Jay!!! You KILL ME!!!!! I don't actually wear low cut tops every day...but I am today...I have to admit!!
Shane....you are too funny yourself!! I would like to think i am the hottest girl in the building...and for a long time i was...but not anymore. The sales department has been hiring young, cute girls. But the guys who are complimenting me all the time are the older guys who have known me for the past 4 years.
I would never say anything to hurt these guys feelings because i know they don't mean any harm. It's just, I don't really need to hear it every day!!! ya know!!
Last night at Karoke, I had a woman come up and start rubbing my hair and telling me "Oh, you are so beautiful and I noticed you're not with your husband tonite". (DH was at work). This really made me feel pretty dang uncomfortable.
! Dang, women DO that to other women they know are married? Tsk, tsk, that's giving queers a bad name. <----and now I have Bon Jovi in my head... (You Give Love A Bad Name)
Nothing like ellaborating there huh rockingrobin????
Well, I didn't see the need to elaborate. At the time.
When I was 287 lb and enormous, I was overlooked by men. It was as if I was invisible, yet I took up more space then most football players.
Now that I've lost the weight, I ummm, get hit on all the time. It's a new experience for me, well, actually it's an ancient experience for me. When I was a teenager and in my early 20's, some 20 years ago, it was a concept I was familiar with, having not been obese then.
I get hit on by strangers and people I know. I've even been grabbed and groped a number of times since the weight loss as well - yuck. I've had plenty of inappropritate comments made to me as well, by people I know. Very uncomfortable. Some of it I DO find flattering. But there is a line and waaaay too many men cross it. For the record I've been hit on by women as well.
I never ever show clevage. But nevertheless, I do wear fitted clothing, that I suppose one would consider sexy. In fact my DH had a problem with this in the beginning. But he's knows now just how much I love clothes now and love to "look good", and has given up. He absolutely loves how I dress and look, he just doesn't love that other men love it too. Although, he is proud of me. It's all a fine line.
So, some of us have gotten hit on by both men and women. Count me in, but I always figured it was my hair.
Have any of you ever gotten hit on by BOTH at the SAME TIME? I have! Not that long ago, I was riding my bike, and there was this couple jogging. I looked at them both. I wasn't checking them out; I was actually just thinking to myself, "damn, they're so thin!" but they must have thought I was checking them out because they yelled, "hey you! Stop!" I turned around and the man said, "nice bike!," the girl said, "nice hair!," and then the girl said, "I noticed you were checking both of us out!" I was completely caught off guard and had no idea what to say... "um, uh, was I really?" Then, they both started telling me about how they're looking for a girlfriend. "It can just be hanging out and stuff first, we're a very respectful couple. If you like us, we can take it further. No pressure."
I just started laughing, told them I was in a relationship, and wished them luck.
What DOES annoy me, however, is when they wear out their looking welcome mat, you know? There's a point when looking/checking out becomes rude staring, and thaaaat's when it gets really uncomfortable. I figured lumifan was probably experiencing the same thing. The long stare/leer is disgusting, yet men do it anyway. Come on. Can't they even TRY to PRETEND that they aren't STARING nonstop?
I've experienced this since I was a teenager. Not boasting about it...in fact, it's made me quite uncomfortable at times and resulted in a number of potentially bad situations I beat a fast track away from, including being groped and followed off a bus. There were a few years where I was heavier where it didn't happen as much but now it's back again. And I don't wear low cut tops, but I can't exactly hide what God gave me. I mean, they're there and I can't do much about them short of strapping myself in.
But yeah, there is a difference in the kinds of looks (and comments) there are and the kind of attention paid. It doesn't all feel good. In fact, there's someone who does it to me now when he sees me walk back and forth from work every day. I'm told he has a wife and new baby...he still gives me the creeps. Sheesh, you think some guys had just gotten out of prison or something. At one of my old jobs, one guy I hadn't met at that point was so "impressed" by the fact I said thank you when he held the door open for me, that I couldn't get rid of him for a long time after that. And they say some women are desperate.
Last edited by trekkiegirl; 10-05-2007 at 04:42 PM.
