Ok, back for a bit more catching up.

stormy -- That's great that you are starting to see changes in your body. Doesn't that just feel great! Wow, what an exercise goal you've set yourself. I am starting to feel the twinges of my ultra competitive spirit beginning to awaken from its deep slumber. Ok, Reward Day, I'm steering clear of all that. I don't deserve any rewards at all. I should be thrown into an isolation cell with my feet strapped to an ever-turning exercise bike and be given nothing but stale bread and water for a week!

little grasshopper -- You say you're in the first year of your business? What is that? Is that the massage work you do? Is your father Australian? As for American accents, it really depends on where they're from and I think, like with any language, it's much more the tone and the way of speaking than the actual accent that makes a pleasant or unpleasant sound. In most languages, when an American is speaking they tend to use dipthongs a lot and so sound really lazy and sloppy. It's because most other languages have a lot of very clear vowel sounds, whereas American doesn't. English as spoken in the U.K. and Ireland is much crisper generally. If you can learn to get a clear vowel sound you'll sound much better when speaking a foreign language. I had it hammered into me when I lived in Germany and that has helped in Japanese greatly. I can do an American accent and it is horrible! Sorry, no offense. I don't like hearing American spoken with harsh sounding vowels any more! As for a southern accent (U.S. south) I think it would sound quite lovely anywhere in the world. Had to laugh at your getting scared over CG wanting to be a serial killer profiler. I had the same momentary jolt.

Yes, I am thinking of what you're saying about this hormone/endocrine messup with me. I think it must be something like that. First of all, the stress and the emotional havoc that I was going through (and still am to a lesser degree) must have messed things up and then on top of that the megadoses of caffeine and sugar (which I wasn't used to) and then, recently, the opposite, suddenly cutting caffeine drastically and seesawing between no sugar and tons of it. My body must be crying out. Also, I was doing very heavy weight training and lots of jogging and that went down the drain too. I was sitting around all the time doing so much work at the computer and sitting on the floor working at a low table. I can't afford to go to any doctors I think and I'm just thinking if I can try to eat better and get more balance in my days that I will get better. It's really strange about all your allergic reactions to foods. I can't really understand it. I'm thinking that what you call allergic we people wouldn't even recognize. It's probably just our normal way of being. My aunt though is similar. She says she can't eat anything at all, is allergic to everything. Where do you think your sensitivities came from? Does it run in your family? No offense, but do you think that the extremes of eliminating certain foods wouldn't add to the problem? Can you not become TOO sensitized? And what is this about your wrists?! It sounds like you're being tortured! Is this from all the massage work you do?

Michiemish -- You have to write your posts somewhere else first! This happens to you all the time, doesn't it!? What a bummer! That is so frustrating. I have lost stories like that while I was on deadline and it taught me to always make copies and backups along the way. I have been in tears as I madly tried to start over again. The weather sounds like it's putting a damper on things for you. I hope you can get in some exercise soon. Do you work at the police station? You mentioned officers.

Crime girl -- You're counting on ME to keep you motivated? Uh oh! Haven't been doing any good there, have I? I am trying to pull myself up by the bootstraps so to speak whatever that really means but it does sound hard and that's the way it feels so I guess it's an apt phrase. I feel like dead weight to myself. And the heavier I get the more I feel that way. The stress has exhausted me. I feel like a slug, like a sack of sand or something. But I will get better. I'm going to force myself to go through the motions and maybe the engine will catch and turn over. As you can see, I rarely answer your questions and I don't mean to ignore them. I'm not ignoring them. As I wrote earlier, I honestly don't know the answers to many of them, particularly the ones about what I WANT. That to me is an alien term, something I probably had beaten out of me as a kid and suppressed out of me from narrow-minded societies afterward. I think I have to go underground and try to nurture my desires, at first even find them. It's like trying to get a spark from rubbing sticks together. And then trying to blow that little spark into a flame. That's the way it feels. You can't believe how things are knocked flat, either outright or, worse, through NO show of interest, NO show of enthusiasm. I guess the people around me are the same, or maybe worse, they have no dreams, no desires they allow themselves and so, if I do manage to come up with something, it dies almost immediately. Do you understand what I'm saying. I mean, even yesterday at work, I was saying "I want to go to Dubai in March." I said it a few times and no one even asked me about it, like why? nothing. OK, one guy did ask but he stopped when I gave him a hint and wanted him to ask more. He didn't. But I think others suffer from that too. Most people don't want you to ask anything about their lives outside the office. But I am trying to find those who are open to questions and ask them myself. It's a strange environment. People are so strange or down or whatever and they seem to be jealous of others and even vindictive. I think that may be what comes from negativity and harboring a victim mentality. You start to lay the blame everywhere but where it belongs, on yourself. Ok, sorry, got off on a psycho tangent there.

