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Old 11-27-2009, 02:36 PM   #1  
Changing behaviours
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Default Loving yourself - what does that mean to you?

I've seen several chicks post that their weight loss was made possible - or made easier - when they decided to start loving themselves. I'm not even sure I know what this means, which makes me think that I'm NOT lovin' myself. If it includes positive self-talk, I'm really in trouble!

So, if you love yourself, tell me what that means for you.
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Old 11-27-2009, 02:47 PM   #2  
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Fressca, I can only give you my take on it. Some of it involves, for me, being able to treat myself like a person of value - like I would treat a good friend. If a good friend is down, or wants to eat healthier, we provide encouragement, support, and affection. I used to beat myself up for any tiny slip with a whole lot of negative talk - "you can't do this, you'll just have to like being fat", "you're lazy", and "you don't deserve to look and feel good". Stuff like that. We would NEVER say that kind of thing to a friend - we'd have her/his back. One day I noticed that difference when a friend called to cry on my shoulder, and I decided to try treating myself more like that - supportive and encouraging. It works surprisingly well!

I'll be really interested to see what other people post - I know you'll get better articulation of the idea.
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Old 11-27-2009, 03:04 PM   #3  
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I don't think I truly love myself yet, but I'm getting there.

For me, I could NOT get serious about dieting. My diets would literally last one or two days, if that. I saw diets as self punishment, it seemed like torture and starvation. I'd look at myself in the mirror and think "Ugh, you're so fat and ugly...you don't deserve a cheeseburger." And then I'd start feeling hungry, I'd look at myself again and think "Whatever, you're a lost cause...screw it, eat all the cheeseburgers you want." Needless to say, I didn't look in the mirror very often.

When I finally found something that helped me plan out very healthy meals and found that I was able to stick to my menu plans (MyPyramid.gov - Menu Planner), my whole outlook changed. I'd look in the mirror, and even though I only lost 2, 3, 4, now 8lbs, I see and feel a big difference. I haven't lost much yet, but I can look at myself and think "You really are beautiful, and isn't it great that you're finally getting healthy?"

I had to quit fighting what I was looking at in the mirror, accept it, and gear up to start improving myself. I had to realize that what I am is worth improving, and that I'm not a lost cause. Do I look in the mirror and feel completely happy with what I see? No. I do not love how my body looks yet, but I do love my body enough to get healthy and improve it.
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Old 11-27-2009, 03:44 PM   #4  
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I'll just say I don't think it's a coincidence that I dramatically changed my diet and sedentariness a month or two after I quit putting off buying some nice clothes and started fixing myself up a little every day.
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Old 11-27-2009, 04:04 PM   #5  
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For me, it's similar to what ICUWishing said: To stop beating myself up for every imperfection, perceived or real. To stop telling myself that I'm worthless and undeserving of being healthy and strong.

A lot of my non-loving thoughts of myself have been directed at my body in the past. I'm trying to get better at that. Instead of hating my fat legs, I'm learning to say, "My legs are strong. I'm so lucky that they carry me everywhere I want to go, even when I don't take care of my body. " Or instead of being ashamed of and embarrased by my big, droopy breasts, to say, "These girls helped to nourish two children. They are healthy and I'm very fortunate for that."

Most of all, though, the idea of "loving myself" isn't just making positive affirmations or appreciating that I can walk or have boobs. It's about striving to be a better person, because I feel that's where self-esteem really comes from. When we are loving towards others, when we go outside ourselves to help and to make a difference for other people, then (IMO) self-esteem follows. Trying to manufacture self-esteem just by thinking "what a great chick you are!" about myself has never really worked for me. Actions, to me, are what result in good feelings about myself.
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Old 11-27-2009, 04:34 PM   #6  
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I don't know what it means, but I can tell you the symptoms of being on the right track.

Being able to put on a pair of jeans and think "they look good" or "they look bad." Not thinking "these would look BETTER if I didn't have the pouch/thighs/hips."

