Hmmm, these posts made me realize I wan't clear with my husband on the kind of hiking I want to do. I've been on flat ground kind of hikes, which are nice, but I want to go on a hike in an area that requires some serious up hill/ slope action.
Of course, that doesn't mean I can't take hubby on some flat ground hikes. I guess either he'll do a lot better than I think, or he'll see he needs to get into better shape.
I think I'm assuming how he'll do by what I see him do daily. He doesn't like sitting on the floor with the kids because he says standing up is too hard. Also bending over is too hard. Getting up to play Wii, too hard. Maybe he's just making more noise and it doesn't bother him that badly.
I'm not his keeper, so I guess I'll just do what I want and let him worry about what he can and can't do. Thank you for the advice everyone!
I responded before seeing this post. It makes me think of the bicycle purchase I mentioned. A few years ago, I talked hubby into buying bicycles even though he was extremely skeptical of my ability to bike.
Turns out he was right (sort of). I couldn't even bike for five minutes the first day (and ended up having to get a new wider seat before I could ride it a second time, because the five minutes on a too-small seat left me feeling like I'd been sexually assaulted). I still can't bike for more than 20. I don't use the bikes more than a few times every summer, because it takes practically an allignment of the planets for me to be physically capable of riding. It has to be a sunny, clear day at a moderate temperature, and I can't be having even a mild flare of the fibro - which means a handful of days every year. Hubby is no longer able to bike at all (he doesn't have the balance, and can't feel his feet and hands well enough due to diabetic neuropathy).
Even so, I am not sorry I bought the bikes, even though hubby's gets no use, and mine sees only a few hours use every summer.
It's the principle of doing what you can and pushing limits. I'm not going to go horseback riding (not just for myself, but for the poor horse) and I'm definitely not taking up jogging or even ballroom dancing any time soon, but I'd rather surprise myself with ten minutes of an activity that I didn't know I could do, than not try because I don't think I'm able.
Just riding a bike for 5 minutes made me feel like I could do anything (as long as it could be done in 5 minutes, until I could do 6).
You really don't know what you can accomplish until you attempt it. And even if you fall short, you can bridge that gap slowly. I could be only five summers away from a triathlon (ok, I sincerely doubt it - but I can still get on my bike every summer and try to exceed last years maximum).
Even if five minutes is your hubby's hike maximum - next hike he may be able to do 6 minutes.
I knew you meant up hill hikes. And I still think that there is no harm in him trying. He's not a patient of yours (although I see how being a nurse in rehab can color your view of people's abilities. If you worked in a psychiatric prison you might fear running into deranged criminals in the woods...)
When I'm out of shape, the slower, uphill, rock-climbing (obviously not walls, but just more of a rock-climbing type hike) were easier and more enjoyable for me to do. I couldn't handle the flat, fast, cardio-type hiking. DH and I went on a 10 mile hike in the Rocky Mountains. We were exhausted but exhilirated after completing it. Start small and keep to hikes where help would be available if you needed it (within cell range). It's a good place for him to start - good luck.
Glam-I suspect you may both be right. He can prolly do some stuff better than you think, and he prolly overestimates it to some degree. Doesn't really matter, though :-) I was terribly out of shape last year and my hubby is always in good shape. He just has always gone at my pace, which is awfully slow for him, but I'm getting better and can go longer/steeper, etc. I vote for letting your hubby try along with you if he wants to. If you need more, then take some days by yourself too. Keep encouraging him to do as much as he feels like and I bet in time you'll likely have a great hiking uphill partner. That's how it's worked for us anyhow. I never had any idea how much I would enjoy being outside and climbing up hills. I even got a fancy schmancy backpack so I can carry my own meal along for a longer hike. Kaplods mentioned geocaching...and she is the one who got me started last spring/summer. I've had such a great time and it gave me the first reason to get off my backside and go out and about. You might have a look because it is something you and your hubby could do together and will work for any skill/stamina level from wheelchair accessible to totally buff and needing a kayak or climing ropes...and everything in between! www.geocaching.com is the website.
I knew you meant up hill hikes. And I still think that there is no harm in him trying. He's not a patient of yours (although I see how being a nurse in rehab can color your view of people's abilities. If you worked in a psychiatric prison you might fear running into deranged criminals in the woods...)
Did you read "fat not dead"?
I haven't yet. I spend most of the day (if I'm home) cleaning and with the kids, and I run back to the computer for a few minutes, check this site and FB of course! then I'm off again! After they go to sleep, I get more time to really focus on something and read it.
I know I didn't add all this but his blood pressure is hgh, his cholestrol is high, and he has very bad asthma...but even so its not medically recommended to go from completely inactive to a strenuous workout. Granted he doesn't have any heart or circulation issues, but I have had patients in the early 30's in rehab for status post MI (heart attack). Its not impossible.
Its against my better judgment to just ignore the facts and let him deal with the consequences...but there's only so much I can do too. I know its not my place to control what he does.
The end results will likely be just doing what we want to do and seeing if he can handle more than I'm giving him credit for.
