I grew up around my uncles, and so girly wasn't really an option. They would sort of terrorize me...haha (you know how silly uncles can be = P)
so I had to be tough. Also, my father didn't really put up with the girly girly stuff, and so I just learned to be somewhere in the middle. I've grown more emotional as the years have gone on, but there are plenty of things on your list that I also don't do. I've always been 'tough' and given off that 'tough' vibe, even when I was a size 4.
Spiders, bring out the girl in me...(I usually freak out and scream like a girl). Ick. But that's about it. I like to power through everything else. I've been through a lot and that has made me even stronger. And I'm proud! Woot!
I was bred to save money, not spend it, and so my only 'expensive' items (Vera Bradley, Coach) were gifts.
I do pay attention to my appearance, and do often wear makeup. However, I try to do it in a more natural way. For instance, on a normal day I will put on some cover up (LOVE Bare Minerals. It is the ONLY thing I will splurge on.) and mascara. I don't usually leave the house without a little mascara. It's easy, and does wonders to just bring out your eyes a bit without looking bad.
Other than that though, I only gussy up for work (I'm in sales) and special events.
The rest of the time, T-Shirt and Jeans. Besides, it makes me look better when I actually do dress up! Hahaha.
The nice thing about being less girly is that men often appreciate it. They see you for who you really are. Also, they love it when you're in to some of the things they are. Most men can't relate with vanity. Haha. I've always been a video gamer, and so when I met my man, he was more than happy to play along with me. Also, we're big hockey fans. It sounds like you snagged a good one as well.
Gossip is a whole extra subject, that really honestly sucks. I have almost no girl friends left from high school and college because of the gossip. It's just annoying. I always ended up being friends with a bunch of guys, because guys are *usually* honest during those times. Sometimes it's a little frustrating when you just want to have a girls night out, but I don't have to put up with the stress of competition. I can just forget about it and be me when there's no parties to attend. Its simpler.
Overall, I think it is all about balance. I really love dressing up, but I'm never afraid of a day of hard work, even if it is sweaty and dirty. I like to wear makeup and look/feel pretty or sexy in a cute little cocktail dress (in a few LB's...) but I never flirt with the line between sexy/sophistocated, and skanky. It is ALWAYS tasteful. Nobody needs to see that. Sorry. Even if I was 50lbs lighter, I still wouldn't dress like some of the people I went to school with. I don't think having maximum skin showing (unless you're on the beach) is flattering at all. You always attract the wrong kind of attention. Sometimes it's awesome to go out to the nail salon and get a deluxe pedicure or schedule a massage, or some other beauty treatment. However, I personally like to do it as a treat, not as a necessity. You don't need the spray tans and fake nails if you don't want them. Who cares! To some, they may be a necessity (which is fine). To me (and it seems like you) they are not, and just a waste of money or time.
You are who you are and that's what makes you awesome and beautiful!
You're not alone!
P.S. Ugh... can I talk. I'm not offended if you don't read the book that I just wrote. And... sorry. It is a bit too long.
I am a girly girl to the MAAAAAXXXXX... until... it comes to gossiping and the "valley girl" personality. I am pretty light hearted and dont let things get to me. My husband and I joke like best friends, I like getting dirty and LOVE being outside. Like you Berryblondeboys, I do things on my own and think that I am strong.. but..
I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting dressed up, I get my nails done every two weeks and my hair every six weeks. I wear makeup 5 days a week because I LIKE it. But I have no issue in going all natural either.
My entire childhood and most of my teen years, I was a TOTAL tomboy! Then probably about 16- I started getting into the girly stuff... So I like to think that I am a good mixture of the two!
Yes, I am that nongirly - more in some areas and less in some areas. Some of my female colleagues (engineering/science) are just as nongirly but none of them are even moderately girly. It's all relative so I don't feel like I stick out much.
I'm sort of down the middle.. I'm very feminine in how I present myself but not so much in my hobbies.
