Where I'm at...
Hey guys,
I'm back! Of course I'm feeling even more confused than usual, as always the case when I come back here. I always told myself that once I moved away to college everything would get better - I would be completely on my own, making every decision completely on my own, and I would eat better, exercise more, and just all of a sudden make perfect decisions. Well, that was really dumb. I never calculated in the fact that dorm food is not particularly healthy or that I would fall into the usual lazy trap that leads to the freshman 15.
I'm heavier than ever (I hit 200lbs. Ugh.) and I'm starting to get really out of shape. I was overweight throughout high school but I was also a varsity athlete. I struggled to keep up, but still five hours of practice a week certainly helped me keep from gaining more weight. I'm trying to exercise more, I'm trying to keep playing Lacrosse now that I'm in college, but my school is only starting a team this year & its a spring sport so there isn't much happening so far. So, I have to take the responsibility to do it myself instead of relying on my coach to push me. That kind of sucks.
I know that more than anything its the mental aspect of this holding me back. I've lost weight before, I've kept myself on a healthy eating plan, I've just been able to do this, its just so hard to start, and then not stop. Especially not stop.
I don't know why I'm not fixing it, I just don't know what is wrong with my self-respect to do this to myself. I'm pretty freaking happy and I got over my self-esteem issues years ago, I just haven't gotten rid of one of the causes of those issues - my weight. So, I need to make some changes.
I know there are ways to eat healthy food at the caf. It'll force me to step out of my comfort zone and eat some of the sketchy-looking things that are probably the most healthy. I've been eating way too much pasta and soup since it looks the most legit, but its all really fatty, calorie-heavy stuff so I need to eat some more natural, less calorie crazy foods. It'll be an experience.
I'll have to finish this later, we'll see how dinner goes.
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