to talk to me. This includes people who were heavier than I was. I always felt like I was presenting myself in a false way, as if I was really only in a fat suit but the zipper was stuck. It wasn't me and I had a really hard time presenting that false person to people who did not know me. This in turn made me really hard to get to know.
Now that the fat suit is gone, I can be me again. I once again make eye contact and am not afraid to hold a conversation.
All of this has always been entirely self-inflicted. No one ever treated me nearly as badly as I projected.
But did it truly shape the real me? Absolutely not. I've always been here. I was just hiding beneath all the fat.
But I was not always fat. My weight fluctuated a lot all through growing up. But I was always able to reign it in when I want to. The moment I got married that stopped and past methods for losing weight simply didn't work.
Yes, I think being fat has shaped my personality for sure. I try to be funny all the time. Its sooooooo true! But i must say this, I thank God for who I am today. I may not like how i look right now but if I wasn't fat most of my teenage and adult life idk what kind of person I would be now. I truly believe God has a plan for everything. Being fat was just a part of my life plan. Maybe it gives me humility, or helps me to be more of a caring person. Trust me i have those days when i wonder, WHY GOD?! Why am I the one who is fat? WHy do i sit next to my skinny friends, we eat the same bad food and I gain 2 pounds? Why is my stomach protruding out of my body and "I" feel like i look like a obese pregnant lady!? (LOL). WHy, why, why? Oh i could go crazy with the whys. But being fat has made me who i am today. Yes Im funny, and yes i get shy in uncomfortable situations and feel that EVERYONE is staring at how BIG i am. That happens all the time. But I tell you what we are our worst critics.
Its like when you go to the gym and you get a little self conscious. Idk about you but I think, man people are probably just staring wondering why i am here. When people are probably staring saying GOOD FOR HER! Just because you're fat doesn't mean that you have to let it control you. Yes let it be the catalyst that makes you a better person than any other skinny beezy out there! No i don't think every skinny chick is mean or unthoughtful, but maybe for some of us if we were skinny our whole lives we would be people we wouldn't want to be around as a fat person.
So instead of asking God why, im gonna thank him for making me the way i am, and after my grateful praise, im gonna let him know, ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE! LOL
Wow... this was a really interesting question. I know it was directed to those who have been overweight since childhood but I must drop my two cents. Your post made me realize that I make friends much easier now that I'm fat than I did when I was slim(and good looking). In high school girls hated me, and I knew this because my best friend then(still my best friend today even though we live like 11 states apart) was the most social butterfly I had ever met, and she was friends with just about everyone and females would tell her all the time that I seemed like a b***h. I wasn't at all... I was just extremely shy, but not because of any self confidence issues, I was good looking and I knew it, but it didn't change the fact that I was shy, one thing doesn't necessarily have to do with the other. Now that I'm overweight I definitely make more friends in college. Females in school make conversation with me all the time. I guess not being pretty makes me more approachable... I don't know. At the end of the day I'd still take being skinny over making friends easily... I know it's a horrible thing to say, but I don't take advantage of those new friendships anyway because I never want to go anywhere because I just feel so fat and I never have anything to wear.
Yes, it's shaped who I am, but I'm glad of it. I don't know that, had I been a thin girl in junior high and high school, I wouldn't have grown up to be a thin woman with a wicked sense of humor, an adventurous nature, and an inquisitive mind. But I suspect I would've been a less well-rounded (no pun intended, heh) person.
I spent some time being thin, or at least thinnish. For about three or four years, I was average-sized. The weird thing is, a lot of the things I figured would happen when I was thin didn't happen. I got no more notice from men because I'd always been noticed by men. The world wasn't kinder to me because the world had always been pretty kind to me. I didn't go hiking or hang-gliding because I didn't like being physically active, not because I was fat and couldn't be. I was still an embarrassingly bad dancer. I still had no self-discipline.
It was a major revelation: being skinny didn't change me much. I always thought it would make more of a difference than it did, somehow. Thin people are together, I thought. Their checkbooks are balanced, their vacations are active, their homes are spotless. I don't know why I imputed these things to thin people when I had tons of evidence to the contrary--that thin people were just as likely as fat people to have messy lives or be just as lazy as I was--but I always thought thin-me would be more...together than fat-me.
It was a valuable lesson.
It's weird to say that I'm glad I've spent some time fat, but I am. Would I wish it on my kid, if I had kids? No, because it had its drawbacks too (the nightmare of gym class, teasing, health issues, lousy wardrobe choices to name just a few), but I wouldn't trade my own past. I like my wider appreciation of beauty even if I don't like my wider hips. I'm glad my mind is well-developed even if my glutes aren't. I love the man I chose, but I never went without many choices if I wanted to avail myself of them.
Maybe I would've been the same me if I'd never been fat, but I doubt it. I think my mind would've been narrower along with my physique. It isn't that way for other people and I'm not hating on thinner folks, but for me...yeah, I think I would've been shallower.
Yep. When I was 165-170 I was full of life and confidence and excitement, and when I hit 274 I was shy, angry a lot, nervous, and had no self-confidence. I am trying to learn to get it back. I am aiming for 165 now because I remember what I was like at that weight.
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