OK, getting long again . . . until the next installment. . . .

Red, stop being so hard on yourself! First, sometimes one never knows what they want to do for a living and that is okay. I admire you so much for doing the traveling that you have done in your lifetime. You have gained experience that many will never do. You have sacrificed many things so you can enjoy other things such as your horse. Please keep coming here we need you as much as you need us!
Maybe you are going through a seasonal depression type thing. Just keep on forcing yourself to reach your goals. You know that you have many goals. For example, you want a long, athletic body. You can do it. Visualize! You will reach a good part of your goal by Feb. I do not think that anyone just absolutely loves to eat healthy and exercise. Sometimes you just need to push yourself through it. When you are healthy you will feel totally different. You will have more energy to accomplish the things you need or want to do. You can do it! Now get your butt to the gym and smile about it! Kind of like those girls in the exercise video that smile the whole time they exercise and they make you just want to puke!

Desparate Housewives is a tv show about these ladies who live in the same community. The show shows little parts of their lives and what goes on beyond closed doors. I think a lot of people (women) relate somewhat to these women. For example, there is a lady who has several children and she left a high powered job to raise them and she is feeling totally stressed out. In one episode she feels so helpless that she takes one of her children's ADA medicine to get energy. Another lady is a perfectionist. Everything about her and her lifestyle seems perfect like her family, her yard, her cleaning abilities. However, her family is not even close to perfect. Her hubby had an affair, her son ran over a lady with her car, etc. I do watch it and I do not know why. I guess it is b/c I know there are people who are similar to these characters and I have always been interested in people's differing personalities.

Red, I definately know what it's like to have no support! I don't really have any friends in "RL" but those I do have don't care enough to support me... and my husband, he tries, but he's too busy reaching into that bag of potatoe chips! I think that's why I didn't get serious until I got involved here... ((HUGZ))

As for "Desperate Housewifes" It's a TV show here, I've never watched it, the whole idea seemed rediculous to me... but basically it's 5 or 7 middle age ladies unhappy with their lives... pretty crappy show idea, but somehow it's one of the biggest here!

Grasshopper, that sounds like no fun at all I'm sorry you are having to go through that! Good Luck at the Gym!

I did a 30 minute workout *WooHoo* I did 15 minutes of Cardio and 15 minutes of upper body...eep! upper body! I can't even do a push up! How sad is that? That's my fitness goal, to be able to do a push up!

I've got Yourself!Fitness for the XBox (have I mentioned that?) I work as a video game department manager at a local electronics store, and I won the free xbox and then I also got the game free So not a bad deal! But I love it so far, I'm just so out of shape that it kicks my butt!

Jacque, way to go on the working out! I heard about that X box game. Now can you put it in a dvd player like you can put a dvd in the x-box, probably not, right?

Hi guys - well I went kicking and screaming to the gym tonight. Couldn't do weights but did 35 minutes of light cardio. Walking and riding. I'm planning to go tomorrow am and start running/walking mix and depending on the arms I'll consider weights. So far they feel fine, but it's not a good idea to weight train after an adjustment.

Red - To answer your arm question..two things..first I've broken both wrists, and through out my training jammed them many times from hitting things with bad form (early in training) I also developed a shoulder injury (have i mentioned I use to be VERY accident prone because of the balance/spacial issues) anyway, shoulder injury letting students throw me, they were learning so there were many times I was hanging by my shoulder off someone's body - while they jerked me trying to get me lifted over them. Over time it wore my should ligs and tendons down. That injury has mostly healed but never has completely fixed itself. The doctor was going through stuff today to try to figure out why I still have issues with it and realized it was referring up from my wrists....they'd never been properly set after breaking them. I don't have wrist pain at all but since he adjusted them I can tell they are moving more freely and without all the popping I use to have. We'll see if it helps my shoulder....remember ALL things in the body are connected! You're nothing but a big pully/lever system.

