OMG let me give you my work UPS account number and you can ship her right down!!! My goodness, your post had me panting with exhaustion. Seward has a Sea Life Center!?!?? Since when!? How cool. Chach.. make sure you take before and after pictures of the surgery. I can only imagine how excited you are! Keep us posted. *hug*
Hey all. Real quick post before I head to bed. I am soooo tired. I went to my tops meeting tonight. I was the loser of the week. Had a huge loss by their scale. Of course, part of that was eating dinner last week before going to the meeting, but hey. Nice start.
After a week without chocolate, or really any bingey foods, I thought I would rush right out and get some tonight after the meeting. In fact, I planned too. But, as I was driving home, I realized, that even though I had given myself permission, I really didn't want anything. I was even thinking about "rewarding" myself with some fast food or a pizza. But, again, when I really sat and thought about it, and listened to my body, I ended up coming home and having the meal I had planned. Though, I did substitute the one slice of garlic toast I was planning for a large salad. But I realized, the more in touch with my body I get, the less my dependence on food is.
OK. To all you "lurkers." I got a note from one of my fellow TOPS members last night, who knows of my past history with the group. "When you feel like avoiding the group the most, that is when you need it the most." So, get back on thread!!! We are not here just to post successes. We are here for struggles as well. I know I have been guilty of this in the past as well - I am not claiming to be perfect. But I now realize that hashing things out on here often help me come to "aha" moments. It only takes one person to say one thing that can help you change perspective when you are struggling. We all struggle. Each one of us gives advice to each other from our own perspective. It only takes one.
So come back. It is our health we are talking about here!
Raven: Peanut knows her days are numbered if she doesn't shape up. She had a good day yesterday and loves the fact it's raining. She thinks she's Fred Astaire or something just prancing along and singing in the rain! So funny. So, she's on probation right now...we'll see if she ends up going to your facility! Yes, they have had the Sea Life Center since I moved up in 1997. Really neat sea lions, otters, puffins, king crabs, etc. Very cool. I haven't been since they remodeled. Should be fun.
Jolly: I got a "bravo" sticker three weeks ago at my WW meeting because I knew I was going to show a gain and still went. I had told my leader that I was not going to come because I didn't want to face the scales, but she said that is the time I really needed it the most. It's true, as I was able to share my struggles and there was another lady having the same struggles. It's easy to go and be accountable when you are doing things correctly, but it really shows your character when you are not so good, but face up to it also. Congrats on being the big loser. Feels good, doesn't it?
I'm going to try and have my friend take pictures of us tomorrow all dressed up before we go to dinner. I want you all to see the new dress! Plus, that would be a good "before" picture for me. I need to find my picture of me at my highest weight and post a recent one alongside of that for you all. It's amazing to see the difference.
I'm very excited, as my mom gets here tomorrow. Can't wait to see her face. It's going to be hard on her, because I'm going to swear her to secrecy and have her not tell our family until I see them in January about my weight loss. They know about the surgery, but not about the loss. Wahoo!
What do you all think of maybe meeting up next Summer somewhere to have a "girls weekend"? Somewhere fun, maybe Vegas? I just thought since most of us have been talking for quite some time, that maybe we should get together?
Let's think about it and see if anyone else would want to do that.
Good morning people. Raining today so I was rained out of riding. Always a bummer. Miss not seeing my horse. Sure, I could go all the way out there just to see her but I think it's better to use these days as opportunities to do other things that so badly need doing.
You know, sometimes, posting here just seems like a lesson in futility. I feel like unless I do something that's a great success, a save, a triumph, that I'm a failure and a broken record or at least a song that the mainstream radios have driven to the ground and us all crazy with.
I guess it's not the way to look at things but I feel with happy when she says she's "not in the mood for this diet stuff." It's strange that when you back off, give up on something it often seems to come your way. It's like a very bad joke, like someone is toying with us. I just got so sick of the eating healthfully and the exercise and all that crap that for the past few days I just eased off. I ate sugar and didn't eat vegetables or salads and my weight has dropped and, the truth of it is, I'm not happy about it. I'm not happy because it seems like a joke, like what's supposed to be good and what's supposed to be bad and maybe I've got it all wrong.
