hello everyone...I'm still here just have been busy..Good news I went to my WW meeting and lost another 2 pounds..woo hoo..

But i'm just checking in..talk to u guys lates

Hi guys! Quick check in:

Michi, congrats on the weight loss

Red, the 4 pounds is nothing to worry about. Stay off the scale. Remember, b/c of hormones your weight can fluctuate up to five pounds!

CG- do not get down on yourself, pick up and start again. That is exactly why I like having a cheat day once a week. If I know I have one day a week where I can eat whatever I want

LG-good luck at your appt. I hope that you will hear good news.

KJK- 5 days is great. You are doing so good!

OK, back to class. I'll check in Sunday afternoon when I am back home.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Good morning everyone!!
I just got on my scale this morning (wanted to see how bad the damage was) and that crazy thing says I weigh 281. That can't be right. I ate 4225 calories yesterday (I made myself look up the calories as punishment) so it should say I gained weight. I am not complaining but I hope it doesn't shoot up 10 pounds tomorrow at weigh in.

little grasshopper- That stinks that you can't sleep! I hate that! I am glad you have somewhere to crash to get a few more minutes because you deserve them!
I will keep my fingers crossed for you on getting to add new foods. You are my hero staying away from so many foods!
To answer your question I do feel better both emotionally and physically. This board has been a saving grace for me. It is good to know there is always someone here when I need them.
I am sure there probably isn't some magic number but you are going to be able to tell how you are doing by how you feel. You are not boring us at all!
I love the poem!
michiemesh- WOO HOO!!! Good for you!!
Great job!!! Glad you checked in and keep on truckin- you are doing so well!

stormy- Glad you popped on too! Knock em dead at school!!!

red balloon- Thanks for the comedy link- I have never heard the original either! Also- thanks for all the support and effort to make me smile- it made a huge difference to me!

kjk- You have been doing such a great job this week and I agree with everyone else- 5 days a week of exercise is outstanding!
I am walking today- I need to try to catch up with you before you leave me in the dust!

I hope I have at least spoken to everyone! Hope you all have a great weekend and don't forget tomorrow is weigh in day. I am also going to try to do a weekly recap as well.
Question of the day:a variation of red's:
If you could go back and relive your life starting at age 5 but would not remember this life at all- would you?
Have fun!
I will be on later so be warned!

Oh no! She's coming back!!! Girl, stay off the scales. You were getting on them for punishment anyway! Do you LIKE that kind of stress???? It's not motivating (except in this case, but you've convinced yourself that it will show up later..and maybe it will, but who cares...it's about the journey - not TODAY'S number!)....please remember this and give it back to me the next time I'm doing the same thing Glad you're feeling better. Get that butt a walking If you haven't already, get the to the store and get some nutrition!

Michie - you just keep melting and melting! Good for you!!!

Stormy - hope school is going well!!! Do you use one of your school days as a cheat day? Just wondering..that would make travel musc easier but not give you cheat days with hubbie either. Well, you're in this weeks home stretch! I hope you're enjoying it and will be home soon!

Okay, I need to get a walkman (no, I desperately want an Ipod but can't get one) I need a regular am/fm and possibly cassette walkman (I could finally play the "learn spanish in your car" tape mom gave me). Any advice on ones you have and like. I've read reviews and they all have mixed reviews. You input would be greatly appreciated

Hi everyone!

Hope you're all enjoying the start to the weekend!

CG - don't punish yourself like that! One day does not a disaster make. Don't worry - I didn't have a good day foodwise either, but let's just move on and start fresh today. None of that "punishment" stuff.....just keep on going!

GH - hope you got some sleep....I have a CD walkman, so that I can play my favorite CDs when I actually get a chance to walk outside (which probably won't be for months now).

Michie - congrats! You are doing wonderfully! Keep it up and check in with us when you can.

Stormy - hope you're having a good weekend at school. We will look forward to hearing from you when you get a chance!

Red - have a great weekend, try to forget the troubles of the week and enjoy yourself for a bit! We are here for you!!!