As a female engineer in a largely male industry I often got stared at. When we first moved to oregon the building was still under construction and I had to work with a lot of contractors. One guy was making a lot of the female techs very uncomfortable with his pointed breast fixation. I was talking to him about blueprints one day and he was riveted on my sweatshirt baggy clothes covered bosom (it doesnt matter WHAT you wear)
As I talked to him I slowly started sinking. I first started by slouching a bit and as I was leaning up against a wall I continued to slide. It wasn't until I was sitting on the floor that he broke boob contact to ask if I was ok. I replied, "oh yes, just trying to make eyecontact".
As a female engineer in a largely male industry I often got stared at. When we first moved to oregon the building was still under construction and I had to work with a lot of contractors. One guy was making a lot of the female techs very uncomfortable with his pointed breast fixation. I was talking to him about blueprints one day and he was riveted on my sweatshirt baggy clothes covered bosom (it doesnt matter WHAT you wear)
As I talked to him I slowly started sinking. I first started by slouching a bit and as I was leaning up against a wall I continued to slide. It wasn't until I was sitting on the floor that he broke boob contact to ask if I was ok. I replied, "oh yes, just trying to make eyecontact".
He never bothered anyone again.
I almost spit out my drink! Now I'm just coughing up a storm. HILARIOUS!
You guys are very amusing this evening -- thank you
Question and maybe it's just me - but when I was 20 something, very thin/in shape, etc. it was usually the men you don't want the attention from that are offering it -- anyone have that problem ? (extremely to old for you/yucky men, etc.) I guess the cute ones would just walk up and talk to me, but the "undesirables" would just "consume me with their eyes"!!
Yup, Shelby, I have that problem all the time. The yucky ones would make a point of associating with me ( even before I was fat) but the cute ones would usually only talk to me in a meeting people type setting like a club, show, or bar. The usual men that never stopped harassing me also never had a chance in **** of being with me!
Every now and then, a cute one would come up and talk, but it was not incredibly common.
It's kind of a double edged sword I liked the attention to some point and miss it now that i gained the weight back, but at the same time I didn't like the kind of attention that i got. Being at a college it wasn't always the nicest kind of attention. I loved it when my boyfriend told me i was gorgeous ect, but sometimes I got some comments that made me feel uncomfortable so I completely understand what you are saying
I can relate to this. I do find that the inappropriate men and women in the office take this thing I can't hide - losing weight - and take it as their opportunity to be as inappropriate as they wish. Older *bitty* women who have to mention it every time they see me in the hall. That are always trying to set me up with co workers now (out loud). Gossips speculating on why I lost the weight. Some of the older men that were into me before are just that much more into me. And I have seen a few older men's eyes go down to my chest. Which is ironic because my chest is so much smaller now.
I recently complained that I haven't seen much flirting but then I got flirted with more than I have in years. I didn't recognize it other than after talking with the guy I felt really bad with kind of like a weird feeling at the pit of my stomach. I kept making excuses thinking he just had too much coffee until someone -- an intern who would have no reason to lie -- asked if the guy was into me. And I remembered that this intern didn't know me when I was fat and that objectively her saying that must mean I am now in his league. It is hard to wrap my head around that.
Something else that makes me a bit uncomfortable is that I do have to be careful about what I wear now. I can now fit into va va vroom outfits but no one can handle it. I know that seems horridly arrogant but even dressing slightly better has people both positively feeling the need to compliment me and negatively being jealous and taking shots like "wow you must feel so good about yourself now that you can dress normal." It is like I have to ease into it.
<----and now I have Bon Jovi in my head... (You Give Love A Bad Name)
" I was completely caught off guard and had no idea what to say... "um, uh, was I really?" Then, they both started telling me about how they're looking for a girlfriend. "It can just be hanging out and stuff first, we're a very respectful couple. If you like us, we can take it further. No pressure." 
At one of my old jobs, one guy I hadn't met at that point was so "impressed" by the fact I said thank you when he held the door open for me, that I couldn't get rid of him for a long time after that. And they say some women are desperate. 