For instance, I love dressing up, wear only skirts and dresses in public, wear makeup(not a whole lot- winged eyeliner and some mascara will do), dye my hair jet black and love curling it into ringlets and caring for it with lovely oils and putting flowers in my hair, etc. However, I don't "do" manis/pedis, makeovers, salons, hate gossip/care not about anything to do with celebrities, hate being flirty, can't stand chick flicks... None of that sort of stereotypical girly stuff appeals to me.
I definitely tend to make much better friends with guys than I do other girls, and the girls I tend to befriend are usually all-around tomboys.
The only things on your list that I do are
1) wear jewelry, and that I only started recently, when I started my new job. I can't figure out how to dress myself and jewelry seemed like a better way to dress myself "up" than any of the actual dressier or business casual clothes out there.
2) pluck my eyebrows, and honestly, I do such a bad and infrequent job of it that it would probably be better if I left them alone.
Further nongirliness
- I'm in a male dominated career. You should see me at conferences. I'm OFTEN the only woman in the room.
- I don't decorate.
- I can and do do the heavy lifting home repairs. I re-roofed the woodshed. I installed the new sink and toilet. (And I married a man who does the dishes and vacuums.)
- Although I don't love them, I'm not overly squemish about bugs, dead things and vermin.
- This ties into the gossip thing, I think, somehow. I'm not sure how to explain it, but there are social emotional reactions associated with woman. They're stereotypes, but with a grain of truth. Women overreact, are too sensitive, easily feel snubbed. I just don't do that.
- I like getting dirty. Gardening, building, hiking, whatever. Dirt doesn't bother me a bit.
- I loathe "men are incompetent at child and home care" talk.
And yeah, it often means I don't fit in.
I just read your second post. I'm not sure, by your definition, that I'm very feminine either. I'd prefer to wear clothes that flatter my curves, and prefer to look nice, but when it comes to it, I don't often make the effort. I'm not masculine though, either. I AM womanly. My body is womanly. I'm motherly to my son, am a caretaker. While in casual interactions, I'm often more comfortable with men, my very closest friends are women.
My toenails are so long, crooked and chewed up looking right now, it's not even funny. However, I do enjoy a pedicure every now and then. As someone else mentioned, this is just a relaxation time for me. This doesn't constitute "girly, in my opinion, seeing as how a guy would recline with a beer in his hand and one down his pants...well this is my beer and lazy-boy, so-to-speak.
I do get my nails done, now, and I choose stand-out colors (fluorescents, pastels, etc.) just cause it's fun and not boring like neutrals.
I'm an athlete and an adrenaline junkie. Before I broke my arm I couldn't have nails because I rock climbed. I didn't miss them or need them, they just made me feel good (since my natural nails grow like how my toenails look right now.) I also can't reach my hair with my arm, so I don't do my hair anymore or my makeup, but I have lots of make-up and miss putting it on. Again, it made me feel porcelain and pretty, and allowed me to do it up with what I'm wearing. Make-up was more of a fashion statement or accessory to me than a cover for my natural "ugliness"...I feel just as comfortable with it as without it.
I don't shave my legs. I'm a brunette, but my hair is so fine, so it's invisible against my tan skin, and you can't feel it either. I shave my underarms, but that's just gross, in my opinion, not to.
I guess, overall, I'm more of a laidback/openminded tomboy. I don't scoff at anything or object to wearing anything. I LIKE dressing up, because it's a rarity and it's fun. I think it's even more fun when you're out partying in heels and then decide to go mudding or something in the jeep...
I say be openminded and try all those things out (except maybe the gossip/magazine thing...because those ARE ridiculous.)
You live once, so might as well take advantage of being a woman and all the cute clothes they sell for us.
1. I don't seek out pink or buy pink or even like pink (or purple). Now, I have some pink and purple and those are all recent additions, but I prefer greens and blues and reds.