All right - I've got to do some cleaning and shopping. I'll try to check back in later, if not I'll talk to everyone tomorrow!

kelly

How is everyone this bright and too warm day!It is 71 degrees here and I feel like summer never ended. It sucks!

little grasshopper- I think my feelings are hurt! Just kidding! I am not REALLY punishing myself. I just want to learn from my mistakes and adding up all the calories from my day of indulgence makes me realize that it is not a good idea. When I log them into my food journal they are a reminder that eating like that has consequences. As for the scale- it was mainly sick curiousity and I will stay off now until tomorrow.
Did you get some extra sleep? As for a radio to use- I have a plain ole Sony Walkman for walking and it works just fine. I have had more expensive models but they are basically all the same really. As long as it automatically flips itself over it is a good one I think.

kjk- I am picking myself up and moving on I promise. Slipping up only makes me more determined.
You are doing great so keep it up and keep me motivated!

Well- just checking back on to see what is happening. I don't want to miss it if anything exciting happens. I am trying to lay low again today and get rid of my cough and when it starts getting dark I am going to walk.
I made contact today with a girl I refer to as the "exercise ****". She is this girl that use to live near me that would come by and get me to go for walks everyday. No matter what -she made sure I went. If I was sick- too bad - go for a walk. If I was tired- too bad..you get the picture. I am going to start walking with her and she is going to go with me to my school's gym on Monday morning and I am going to check it out. It is a state of the art gym with all kind of bells and whistles but I haven't gone because I don't want to be stared at. She told me to get over it and we are going early so not many people will be there. Wish me luck!

I will hop on later and check in-
Have a great day everyone!!!!

Morning people. Not a good day yesterday or last night. Did manage to drag myself to the gym but only went through a sorry-a'd arm and shoulder routine, no jogging, took the bus home. My sister sent me an entire huge box of licorice, all types and I pigged on that. It is my favorite flavor and it was a Christmas present but took six week to get here. Somehow I just didn't care anymore. I should never have gotten on the scale but I wanted to follow the weigh-in for this thread. Then again, the weight has been creeping up obviously and maybe it's the shock I needed to do something about things. But, if it knocks all the enthusiasm out of me to see the numbers, what good is it?

Unfortunately, I have no weekend because of my work and lifestyle (largely freelance). But then, I have other days off and if this friggin' cold weather would let up a bit I could do something. The air is so dry I can't even brush my hair. It just sticks to everything. Hasn't been this bad in a long time.

Have translation to do today, worked at the office Saturday. The translation I hate doing, especially this stuff, because it's for the Website of some real ritzy club.

The work situation I try to sound optimistic about but I can't tell you how awful the thought of leaving the newspaper makes me feel. And the talk at the publishing house was not really much good. Very low money. I've done the publishing house thing before. Hated it so much I left to go back to the newspaper. Much as I hate the situation there the paper has been all I've known and there is nothing like newspaper work. I like it so much. I can't believe how this boss, for whom I did so much, has just turned an icy shoulder on me. I tell you, it really knocks any esteem out of me. Woke from a dream about it, being ignored, having been knocked out of the loop, the boss smiled and put his arm around me. Big deal, he ruined things for me, what do I need him putting his arm around me in feigned consolation. Lousy dream. I have to think of it as, it wasn't because I was vocal (in trying to get some decent work done around there) and that being vocal is bad, it's that this place just does not want good people. It's awful not to feel wanted, even if you're good, and they seem to have won, but what have they won? Not much, I think, I hope. I hope the entire company rots and its name is never heard from again. Unfortunately, the people who ruined the company will go away with their wallets stuffed, pension plans intact. How do they look at themselves in the mirror? They don't listen to the foreigners at all unless you are super complacent and do want they want. None of our complaints are heard, none of our suggestions, warnings, nothing is heeded. And it's not just me. The people who seem to get anywhere have just totally compromised or are absolute yes-men. That's not what I want. I have to try to remain firm about that though it means I am hurting myself in the short-run and the long-run is a huge question mark with no promises, less encouragement.

I just don't know why things are so hard for me and, especially this year, with riding nonexistent, my weight loss efforts totally backfired on me and everything. I really just want to cry.