Looking at food as an enjoyable fuel rather than emotional medication. I eat the steak because it's tasty and I'm hungry. I don't reach for the chocolate because I'm upset and think it will make me "feel better."

Enjoying experiences without thinking of how much better things would be if I were at my goal weight. We spent four days in Cali several years back, and I spent the entire time wishing I was 90 pounds lighter. Now, I enjoy things that happen (cameras included!) without wishing it had been pushed off until I lost those last 40 pounds.
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Old 11-27-2009, 05:20 PM   #7  
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Originally Posted by Altari View Post
Enjoying experiences without thinking of how much better things would be if I were at my goal weight. We spent four days in Cali several years back, and I spent the entire time wishing I was 90 pounds lighter.
Wow, I feel like that so often. (I love that about this site...so many relatable experiences)

But isn't it true? Wouldn't everything be just hunky-dory if I were 90 lbs lighter?

Sigh, I'm obviously not in the right emotional place. But I can honestly say it feels good to be even trying to lose weight--like I'm doing something good for myself.
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Old 11-27-2009, 06:12 PM   #8  
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To me it means the same as ICU said above. I am now my own best friend and *that* has helped tremendously!
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Old 11-27-2009, 06:58 PM   #9  
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Originally Posted by BoobsNotBombs View Post
But isn't it true? Wouldn't everything be just hunky-dory if I were 90 lbs lighter?
I didn't realize you and I have almost the same starting point and the same goal!

Would think be hunky-dory? I don't think so. It took a while, but I finally admitted to myself that my friends and family loved me, even at 255 pounds! I spent years thinking that once I lost some weight, people would love me more and things would just be more fun. Aside from some things that obviously improve with weight loss (f.ex., I went hiking with my dad this summer-real hiking, up rocks and everything!-and it was immeasurably easier at 215 pounds than at 255), things are generally the same for everyone else.

Like you said, weight-loss is something we do for ourselves. Things with my relationships don't get better because I'm lighter. If they did, I'd have to seriously reevaluate those relationships! Things are just more fun because I'm more comfortable with myself.
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Old 11-27-2009, 07:11 PM   #10  
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Originally Posted by BoobsNotBombs View Post
But isn't it true? Wouldn't everything be just hunky-dory if I were 90 lbs lighter?
No, it's not. It's exactly the same as before, trust me. I'm one of those girls that was overweight even as a child. I never knew what it was like to be thin before. I weigh less than I have ever weighed before (and 20 pounds less than what I weighed for most of my life) and I feel no different. I used to think that once I was no longer overweight, everything would suddenly be different. All my problems would go away and suddenly I'd be normal and just like everyone else...

Nope, still me. Same problems. Same personality. I don't feel like I'm seeing the world any differently than I ever have before, even though I'm thin for the first time.

But you know what? I don't regret it, not one bit. And I'm GLAD everything isn't different, too! It taught me an important thing... MY WEIGHT IS NOT WHAT DEFINES ME! That is how I used to feel, but now I know it's not true. At 175 pounds I was still Megan. At 212 pounds I was still Megan. And at 155 pounds, I am STILL Megan. It's NOT my weight that determines who I am, and you know what? Things are so much better this way! Now I can finally see it as just a number.

Plus, I'm still reaping the benefits, even if my whole world hasn't changed. I'm healthier, I have a better endurance, I LIKE the way I look in the mirror, and I know I can walk into a department store and fit into anything there. No more sad faces because they don't have my size, or being embarrassed because I'm picking out such bigger sizes than all my friends. It's great!

But the reason that it's really silly to put off doing things until you reach your goal weight, is that you discover once you get there that you don't really feel any different than before, and suddenly it seems VERY silly to have put off doing all these things that don't feel ANY different doing them when you weigh 50 pounds less. For me, I had to live through that lesson to truly grasp it, but I hope others can just learn from my (and many other's) mistake instead of having to live through it as well.