Then again, maybe this is like what jolly's been talking about, it may be the perfectionism getting in my way. Maybe what I consider to be a majorily junk-ridden day, one of sugar binges and slothfulness, is not really so. Maybe that would be a good day in the world of moderation, of, dare I say, normalcy? OK, one little drop in weight does not a success make and it doesn't mean that the weight dropped because I ate junk. Maybe if I hadn't eaten it it would have been down more. Then again, it's down, so rejoice! I mean, though I had quite a bad day foodwise it was kind of fun eating the garbage and I did walk nearly two hours and I jogged 5 K and did a touch of weight training.
It's all relative though, isn't it? I can't say that enough really. I want a certain me, a certain body, that is highly trained, very athletic and I want to be gushing energy and health. So of course I'm going to have to put a **** of a lot of work into it. I guess I could always lower the bar, right?
The other day I was jogging next to someone I know at the gym. She was in a bodybuilding contest and didn't do too well because she didn't have the fat down to ripped levels, but jeez, her abs are defined and she's pretty strong and I mean, well, she's not going to win the contest but she has come so far. She was contemplating making the next contest in September, the coach says she has enough time to get down and do better in this one but she was saying she wants to eat, she wants to drink. I didn't know what to say to her. She has to decide. It seems a shame that she's done so much and the shame part is that she doesn't seem happy about it. I heard her whining about not being able to eat sweets and drink beer and I thought, well, what's the problem? It's your choice.
I realized this was the dilemma we face. We have conflicting interests, wanting to eat and eat and wanting to lose weight and then because we constantly waver in between the two we're never happy. Well, I may just be speaking for myself here but got tired of saying me, me, me (I, I, I) I think what I tend to do is do both, one day on, one day off, I'm happy about training and eating vigilantly one day, then am happy guzzling beer and eating sweets the next. Now, there's nothing wrong with that I guess PROVIDED I don't care about seeing something different in the overall picture.
So, I guess my question is, Do I want to see a different picture when I look in the mirror? Do I want people to see a different picture when they look at me? What do I want to present to the world now? Or three months from now? And then have fun getting there.
OK, I've babbled enough. Will get off the soapbox and look at all your posts. I'll be back to write more later. Hope you don't mind the rambling. I am NOT drunk. (You mean she does this in sobriety?!?!)
Last edited by redballoon; 07-28-2004 at 07:38 PM.
OK. The queen of the harsh, tackless, foot in mouth (that's me ) opens her mouth again.
Red, after reading your post, I really hope you take another look at Derry's question - why do you want to lose weight? This may just be my interpretation, but often when I read your posts, I feel like you are externally focused. "Do I want people to see a different picture when they look at me?" Your comment about feeling upset because you weren't getting a response from other people (that was a ways back).
I don't know it all. I am fighting this fight, and continue to fight it daily. I know that different things work for different people. But I do know from a lot of painful experience, that if you are looking for validation from other people to make you feel right, it will NEVER come. NObody can give you enough reinforcement to fill the hole that should be filled by you being right with yourself. I know. I have screwed up many relationships because I expected that from others. Whether it was to love me enough for both of us, or just to choose the restaurant I wanted to prove that I was popular. I am still working on realizing how often I do this. It is a daily struggle.
I can't say I don't care what the outside world thinks. I do. I read an article the other day that said 67% of men surveyed said they wouldn't date a woman 50 pounds overweight. It just seemed to validate what I always thought. Only 2 % of the population would be attracted to me, because of the other 37%, most were over 80, under 10, or in a coma. Right? But I am not going to fall in to that trap again. The point is doing what is right by our own selves first.
Sorry to preach, or whatever. And if I am way off base, I am sorry. Just points to ponder.
