I recently broke up with my live-in boyfriend. He was never home (only from 5 am-12 pm due to his job). So I never saw him. But now that I'm officially living alone, I kinda don't know what to do with myself. My weekends are full of the normal stuff. Running errands, working out, reading, watching a movie or two, cleaning the apartment, occasionally going out w/ friends, etc. But I generally find that I spend a good part of the weekend looking for something to keep me busy so I'm not focused on how lonely I am. I don't have a lot of friends so it's not like I can just pick up the phone and meet someone for coffee or something.
Today I'm considering going to a movie, by myself. But at least I'd get out of the apartment.
Is there anyone else in a similar situation that can relate??
dear tiffany, i'm sure there are plenty of us in that situation. i hope it helps if i tell you it gets easier in time, the feeling of loneliness goes away or at least it is not always there (but, hey, who hasn't felt lonely sitting right beside their significant other when things go wrong? that is a bad, bad feeling). break-ups are hard and we need to learn to live a different life once it happens. give it time and you will see that living alone is actually not so bad at all, maybe there are many more things you have to do alone, but all those things you can do when and if you want to and the way you want to and you can make new friends and find so many new hobbies you would be surprised. so, it's different, it doesn't have to be worse then it was before. just try to enjoy life and have no fear of solitude.
you see, i read what you do on weekends and realized that is exactly what i do every weekend and actually look forward to all week while i work and feel i have no time for myself. going to movies by myself if my friends are busy? loving it! i can go any time, see anything and simply have fun.
once i got over my past relationship, i decided to enjoy my time and my freedom. it is important to keep reminding yourself that the fact you're alone now does not mean you will be alone forever, but this is your time to relax and grow on your own, and that time is limited, so why not make the best of it.
hope this made sense and will help some. just give it time!
I live alone as well, and for some reason, it really works for me.
I have also lived with a significant other before, and living alone is such a different mind frame.
It does take time to get used to, and of course the break-up takes a while to work through.
I do the same things you do, as well as seeing friends, etc. I've also occasionally gone to some local common-interest groups in my area, as well as the occasional trip to a museum or something on my own. It's an odd sensation to be the only one "in charge," but for me.... it just started to feel like I was free
If you're a person who finds themselves uncomfortable with being alone, I say seek out some "meet-ups" or groups in your area to participate in (a walking group? runners group? knitting? whatever your thing is).
If you're like me, and you sometimes crave being alone, just give it time. It's weird without the other person at first, and then one day you'll wake up and go "hmm..... I think it passed."
I'm sure part of it is an adjustment to the break up. I'm really doing ok, but I just have this lonely feeling all the time. I definitely look forward to my "me" time at the start of the weekend but by Saturday evening I just feel like a loser. I've tried joining some meetups but the ones I happened to join aren't very active on weekends, only during the week. And that doesn't work with my schedule. ALthough I'm sure if I made the time during the week I might meet someone who I could go out with on a weekend (meaning a new friend or something, not a guy).
Thanks for the suggestions and support. I wish there was a 3FC chick local so we could hang out!!
Any acquaintances you could call up and hang out with in hopes of shifting from acquaintances--->friends? You say you go out sometimes with friends; maybe it could become a more frequent thing?
I know the feeling, I've lived alone for the past 2 1/2 years and sometimes when everyone's busy and you've already cleaned house and run errands and have nothing to do, it seems all there is to do is sleep.
When I first broke up with my first live in b/f, I was very very lonely. I use to hate to be alone. Him and I lived together when I was 18-20, then I moved back in with my parents for 6months before getting my own appartment. I was so scared.. and hated it. The truth is now Im more comfortable living alone. I kind of enjoy it. And I am scared of living with a guy again. I think everything just takes getting use to.
I wish there was a 3fc hangout too! Wouldnt it be nice, to have all the friendly people on here to hang out with.
hey, i know how you feel. i'm kind of in limbo with my love life at the moment and felt super depressed all weekend, also, all my friends were out of town... what did i do? dusted off my old playstation and just played all day. haha. it really kept my mind off things also, knitting is good for that, i finds.
but yeah, the easiest thing to do would be just call a friend and go out, or have them come over and just stay in with you.
My fiance just got back from a year in Iraq. That whole year I felt lonely and at a loss of what to do with myself. (Of course, now that he's back, I'm wondering where all my free me-time went, hehe).
I took myself on a few solo dates. It felt awkward and weird at first, but I got over it, and actually kind of came to enjoy it. I got pretty just like I would on a date. Getting ready is half the fun. I got to pick aaaany restaurant I wanted. For the most part I'd go to little cafes or something where it wasn't too odd to be by myself, but once I went to Olive Garden all by myself. It really wasn't that awkward, and I splurged on a whacky girly drink, haha. Then I'd take myself to a movie.
I also like to shop by myself. Even if I'm broke, I'll go into the mall or the big stores (Old Navy, American Eagle, etc) and check out the new clothes that they have, browse the extreme clearance racks, try some clothes on just for fun, hehe. Good way to kill an afternoon.