Here are some highlights... but you'll want to visit his site at some point to see the awesome Fat Not Dead slideshow.
Quote:
One of the great things about hiking is its simplicity: You find a hill and start walking up it. If you’re patient and/or stubborn enough, you get to the top. Then you turn around and walk to the bottom. If you don’t make it, you can always try again. If you do make it, you can move on to a bigger hill.
Another great thing: Hiking is open to folks of all ages, sizes and abilities. There are no tryouts, no playoffs, no picking of sides.
...
I’ve been approached on the summit of Mt. Lafayette by a hiker concerned I was “taking on too much.” Mind you, I was standing atop a 5,249 mountain at the time, and I had passed this particular hiker on the way up. And I don’t pass many people.
Another hiker told me I’d do great once I “lost a few pounds.” At the time, I was on my way down Caribou Mountain in Maine. I’m not sure if dropping weight would have allowed me to climb higher than the actual summit…
On Mt. Jackson, I was told I should start with smaller hikes because “you’re a big buy and you don’t want to end up dead.” I didn’t tell the helpful gentleman that Jackson was my third 4,000-footer of the day.
Here’s the thing: I used to agree with those people. I wanted to hike and climb for years, always putting it off until I got into shape. That moment never really came. Then one day, spurred on by my son, I said “screw it” and started up the Carter Ledge Ledge Trail. I haven’t looked back since.
That’s one of the great weaknesses of fat people, aside from an affinity for Dairy Queen: We tend to accept the limits other people set for us. We buy into their condescension. If they say we can’t, we believe them.
Another weakness: We put the cart before the horse. If we lose weight, then we’ll be happy. We have an idealized, super-fit future version of our selves who we think is the only one who can do anything challenging, daring or fun. We keep waiting for that person to show up, and he never does.
Do I want to lose weight? Do I want to hike longer, higher, faster? Sure. But just like the kid on the jumpy thing, I’m not putting off trying to have fun until it happens.
My husband DID injure himself from overdoing it. He decided that jogging two miles per outing twice a day was a reasonable venture for a formerly sedentary 43-year-old man who'd just started walking for exercise a couple of weeks previous. The meniscus of his right knee disagreed. Vehemently. It's been two months since he's been able to jog and he still misses it.
I can certainly see why you're concerned about him overdoing it. Injuries are no fun at all and it's understandable to want to prevent him from suffering one. Ultimately, though, it's probably best if he pushes his limits a bit and gets familiar with what he can do with ease, what's a challenge, and what's best considered a goal he can't quite reach yet.
You don't have to "ignore the facts" to encourage him to do whatever he is comfortably able to do, but you won't know what he's comfortably able to do until he pushes himself to the ends of that comfort zone. He doesn't have to move until he experiences pain, but he does have to move until he starts to get at least a little uncomfortable to know where his limits are. You can't push yourself to the limits if you don't find out where they are (that doesn't mean you have to push past them).
"On paper," hubby and I are in such bad shape that in theory we put our lives on the line, just by getting dressed in the morning (and when I started on this journey, that's exactly how I felt getting dressed in the morning). I got winded just putting on my socks, and had to use a shampoo/conditioner combination, because I only had the strength for one lather and rinse (I couldn't even do a second lather of shampoo, let alone two shampoos and a conditioner like I did when I was healthier). At my worst point, I didn't even have the strength to take more than two showers a week, and didn't have the stamina to do anything for two or three hours after a shower.
I never subscribed to the theory "no pain, no gain." I still stop before pain (or occasionally if I'm getting a little carried away, the instant anything like pain shows up), because to me pain is a sign that I'm doing too much.
My hubby has diabetes that isn't under great control (he's on insulin and the doctor is always having to adjust the doses and types of his diabetes meds) very high cholesterol, high blood pressure, osteoarthritis, a degenerative bone disease (which makes activity painful, but inactivity speeds up the degeneration. Doctors told him at 17 that he'd be on disability before age 30. He made it to 35 and the doctors attribute his extremely strenuous jobs - and perhaps ironically his high weight - up to a point the extra weight strengthened his bones - but with less activity the weight is working against him more than ever before).
When I started I had such extreme asthma and copd that I got pneumonia every winter and had raging sinus infections almost all year except July and August (it turns out that nsaids were causing or contributing to my lung and sinus issues). I was on massive doses of guaifenesin (I cried when it went otc because the price went up by 1500%). I had high cholesterol, high blood pressure, borderline diabetes, fibromyalgia, chronic fatige, osteoarthrits, possibly rheumatoid arthritis and an autoimmune disease attacking my skin, lungs, and sinuses and nasal cartilage). I had sleep apnea, and couldn't stand for more than five minutes. Any activity would send me into an asthma attack (and my face would turn bright fuschia and I'd feel like my head was going to explose).
I remember my first "exercise" it was doing the dishes with a chair pulled up to the sink during tv commercials (and I didn't even make it through the first commercial).
