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Old 01-20-2003, 12:53 AM   #1  
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Thumbs up Please to come to FL and kick my butt

Fell off the wagon yesterday and today. Tomorrow I will start inducation all over again.

It's DSS, I swear. Everytime he comes over I fall off the wagon, because I'm so stressed the entire time. I get so frustrated with him (and DH). He's not a bad kid, but I think I have unrealistic expectations for him and me. Does anyone else lose their temper and yell at their kids for things like carrying a bowling ball around the house for no apparent reason?
I feel like a horrible person for raising my voice to a 6 year old. I think I need a crash course in parenting. It was so much easier when I used to have my friends kids over. Of course Olivia is such an "adult" child. I never raised my voice to her. I told her what I expected from her and she always behaved beautifully. I think I was spoiled. Chris on the other hand wants to argue of talk back, no matter what the issue. If I hear "but my mommy doesn't make me.." once more I swear I'm gonna lose it.
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Old 01-20-2003, 05:56 AM   #2  
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Dyan, If I could afford a trip to FL, do you think it would be to kick your butt??? Love Tazcat.
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Old 01-20-2003, 08:18 AM   #3  
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Dyan, I think the whole step-parent, step-child thing can cause huge amounts of stress.

I've never been a step-parent, but my middle son can push every button I own in a matter of seconds. Just ask peachie!!

And as for yelling at my kids.......been there, done that........and on occasion still do. Relax, no parent is perfect, and when it is a step issue, it is even harder.

I don't have a lot of advice for you, but I think we have all had to deal with stress eating at one time or another. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again!!

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Old 01-20-2003, 09:26 AM   #4  
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For a warm room in Florida, I'll kick your butt and also deal with the kid issue! Never been to Pensacola (hint!) but I do know where it is!
Hang in there, Dyan, there is hope and you are tough!
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Old 01-20-2003, 09:51 AM   #5  
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Oh Dyan! It's not your fault hon! Being a stepparent is really hard! My good friend in Washington is a stepmom to a 9 year old boy and she has told me time and time again how she really hates it when he comes to visit. He manages to find every button and then all Heck breaks loose. In his case, there are some serious parenting issues on both the mother and father's part that has created the child he is today but the feelings for my friend are the same as you are feeling. So pick yourself up and dust yourself off and pat yourself on the back for getting this far, OK? This child will thank you for it!
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Old 01-20-2003, 10:06 AM   #6  
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Oh Dyan!

I am not going to kick your butt but I will add my two cents to the step parenting issue!

My step kids are now in their thirties. I got married to their dad when they were in high school. They lived, or I should say, I lived with them. It was very difficult for me because I went into the marriage (family) with the pollyanna notion that I was going to make things better!


One time I actually had my suitcase packed and was on my way out the door when I got "caught" by my step son.

Anyway.....before I digress into too much detail, I'll gt to the point.

I had a "lightbulb moment" while listening to a psyche doc on the radio...Dr Joy Brown. Her advice was that as a step parent your roll is NOT TO DO THE PARENTING. That is the biological parents job to do. It is his alone. Your (my) role as a step parent is to be a good hostess to the step child and to make the times pleasant so that he can spend a nice time with his biological parent.

Once my attitude changed things got better for me. I will admit, that at times they were harder for dh and I did not always agree with his parenting techniques, but I kept my mouth clamped firmly shut, bought a mouth guard and things for me gradually got better.

With out knowing the details of your life.....Your step son is very young and may have ideas that his biological parents will get back together. He may be to young to verbalize his feelings but is able to act out and choose you as the target. As hard as it is to hear, be kind to him, be his friend, pick up all the messes that he makes and let your dh do all the dirty work parenting.

oh, and buy your self a mouth protects your teeth while you are grinding them!

On a positive note, my step daughter gave me fits....but now we are extrememly good friends and chat on the phone a couple of times a week. She did not have it easy growing up and made some wrong choices along the way, but she has turned out to be quite a peach!

hang in there, Dyan! It is a rough ride!

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Old 01-20-2003, 10:33 AM   #7  
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Location: Huntington Station, Long Island, NY
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Default Hang in there Dyan!

I can't even imagine how akward and stressful your situation must be. Please don't beat yourself up over stress eating. You are on the right track, get right back onto induction. No one can be perfect, and we shouldn't even try. Just do your personal best. I think Peach gave you some very excellent advice.

Hang in there!
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