I actually didn't like pink growing up but now I love it. Pink, orange, blue and green are the color of most of my clothes. Green is my favorite color though.
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Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
2. I do not paint my nails or toenails - ever.
3. I do not give myself manicures or pedicures or pay anyone else to do it either - never been done. I trim them and file them when it's time, but that's it.
check and check. I have had a manicure though, it is a rarity, like once every 5 years.
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Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
4. I don't pluck my eyebrows (I'm fortunately to have nice eyebrows naturally.
I'm quite hairy naturally and when I was doing laser treatments on the rest of my face, I did my eyebrows so they aren't too bad. They could use a clean up but I ignore them now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
5. I rarely wear makeup and when I do it's eyeliner (pencil smudged), mascara and blush. Maybe a nonshiny lip color in a natural tone.
I think of mascara as going too far with makeup. I generally don't wear it but once in a while I'll get an urge to wear makeup so I'll wear a tinted moisturizer and lipgloss.
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Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
6. I only shave when necessary - like summer. (my husband really doesn't care and I'm blonde and it's barely there).
Again, I'm quite hairy and it actually becomes painful when I don't shave. so I need to shave sometimes. I also tried going without shaving my underarms, I didn't mind it one bit except it was somewhat irritating so now I'm back to shaving them once in a while.
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
7. I don't process my hair. I don't dye/bleach it, perm it, straighten it. I basically go in for a cut once or twice a year and toss and go.
Yup, that is me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
8. I don't wear jewelry besides my wedding ring and perhaps another ring on the other hand.
I haven't even worn my wedding ring for a couple years. It fell off of me and I just haven't had time to resize it. Lately, I've been wearing a silver bracelet I like but that is pretty much it.
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Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
9. I don't wear perfume unless going out on a special date/event.
Actually perfumes give me headaches so I don't wear them ever.
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Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
10. I don't use creams and lotions - EVER.
My skin gets dry so I do need to use cream and lotion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
11. I don't spend hours to get ready. Even when I'm getting dressed up from start of shower to out the door can be 45 minutes.
That is about my timeframe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
12. I don't wear high heels. Unless you consider Dansko shoes high heels.
13. I don't wear (and never have and never will) sexy 'going out' clothes. Everything I wear is very tasteful and hopefully flattering.
14. I don't get into all this gossipy girl stuff. I don't pay attention to stars fashions and trends.
check, check, check.
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
15. I have never purchased makeup anywhere other than a grocery store or a big box store. Nor have I ever had a makeover.
Never had a makeover but I'm picky about stuff I put on my face/skin and most grocery store stuff wouldn't appeal to me. I'd need to try it on first. I've never had a makeover though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
16. I've never worn a formal gown - didn't get to go to either of my proms (wanted to, but no date) and we basically eloped when we got married.
I wore a bridesmaid dress for my wedding. It was a soft pale yellow and cost $80. That is the only formal gown I have ever worn or own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
and 17. I don't know how to flirt like most girls do - no batting eyes and giggling and coy looks. It makes me feel silly.
I don't know how to flirt. I also don't know if someone is flirting with me unless they are very overt.
Other things I'd add
- I'm a geek. I love technology, math and science.
- I like bags versus purses but I bought a purse recently out of novelty. I'd prefer though just to use a messenger bag as they are more functional than purses.
- I love lifting weights and heavy weights. I'd love to have visible muscles but alas I am a little too plump for that.
- I don't bake
- I don't have any fancy little nightgowns
I'm not exactly a girly girl. And I don't think it has anything to do with my weight. Even when I weighed a lot less, stuff like shopping and makeup just didn't interest me. And the older I get, the less interested I am in this stuff.
I don't ever wear makeup. On special occasions I might put a little lipstick on with my finger tip to add some color but that's about it. It's impossible for me to wear too much makeup. I was a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding and we got the full facial makeover. Utter nightmare. I just didn't feel like me and as soon as the day was over I washed all that gunk off.
