I have an 8 year old and to look at her you would not think she was over weight, but her clothes were getting tighter and her BMI was not where it should be. I actually talked with her doctor to see if I was over reacting. I explained how I have always had to watch my weight and my daughters eating habits have not been the best. He did some bloodwork and come to find out she had high cholestoral which runs in our family. All children's hospital offer a kid shapers program which they were able to do right in the doctors office. They taught my daughter (one-on one) portion control, healthy options, exercise etc. Not only did she lose some weight she grew taller to and fell right where she needed to be. Some things that we did as a family, more veggies around the house. Pre-portioned ice-cream cups 100 cal snack packs, and I just cooked less since it was mainley portion control...isn't it always I also started to force myself to get out an walk with her as often as possible. It is hard after working allday to get it in, but I know it is healthy for her so I try to do it. Not to mention I need to lose the weight to so it's a win-win. We actually look forward to our bonding time and our mom-daughter talks! Good luck and check out some of the programs in the neighborhood, I know the YMCA also offers this program over the summer!
As a teenager myself (almost 20 ), i agree with the support issue. My sister was pretty overweight when she was 16 and my mom meant well but my sister ended up binge eating when my mom wasn't around so my mom wouldn't see what she was eating. Definetly make it a family thing EXCEPT if there are other non-overweight kids because from my experience, i wasn't overweight when this was happening and it was annoying to feel like I was being "punished" for my sister's problem. So, yeah keep that in mind. Also, I've recently started counting calories on the daily plate and that is amazing! She can still go out with friends and enjoy what the other girls are eating as long as she budgets that in. It also really helps to track what you normally would eat for a week and I guarantee when you come face to face with that number...well it's shocking.
for exercise, what about Curves? It's a good beginning plus it's all women and no judging other people there. It's only 30 minutes a workout, it's laid out in a circuit, and you could both join and go together like 3-5 times a week. Or walk together. Also, it doesn't have to be "exercise" Just not sitting on your butt all day. put on some music and dance around the house, while she studies, etc. walk in place while watching tv. As she starts losing weight and gaining confidence, she'll be more likely to venture into other options.
Why don't you offer your help and membership to Curves, etc and wait for her decide? Let her know you are here to help, but more importantly you love her and think she is gorgeous the way she is and that you want her to be the happiest she can be. Then wait for her to come to you. don't try to force her to lose weight. be supportive and loving and when she decides it's time, she'll know she can come to you for help.
You know, I might remove yourself from the equation altogether, except keeping healthy options onhand and keeping unhealthy food options out of the home. Instead, why not ask her doctor to bring it up at her next checkup? That way, she can decide on her own if it is something she wants to do, and her doctor can give her advice that she might take seriously (because, after all, aren't teenage girls notorious for not listening to their mothers?).
You could talk to the doctor beforehand and ask him/her to bring it up. Afterward, just keep healthy options on hand, and suggest family activities. You could invite her on a walk, for example, before dinner, or plan and cook a meal for the family together. Do NOT single her out, though...it feels terrible. I'd try to model healthy habits and emphasize that moderation is key.
Maggie, as for being "punished" because your sibling had a weight problem...I'm guessing that had a lot more to do with the way it was presented to you. There is nothing inherently punishing in providing good quality, healthy foods! Obviously if the message you're sending is "We all have to eat rabbit food because your sister is fat", that's going to breed resentment. But "We are going to eat healthy foods in this family so we can look better, feel better, and have long healthy lives" makes it a family affair and doesn't imply that abstaining from junk food is a punishment of any kind.
Just to echo mandalinn82, I remember being 16 and doing exactly the opposite of what my mom said!
But it's all going to start with you. My thought would be that changing the eating habits of the household so your daughter doesn't feel singled out. Cook less so that portion sizes are controlled. Get rid of all of the junk food. Watch how often you're eating out. Pretty much what everyone else here has said.