OK, enough of this. It's awful when the last dream before you wake up is a downer.

***********

kjk -- Thanks for saying you're there for me. I hope you can be. I really need people to talk to who care.

grass -- sorry I can't help you on the walkman question as I don't know what's available over there. I hope your food tests show you can eat more. If you figure out your present bodyfat, then just figure what that number represents in pounds and subtract it from the corresponding number at the lower bodyfat level you'll find the exact number of pounds you need to lose. The problem is determining bodyfat is really hard, and no better than an educated guess unless you have yourself weighed underwater. I wouldn't rely on numbers too much. You can see if the muscle is showing through or not and gauge it thus. And you don't bore me!

crime girl -- I think you easily could be 281. I'm too depressed about the scale to even say much, especially when it's people losing, sorry, but you didn't eat much all week so the one day isn't going to do anything and you've been exercising, haven't you? So you could have well lost weight. I mean, which is the true weight anyhow, if you can't believe you've lost 7 lbs, why would you believe you've gained 10? I think we just have to look at our entire caloric consumption and expenditure and then decide what our "progress" is, not wait for the scale to tell us. It lies until it can't lie anymore, when the gain or loss is so great it shows up consistently over the long-run.

I'm glad you liked the comedy link. It sure is frustrating, isn't it? As for your question, I try my hardest not to remember my life as it is, so sure, why not? No, really, I wouldn't want to relive my life at all, unless I had the power to change things and I mean including things that I had no control over or was unable to change physically. So, do you mean, like if we would go back and relive it in order to alter our current present?

stormy -- good to hear from you. Hope your classes are interesting. How is your eating? Are you able to exercise at all while you're there and when are you coming back? I'm afraid I don't really understand your situation. Can you explain again. As for the 4 lbs., I'm afraid I am, if not worried, just disgusted. It doesn't seem possible, at all plausible. There is no way I should have gained 4 lbs, no way, and now I have eaten out of despair, disbelief, feeling like there's something out there that just has it in for me no matter what I do.

michi -- congrats on your weight loss and good for you for getting to your WW meeting. Wish we'd hear more from you! Keep up the good work.

Crime girl -- We were posting at the same time. I just want to add that it's very admirable that you're back up and trying again. I should take my cue from you, you will be like my exercise ****. I think that's great that you are planning to get to the gym. Yes, don't give a care about people looking at you. You're like my sister who says she doesn't want to go to the gym because she's too fat. I mean, do you think people have never seen a heavy person before? Do you think they really care. I mean people just stare because they have nothing better to do and if they're anything like me a lot of them are probably pretty impressed that you're out there moving and a groovin. People who look are usually not looking because they think little of you. It's usually the opposite. People who WOULD think less of a person because of their looks usually are too caught up with their sorry selves to even give others a look, unless it's accompanied by a snide, pathetic remark. Many people who look, even though they may be thin, have their own problems. Maybe they have to drag themselves to work out and hate every bit but have managed to do it and they see you and you give them inspiration. They may think, "heh, look at her. Good for her. If she can do it, then I can too." Don't think the worst thing if you don't know. Think the best. When I lived out in the boondocks in India, people stared and stared and stared and I was heavy and many had never seen a white woman. It bothered me only because I was shy but they were just curious. Women in the village who would talk to me would gaze at my fat admiringly and say, "you must be so wealthy." And here in Tokyo, though people don't stare at foreigners like they used to 20 years ago, they still look, for whatever reasons. I've had foreigners tell me it bothers them and they want to hide or they get angry. People look, you see them looking, I just look away. I don't know what's going through their heads but I picture nice things. I remind them of a movie star, I make them think of their dreams to learn English and travel abroad, I am their ideal woman, they think I look intelligent, exotic, tired, weird, ready to lose it, WHATEVER, it doesn't matter. . . and if I really want to know, I should just smile and ask them gently. . .

Smile Crime girl. You are not your fat. You are that strong and gentle spirit inside whatever your present outer wrappings may be.

