I'm sorry to say this but you have yourself in a mess! You probably can't see it because you are in it but if you can step back, I think you'll see there are serious problems brewing.

The social worker is right. He needs to accept responsibility for himself. Often after a breakup people feel like they want someone to SAVE them. I had a similar breakup as your boyfriend. I wasn't married but my bf at the time broke up with me and moved his new gf in the same week--I had no clue it was coming! It did put me in a huge depression and all I wanted was for someone to love me and take care of me. Unfortunately, love and care don't cure depression.

Your bf seems to want things done on HIS terms... that's very manipulative. Granted, depressed people have difficulty controlling their feelings but that doesn't mean you should just let someone manipulate you.

My opinion, without knowing you, is he needs to get out of your house. You said you have a child, 10 years old, that's an age where these events can deeply impact a person for the rest of their life. People end up in therapy decades later because of things that happened to them as a child. If you can't bring yourself to put yourself first, put your child first. Your child needs a role model... right now he or she just sees a strange man in your house crying and getting you to do anything for him.

Have you mentioned a timeline for him leaving? If you told him he needs to leave, what would he do? Break up with you? Hurt himself? If he loves and cares about you, he will not drown you in his mess.

for starters my 10 year old lives with her dad i would not but her in a bad situation and no one see's him upset cause he goes in the other room to be alone but its a small place...i am not saying i have not taken anyones advice cause i seriously have. but i do care and do not want to push someone out when the nearest shelter is 2 towns away. and the idea when he came here was until he found a place but since he is getting a grand total of 268.00 a month on public assistance i am left with the what do i do. at this point i am taking everyones advise and talking to him but will let him stay til he finds a place but honestly don't think he will stay.

The fact that there's a child involved makes this a whole different ball game.

I think .. and again, I'm not meaning to be harsh, but I'm going to be very honest and blunt ... I think it's irresponsible of you to bring a person you hardly know who has serious mental issues into your home when your child is there.

And what about your child? Is your child's health and safety and emotional stability less important to you than this man who you have no tie to?

Again, my advice would be to get out of this. You are NOT obligated to this person.

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like i said before she lives with her dad and yes she is around sometime but for the most part he is fine except the anxiety attacks where he goes off and cries to help himself...other than that most people cannot tell he is depressed. i can because i am there all the time and she is not affected by him she is affected by my break up with her father.

there would be no issue if she was the one being affected by this situation. my kids like him and get along with him and he is good around them...its only around me and maybe thats because i feel pushed into something i wasn't ready for...but doesn't mean i can put someone out when i live in a very country area and he knows no one here.

He's an adult. He CHOSE to get on a bus and come to your area. He has places he can go that he refuses to go. He CAN go to the VA hospital and they will take him in and help him, but he won't.

And believe me your kids KNOW what's going on and are being affected by it. To say they're not because they don't live there all the time is ... well ... wrong. Your kids are affected by this whether they live there or not.

Anyway, it is what it is. I wish you luck with it.

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Ok I got the distinctive feeling none of this is what you wanted to hear so I went back and read the original post. Sure enough, you didn't ask us for our opinion on your situation.
so back to your question. No I don't know about any web sites. Have you asked his councelor? Maybe he/she would know of something!

no you misunderstand i did ask for help and i am taking all your suggestions but it has turned into being told i am an unfit mother cause i don't want to put someone out in the snow to freeze...i do thank everyone but apparently i am not good at explaining.

once again i am taking everyones advice as i stated several posts ago but feel instead of helping i am being put down for being to nice.

and ty they are 90 minutes away the closest place to go so i was hoping to have someone to talk to and once again i appreciate everyones advise

whether you beleive it or not i did take everyone advise seriously i'm sry if i bothered anyone.