As for the allergies and stuff. The belief is that most people in the US have these sensitivities but when you eat something constantly the body doens't put up the same fight because it just can't anymore - it's too bombarded with everything we're already putting in there. It can't fight. Get rid of them for a while and then try to add it back and you'll notice flem in your throat, or maybe your stomach gets sick, you get a headache, you break out, you have pain, it effects different people differently. I don't know if I told you about the kid that went through an appendectomy without pain meds and placed 2 in a south eastern US tennis tournament 3 days later. He has been eating this way, treated by my doctor, since birth and he is an athletic machine! Many athletes use the same type of medicine - especially european athletes. They just call them their chiropractors. My doctor grew up next to the doctor that pulled the science together and was intruduced to it early in life..both he and his brother went to school and became doctors. One teaches and lectures all over the US and the other is considered one of the leaders in this type of medicine. People who can only get to a certain level of health with other AK's are sent to my doctor. I am VERY lucky to be working there. I watch people with MS and Cancer do amazing things every single day of work. Autistic kids who now have jobs and are going to trade schools but before treatment didn't communicate with anyone at all. I couldn't do this type of program if I didn't work there, but I'm so glad I do because, they teach me stuff and I can use it on my patients - the stuff related to body work, and they respond so quickly to it and get well so much faster and more completely. Plus I get to learn WHY a specific muscle keeps spasming when it was never injured. I learn if it's related to chemicals, stress, detoxing, small intestines and it's a lot easier for me to tell people how to watch for patterns in their own pain, so they can eliminate things that create pain more quicly and easily.

I know that's more than you asked for! Believe me, I know this program seems wierd. It did to me at first too. But it's working for me and I'm on a whole different level than I was 2 years ago. And I wasn't even following the eating plan for most of that time I'm MUCH improved since I started following the eating part.

okay, I have to spend some QT with the Bf. Talk to you all soon!

Thanks stormy and Jacque. Glad someone was here. Normally I wouldn't be either but since I can't ride because of the weather I'm home. I scheduled a lesson for late afternoon, which I hate, because it's so cold and dark by the time I go home and the ring is in the shade so even if the sun's out it's freezing. But I am hoping this is just a short-lived thing. I just filled up the kerosene heater again. I am going through kerosene like mad these days. Shows how cold it is. I think I am poisoning myself in my room though because it's too cold to open the windows much at all and usually I forget so the carbon monoxide levels must be high. More reason to hate the cold weather.

Jacque -- Movin! Wow. Great stuff. Pushups are hard. Don't be bummed. You can at least I'm sure do an on your knees girlie pushup! Chest muscles take a long time to build up because we rarely use them in daily life. You are always winning things, aren't you. Can I pay your way to Vegas and take home a percentage of your winnings? Or let's do a world tour of the biggest horse races with a similar arrangement.

Wow, that's too bad to hear you don't have support either. And what's worse than a husband who is pigging out in front of you. Does he at least encourage you between mouthfuls? I think this forum is amazing and have told the moderator so. Do they know the good they are doing for so many people, like us?

stormy -- thank you so much for your encouragement. I am always too tough on myself and when I'm not being, I'm just ignoring myself or eating without though of myself. The eating is not really a loving act, is it? not when it's countergrain to my goals. It's nice to hear you say you admire me for traveling but I don't think of it as an accomplishment. It was just something I wanted to do and did. It was more a gift to have had that feeling, something to act on, you know? Yes, I guess it has given me a lot of insights and experiences that many will never have. I wish I could use them in a way that could help others get through tough times. I realize how the hardships I have been through myself and the hardships I have seen or heard others go through have given me a lot of strength, something I don't even realize most of the time myself. But maybe it is there after all. Seasonal depression is a big possibility. This time of year is always rough for me and that's even when there is little else going on to add to it. Right now I am starved for hope even I think so your saying I could get somewhere by February even made me feel better. I think what happened is that with work, it was a lot more than just a work thing. I was helping my boss out so much, really sacrificing and then he turned around and cut me off. So it was a betrayal like thing, the kind of thing that just leaves you with the wind knocked out of you. I am trying to think of it as his loss but when I hear him laughing and seemingly having fun in the office it makes me want to puke. Your wanting to puke at the exercise video girls made me laugh, by the way! Thanks for such charming honesty.

I understand how people could identify with Desperate Housewives. Some of these shows could be really good I think but I also think they tend to be sugar-coated and act more as pacifiers for people who are in similar situations but will never get out of the situation. It's why I can't stand Dilbert. Identification can be such a numbing thing and what we really need more often than not is to feel the pain until it is so intolerable that we make the changes. This is why, though my dissatisfaction at things is painful, I think it is necessary and I try to be glad for it. It means I'm still rebelling, I'm still saying NO! if even only a whisper inside. When that NO! disappears . . . well, that's it, isn't it. We've been defeated, our spirit broken. I'm like you in that I like studying other people, kind of like a scientist, a mad one probably. Maybe I truly am from another planet. Did you know that people with negative RH factors are thought by some to be mutations, possibly from another world. I kid you not! They say the negative factor isn't found in other species of ape or monkey though I don't know how they've determined that. Anyhow, I am negative so maybe this is the reason.