I hate straightening my hair, as most women seem to do these days. I'd rather put it up in a pony tail or leave it down and wavy on special occasions.
I don't pluck my eyebrows. If they grow too long, I'll brush them up with an eyebrow comb/brush and snip the longs ends a bit. Makes them look groomed enough and that's good enough for me.
I like my nails short and unpolished. I can't stand long nails. And I can't stand color on them. Not even clear polish.
I love video games. Science and techy stuff. I don't get the point of shows like America's Next Top Model. I'd so rather sit down with an episode of Dexter or CSI. I'm fiercely independent and I hate cooking. I want to marry a man who will cook for me (I don't mind doing the dishes if he cooks ) And shopping bores me to tears.
I don't really fit the definition of girly-girl or tomboy completely, I guess.
"girly" is defined by the beholder, apparently. To each her own.
I would recommend the term "greatness in being a female" (as if that term even exists).
What makes us great females?
Again, to each her own.
IMO, what makes a female great is someone who sees her strong points and emphasizes them.
IMO, "girly girls" define themselves by subjective character. Meaning, they see what society defines as feminine and they materialistically define themselves that way by doing what is popular for pretty girls at the moment. In the past, that meant wearing certain colors, mani/pedi/facials, etc., not lifting heavy, doing aerobics or step classes, yoga or pilates, etc. ALL ARE FINE.
However, I think what the OP was stating was that she wants to exemplify her feminism by doing her own thing that emphasizes her strengths which can be interpreted into what her beauty is.
There is nothing wrong with either example of beauty.
Personally, I find beauty in strong women - both mentally and physically - paired up with an ability to support her good man (don't support a man you don't believe in) in a way that exudes her strengths in a positive way for mind, body, soul, community and faith. And not in that order.
Beauty, to me, is balance. Not everybody has it and nobody has it all the time. It is something to strive for and can be found in every single aspect of someone's life.
It's all dependent on what the current focus is.
Make your focus the combo of everything listed and I believe everybody can be beautiful all the time in some aspect.
Last edited by fitness4life; 07-23-2011 at 03:42 PM.
I can tell ya from experience...most guys aren't in to "tom boys" cause they like to be with girls. if ya know what I mean...
That hasn't been my experience at all.
In my experience, heterosexual men have as varied a preference in potential partners as heterosexual women do (and for that matter as varied as gay and lesbian people do).
Different people value different things in a partner - and no matter who you are, and what your personality and preferences are, there's someone out there with compatible attributes and preferences.
Growing up in a mostly lower middle to barely middle class suburban/semi-rural community, tom boys were extremely popular with the boys (they could dress and act like boys, and it didn't diminish their popularity so long as the had an obviously feminine figure in those boyish clothes).
Often the girls would complain about the apparent preference for tom boys (complaining that many of the boys seemed to want "boys with boobs.")
On the outside, I look very girly. Long hair, which I take care to always look good. I always wear make-up. I take care of my nails. I wear lotions OR perfume. I whiten my teeth. For goodness sakes, I even wear lash extensions, lol... I very much like looking a certain way. If you saw me though, you wouldn't think of "dolled-up", so much as very put-together. At all times.
On the inside, I am quite masculine, and I know this. I am not a flirt. I very much speak my mind. Most men I know have been quite taken aback at how I act compared to how I look. My girlfriends will make jokes about it, but I know that they respect me for it.
So yah, maybe a contradiction. But that's just me, and I've always been this way, ha ha ha...
I can tell ya from experience...most guys aren't in to "tom boys" cause they like to be with girls. if ya know what I mean...
I honestly don't know what you mean. Men are as varied as women are.
Aside from the obvious nonsense about needing to act a certain way to attract a man... I couldn't tell you what "most" men want, because I can't tell you what "most" women want even though I am one.
