Hey ems, you had lovely weather for it, it was so gorgeous this weekend in london, i spent saturday on hide park with my children it was lovely

Im am having a sh*t day the total arse I worked with gave me hassle and i thought as i am leaving i will give it back and oh boy did I... 3 years of giving me **** I pulled him to sheards profesionally speaking. he is a rubish design manager so I told him and then some, I am getting the 3rd degree from HR tomorrow morning which i am not looking forward to, but F*** them im off to better things so I am trying to relax and not let it get to me tonight

I am going to have to take my sleeping pills at the normal dose as I am so stressed and I am drinking red wine and have eaten loads, I am so rubbish when I get stressed!
Lets hope I get fired tomorrow while I am on notice period so I can sue the arses of them, I have enough evidence to get £1000's. I am so sick of men taking the p*ss out of me I will show them!!!

Ok.... sorry I had to rant I am so angry right now

XX

Good Morning

Just popping in to say hello and to let you know I am still here LOL

hope everyone has a fantastic week.

Love you and sorry I haven't had time to post more... its been hectic.

First post in this forum. Wondering if this is the right place for me- I have Bipolar DIsorder.

Rebekkag - I have BPD too, alone with a few other issues, your in the right place honey

Work was ok today I fronted out the telling of from HR today which turned out to ok and I am getting my point across, the man is a fool and he has shown it to them. right im not going to think about it again as i will just get stressed.

Hope everyone is having a good day xx

Hi RebekkahG , we are happy to have you here

marie - oh my gosh you are so courageous, I am just a wimp when it comes to wanting to tell people off, I admire you for that and I hope you don't stress about it any more (even though I brought it up, sorry!)

Aunty Jam - did you do the run in the sheer socks, and was it OK? did you get more of the awful white stuff? (sn*w)

hi momof4, how are you, sorry you were feeling sick the other day!

ems, welcome back glad you had a great time in London! and you will kick those few little pounds away.

Hi Iris, how are you today

hopeforme, I'm thinking of you and buddly

well today is the first day of freedom from the yuck winter job and we still have no hot water and today the heater is working, brrr. LOL, it would have been warmer at work but I won't think that I just have to be patient for when DH can work on things. I should visit my mom but I am such a coward I know she doesn't remember that I was even there. I know I should go anyway.

Still haven't found a replacement motorcycle. Everyone says, 'dont' worry, you'll find something'. Yeah, I can find a teeny little one with lots of dings and scratches and dents, real nice

EHH I don't know why I have no umph to post....i come and read just don't feel like writing..... Still dealing with my anger issues and getting my eating under control. Exercise is good After lunch today I am still negative 400 cals from working out!! If I can just do well with my eating tonight I will make it a good day.
Today I was working out beside another bigger girl and all the sudden like 20 young guys came in and took over the gym...They only stayed on machines for lik 5 or 10 minutes...here they are training for baseball season...LOL But it was intimidating a first 3 girls with 25 guys and being fat but I coulda taken them!!!! haha

Feels like a Monday
Dropped my locker key down in my locker and had to get the lock cut off
THEN THE FUNNY PART
I have 4 bowls of cereal on the counter for the kids and opened the drawer to get spoons and next thing I know the cupboard above my head opened and like 5 kids plates started flying out. They hit the bowls of cereal and the one bowl flew over me and landed on the floor. I still have kix cereal every including in my spoon drawer so I have all that to clean up....UHH I figured today would be the day I feel off a machine so I stayed away from the treadmill HAHA!!
So now on top of being behind on laundry I have dishes to do the floors to sweep and scrub. The kids rooms are clean thanks to my Chuckie Cheese Charts...they get free tokens if they keep their room clean for 2 weeks!!!

Thats about it!

Vermont-Hope you find a bike my dh is chopping to get his bike inspected and on the road...LOL

Marie-at least your leaving there not feeling tramped on and silent...Your able to speak up!!!!!

leenie-good to see you!!!

Reb-the more the merrier!!

Hey everyone how was your weekends?

My work week finished of ok after my little out burst no one messed with me for the rest of the week, which was nice. Construction is no place for a women i am so glad i only have 8 working days left there.

This week end has been a nightmare i have struggled to keep myself calm and the manicness under wraps, i feel i want to lash out every time my husband talks to me, its not good. some times i dont think i am mentally ill i think its him and he just makes me angry.