OK, still catching up. . Ciao tutti!

Grasshopper, just saw your message now. OK, now I understand better and it sounds like you are really on to something good there. There are quacks and there are geniuses and often they look the same. I hate it when people get suckered in to a bad thing, especially because they are often the pure trusting types of people. It makes me so angry to see people or animals, especially helpless ones, being exploited or duped. I'm glad to hear that what you're doing sounds to be a legitimate thing. Wow, and I see you hanging off people's shoulders and so. No wonder your tendons and ligaments are screwed up. Ok, wrist thing, explained too.

And you all have shamed me into moving this lazy A before I poison myself with CO. I am turning off the heater and getting out the bike and going to pedal till I at least break a sweat. Wish me luck!

Man- I have got to start checking the board more often. You guys go hog wild when I am not looking! I am glad for all the chatter until I start trying to respond back to people. Alas- I will do my best and if I forget something please point it out and I will respond.

Red- I implore you to stop being so hard on yourself. You are going to pick yourself up, young lady, and get to that gym and work off some of the stress that is infecting your life. I know you can do it! It is hard to get back on track sometimes and I agree with whoever said you are going through seasonal depression. Cold weather can bring you down- unless you are me because I love the cold. It does make you want to curl up somewhere warm and safe and wait for summer. You can do that some but you also must get to the gym as well as try to ride as much as possible. This too shall pass! You are going to be fine- and if the people you work with can't see your special unique way of looking at life and appreciate you they are missing out. Also- keep in mind- you are always welcome to come to Florida- it is plenty hot here.
Allow yourself to feel what you feel because that can't be helped but in time get up and dust yourself off because I am counting on you. Things will get better- I promise. I wish there was more I could do.
As for my take on Desperate Housewives- it is a funny show about a bunch of women living in suburbia and the lives they appear to have are not reality behind closed doors. It is narrated by one of the wives that committed suicide in the first episode and there is a mystery surrounding why that happened. It is a good show and I think it is funny!

Jacque- I am so excited that you have that game on Xbox- I am getting ready to order it. I have heard so many people say they love it and I am dying to try it. Is it challenging? fun?
Good job with the workout!

little grasshopper- I am sorry you didn't get to add any new foods but you have a bery good attitude about it. You know it is for your own good. Popping your wrists though? OW!
By the way- good job of imagery for your business location if you could work anywhere you choose. I would pay extra to get worked on in that locale. It sounds beautiful!

NBK- In answer to your question- I am getting a masters in criminology and I have a BA in accounting. I hope to be a forensic accountant which is an accountant that goes into a business suspected of fraud and looks for evidence of wrongdoing. They basically tear apart the books and testify in court on what they find. I am excited about doing it as a career and hope I can get on somewhere after college to start right off in my field.
So CSI for you? No offense at all but I hate that program. I think it is the arrogant guy on there that swoops in and solves everything. Crime scenes are so not like that. There isn't one forensic guy who has that much power and pull. Don't let me spoil it for you but I just can't stomach it. I am hoever a Law and Order fan and that has reality problems as well. Maybe it is the gray haired guy on CSI that blows it for me.

stormy- I will need all the support I can get starting tomorrow with school. Do you have things you work on between times that you go? My professor has already emailed us reading assignments for the first day of school for one class I am taking. She is a new professor and we haven't even met her or been to class and I already have stuff to do for her. Geez! I hope she isn't going to be too gungho because my other class is hard.

Okay well little grasshopper you have posted while I am writing and I am not going to read that one yet. I need to go and walk my dog who has been hinting all night that he would like to go again tonight. I hope you are all well and I will try to hop on one last time before bed.

Thanks for all the support!

Little GH, good job working out! It is great that you did not let your wrist problem get in the way.

Red, I hope that you are on that bike right now! Please be careful with your heating situation, those fumes are deadly.

CG, yes we have continuous assisgnments. It is a full time program even though we only meet 4 days out of the month. They never give us a break. Like you, even though we were supposed to be on break during the holiday they still give us stuff to do.

Stormy, Unfortunately No It's an actual game and require the controller for play... however they are making a version for the PC if you're interested! I'm just not sure when it will come out...

