[want2hike]

I've been to two OA meetings in the past couple of weeks. I've been trying to figure out what abstinence is all by myself. I've been watching portions, planning my eating, writing everything down. This morning I was going to go to a meeting, but I am very sick and went to bed instead. Slept six hours and woke up hungry and feeling sorry for myself. Since I had skipped lunch, I started grazing -- a flatbread, some hummus, some 3-seed crackers, apple, egg whites (left over easter eggs). Not the worst binge I have ever been on, but it was a binge nonetheless.

Now I am still feeling sick and a little scared. I want so much to conquer my overeating, lose this weight, and feel good about myself. Can some one please tell me what to do now?

[ibbasquish]

Hi!!!!!

hey, today is a brand new day!!! I hope you are feeling better! I think you should start out Sunday by congratulating yourself on the weight loss you have already achieved!!

For me it is hard to stop a binge. I am ashamed to admit that once i deviate even a little from the diet, I tend to think well i alreadyy blew it and then I become like a human vacuum cleaner in regard to any goodies in the house.

If it makes you feel any better, the stuff you indulged with didnt seem too bad. Sunday morning try to focus on just how good you have done!!!

Good Luck to you!!!!

[marny]

Hey there want2hike--

When I read your post, what stood out to me was:
"I've been trying to figure out what abstinence is all by myself."

That's an almost impossible task. You aren't meant to work this program by yourself. When we are new, we don't make the best decisions. We have old patterns of thinking that will continue to lead us to the same results that they always have. Instead, we need a new way of thinking. We need input from our sponsors, input from meetings, input from literature, and input from our higher power.

There is an OA book called "abstinence." It's a collection of personal stories. People share what their abstinence is, how they figured it out, and how it works in their lives. I highly recommend it.

To end the binge, you need to put the food down, call someone from your meeting, and pray. Ask yourself why you are feeling the need to soothe yourself with food. Are you angry, lonely, tired, restless, irritable, or discontent? These are the feelings that to many of us feel like hunger. They create an emptiness inside that we want to fill with something. For us, the substance of choice is food. However, the food won't fill it. If it did, we wouldn't feel the need to continue eating. Food is not the answer.

You asked, "what do I do now?"
Get a sponsor. In the meantime, you can commit to a simple, but effective abstinence plan. How about 3 meals a day? You can eat whatever you want, however much you want at those meals. You are not on a diet. You are refraining from compulsive eating by only eating at those 3 planned times. If you think that you need it, you can also include a planned snack. The idea is to reteach your body to not graze all day. It takes some time for this learning to happen. It will be uncomfortable for a week, and then it will get easier and easier. It's important to use the OA tools during this time.

We're here for you.

[want2hike]

I am so grateful to you, ibbasquish and Marny! You said the things I needed to hear. I am feeling much better today and I know yesterday's binge was because I was so tired, unwell, and lonely. I am so glad that I didn't turn to sugar, which would have made stopping really hard. I feel more able to control my eating today. I am going to try a meeting tonight that I have never attended before, but I feel like I need to get there.

I am feeling shy and unsure about choosing a sponsor. How do you know who to ask when you really don't know anyone?

[marny]

Choosing a sponsor isn't like choosing a friend. You don't need anything in common with them but the desire to live abstinently. Pray for guidance. Who does your higher power lead you to? And remember that choosing a sponsor is not a "forever" commitment. If you find that it's not a good match, or you believe that someone else would better meet your needs, you can always change.

[sidhe]

they say that to find a sponsor you should look for someone who has what you want, and ask them how they got it. It was funny, with me: the woman who is my sponsor was sitting across the room from me, and she had on a shirt that I loved. I WANTED THAT SHIRT! When she said she was a sponsor I almost cried. I knew this woman was supposed to be my sponsor. We have a brilliant relationship, even just so short (I'm on day 27). We both have marvelled at the fact that she happened to be wearing that shirt, I happened to chose that meeting (the second meeting I ever went to, and the first one was a newcomer's half-hour), she was open for a new sponsee, and I was at a point I was ready to ask for help.

Ask for help at your meeting. There are people there who will help you.