I support you and I am sorry that your husband does't. I try my darndest to support my wife in everything she does. I am not perfect but I put in the effort. She has really supported me in my 130 lb loss.
It sounds like your husband isn't the best communicator. Maybe he isn't comfortable with you losing weight. For years I would start to eat healthy and exercise regularly and like clockwork my DH would never exercise with me, and he would start bringing me "treats". Always my favorite things, and it didn't take much encouragement from him to induldge, and then eventually I would be off the wagon so to speak, and up in pounds again. My husband is in the military and though he has never said it out loud, looking back on it I think he felt safer with me fat. He knew I wasn't feeling great about myself, so he knew I wasn't going to be going out to the bars/clubs, and he also knew that I wasn't going to be getting hit on in random places. That had to feel good when he was deployed for months at a time. I never gave him a reason to feel insecure, but my husband is lazy, and there was never any male competition around when I am heavy.
Thank God he has finally become supportive, but I think it is only after I got to a weight that he has personally found unattractive, and I have beating into his head all of the health issues that come with weight. Plus, our marriage has only grown stronger over the years. You can do this!! He will eventually get on board.
Last edited by Coffee Luver; 01-18-2009 at 11:32 AM.
Reason: :
my boyfriend lost weight a while ago (he wasn't very heavy but getting a bit pudgy) and i liked it but felt a little bit insecure about being 'left behind' at the same time. or that he was making positive changes to himself while i felt really negative about myself and wasn't doing anything about it...or something. sounds like your husband has copped on now anyway!
i like your avatar coffee luver, i've just had two giant mugs of it to get me going on some work i really really need to do and now i'm procrastinating super-fast!
My wife is also very supportive and very patient with me and my weight loss. I still need 35 more pounds to go but she will be with me every step of the way. Just like i would be with her, but i do also try to impress her. Let me say two words "wii fit" very fun and very competative my wife loves that and she can still use that even though she is pregnant and 2 weeks till due date. (its a shame, she doesnt gain a single pound .....)
I'm not sure how old you are now, but it sounds like he's worried that you will be the same person attitude wise once you lose the weight again and he'd rather have you as you are now. Just let him know that it's just your body changing, not your relationship with him. Sounds like he needs reassurance. And keep on keeping on - this is for your health and well being. He needs to get on board or keep his trap shut, especially at the beginning.
I do have a friend who's husband has threaten to leave her if she gained more than "pregnancy weight". It has kept her motivated to stay slim though...whatever works I guess. I know it's none of my business, but were you heavy or thin when you met?
OMG that's so annoying- my mom's good friend, her husband has told her the same thing also and right after she had each of her children she went into crazy lose weight mode. She even had surgery because she had a chubby face and the doctor removed fat from under her chin!
What pisses me off the most about that is her husband IS FAT, but oh no- it's okay for men to be fat- but not women- PFFFTTT.
I saw that comment aswell and was very put off i actually told my wife about that. Men that are like that shouldnt be married because there wives deserve much better. If my wife gained 100 pounds tom. i would do everything i could to make her happy. It sickens me people would ever say this stuff to there better halfs....(i do apologize if i was out of line it just makes me angry )
Hah, after posting about how supportive my DH is, he surprised me tonight. He suggested I "needed" a treat tonight. (didn't define that tho) I have been under a lot of stress and he thought a treat might help, he says/
It may be because he is fighting a binge of his own. (he is a binge drinker, and is craving some beer since he is stressed with me being away a lot and a friend dying). SO I am not sure exactly what his motives were, but I said, thanks but no, I feel better on plan and don't want the "comfort food high"
Will talk about it later. Right now a hot bath and some snuggles are what we both need.
Unfortunately, it's not an uncommon thing for men to consider weight a deal-breaker. It seems more true for older generations. My own father once made a crack about "women gain weight, and then they wonder why their husbands cheat!" ha - no wonder I've had lifelong weight issues!
no you gotta see him. he really does this on purpose. by going super fast and doing funny moves that are not part of the workout then laughing. its all a joke to him. he even trys to make me lose focus and starts talking to me. he asks me stupid questions like if he's doing it right. he mocks me. and i did talk to him about it.
Hire a young, buff and handsome personal fitness trainer to be your daily workout partner. I bet he stops joking REAL fast!
What pisses me off the most about that is her husband IS FAT, but oh no- it's okay for men to be fat- but not women- PFFFTTT.
I know you probably didn't mean it to be but this is a sexist remark no different from a man say " But oh no- it's ok for woman to get fat- AFTER she has snagged her man PFFFTTT.
We are talking about one individual not "all men" there are plenty of women who have left their husbands because they were fat.
It is not a gender specific thing to do it is what someone would do who is more worried about what someone looks like and what other people will think than what's really important.
You can do this!! He will eventually get on board.
)