Red, LoL! I'm actually going to Vegas this summer (for the first time!) and I'm hoping some of this luck wears off there!! Before about 3 months ago I'd never won a thing in my life...

CrimeGirl, The game is a lot of fun, but it's definately a workout! At least for someone as out of shape as me!! When you first do the game you do a self fitness exam...where you test your heart rates, how many squats and pushups you can do and your flexibility, and you give it your weight...then it recomends a plan for you and you do the workouts...it is a pretty decent workout too

Well girls off for supper I'm at 600 Cals for the day (577 actually) so I'm making Broccoli Beef Stir fry (I wanted it last night but didn't have all the ingredients...so I'm giving it a shot tonight!) then REALITY TV!! (Cuz I'm addicted)

stormy, I got the tires pumped up! An arm workout in itself! Then I had to go to the bank, was able to pay the credit card bill! Hurrah! Got to the store, bought healthy food. It felt good to be buying it. I even splurged on sparkling water again just to feel good. Splurged as well on readymade salads because I know if I bought the makings only I'd risk never making it! Sometimes, you have to pay the price of progress, right? I will get on the bike, once I drag away the pile of stuff lying around it. Even just to break a sweat, ok? Thanks for the push.

Wow, this board is really hopping!! If I leave anyone or all of you out -I'm really sorry!

Jacque - I can't wait til there is a pc version of the game. It sounds really cool!

Red - thanks for understanding. I have more people in my life confused about what I do than not. I don't look like I'm sick or in pain so they forget easily. But it's like telling a person that smokes that it's crazy to quit because they don't have cancer, at least in my case it is.

Oh, and you're going to LOVE this. The seasonal depression..seasonal affectation disorder...it's part of the whole endocrine thing too. The numbers of people with mild cases are so surprising!!! Just another way that when one of those organs get screwy, they all get kind of screwy. I'm glad you got moving! Just 30 minutes a day of walking or riding will help! (not riding while weaving through traffic and needing to be on your toes the whole time - riding where you can zone out and enjoy and unwind!) I wish you all the luck in the world figuring this out!! It drove me ape-poop when I couldn't figure mine out!!! To work so hard and have those results can be frustrating I'm sure but your compounding a lot of good things and results will follow - the kind you want!

Stormy - You have my deepest respect for what you and Crime Girl too, are doing. To go to school and keep a job, relationships and family in balance and order too is amazing! You're doing really well, and I'm sure it helps that you love what your learning!

Crime girl - same for you!! I bet you'd make a great profiler!! I'm glad you're finally feeling better and I know what you mean trying to keep up with everyone's posts!

Okay guys, NBK, KJK I know I've left you out! I'm so sorry!! I hope you're doing well and I'll talk to you tomorrow!!! Be strong ladies - we are a great bunch of losers!

Stormy and fellow cheerers, I did it! I threw all the stuff away from the bike, put on the shoes (they're the ones with shoe clips), got on and pedaled!! Hurrah for me! Thanks to you guys. I not only broke a sweat, I maintained it and went for 20 minutes. I said I to myself I would only go for 15, but then went 5 more and I upped the resistance and didn't allow myself to go slow. I was watching some Korean soap on TV. Korean is all the rage here now. It had Japanese dubbed as well so I listened to that to understand it. It got me through without putting on the Walkman. Then I showered and now I've got half an hour to eat something healthy and get out to try to get another ride in. Notice I'm being cautious with that.

grasshopper -- oh, you don't need to thank me. I am very open and interested in things such as you are into and probably much "weirder" stuff. I would like very much to learn more and work with someone like you are or at least know what I can do on my own as sort of a self-diagnostic thing with which I couldn't go wrong with. In a way, that's what I'm doing. Even if and when I do eat horribly and drink I know the wrong I am doing my body, mind, emotions (it's all one, isn't it). Please keep telling me more!

Ok, kiddos, gotta run. Take care and hope to hear lots from you!

Sheesh, I can't keep up with you guys!!!! Crazy....

Don't have much time, just got home from dinner out with a friend (I did well, ate off the WW menu at Applebee's) and then went grocery shopping.....yikes!!! Eating healthy is a killer on the budget!

Had a great day on plan today. CG, Stormy, give me 3 points for the day! Even with eating out, I'm only at 22 points today, so I'm having a sweet treat tonight! Whoo hoo!!! Worked out early this morning, and drank TONS of water!

Sorry I don't have time to respond to each post right now. I'll try to catch up tonight after I finish some cleaning. Great job everyone! Keep it up!!!!

kelly