HiedieHo All!
My usual type day. Swim class then to church to help with the 10000 Village sale. I bought (that wasn't my help) a basket in colors that matched DD's swatch she had sent me of her furniture. I usually remember colors pretty well so I think it was a good match. Also bought a bracelt or GD. I also said "Get behind me Satan to all the Krispy Kreme doughnuts that were there for the workers. I dutifully sipped my coffee. I did have a oiece of Hershey's SF choc bar. Rather have Stover's anyday. The rest of the time I clerked. I was smart pulled chili out of the freezer. So supper was not a problem.
DS came home from his trip today and carried the two armoires upstairs for me. The're stacked in my bedroom with a blanket over them. I wrapped the "Our First Cruise" picture frame. Will give it to them tomorrow as they are leaving Sunday.
I might not get on tomorrow. HFH is starting an accelerated build on three houses. We 're having ground breaking and a tree dedication (in honor of the woman I told you about who died). Don't know how long I will be there, will probably hang around to see if I can help with lunch or something. We had a board meeting last night and I was up late typing minutes that were needed for a grant application. Almost forgot before I go there I have hair appt.
BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREENRN!!!!!!!!
SUZY: I don't think I welcomed you to this wonderful board. You'll like it here.
DAVE: How great your wife has joined you in SB. I am sure it is so much easier. Although for the most part I don't cook separately unless we're having potatoes or rice. I use the 100% semolina so pasta is not a problem.
DEB: Thanx for posting cakes. You have to bring me up on my Jewish expressions. I grew up near Bradley Beach (some call it Bagel Beach), we had a lot of Jewish friends. will check board foe the souffles.
TONI: It's a true thing once you start doing things you miss them if you stop. Getting out and about keeps us alert and energetic................well sometimes there are people who over do! Then the enrgetic part gets a little fuzzy!
JACKK: Thanx for the dressing post.
WOOD: You will love HI. My DD lived there a few years and of course I visited. I loved it. Living there she knew all these little out of the way beaches that needed a 4x4 to get to them.
AGAPE: Glad you survived the storm. That Mother was indeed being watched over.
DREW: You seem to have determination. I hope the hints will help you. Sometimes we just need a little direction. You are heading toward a slimmer you and then can change your name to SlimDrew!
QUILT: Sorry to hear about DF. I hope he is improving. Just read your later post. Glad he did not have heart atteck. Will continue with the prayers.
MOM: Okay, take a deep breath! Things are bad but they and you will get better. Sending a hug and prayers.
KENG: When I reenter all the files you can bet I'm going to get my GD to show me how to back up the files to a disk. I really not a wiz at computers!
MONET: Okay, I'll bite (no pun intended!). What is a "Humpty Dumpty" sandwich? Clean out the icebox and put it between 2 slices of bread? Or egg? If nothing else you stood up to your manager and got things off your chest. Hope he sees the light and makes changes you can live with if you want to continue work.
Going to take a break. Poirot is on and I think it is one I haven't seen.
Next day - Did get my hair cut and have a few minutes so thought I would continue reading here.
CHERYLCO: Loved the elf!!!!
COUNTRY: Beautiful!
LIFE: Welcome.
Well have to go but must leave a couple of FFs:
LIFE BEYOND FIFTY:
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?
You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.
Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What must **** possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation._As you grow older, it will avoid you.
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker
and you can't get it started.
You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know until the 4th of July.
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
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Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people said they "slept like a baby" when babies
wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
and finally...
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
_
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
_
"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
_
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
_
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
Boudreaux the coon-*** from Louisiana, 30, struck by lightning.
_
" "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
_
"Thought he was having his picture taken."
_**************************************
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his predicament.
_
Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them?
_
He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
_
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
_
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
_
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
_
Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.
_
"What happened?" he exclaimed.
_
"You pushed one too many buttons, "replied the nurse. "The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."
_
Men Never Listen.
_*******************************
_A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tell your fortune. So, she thought to herself "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me." She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and out came a card that said, "You're a nun you weigh 128 lb. and you are going to Chicago, Illinois."
She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again. She went back to the machine and put her nickel in. Out came a card that read,_ "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lb., you're going to Chicago, Illinois and you are going to play a fiddle."
The nun said to herself, "I know that's wrong, I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life." She sat down again. From nowhere, a cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. The nun picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. Startled, she looked back at the machine and said, "This is incredible. I've got to try it again," Back to the machine. She put her nickel in and another card came out.
It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you're going to Chicago, Illinois and you're going to break wind.
Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong; "I've never broke wind in public a day in my life! Well, she tripped, fell off the scales and accidentally broke wind. Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself,"This is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it again."
She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and collected the card.
It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago.
***************************************
The Sermon: The church was full. A young woman with a wonderful figure, and not nearly enough clothes to hide it all, came in late. She strode down the center aisle, close to the front, and sat down.
It was plain to the preacher that he had lost all the men at the service to this voluptuous beauty. He shook his hands at her and said, "You are the Jezebel. The good book tells us about the likes of you. You have corrupted the mind of every man in this building with evil thoughts.
But, I am a man of God! You don't affect me, you evil woman. Right now up in Heaven, Saint Finger is shaking his Peter at you!"
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Read between the lines and you will find.........ANOTHER VENGEFUL WOMAN
Dear Tide,
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse as well.
I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip out, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative!
I thank you, once again, for a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
Bye
Take care, Shirley