Red-
I wasn't going to post again and in fact I was getting ready to log off when I got an email letting me know someone has posted! Curious I came back and read and I am glad I did.
I am so sorry that work is giving you fits! I know how it feels to know you are good at your job and not feel that people appreciate it or acknowledge it is true. You deserve better than that. I think you should try to focus on your future. Let's talk about your alternatives. Are there other papers in Japan that interest you? What about magazines? What is it about newspapers that you like? Talk to me- let's talk this out and try to look at it from different angles. Maybe we can shake an alternative loose that you haven't thought of. Let me try to help.
The other things I am curious about is: are you stuck in Japan? Can you move again? Do you even want to? You seem to like a change in scenery and maybe it is time to seek out a new locale and a new job? You tell me.
Your dreams, as I am sure you know, are your attempts to work out stress through your subconscience. The numbers on the scale can be a result of stress- it effects your weight. Stress sounds like the culprit so what can you do to eliminate some stress? Exercise is good and I am glad you are going to the gym. Don't be down on yourself that you didn't do everything you felt you should have- you went- that is half the battle itself.
I am not 100% clear what is going on at your paper..is it being taken over? Why the sudden turmoil? Could it be temporary and it will pass?
I feel for you and hope I can help in some way. I know the paper is a big part of your life.
As for my question: I meant that you could pretty much do over from age 5 to present any way you wanted. The kicker is that you wouldn't remember what you did in this life. It is a second chance.

Thanks Crime girl, for your concern and support.

To try to explain the newspaper. It seems, that for a couple years now, the paper has been in dire financial straits. Last year (or maybe it was the year before) they asked for people to volunteer to quit. (People are still rarely fired here, though it is happening more and more. The Japanese tended to try to hire for life, at least, in the bigger companies.) So, a lot of people took them up on the offer (which was only extended to Japanese) and left because they got severance pay. Us foreigners always had a high turnover rate because that's just the way it is being in a foreign country. So, people left and there was no people being hired. But this seemed to vary depending on the desk and I've been on a desk that seems to be getting the very short end of the stick due to an asinine "boss." This is not the bigger boss I speak of but another little pencil pusher who we think has severe mental problems! Anyhow, our workload has increased unbelievably. The paper has made ridiculous cutback everywhere. We get no extra pay for working holidays, no overtime, no taxis home for the night shift, have to get the last trains. We have no paper towels in the restrooms! The office is not cleaned. We have to try to find pencils and erasers even. The computers are breaking down all the time. But worst of all, we don't have time, or rested eyes to do the work well and this pains the professionals among us. On top of that, we are kept in the dark as to the situation of the paper and though we are told there is no money we see other people being hired on other desks, we know the management is not hurting at all. The paper is now owned by another company that has money but doesn't want to invest it in the paper and doesn't have any knowledge about what makes a good newspaper. Really, none of the Japanese papers do and especially the English-language ones. They are mere puppets of, either their Japanese parent company, or, as in our case, (we have no Japanese paper but the mentality is the same) we are more or less puppets of the government and powers that be. The papers, as they are in Singapore and Korea, are mere voices for the government. The media is quite controlled here. Anyhow, I'm getting carried away here.

The bottom line is that I like the connection that working for a paper has given me to the world and to the things that are going on. The press gets an in to everything. You can go to any press conference, meet celebrities, call up someone and say you are interested in them and want an interview and usually get it. You have a reason for connecting with people. Newspaper work opens doors. On top of that, it allows you to touch people through your stories, information you provide in your articles. So, sure, newspaper work is great. However, there is lots of work that is done behind the scenes. Editing, page layout, headline writing, choosing the stories that come in from the wire services. Very little of it involves actual writing, which I like very much because that is the most direct connection and allows you access to all sorts of types of people with all sorts of lives. Now, at one point, when I was doing mostly writing, I got tired of living vicariously through other people's lives. I wanted my own interesting things, not to just write about other people's interesting things. And, I've always tried to maintain that, which is my dressage, my working out (bodybuilding), whatever.