My sister came over on Saturday for a bar-B-que he had a lovely afternoon in the garden. she is 6 months pregnant I am so happy for her but now she has a little bump i got jealous. I have 2 children but I have always wanted a 3rd but after 7 years of trying and miscarriages I gave up i could'nt do it to myself any more. i was shocked that I felt jealous I never normally get like that epically with my baby sister, it made me feel very sad.

Anyway I am trying to chill out tonight but i feel abit on edge, even with my sleeping pills i havent been sleeping through the night for the last 4 nights (so much for coming off then) and i dont feel great.
I am going to go back to the docs this week i really dont feel right, its not like a depression its more a feeling of failure with everything and the anger that
goes with it.

Thanks for reading i needed a rant, Hope you all have a good week ahead

Hello friends momof4, oh gosh I imagined the cereal bowls getting knocked over and Kix flying everywhere! great idea to let the kids work towards a reward. What kind of bike does husband have?

marie, hugs to you, like I said I admire you for speaking your mind to those men and YAY for only a few days left there for you. So very sorry about the anger that fills you, regarding husband

well my sad news is my mother passed away Friday morning. I spend Thursday night in her hospital room, they gave me warmed blankets and a recliner right next to her bed. at 7 a.m. they (nurses) told me they thought the time was near..I was right by her bedside stroking her forehead and telling her we lovd her, as she took her last breath. very very sad but I am doing OK. My uncle (her only sibling ) is here to stay until he gets her affairs in order and such. thank goodness for that.

big hello to everyone else

Vermont-I am soooo sorry...my mom had a hard time for a year after her mom died. She also took care of her 24/7.....But my mom didn't take the time to grieve with family coming and hosting them and cleaning and handling grams stuff then taking care of kids...she never grieved like she should have...so make sure you take the time for you. You don't have to be strong ALL the time!!! I'll be praying for you!

Marie-Glad your jobs almost out and no one is messing with you...hehe... I feel you with the other crap and anger. My husband said tonight do you need to go run around the track or something? I was just agitated and up the kids butts for every little thing...just a witch..BUT TOM should be coming this week and I am BAD the week before and the older I get the worse it seems to be getting. Like the last two days I could barely get myself off the couch!! but my anger issue comes from stress. When I am stressed I snap out at everyone.
Right now I am up cleaning because my laundry was behind I have 9 baskets waiting to be folded (2 to be put away) 4 still to be washed, one in washer and one in the dryer...I was doing well with being caught up till I cleaned all the kids room it sent me in a downward screw it spiral...haha...then had a big dinner today and tons of pans from it...then a floor to scrub...a drink was spilled not once but TWICE at dinner...err...
I just know if I DO NOT clean this stuff tonight I will wake up stressed and agitated AGAIN tomorrow and want to just lay on the couch cause there is tooo much to do....This is what I used to do ALL the time the clutter would get bad and it was overwhelming and I would just quit trying. Its and AMAZING feeling to wake up to a clean house and not have a running list already of housework to catch up on!! Im struggling to keep moving and it may take me all night but I WILL GET IT DONE...Im tired of this aggravation and anger and meanness...My family don't deserve it at ALL!!

Thats about it!!! Hope everyone has a good monday!!

Vermontmom, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sure your mom was glad to have you with her when the time came.

Momof4, good luck with all of the piled up housework! That always makes me a little edgy and of course when TOM is around all bets are off. I hope you can find a little time to yourself to relax too =)

Marie, I'm glad to hear your coworkers aren't giving you a hard time here at the end of your days with them. You're so close now, that has to be such a positive feeling!

It looks like I might get an offer of the farm job on the other side of the country. My BF does not want me to go and he called it a "piss ant" job. True it doesn't pay well but it's with great people and I would enjoy it and learn a lot. Plus, at my age this is probably the last time in my life (and I'm pushing it already) where I will get to spend so much time with my family. I'd be living at my parents house again for about 6 months. We had a really rocky relationship (well, my dad and I) when I was younger but things are sooooo much better now and they aren't getting younger. My dad had a stroke a few months ago - minor, thankfully, but I want to hold on to all the time I have left.

Hello I hoped I could join in. I am slowly but steadily recovering from major depression that ruined the last 8 years of my young adult life. I am 25 now and trying to live on day by day.

I read the whole thread by the way.