Well I can only speak for myself but I am not labeling you a bad mother. My original comment about your daughter was not meant in a this is affecting her badly kinda way. my point was in say 20 years is this a situation you would want her to be in.
Being nice is one thing but being taken advantage of because you are such a good person is different. Again I can only speak for myself but you look so darned cute in your avatar. You can and deserve to be in a two way relationship and to be happy. Not to have so much drama.

i just feel that i was not explaining the situation well and people think that it is worse than it is....for the most part everything is great...december is rough with christmas and him not being able to contact his children....so he gets what he calls depression pains and releives them by crying. the kids rarely see it...i do and when we don't agree he worries and stresses so it happens more. then i feel like its my fault and feel my opinions in this situation don't matter so i get depressed.

anyways, i was trying to explain and it seems like it has been taken as defending...that is not the case.

Yeah the holiday's can kick ya in the butt! I hop now that they are over things get better for you guys!

i doubt it...like i said i did take everyones advice. but implementing it may not be as easy it it sounds

I doubt this will help but..... My situation is a little different. my ex had tons and tons and tons of issues. I would've loved more than anything to help him and get him in a healthy state of mind. Unfortunately nothing I did worked and I felt pretty worthless and like I wasn't good enough to make him happy. As hard as it was and still is I had to let go. I heard he isn't doing good and I feel for him but at a certain point he has to take responsibility for himself to get better. Somedays life just is stinky!

me4life, I can empathize about feeling "attacked." When my bf and I had issues, I googled the problems and found all these message boards where women posted the same problem---and everyone responded "dump him! dump him! dump him!" ... even here on 3FC, someone vents about their relationship and people say "That sounds horrible, leave him!" Which is horrible, not every hard time means you need to call it quits..... explaining things on the internet is hard so that people get a well-rounded picture.

I know DisgruntedOne pointed out you just asked for resources and it seems like the VA Hospital may be the number one resource he has. For someone that doesn't want to go to the hospital, it's hard to get hooked up with help any other way. I mentioned in my first post a number of treatment options for depression but that usually means being admitted to the hospital.

And even with that low monthly income, he can get low-income housing. My friend was on it once, she didn't even have to pay rent for awhile when she was unemployed. Many of my psych patients were on subsidized housing.

I've asked this in nearly every post but you haven't answered--have you established boundaries with him? Okay, you don't want to put him out in the snow, but what is the deadline for him to move on?

I think you have bitten off more than you can chew. He shows up in your country town that has no resources, having never met you and expects you to take care of him--to save him. He didn't ask you if he was welcome to come and he guilted you when you were going to take him to a homeless shelter. Now the guilt continues, the VA hospital is too far away, it's cold outside. Yes, we don't know all the details but these details right here are enough for all of us to say --- WARNING!

If I were you, I'd create an exit plan. He will go to ____________(place) on ________ (date). No exceptions! If he says the only help he will accept is from you, well, you didn't sign up for this! You didn't volunteer! You didn't say some vows to him "for better or for worse"! This thing about "I won't call my social worker" or "I won't go to the shelter, I'll just walk around in the cold" or crying when you try to bring up alternative help--pure manipulation. He maybe be kind and affectionate and nice to be around but that doesn't change the fact he has wormed his way into your home uninvited.

I'm just taking a guess, but you seem like you're a great person. A person with a big heart like yours is admirable, albeit maybe a bit vulnerable. I can tell you want to be a good mother and being separated can be very devastating... it's hard to pick yourself up from that. I'll bet you came to 3FC for the same reasons as the rest of us--to lose weight, to be healthier, to lead a better life. Your post was concerning to a lot of us, and yes, we don't know all the details, but it's hard for us to know what's just poor explaining/internet miscommunication and what's an excuse for his unsavory behavior.

I mentioned in my last post how I was involved in a similar break up as your boyfriend... I had the depression and it was horrible. I was on antidepressants, I went to counseling... but I didn't date during that time (though I wanted to!). I'm so glad I didn't. I came out of my depression and my relationships thereafter have been better than I thought I deserved. To love someone else, you really have to love yourself first. I'm not sure about you, but it sounds like your boyfriend entered the relationship pretty miserable. How can he love you properly when he can't handle himself?

Stay strong, friend! Stand up for yourself! Make a plan that protects you and helps your boyfriend get some professional help, be it mental health help, housing help, employment help, etc.