P.S. before I head to bed. Red, no matter what you think of my previous post, please, just don't sell yourself short. Your food choices and exercise choices are just that - choices. They don't define whe you are. I read your posts, and I see an amazing woman who is willing to take chances, and follow her dreams to other countries. Who works as much as she needs to to make all of her interests fit into her life. You have such courage and strength.
Everyone here has such wonderful qualities. That is what defines us. Weight is just a part of it. How big a part, is what we let it. Don't sell ourselves short.
Hi jolly, I saw your post on my phone and booted up my computer just to reply. I'm at home today and this is helping to distract me from making a dent in my room! Hurrah!
No, really, I was touched by your concern, queen of the harsh and tackless you are most definitely not!
Actually, I think you have no reason to worry, but like I said, I find your concern just the sweetest. I think the questions I threw out there may have left them open to misintepretation or, if not misinterpretation, further questions. Derry's question is what I'm trying to answer and this is what my questions were posed for. Right now, since I'm chunky but not obese, am fit and strong and really very healthy, I find desire to be something usually lacking. I can maintain what I am but I want to get to the next level. Yes, I would like to have the body I want but it's because of the very fact that I don't really care what others think and that I don't really hate myself or anything that I have a hard time getting this thing I just have in my head. Because it would take a lot of hard work, it's easy to put it off and because it's extreme, other people will not encourage me because they say I'm fine the way I am. They are happy with the way I am or would want to make me something I'm not, like a weaker person, or perhaps someone who doesn't show them up totally unintentionally. In fact, what I want is not something most other people want.
But really, I get the feeling I shouldn't bother you all with my wanting this. But you see, it's something I do want, at least for now and then when I get it I can say well I got it, now do I want to hold on to it or let it go? That's all. But believe me, I'm far from it. And because I do have a lot of muscle development I have to get the fat off to look good (in MY eyes). If I had no muscle development I would be a size or two smaller probably but it's not size or weight, it's a certain look I want. That's all. But the struggles are the same with everyone. I don't think there's anyone here who is really endangered by their size. So, really, it's the same thing. I get as much, if not more, of the ostracism for being strong in Japan, than overweight people get in the States. That's a definite. It is simply not acceptable for a woman to be strong here and the women will be the first to tell you so and to shun any sort of weight training. The ones who go for it are a very rare breed.
My question, Do I want people to see a different picture? didn't ask whether they'd like it. In fact, I don't think many would. I just used this question as a way of seeing myself. I find it hard to see myself really. It's because I do know myself and feel differently from the way I look I think. When I see pictures of myself I'm often surprised, not whether I like it or not, just that I look different from the way I feel.
Oh, and those surveys are a joke. If someone is asked something they'll give you the ideal answer but believe me, 67 percent of ALL men would date any woman who asked them!!! So don't you go knocking yourself, jolly. Why do you do that?
But I am taking your thoughts on board because there is always the danger that I will start slipping in the direction of, what does he like? what does he want? instead of, what do I want? what do I like? I'm pretty hardheaded when it comes to demanding my way but love relationships are minefields for me.
And yes, you're right about food and exercise choices not defining us but they do express us. THIS is what I want to bring closer to the definition. The manifestation of what I am. And in some cases, I'm not sure. If I say I'm athletic but never leave the couch, can I say I'm athletic? If I say I'm healthy but eat McDonald's everyday for how long will I be able to say I'm healthy?
I think you're talking about much more abstract qualities, qualities of character and personality and yes, these are things too that I must not allow to be damaged because of the other things I want to express.
So, jolly, just let me say in conclusion that you're such a sweetheart and I ALWAYS want to hear what you have to say, OK, so don't go apologizing? And stop putting yourself down with humor while supporting everyone else. With that survey, even though you said you wouldn't fall into that trap, you sound like you gave it some credit. Most of what you read is a lot of garbage and surveys and studies especially are usually a lot of baloney, meaningless because of the way they're carried out or in the way data is interpreted.
