me4life, I can empathize about feeling "attacked." When my bf and I had issues, I googled the problems and found all these message boards where women posted the same problem---and everyone responded "dump him! dump him! dump him!" ... even here on 3FC, someone vents about their relationship and people say "That sounds horrible, leave him!" Which is horrible, not every hard time means you need to call it quits..... explaining things on the internet is hard so that people get a well-rounded picture.
I know DisgruntedOne pointed out you just asked for resources and it seems like the VA Hospital may be the number one resource he has. For someone that doesn't want to go to the hospital, it's hard to get hooked up with help any other way. I mentioned in my first post a number of treatment options for depression but that usually means being admitted to the hospital.
And even with that low monthly income, he can get low-income housing. My friend was on it once, she didn't even have to pay rent for awhile when she was unemployed. Many of my psych patients were on subsidized housing.
I've asked this in nearly every post but you haven't answered--have you established boundaries with him? Okay, you don't want to put him out in the snow, but what is the deadline for him to move on?
I think you have bitten off more than you can chew. He shows up in your country town that has no resources, having never met you and expects you to take care of him--to save him. He didn't ask you if he was welcome to come and he guilted you when you were going to take him to a homeless shelter. Now the guilt continues, the VA hospital is too far away, it's cold outside. Yes, we don't know all the details but these details right here are enough for all of us to say --- WARNING!
If I were you, I'd create an exit plan. He will go to ____________(place) on ________ (date). No exceptions! If he says the only help he will accept is from you, well, you didn't sign up for this! You didn't volunteer! You didn't say some vows to him "for better or for worse"! This thing about "I won't call my social worker" or "I won't go to the shelter, I'll just walk around in the cold" or crying when you try to bring up alternative help--pure manipulation. He maybe be kind and affectionate and nice to be around but that doesn't change the fact he has wormed his way into your home uninvited.
I'm just taking a guess, but you seem like you're a great person. A person with a big heart like yours is admirable, albeit maybe a bit vulnerable. I can tell you want to be a good mother and being separated can be very devastating... it's hard to pick yourself up from that. I'll bet you came to 3FC for the same reasons as the rest of us--to lose weight, to be healthier, to lead a better life. Your post was concerning to a lot of us, and yes, we don't know all the details, but it's hard for us to know what's just poor explaining/internet miscommunication and what's an excuse for his unsavory behavior.
I mentioned in my last post how I was involved in a similar break up as your boyfriend... I had the depression and it was horrible. I was on antidepressants, I went to counseling... but I didn't date during that time (though I wanted to!). I'm so glad I didn't. I came out of my depression and my relationships thereafter have been better than I thought I deserved. To love someone else, you really have to love yourself first. I'm not sure about you, but it sounds like your boyfriend entered the relationship pretty miserable. How can he love you properly when he can't handle himself?
Stay strong, friend! Stand up for yourself! Make a plan that protects you and helps your boyfriend get some professional help, be it mental health help, housing help, employment help, etc.