Even so, my fear limited me as much or more than my physical limitations did. One of the reasons I lost my stamina and strength in the first place is my increasing belief that I couldn't and shouldn't do certain things until I was at a certain weight. The more weight I gained, the more I assumed I couldn't do, and often didn't test the assumptions.
No one is saying encourage your husband to run a marathon tomorrow, beating him with a stick to keep him going. It's just that he can walk, and he can walk anywhere. There's no reason it can't be out in the fresh air.
One of the first geocaches hubby and I attempted was less than fifteen feet from the curb where we parked our car. The first dozen were rated wheelchair accessible. Most were in flat city parks, but the one that got me interested in what could be called a real "hike" was a very wooded park that had a wheelchair boardwalk winding through the whole park with benches situated every thirty feet or so. I sat down on every one of those benches. The cache itself was off-trail, so I had to wait while hubby actually found the cache (it was situated about ten feet off the trail, on an incline about three feet above the board walk). Hubby was in better shape then, but today he probably wouldn't make it without a walking stick.
Having to wait while he retrieved the cache inspired me to get to a shape where I could.
Don't encourage your hubby to do more than he can, but let him find his own limits. Unless he's a complete idiot, he's going to stop when he becomes uncomfortable.
I've known people who are too proud to admit they're in pain, and take on crazy tasks because they don't want to admit, even to themselves that they can't, but your husband doesn't sound like a guy likely to do that. If he's not "too proud" to stay off the floor because getting up is uncomfortable, that doesn't sound like a guy who's going to keep walking on a hike when his legs, and lungs are telling him to stop.
My husband DID injure himself from overdoing it. He decided that jogging two miles per outing twice a day was a reasonable venture for a formerly sedentary 43-year-old man who'd just started walking for exercise a couple of weeks previous. The meniscus of his right knee disagreed. Vehemently. It's been two months since he's been able to jog and he still misses it.
I can certainly see why you're concerned about him overdoing it. Injuries are no fun at all and it's understandable to want to prevent him from suffering one. Ultimately, though, it's probably best if he pushes his limits a bit and gets familiar with what he can do with ease, what's a challenge, and what's best considered a goal he can't quite reach yet.
Jogging is much different than hiking. Hiking is slow and plodding. My 78 year old dad and I climbed Mt Washington this summer, along with a friend who had only ever hiked one other mountain before.
We had a very slow pace. It took us 11 hours round trip. My dad had thrown his back out the week before, I was 50 pounds over weight, and my friend was probably 40 pounds over weight. We weren't out to set any records, we just wanted to spend our day in the woods, putting one foot in front of the other. There is nothing else like it.
I agree with most of the previous posts - you seem to really not want him to try, as people keep saying "go for it" and you keep responding with more excuses. As far as the "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all" - I think I speak for everyone when I say that nobody is trying to be mean, make you upset, or attack you. We are just responding to your issue and trying to help honestly. I really think you should just try, and make sure he is paying attention to how he feels while hiking. There's no reason why you can't go and just take it slow.
It sounds like you're looking for reasons to keep your husband inactive.
You might think about what's going on both in your head and in your relationship.
I think this sounds a little paranoid. She is just concerned.
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Originally Posted by GlamourGirl827
I guess either he'll do a lot better than I think, or he'll see he needs to get into better shape.
Exactly. Just go slow and if it gets too hard for him, you can always turn back. It would be good to just give it a go and see where he stands right now.
Seagirl, thank you for posting a bit of that blog. It was very eye opening.
Kaplods, thank you too. Your posts give great advice and are nonjudgmental.
WHen I post something like this, its to get other points of view, and advice on how to approach the situation. Or maybe to have people explain how I could better handle it. For anyone who did that, thank you. I think I will try planning some hikes for the spring for us both, and not spend so much energy thinking about the "what if's". I can see its getting me nowhere.
It seems people like MariaMaria jump to useless comments and judgments for whatever reasons I don't fully know. Maybe you take it personally because someone in your life once told you that you were too out of shape to do some type of activity. Maybe you are in a mood not to be helpful but just to be judgmental. Who knows? But I suppose even in a forum like this meant to help, there's going to be a few bad eggs.
I think this sounds a little paranoid. She is just concerned.
Not paranoid--nothing to be paranoid about as it's not my life or my husband.
When the OP responds to every "well, I hiked fat" response with yet another reason why her husband cannot be active, it makes it look like she wants him to remain inactive.
ISTM that it's as pointless trying to limit another adult's activity as it is trying to force another adult to be active. And if my spouse were determined to find a reason to prevent me from engaging in what is fundamentally a walking-based activity I, personally, might consider thinking about whether my spouse wanted at some level for me to remain unable and unhealthy. The control and commmitment angle comes up again and again with significant weight loss--the idea that the partner who doesn't lose is threatened by a spouse s/he perceives as now having other options, and the spouse who changed feels that the non-changed spouse isn't accepting of his/her new lifestyle.
If a husband were telling a wife who posted here that she shouldn't hike or diet, would it seem odd?