Good morning all. I am still so tired. I just can not seem to get enough sleep. And it is affecting my food choices. Right now, that seems to be the biggest thing that effects. Tired. That is when Viruqua comes out in full tantrum mode. Actually, the choices haven't been horrid, but definitely could improve.
Workouts are still good though. Got up extra early to do at least sets of weights before doing spin class. Spin is great, except it leaves you very hungry. Add to being tired and having less control . . . . Ah well, win one battle at a time.
Yes, Red, I did think about that survey. My first response was "see, that just validates everything I believe." But then I really thought about my response. Yes, guys are visual creatures. They are attracted to a certain (anorexic supermodel) type. But I also believe most of them have brains in there somewhere, that is eventually attracted to something more. So maybe it is my negative, defensive, sarcastic, yet desperate chip on my shoulder that really makes me "unattractive." And those are the parts of myself I am working on just as hard, if not harder, then the food and the exercise. The acceptance of myself. The not feeling like I have somethign to constantly apologize for, because I am overweight. The loving myself first. The enjoying the journey.
So yes, I did think about the survey, but realized my response was old tapes, old programming, and that this is not where i want to be. Just like my response to stress is still to cram as much food in my mouth is possible, then deal with the situation. I am getting much better at recognizing these situations for what they are, and nipping it in the bud. having those dialogues with myself (selves, Sybil?) And not just going on autopilot. And honestly, after almost 34 years of living a certain way, and all that programming, those particular demons may never go away completely. Could be like in the movie "A Beautiful Mind." They are still there, I just don't acknowledge them anymore.
Have a great day all. Hope more folks jump in here!
Didn't have a chance to write today from work, as it was so busy. Doesn't it always seem like everything happens at once? I was working on clearing up an identity theft case and it just spiraled out of control. So much paperwork involved. I always feel bad for the victims in those cases and it happens so often.
As I sit here tonight, I am thinking of so many things. First, how lovely my hubby and I looked all dressed up for the awards dinner tonight. I have to say, we looked quite smashing. The dress was even looser than when I tried it on, even though I had a one pound gain this week. He looked so handsome in his military tux. Sure is a sharp looking outfit.
I also realized that sometimes people really don't look in mirrors before they leave their homes, or they just have no clue about what would be acceptable attire to a semi-formal function. No matter how big I got, I always had a tasteful black dress that was appropriate and not too revealing. Tonight, the dress was a lot smaller, a bit more stylish, and a little shorter, but it was elegant. Some of those women there were outrageously dressed. I swear, they looked like obese strippers. I say that not to offend anyone, but ladies, some of these outfits quite literally had me scratching my head in disbelief.
They had these skin tight brightly colored dresses on with silver or clear platform "stripper" shoes. Now, don't get me wrong, if I had the body for it, my dress would have been a little tighter, but not much more racy than that. The Commander of the Alaska Air Force was the speaker at this function and greeted every one that promoted. These ladies were walking with their hubbies and trying to act (as my dad would say) high-falootin', when did didn't even realize how tacky they were.
Maybe I'm just a little bit of a stick in the mud, but when I am meeting dignitaries, I am all professional--in my manners, attitude and dress. It's a matter of respect. Guess maybe I am an old fuddy-duddy.
Anyway, my WW friend that was babysitting for me said she was impressed with the dress and shoes. (I ended up wearing the black leather strappy heels, as the weather was okay.) I think I even impressed my dear hubby. Honestly, though, my mind wasn't really focusing on the event.
I kept thinking about seeing my mom tonight. I tried on a couple of outfits here at home and asked hubby which one looked the best. I am in my newer size 16 Levis, with my white Sketchers and a long sleeved cut shorter deep purple lightweight sweater that really shows the loss. He said it was impressive and she should really notice.
So, I'm anxious, nervous, tired and happy all at the same time. I wanted to jump on here and talk to you all because I still have 30 minutes before I have to leave.
Jolly and Red: I loved your posts to each other. It's all about support and working out issues we all have. I grow so much reading about everyone's experiences. Although we try to lose for ourselves, we also do wonder what others think of us. Remember, self image is not how we see ourselves, it's not how others see us, it's how WE THINK other people see us. I want to lose weight because I feel better and I look better. I want to be a good example to my son.