Let's see. Yeah, I'm stuck here in a way, but no more I think than anyone anywhere. If you've been doing something for years and years you don't know what else to do and, no, I don't really want to lose the aspects I've mentioned that I like. I can't see myself making a move anywhere if it just means pulling up roots (my cats and horse) and heading off with the no money I have and starting anew like I did when I was 20. I want to use the years I've put in here and make something for myself using my abilities and the experience and skills I've acquire along the way.

The paper doesn't look like it's going to change and I think the present people in charge are not interested in my interests at all. This is the thing I don't know how to deal with. My dilemma is that I am not getting the opportunities I want yet know of no other place that can give me the work I want to do. I think I'm going to have to create my own work, not just find it somewhere waiting for me in a job description.

Yes, stress is huge in my life and I'm sure the weight loss is being affected by that. Also, I did hit the gym and change my diet quite drastically again recently. So I should just plug on, right?

I suppose I should try to keep the aspect of my work that I enjoy and just focus on that and try to find ways of maintaining that in my life, which means also saying no to work situations that I know will, though they give me money, will cut me off from the things I enjoy. I am afraid the publishing house work is such unless I do it for just a day or two a week instead of three and negotiate a better hourly wage from them.

The racing-related work is my big hope. That is for me and I think that field still would allow me the most creativity. I had tried for a long time to get a radio show going (the paper also has a radio station) but failed due to lack of a sponsor and I tried to get a column going in the paper but failed due to I don't want, it seems the sports department head just wants to keep me out and he's an American, but one of the yes-men.

Ok, sorry all you out there you read this. What a lot of words! Thanks Crime girl for listening.

Well, here's my official weigh-in weight for Sunday, as that's what it is here. As you can see, I gained 3 lbs. The weight tracker doesn't measure it from the starting weight but it does say it underneath. Happy tidings.



I'm just going to have to try to shake it off. I do feel very puffy, like I'm retaining a lot of fluid for some reason. My sugar binge surely had something to do with it, although I think that binge was triggered by getting on the scale (and the arrival of the licorice package). As grasshopper explained, I guess there are all sorts of reasons for the body to be holding on to water, endocrine system under attack and such. Oh well, I am determined this week to write down everything I eat and to actually add up the calories, noting how much salt I'm putting on my food and to also steer clear of the sugar again. Despite the weather I will try to take some loooong walks at a pace less than my usual frenzied racewalk!! I need gentle encouragement.

Hi guys, Crime girl - you are very kind to help Redballon the way you are. I'm sure you are still having a rough time too - being sick and all. Did you get your walk in? Great news about your **** friend I use to have a karate ****. He could get anyone to do anything and you hated him until you looked down and realized your legs were cut from top to bottom....then he was your best **** friend. (no offence to anyone who might be offended!)

Red - I will send all the good energy I can your way! Watch out, I'm not very accurate at this stuff....if it hits your cat, sorry just kidding! You really are going through some crap!! I'm so sorry!! Hold your head high and try to remember to breath. Don't beat yourself up over the candy. It WAS christmas present after all. You are doing a great job by acknowledging the things you need to address to change your life. Some people would just sit back and say, I tried but it was too hard, so I'm giving up. You haven't done that and we're not going to let you....what's a one day slip....there are 365 days in a year!! You slipped one maybe two days. You're FINE

okay, I think I figured out what I'm getting - musicwise. BF saw me searching reviews and was disgusted at what I was shopping for (not nice enough I guess) because he offered to split the cost with me and we can share it when we work out. I am looking at a sonic impact from Target. It's a 149 package with speakers and all but the mp3 player is the size of a lighter. It holds 6 hours of music and has memory cards too. I comes with carrying case, small speaker for outloud play and the headphones that wrap around your ears for exercise. We're going to check it out tonight becasue it's on sale for $99. and goes off sale tonight.

I am dreading the weight in tomorrow. I was down 2 pounds today but I ate a lot of carbie stuff. Not low carb eating but those still like to hold water Oh well, it's just a scale. How bad can it be?? (just so you know, it can be EEEEEEVIL!!!!!)