It's worth losing the weight. It helps you to feel a lot more comfortable in your own skin, but only if you let it. It's still all too easy to get worked up on your still wobbly bat arms and gigantic pooch to the point where you don't feel one bit more confident 100 pounds lighter! Likewise, it's entirely possible to feel very comfortable in your own skin at 300 pounds. I think weight loss makes this process easier, but it's just a facilitator. In many ways, it's not actually necessary, and relying soley on weight loss to feel better on yourself might make you unable to lose the weight! It's oh so much easier to lose more weight when you have confidence in yourself to begin with.

So do your best to lose that 90 pounds! I guarantee you you'll feel better about yourself. Just don't be expecting any miracles. You are you and will always be you. No number on the scale can change that.
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Old 11-27-2009, 07:46 PM   #11  
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Wow...what a kewl thread! I like what ICU said...actually I like everyone's thoughts. For me it was learning to be my own friend. To be gentle with myself and have quiet time. To learn to be. My worth wasn't based on what I could do or what I have done or how much money I made/make or what I looked like or what I weighed or if I had a dh or not. I am worthy today. Because I am me.

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Old 11-27-2009, 08:14 PM   #12  
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To me, loving myself means eventhough I am not yet at my goal I am worthy of exercise, good nutrional food and being good to myself. The office were I am currently a temp for the last six months or so(hoping to be hired)has a dress code of Professional, blazers and pantyhose/knee highs everyday! So yes dressing up for work helps. It means I am worthy to demand positive people around me and that it's okay to cut off the negative "friends" in my life. It's okay to spend time alone and pamper myself at home. Just as others have posted, I no longer beat myself up and yes I am my own best friend.

In short, I love myself for who I am. I practice walking down the street with my head held high (some days easier said than done). Losing pounds, getting stronger physically just boosts my confidence more.

Love yourself, because if you don't no one else will. And we all DESERVE it!!!
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Old 11-28-2009, 09:06 AM   #13  
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I love this thread! Megwini made an excellent point about living in the moment, and not putting off living because of our weight. I too have found out that just because I'm at goal that my life is not perfect (duh). All of these years I always thought that if I had lost weight, my world would be perfect...

But I'm rambling. Loving myself. As a mom and wife, I had a tendency to always put others needs ahead of my own. Only in the past couple of years have I come to the realization that I need to put my own needs higher on the list. I am worthy and I'm worth it. I decided that the negative self-talk was not helping me--it was hurting me. I too would never speak to a friend the way that I was talking to myself. I decided that I was going to surround myself with self-acceptance and love. I truly think that I have LOVED myself to my goal weight! I loved the journey. I loved feeding myself good food, exercising, sleeping well and feeling great. Do I slip up? You bet! But I accept my mistakes and don't beat myself up. Like a child, I forgive myself and get right back at it.
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Old 11-28-2009, 09:23 AM   #14  
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Hmmm. Loving myself?

Weight loss couldn't occur for me until I made myself a number one priority. Not exactly sure if I WOULD word this as loving myself, but I think it's apropos here. I had to put myself at the top of the list of things that are important and that matter to me. I had to be willing to devote time to ME. I had to be a little selfish and make sure that my needs were taken care of just as well as anyone elses in my household. But the upside of that "selfishness" was/is that by doing that, I am MUCH better equipped to take care of my family and everything pertaining to my household.

I had to care enough about myself to COMMIT to a healthy lifestyle and stop settling for a horrible, inferior quality of life. I had to care about myself ENOUGH to take the time to eat right and exercise. I had to care about myself ENOUGH to do whatever is necessary to get and stay healthy. I had to realize that I am worth it.
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Old 11-28-2009, 02:59 PM   #15  
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It seems like a simple question but it's actually quite complex. For me, the short answer is, I finally had to figure out and deeply believe that I was no less deserving (of ANYTHING) than anyone else, and I had to learn to treatmyself as well as I'd treat anyone, even a stranger. That's the short answer, anyway.
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