Okay, I guess I'll go play a game. Just need to do nothing with my brain for awhile.
I'll get on here sometime tomorrow and let you all know how it went. Keep those fingers crossed.
Chachee, I can't wait to hear how things went picking up your mom. I am glad you had a good time at your husband's event. You sound gorgeous. Pictures, please.
Chachee - I understand what you're saying about the clothing, etc. I have the same problem with young men and women. Especially the girls, it seems. Do their parents LOOK at them before they leave the house? Like you, maybe I'm just really old fashioned, but these are like 12 - 15 year old CHILDREN and they're dressed in these cut-up-to-here shorts that show way more than they should, shirts that say things like "Hottie" or other suggestive stuff, and I just wonder ... are their moms trying to live vicariously through their daughters, relive their youth or something? It bothers me. And IMO you're right, there are times and places to dress suggestively. A formal dinner honoring military personnel is not one of them. Regardless of your weight. Ah well... I hope everything went splendidly with your mom, and the meeting was everything you hoped it would be!! I'm dying to hear about it!
Ok... Red, Jolly, Happy -
I've been following along with your posts with great interest. I haven't had any time to post myself. Work is keeping me busy, the kids, the horses, the dogs, the boyfriend, the housework, etc. But you all have gotten me thinking about a lot of stuff. I just didn't want you all to think I'd fallen off the planet. Hopefully I'll have time to post more this weekend. Tonight the natural hoof specialist comes and I'll get a chance to talk to her more about the certification program.
Hey all. Just trying to keep things together here. I feel like I am making progress. Slowly. I still have to have these internal dialogues constantly. But, at least I am having the debate, and usually win. I wish I knew why I am feeling so tired and stressed right now. I don't know what is going on. I just know I feel ready to snap on everyone around me. And there is no concrete reason to. And because i am feeling that way, I want to eat. I have not given in to any binges. I have made some less than perfect food choices, but not gone too crazy. I am trying to be gentle with myself, and get myself to the other side of this little meltdown.
I saw her and she didn't see me right away. I walked right in front of her and she smiled and gave me a hug. She said, "Wow". THAT'S IT!!!! We went and got her luggage and got in the truck and I finally said, "I can't believe that is your reaction! That's all I get?" She said that she knew how I was about hugging and touchy-feely stuff, and didn't want to embarass me in front of everyone. She was happy for me and said I looked great, but I don't think it really sank in. We got home and I tried on the new pajamas she brought me and I think it hit her then. Plus, when I was leaving for work this morning, and she saw me in my baggy work clothes, it really showed it off. She said I was gorgeous! Aw, she's just sucking up!!
So, that was my night last night. It was fun to go out and get all dressed up, horrifying to see what some people think is appropriate, and interesting for the reaction (or lack thereof) from my mom. I'm functioning on 3 hours of sleep, so it's going to be a long day!
Went to Starbucks this morning and they now have a "light" Mocha Frappacino. Only 4 points for a Grande. Very good!
Okay, I'll be MIA for the next few days. Most likely checking back in on Monday. Wish me luck over this busy weekend!
Thanks to all you lovely ladies for your support through this. I almost think you all are more happy for me than my family. Amazing how I am almost thinking there was a bit of jealously involved? I'm going to overcome a little disappointment in her reaction and be a shining example of what to do that is positive.
My goodness, your post had me panting with exhaustion. Seward has a Sea Life Center!?!?? Since when!? How cool. Chach.. make sure you take before and after pictures of the surgery. I can only imagine how excited you are! Keep us posted. *hug*
Yes, they have had the Sea Life Center since I moved up in 1997. Really neat sea lions, otters, puffins, king crabs, etc. Very cool. I haven't been since they remodeled. Should be fun.
let's get this show on the road. . .
) opens her mouth again.
So don't you go knocking yourself, jolly. Why do you do that? 