People are people. They like what they like. They do what they do.
Sometimes a little more typically, sometimes not at all typically.
I guess I don't consider myself overly feminine.. I do love pink, though. So much so that I painted all the emblems on my car hot pink.. But maybe because I was doing my own car work, it cancelled that one out? lol.
I use lotion all the time, but only because it's my mission to prevent the signs of aging, and to moisturize my skin because I have the worlds driest skin.. I don't buy makeup at the drugstore, because my skin is so sensitive. I generally shop at a specialty store, usually Sephora.
I always end up fixing things around the house, but only because my husband has no american idea what he's doing. I had to learn that stuff when I was little because there was no one else to do it.
I have to shave, I'm 3/4 italian and if I don't, it's not pretty, lol.
I do my hair, highlights and whatnot. My mom was a hairdresser for 40 years, lol, I had highlights at 7...
I don't dress girly, I'm not a dress person. I wear jeans, tshirts and flip flops most of the time. I don't wear heels - except to my wedding. I wore flip flops to prom, lol...
I have to pluck my eyebrows, if I didn't, the folks at work would flip out.
I work with mainly guys (my dept is about 60 guys and 3 girls, myself included) so I've gotten used to being less "girly"...
I do get pedicures, though... because they are sheer heaven!!
I always thought "tomboy" was a derogatory term applied to children rather than adults, and generally about penalising girls for not fitting well enough into prescribed gender norms?
Anyway, I'm not girly either. Some of it is about personal style, some of it is about feminism. I don't feel comfortable with describing adult women as "girls", for instance. I feel it's part of the strong cultural tendency to infantilise and thus disempower women.
And yep, I find the involved beauty routines that some women, and come to that some men, follow to be fairly mind-boggling as well. I had a male flatmate years ago, when we were 21 or so, who was very into his skin-care routines. I think there was something involving splashing a lot of neat tea tree oil about (nooooo!) and three types of moisturiser. Between that and his love of velvet fabric, his friends were all convinced he was gay. He really wasn't. He wasn't all that sexually active, and I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be asexual, but when he was interested in anyone it was women, and I never once saw him show the slightest bit of interest in men.
It's odd how people make assumptions like that. I enjoyed wearing make-up to go out back then (and probably would now had extreme fatigue, eczema and a crappy social life not got in the way), and wore skirts fairly often, plus I've always had long hair, so I got quite a few people telling me I was too girly to be queer. Er, nope, still happily bi, and my sexual orientation has never had anything to do with whether I was in the mood for painting my face or what clothes felt comfortable! Ironically, my ex-girlfriend, who is a lesbian through and through, presents as far, far girlier than I ever have.
As for pink, my mother went through a big fuchsia phase when I was a child and successfully put me off pink for life. I am trying to train myself to use it in my quilting in the interests of not limiting myself artistically. I don't colour-code quilts by gender, of course, I can't stand the "girls MUST have pink quilts" school of thought. I made a turtle quilt for my cousin's baby daughter where the background was turquoise, the borders were blues and greens with a bit of orange and yellow, and the turtle itself was red, yellow, orange, deep pink and green. I was very self-conscious about those bits of pink, let me tell you. When I gave it to my cousin, one of the first things she said was, "Oh thank God, it isn't pink." Levels of pinkness are in the eye of the beholder!
Even if I was 50lbs lighter, I still wouldn't dress like some of the people I went to school with. I don't think having maximum skin showing (unless you're on the beach) is flattering at all. You always attract the wrong kind of attention. Sometimes it's awesome to go out to the nail salon and get a deluxe pedicure or schedule a massage, or some other beauty treatment. However, I personally like to do it as a treat, not as a necessity. You don't need the spray tans and fake nails if you don't want them. Who cares! To some, they may be a necessity (which is fine). To me (and it seems like you) they are not, and just a waste of money or time.
You are who you are and that's what makes you awesome and beautiful! 