Talk to you guys soon. Oh, I got a journal last night and am going to start journaling about my weight loss journey. Hoping I can make life long changes instead of short term diets. here's to a weekend of self therapy....

grasshopper -- I'm still here, sitting around not doing my translation work. MUST get on to that. I'm also drinking parsley tea! Well, actually, it's just dried parsley in hot water. It tastes good! I read that cranberry and parsley are natural diuretics so I'm trying that to get rid of this water weight, if that's what it is. And I'm staying off sugar, licorice or not, today. Thanks so much for your encouragement and the good energy. If it hits my cats, fine, they need it too. I am very bad under stress, gain weight, suffer from anxiety. But yeah, I haven't given up. Maybe that's why I feel bad, because I know I'm not going to give up. Maybe I should, in a way, just relax. I'm around a lot of super-obsessive type (the bodybuilder friends at the gym and the dressage people) and then the opposite, the mega-drinking pissed-off foreigners and the doesn't-give-a-damn management at the office and both types are extremes, which isn't good I suppose.

You guys are my balancers. I can't express well enough how you help me to stop getting pulled from one extreme to the other and how much that means to me. I do feel pulled all the time because I am an extreme empathizer type, take on the feelings and ills and whatever of those around me and of my environment, so normally I just try to stuff my emotions (or whoever's they may be) down deep so I can function. It's a double-edge sword because this empathizing allows me to gain insight into people and helps in my writing but also causes me to feel battered a lot of the time.

Glad you sound set to get a Walkman. They make all the difference. When I'm at the gym and a good rock beat comes on I suddenly can access my own power and work out hard. But, if it's some depressing, whiny, moany pop thing I just want to leave the place (sorry pop lovers!)

I hope your weigh-in goes well for you tomorrow, but, heh, if it doesn't, think of me. If I can get past this and come out a winner (and a loser at the same time!) then you can too.

I am only on for a sec because my bf is waiting on me to watch a movie and considering we have been fighting- I need to go spend time with him.

Red- I read your explanation of your workplace and it makes more sense to me now why you are down. I am going to think about options for you and post a response as soon as I clarify my thoughts. For now- hang in there! Do thr translation even though it is not what you would like to be doing. Keep in mind it keeps you in Horse and Kitty pellets. I have some ideas for you but let me hash them out in my head first.
Don't let the scale get you down- it is proven that you will hold onto weight when you are stressed so I think the scale will go back down once things settle down. Don't beat yourself up! You are doing great and should be proud, like grass said, that you are fighting the good fight.

little- your find for music sounds great! I might look into something like that too- let me know how it works out! Even better you are getting it for a great price. Music makes such a difference to me when I am working out. I can put the Rocky theme song on or "I will survive" and it inspires me to keep truckin. (I know I am corny).
Don't dread the scale tomorrow- you need to take your own advice and cut yourself some slack. It will be OK. Scales can be evil but I am betting you did better this week than you think you did.

Okay he is calling for me- I will pop on after the movie and share my ideas with you red.
Have a fab night!

Thanks Crime girl, I can't believe how sweet you are! I'll have to be leaving soon. I am hoping to get in my first ride of the year. Will try to do some of this translation work before I leave, but plan on doing it tonight and early tomorrow morning before the other work. I need pressure a lot of times to get moving.

I looked it over, like I said it's the Website for this fancy club and it's stuff about personal trainers and facials and massages and oh, such daddlings for the ultra rich. But, then again, I am thinking of getting something like this too, massages, manicures, I've never had them. I could use them as rewards for the eventual weight loss. yes, yes, I WILL end up a winner! All the talk of massage on this thread has be wanting some, though I am so extremely ticklish I usually can't get one unless I think they are very good and know how to work in gently. I don't know, my neck, shoulders and back are so ticklish. They always do your head and neck when they give you a shampoo at the hairdressers but I have to tell them to please not go past my head because it is so uncomfortable!

Crime girl, I will be waiting for your message! I'm glad you made some sense out of that ramble I wrote. Can you actually see why I'm feeling so bummed? Wow, you're something else! Well, enjoy your movie. Hope you and the boyfriend can spend some nice time together instead of it developing into a fight.