I'm worried that if you bring this up to her she'll be that much more self-conscious. I mean, if mom thinks I'm fat everyone else must, too!
I was 5'8" and 200 pounds when I was 16. My mom saw how miserable I was and encouraged me to start walking and eating better. But "eating better" was never defined for me. I lost about 20 pounds, but could never lose any more than that. At 21, I joined WW and got down to 155 pounds. I wish that I had joined when I was 16. It was an easy way to follow what I was eating, and the support was wonderful.
mandalin, that was years ago and as a child I thought that not having junk food around was "punishment" I look back on it now like "what was i thinking?" but that's how it seemed to a young kid. there's a lot more to my food issues than that. I was just saying it as a precaution to parents not to single out one of their children as being "on a diet." Kids are young (haha obviously) and don't really get the whole being healthy thing. at least that's my experience.
At 16 her best choice is probably exercise. That always got my extra weight right off.
You mentioned a "spare tire". I have one after 3 babies. If she's afraid of it "flopping around" perhaps she should look into martial arts. It's amazing exercise (1 hour twice a week), it's great for self-esteem, and the uniforms are loose and comfy so nothing can "flop".
I started having a weight problem when I was about 10 or 11 years old. When I was 13 I joined WW with my mom. Honestly I have horrid memories of that. Both my parents teased me and tried to shame into losing weight. They bribed me with money and clothes. None of it worked.
My daughter was 11 years old 5 feet tall and weighed 162 pounds. I was scared for her. But I was determined not to make her feel bad about herself. She has been involved in dance since she was 4 years old. When she turned 12 she was old enough to join "Pointe Ballet". It was just what she needed. The extra dance class, extra stretching at home and an extra dance to practice. She started to lose weight. Then they did a unit on nutritional labels in school. We went to the store together and compared different foods. I made sure we had her favorite fruits in the house. She began to see how much better she felt, danced and looked as she lost weight (and grew taller). Now she is 14 years old 5' 6" tall and weighs 125 pounds. She aims to eat a balanced diet. She has learned how to tell if her body is needing protien or carbs. She might go out for pizza and ice cream one night, but the next day she is working out at the gym or we go for long walks or bike rides.
I think the most important thing you can teach her is to love herself. Show her your love is unconditional. You do not love her more if she is thin or less because she is heavy. Don't put too much focus on her weight...IF she feels the only time you...talk to her, go for a walk with her, take her shopping, plan a meal with her. etc....is when her weight is the topic. She will see that as a way to get your attention. Make small changes that she can stick with for life...not large drastic ones that she will see as something to do for a short period of time...then return to old habits.
I nwo some of these thoughts are just ramdomly thrown out...I have typing everything that has come to my head that if it had been done differently might have lead me to make better food choices in my life. Good Luck!!!
My mum pointed out to me I was gaining weight when I was 14, right before I started high school. I used to be a huge athlete and gradually started stopping all my activities for different reasons. I did weight watchers that summer and then started binge eating when she wasn't around. I did it all through high school. I used to wait until I knew she was going out and then raid every cupboard in the house. I'd buy cookies for the bus ride home from school and make sure to "destroy the evidence". I'm in college now and when I come home for the weekends I still feel the need to "binge" as soon as she leaves the house. It's just a reflex.
How does your daughter feel about her weight? Who brought up the subject, you or her? Personally, I didn't start noticing things until my mum pointed it out and I REALLY wasn't that overweight at the time. She was just trying to nip it in the bud for my sake...
I think that getting the entire house "healthy" is a good way to help your daughter without singling her out. She's overweight yes, but probably not overweight enough for doctors to take serious note of it. I was told time and time again "it's just a phase", "learn to accept your body" all that kind of stuff. I wouldn't have her count calories. I'd work on cutting out the junk from everyone's diet. Yes, she can still eat junk with her friends but it's definitely a step in the right direction.