Marie, about your kid, my boyfriend has dyslexia and he managed to get a master's degree in Food science with an A. His mother used to tape his lessons when he was a kid so that he could listen to them instead of reading. Perhaps this could help? Also there are many more special ways to help dyslexic people study. Also let her type her schoolwork on the PC if she has problems writing. (unless you already do that ) It is saddening when other kids laugh at the writing of dyslexic kids and the pc can give them at least there some comfort and help. Many times dyslexic kids give up trying to learn to read and write better because they see their peers do it easier. The pc can help with that. I hope this helps.

Vermontmom, my condolences about your mother's death, may she rest in peace. I wish you and your family lots of strength and better times ahead.

Have a nice week everyone and sorry for just barging into the conversations

Chubbykins, it is nice to meet you and you are not barging in at all. I'm so so sorry you lost so many years to depression!! Good advice you passed on about the dyslexia. and thanks for the condolences

Iris, what does the farm job entail? sounds very interesting.

momof4, thanks for your prayers too I think I need them! I keep saying to people "i'm okay" but maybe I'm not. I'm in a rotten 'what's the point of life' frame of mind. You're born, you live a bit, then you die. Bleh. I'm back to that terrible apathetic mode. I'm too chicken to be suicidal, don't worry about that, but I'm not even looking forward to my great summer job at all.

Mailed a check for THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS to the IRS today. We had penalties because we borrowed from our IRA. So that dug into my 'motorcycle only' money. I should be thankful we have the money but still, ugh.

Doesn't help that we had SNOW last night, there is total cloud cover today and its in the 40's. Haven't seen the sun for more than a peek since the day of my speeding ticket a week or so ago. I have all this time off and I want to be outside to keep occupied but its so cold and unpleasant. I could tackle things in here, but what's the point?? I look at corners i tackled 6 months ago and they're back to crap.

I waited til husband left the house for work, then went back to bed. Stayed there til noon. I'm only up because I FORCED myself.

Really 'down' state. Hope I get over it soon. Thanks for listening

hey Chubbykins welcome and thank you for the advise we are trying everything we can with her and all suggestions are more then welcome.

Vermont, so sorry about you mum passing on, I will be thinking of you and I hope your down states passes soon. Don't dwell on your day in bed if I was in your situation I would be in bed to. take time to grieve honey, dont rush things.

Iris, the farm job sounds great and it will be great for you to be close it your folks for a while, I would love the chance to move closer to my parents.

Mom, hope you are ok today and the anger is not to bad.

Well today was ok im not enjoying the med tweak i am feeling zombie like again and i didnt sleep last night, but you know i am just going to kick on trough hopeful the meds will liven me up in a couple of day

Take care everyone x

Hey everyone hope your all well

Marie i had a great time in london thanks and the weather was wicked i am sorry to hear u had a rough week in work but least you told the bloke straight. I can understand u being abit jealous i would be aswell if i had been through what u have been through but it willhappen one day when u least expect it :d

Holly i hope your ok and your doing well ?

momof4 i hope your ok and things are better with you?

Hello to everyone else hope your all well x

I am ready to just start punching a wall and bawling.....any indication of how today is?? I didnt get a long workout in...tired....then wasted like an hour and half watching a show online instead of finishing my work. My oldest son decided to choke his brother in the van this morning. He torments everyone. then after being TOLD NOT TO get the koolaid he got the FULL pitcher out of the fridge and because it was so full dumped half of it all over the fridge and the floor. Then his punishment was to write he will not choke his brother well instead he tried playing his ds well and i caught him and sent him up to write and hour later he wrote nothing. lied to me and said he lost his paper then he lost his pencil it was laying right on his dresser. then he said he was "Watching" his brother play HIS ds... then I put him at the table to write while i went out to clean the van. Well I cleaned out the van and dusted and cleaned the windows and he had only wrote one sentence. I am to the point I have never been...He frustrates me EVERY day. I want to send him to school but not really...I dont know what to do I am bout to go crazy. Some of it is if I redirected them and kept them busy some of this would go away but I cant even keep myself going....Back in the I hate how I am and Im such a horrible person.......I really hate TOM....I ALWAYS get like this the worst around that time...is there some type of depression that kicks up around TOM?
Errrrr then while cleaning my van I ran out the battery in my van...my flippin luck.. ok gotta go get supper....dh called said hes on his way...lata