Did you ever give up some hobbies when you and your ex were dating? You could get back into something you're interested in. Or find some new hobbies! I'm seriously considering taking golf lessons just for fun. Reconnect with some old friends?
Take a friend bowling...retro entertainment. I resisted for a long time because bowling seemed cheesy, now I'm obsessed, haha.
Coloring books are fun...seriously. Sometimes when I have an hour or two before dinner and I'm finding myself wanting to mindlessly snack just to pass the time, I'll color a picture or two.
Set up a routine date with a friend or two. For about three months, a couple of my friends and I got together to watch a few episodes of Army Wives every Sunday night. We would get Subway and watch our show. It's nice to have a guaranteed little social event practically every week, hehe.
I have always wanted to go on a spontaneous mini roadtrip adventure. Maybe take a girl friend and just start driving in any direction. When you get sick of driving, get a cheap motel and set up camp for the weekend. Ask around for local attractions or events or just browse around the random town. Find fun local restaurants, etc. It may be a lame town, I think it's the unplanned-ness of it that appeals to me.
Get out and stretch your newly single legs! Not that you have to find a new boyfriend or a rebound or anything of the sort. But plan a girl's night out and get prettied up and go flirt some!
When I got out of a relationship, I actually ended up moving back across the country to where my parents lived. For the months I didn't feel alone because I had kept myself busy with plans and packing...it wasn't until I was back home with no job and doing nothing things started to get rough. It took a month of depression and sleeping all the time before my parents finally stepped in and said GET UP and do something. After that I got a job at a fast food joint and began my journey to fitness. (during the break up, well me being in denile I had wanted to start loosing weight because I was fat, but wasn't doing too much of anything.) Then my mom got involved and became my chubby buddy (mind you she's thin) but for moral support she'd get up in the morning and excersis. (not with me, because I worked better in the afternoon but she was always there.) I had one really good friend and hung out with her alot and became close with a lot of other people that I had known and even made a few new friends just to be able to go out a little more instead of locking myself away. Break ups are hard but sometimes they do wonderful things for us like give us the motivation to move on and do better for ourselves. I've lost a bunch of weight and when I was mentally ready I moved back across the country where I was running from to begin with. I for one don't regret it at all. It's better to be lonely because you are alone, then it is to be with someone who makes you feel even more alone then you ever thought you would be.
Been in that situation and I did a lot of stuff by myself for at least 2 years... movies, shopping, sightseeing... even learning to ride a bike. I wasn't exactly lonely... just bored because there's no one to talk to. I learned how to love walking for 2 to 4 hours by myself and just singing along the way.
But I moved to a bigger city and made so many friends. Now my weekends are full. I miss those days when I had nothing to do. Now it's choosing between a concert or a friend's show in a club, an event in the city or an out-of-town trip...
If you want change, make it happen. If you don't like your current situation, do something about it... You don't have to move. Maybe reach out to people and reconnect with old friends, join a club, take up a hobby... do something you can enjoy for hours You'll wonder where the weekend went!
I live alone and I absolutely love it. Granted, I didn't love it right away... it took some adjustment. I just graduated in May and went from being surrounded by roommates and friends for 4 years to living on my own at least a few miles away from my nearest friend. It was certainly different!
In the beginning I found that just keeping myself busy helped fight the loneliness. I would go out and run errands, or go window shopping, or go for a walk/bike ride/drive around the area.
Later I started to be OK with being on my own and found I could hang out at home without getting lonely. Video games, reading, needlework, working on my personal website on my laptop, cooking, watching movies/TV, playing music.
And I realized it was worth my while to reach out to people in my area that I knew but wasn't great friends with, to invest time in turning those acquaintances into friendships. I invited people over for movies, or out to go bowling, or over to carve pumpkins at Halloween, or got a group together to go into the city for a day of sightseeing and museums and such. Now I feel like I have several friends that I can call and make plans with when the loneliness starts to creep in. Sometimes all it takes is the initiative to invite people to do something - think how much you enjoy it when YOU get invited to spend time with friends... they'll feel the same way!
That's a good point about taking the initiative to develop friendships. Some people simply need to learn (or relearn) how to make friends. And I don't mean that in a snarky way; I was certainly a good example. I wasted years of my childhood and as a teenager sitting around lonely wondering why I had no friends. I saw others around me with lots of friends and constantly making new ones. I figured something was wrong with me that friendships didn't just poof out of thin air for me like it did for the other kids. People were friendly to me, I talked to people in classes, I wasn't especially shy, but for some reason I didn't have any friendships. In college, I had a "duh" moment when I realized friendships didn't magically appear as if by a friendship fairy, these people were actively forming them. I took the step to invite acquaintances to the movies or to my place to hang out. I asked if there were any parties going on instead of waiting to be invited. I put myself in situations to meet new people rather than sitting around by myself wondering why new friends weren't magically materializing at my door. Now I have lots of friends. And I don't dread the thought of being lonely, because I feel like I could go anywhere and establish a few new friendships fairly easily.
I don't know, maybe I just missed "how to not be socially awkward 101" but the process of making friends was not an innate thing for me. I truly had to learn how and practice, hehe.
What do you do all weekend??
also, knitting is good for that, i finds.
