First of all, Happy New Year to everyone here at 3FC.
I have something that has been bothering me for months and I need to type it out in the hopes that I can put it to rest (and maybe get some ideas about why this is bothering me so).
My oldest son fathered a baby girl when he was 17. The girl's parents ended up adopting the baby. Long story short, my son went into the Army and was stationed in Germany for 3 years. This was not a girlfriend, unfortunately one of those situations where they slept together and she got pregnant. He was not aware that she was pregnant until 2 months before she had the baby. She had already made arrangement for her parents to adopt the baby before we even knew anything about any of this.
My husband and I did not have the money to fight these people in court, however they have been very pleasant about letting me have visits with my granddaughter, of which I am extremely thankful. They have a lot of money and give her everything she will ever want or need.
My granddaughter was born Sept 2006. Since that time, we have seen her twice a month, every month. I always go to their home and pick her up for the day. "Alice", her Mom, is 45, I am 47. Alice has never been overweight. Athletic type, in great shape. I, of course, have ballooned up and shrunk down 10 times over the past 27 years. Alice has only ever seen me overweight, until recently.
I have lost 72 lbs. There is absolutely no way that she can't have noticed this. Especially since I only see her twice a month. She's not the type of person who doesn't notice things either. She comments on my hair, when I got a new car, my shoes, etc. I just absolutely cannot figure out why her lack of noticing my weight loss is bothering me so much. I know it seems petty and ridiculous and shallow, but it has been eating at me.
To make matters worse, she recently tagged a photo of me at my highest weight, holding my granddaughter and posted it on Facebook. She has never posted any photos of me, EVER. Also, she always calls me "granny" on FB. She is technically a granny as well, but whatever.
Every time I go over to pick up my granddaughter, I am always expecting her to say something to me (one way or the other) about my weight loss, and she never does.
People are often hesitant to comment on weight loss if they don't know it was intentional. After all, lots of things can precipitate weight loss, including health conditions, and people don't want to compliment a loss that may be inadvertent. I personally try never to talk about someone's weight unless I know they are making intentional changes, because I don't want to offend. So I'm guessing she's keeping mum because she's trying to be polite.
Depending on your relationship with eachother, she could be jealous. Even though she has always remained constant in her weight, she can still feel inferior. Women that appear to be confident can be very low in self esteem. She has noticed. 72 lbs is not 5 or 10 lbs. Sometimes women have a hard time telling someone that they look great! Or it could be something as simple as she doesn't know how to tell you that you look great! Weight is a very touchy subject and hard to bring up and not offend anyone!
Sounds like she jealous of how good you are looking to me. She probably took pride in being thinner... and "prettier" in her eyes. Maybe she feels like she has competition now so she's doing these little nit-picky things.
You know, this happened to me just this weekend. We had a gathering of friends to greet two friends visiting from across the country. Two of us who live in this area have both lost over 80 pounds! Two people...over 80 pounds each! And nothing was said. I was a bit put off myself, though at least I can take comfort that my friend wasn't noticed either.
No advice...just empathy. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much.
The fact that she posted a picture of you on FB at your highest weight when she had never posted pictures of you before should tell you that she definitely noticed your weight-loss. I wouldn't sweat it. She might have her own weight or image insecurities from the past or even now that are making her act that way towards you.
I agree with Mandalinn. There are many reasons that a person could let a major weight loss go unnoticed, and not all of them are petty. Some people are uncomfortable commenting because they're unsure if the loss was intentional, because saying "Wow, you look great!" implies that you didn't before at your higher weight, or just because they find it too personal a subject to discuss (hair, nails, clothes, etc. are fit for comment because they're things we choose, whereas body type isn't, to some people).
As for posting the picture of you and the baby at your highest weight, it's likely that she just thought it was a great picture of the baby. People who've been normal-sized all their lives don't fully "grok" how weighty a matter weight is for people who haven't; to them, a picture's a picture and they don't think any more deeply about which one they choose than that.
If she calls you "granny," what does she call herself? A lot of grandparents will choose up who's going to be "granny" and who's going to be "nana" or "maw-maw" or "grandma" or whatever.
She probably doesn't have a clue that any of these things are bothering you. I wouldn't assume malice where ignorance is likelier.
Well, if it were me, my reasons could be the following:
One, if you say: Wow, you look great! some people will automatically assume you thought they looked bad before.
Two, some people lose weight because they aren't well, even if they look okay. She may hesitate to say anything because - what if she said, "You look great, what's your secret?" and your response was "Chemotherapy." That would be awkward. YOU know it's not that, but she doesn't.
You might try saying something yourself about your efforts and how they correlate to enjoying your time with your granddaughter. Maybe something like, "I don't know if you noticed, but I've been losing some weight, and I'm sure enjoying being able to play and run around with my grandbaby!" That would tell her it's okay to talk about it.
Thank you for the responses ladies. It made me feel better (and a little petty) for bringing it up.
To Nola-she calls herself "mommy". It's an odd situation. Their daughter still lives with them as well and they have told my granddaughter that she is her sister.
I know what you mean....there have been a couple of people (my future sister-in-law most glaringly) who have not mentioned my weight loss. I don't need to hear it particularly, but their lack of mentioning it is very apparent. Oh well.....I feel awful da*n good, so it doesn't matter!
Yeah, I think it's kind of hard for us to really have any clue why she might or might not be acting a certain way. We don't know her. I can see the possibility of both everyone else is saying being true. She might not want to say anything because she thinks it would be rude, or she might be jealous.
I think you should just be focused on your awesome accomplishment and not let her get to you so much. =)
I think you are both handling a complicated situation admirably and it would be hard for me (and probably unfair) to ascribe any number of possible motivations without knowing her.
It could be that she's just really busy and kinda sorta noticed but wasn't sure enough to say anything or didn't know what to say. It could be that she's completely overwhelmed with mothering a small child again while also dealing with her older child. It could be envy, could be cluelessness, but mainly I would just say to not place any negative motivation behind it. Mainly because however you define your relationship, she is not your "friend", she is the adoptive mother of your grandchild. And your continued steady, even relationship of being in the child's life is the most important thing (but you already know that!).
Thank you for the responses ladies. It made me feel better (and a little petty) for bringing it up.
To Nola-she calls herself "mommy". It's an odd situation. Their daughter still lives with them as well and they have told my granddaughter that she is her sister.
Honestly, if she adopted the child then it is her daughter. Although I don't think this is as common these days, a similar thing happened in my family 50 years ago and from what I know, it wasn't all that uncommon many years ago.
WHY is this bothering me SO much?
I was a bit put off myself, though at least I can take comfort that my friend wasn't noticed either. 
I'm not sure why it bothers me so much.