In terms of exercise, there has to be something she'd really enjoy. Maybe a team sport? A martial arts class? Rollerblading? Find something she'd really be interested in for whatever reason and make that available to her. At 16 you don't want exercise to be torturous, it should be something she actually wants to do so it doesn't feel like exercise. The less you make it about her needing to lose weight and the more you make it about getting active and healthy the less it will seem like a chore. She shouldn't feel deprived because (like a few people here, it seems) if she does she'll binge the second you're not around to stop her. Also, DON'T make her feel like you're watching everything she eats like a hawk. There were so many times when I almost lost it on my mother because she questioned what I put in my mouth. It got so bad that I'd go out for dinner with my friends and when I came home she'd ask me what I had (purely conversationally) and I'd completely flip out on her. Everything she said had a double meaning. It takes a long time to get over that kind of a feeling...I'm still working on it and I'm almost 21.
My own Mom went through a painful plump phase as a child, and vowed to herself that her own daughter would never have to go through that kind of teasing from the other kids. So, I was always made aware that "If you eat that, you will end up in "Pretty Plus Sizes"! She meant well, but hey- I was her daughter, with her genes, and GUESS WHAT? I had a plump phase! I agree with the wisdom given in the previous posts: a healthy home life with great food choices, and family cooking nights, and plently of walking on family vacations and outings are a great way to teach lifestyle goals without placing expectations on how your daughter looks. You sound like such a great Mom, and I second the suggestion that your daughter educate herself here at 3FC! Maybe she can pick up some tips to pass on to you, and feel great "knowing more than Mom!"
Oh, Mountaineer, I can't believe I forgot to mention this- I am currently just beginning to read a book called "Real Kids Come In All Sizes: 10 Essential Lessons to Build Your Child's Body Esteem" by Kathy Kater. I am using it to nourish my knowlege of how an unbalanced body image develops, but it may give your daughter some understanding that will help her now!
My 17 year old DD is a bit over weight. I do not discuss it with her as she doesn't appreciate my comments. I'd love for her to lose weight (and she'd like to lose it, too). I wait until SHE says something rather than my bringing up the subject. She has asked me to buy her salads to take to school (her biggest problem was going out for fast food with her friends at lunch). We eat a healthy dinner every night as a family and she doesn't eat desserts most of the time. Her biggest problem is when she has a performance and can't come home for dinner--they either feed the performers pizza or she stops for fast food after the performance (sometimes both). It's a social thing--she and her friends go out to eat and almost always at fast food places.
She's looking forward to moving out this summer and going to college. She'll live on campus and I know she won't have a lot of time to spend driving to get fast food. My hopes are that she stays away from the student union--this school has no regular cafeteria. Instead they have a food court like at most malls--all fast food. I hope she'll take the time to go grocery shopping and have good food in her dorm kitchen.
She's asked for a new bicycle so she can get some exercise. The school has a brand new workout building (state of the art) and she's looking forward to that. I'd like her to take an athletic class (I'm thinking tennis as she's shown an interest in tennis). I may even buy her a tennis racket.
Good luck with your daughter. My biggest suggestion is to be kind and gentle and don't be condescending in any way. I'm sure she is well aware of her need to lose and she doesn't need anyone else reminding her. She needs to make the decision to lose herself.
I have been overweight since I was about 7. In high school I did regular sports and I was VERY active, I didn't even eat all that bad, but I was still overweight. Later in high school I stopped the sports and started eating fast food, eventually I graduated high school and got a desk job, the weight started POURING ON. I think it's important that she realizes that it will only get worse (without making her feel terrible about herself). Maybe you should approach it as you would like a "workout buddy" even if YOU are not overweight, there is always room for exercise improvement.
I also started to force myself to get out an walk with her as often as possible. It is hard after working allday to get it in, but I know it is healthy for her so I try to do it. Not to mention I need to lose the weight to so it's a win-win. We actually look forward to our bonding time and our mom-daughter talks! Good luck and check out some of the programs in the neighborhood, I know the YMCA also offers this program over the summer!
