Is anyone else this nongirly?
 

I have always been this way and I don't know of any other woman as ungirly as me unless they are a tomboy and even then, I think I top it.

I consider myself very feminine and I love being a woman and love dressing like a woman. But, beyond that... I'm not girly.

Here are things I don't do:

1. I don't seek out pink or buy pink or even like pink (or purple). Now, I have some pink and purple and those are all recent additions, but I prefer greens and blues and reds.

2. I do not paint my nails or toenails - ever.

3. I do not give myself manicures or pedicures or pay anyone else to do it either - never been done. I trim them and file them when it's time, but that's it.

4. I don't pluck my eyebrows (I'm fortunately to have nice eyebrows naturally.

5. I rarely wear makeup and when I do it's eyeliner (pencil smudged), mascara and blush. Maybe a nonshiny lip color in a natural tone.

6. I only shave when necessary - like summer. (my husband really doesn't care and I'm blonde and it's barely there).

7. I don't process my hair. I don't dye/bleach it, perm it, straighten it. I basically go in for a cut once or twice a year and toss and go.

8. I don't wear jewelry besides my wedding ring and perhaps another ring on the other hand.

9. I don't wear perfume unless going out on a special date/event.

10. I don't use creams and lotions - EVER.

11. I don't spend hours to get ready. Even when I'm getting dressed up from start of shower to out the door can be 45 minutes.

12. I don't wear high heels. Unless you consider Dansko shoes high heels.

13. I don't wear (and never have and never will) sexy 'going out' clothes. Everything I wear is very tasteful and hopefully flattering.

14. I don't get into all this gossipy girl stuff. I don't pay attention to stars fashions and trends.

15. I have never purchased makeup anywhere other than a grocery store or a big box store. Nor have I ever had a makeover.

16. I've never worn a formal gown - didn't get to go to either of my proms (wanted to, but no date) and we basically eloped when we got married.

and 17. I don't know how to flirt like most girls do - no batting eyes and giggling and coy looks. It makes me feel silly.

I'm sure there's WAY more.

Why am I such an odd duck?

I went to the salon today to get my hair trimmed (after 8 months) and the stylists kept asking me if I needed this or did that... and I realized more and more, boy... I am soooooo not girly! I just don't get into that stuff!

I guess I should be thankful I was born with naturally straight teeth, well-shaped eyebrows, easy to wash and go hair and married a guy who is glad that I'm not into all that girly stuff either.

Please tell me I'm not alone.

I do a lot of girly things, but I rarely shave my legs--I'm naturally blonde and there's nothing their! The stubble isn't prickly at all, and my hubby has never noticed. I don't wear a lot of makeup--powder, mascara, lip stick. I'm just now wearing blush.
I only started wearing moisturizer when my thyroid went crazy and my skin got super dry.
I do love lotions though!

I don't think you're alone in the least.

I rarely wear make-up. I don't shave unless it's for special occasions. I don't read women's magazines. About the only thing I do to my hair is wash it and then brush it after it's dried (and that's air dried, too... no hair dryer for me!)

Some things I like might be considered girly, but I just don't often think about it being girly or not girly. I just like being me whatever that involves.

I'm probably in between you and a girly girl. I notice that I become less "girly" in proportion to my weight. The higher it goes, the worse I feel about myself, and the less I pay attention to my looks or take care of myself. When I lose weight I start putting on some makeup, shaving my legs, and caring more about my clothes. Oh, and I can be ready to be out the door in ten minutes-- I'm not a morning person.

Are you saying you wish you were more girly or that you like being the way you are? While there's certainly nothing wrong with not being girly, maybe you should give something girly a try like getting a pedicure-- not because you need to be girly but because it's a new experience. You might like it. What's not to like about a foot massage? Also, you might go try on fancy dresses. As I'm losing weight, I like to go try some on at a department store every couple of months even though I have no intentions of buying. It's just fun to see how you look dressed up. It makes me feel good about myself, and I always leave with a smile. :)

Again, there's nothing wrong with being un-girly, but you could give some of these things a shot just to try something new.

I exhibit girly behaviors, wear dresses and whatnot, but I don't "get" how to do lots of girly things. I also have an extremely strong urge to learn how to do "manly" things and resent my femaleness from time to time.

My husband has often told me that I am the "least feminine woman he knows," and he meant it as a compliment

I guess it's true, because instead of getting upset as most women I know would have, I just laughed and told him that must make him a closet homosexual.

Of course, he never one to be bested in a joke-war, said "That would explain why I get so much attention from the gay guys at the bar."

I am kind of in the middle of the girly scale in proportion to how much time, money and motivation I have to be girly. Kaplods, you and your husband sound adorable!

i think i'm kind of in the middle range too....i wear jewelry - i wear my gold wedding band, a silver Tlingit carved bracelet which is like DH's family "wedding band" passed down through generations, a necklace with my engagement ring on it, and five ear piercings...but i dont constantly change my jewelry out like some women...i wear the same earrings until they're junk and need to be replaced and the rest are always on me....my nails and toenails are always painted, usually green or purple, and i'm always shaved...my hair is always cut short and dyed dark red but the cut is something very easy to wash and style....

but i dont wear alot of make up....i dont do pedis and manis...i dont even like bubble baths because when we were poor and lived in a crappy apartment, the tub was always full of spiders and you never knew when another would crawl up the drain so i NEVER took a bath, just quick showers, and to this day, baths make me nervous lol

i dont care what i wear out of the house but then again, everything i own is somewhat appropriate to be seen in public (not like those people of walmart pictures)...i dont like gossip and i hate drama...i enjoy working with men much more than women because of that whole issue...

it's interesting to hear how some women are more girly and others very less so.....in my beliefs, we've all spent more than one lifetime around here and often as men, often as women....i myself remember some of three lifetimes as men (well, one of them as a boy because i was killed as a child)...i also like to talk about past lives...lol i'm not crazy, i promise :)

I think it's interesting that you're conflating girly and feminine.

ISTM that a lot of what you're describing, from the gossip to the wearing of pink and purple, is kind of a high-school definition of girly. I mean, I know a lot of women, most of them heterosexuals. And very very very few of them regularly wear heels or take hours to get dressed or dress up like something from a music video.

An apology to those who don't have an interest in linguistics (in which case, this probably will just sound mostly like static).


I don't think it's conflation (a logic error), I think it's a matter of synometry and degree. Girliness and femininity can be seen as synonyms, but rather I think the first is a sub-type of the latter.

Linguists argue that there are no true synonyms, that even words with the same denotation or literal definition, have different connotations or emotional context, and that's what I think we're dealing with here is a matter of connotation rather than denotation.

Rather than synonyms I would argue that girliness is a type of femininity, one with a juvenile connotation. So I think that the word girly would primarily be associated with the high school (or even much earlier) years, as when you get beyond the teen context, you're not talking girliness any longer, but rather a more adult femininity - in other words womanliness.

The idea of ‘femininity’ fascinates me. I’ve read a lot of Judith Butler and Simon de Beauvoir’s work and I agree with them that gender (femininity and masculinity) is socially constructed. Rather than men being innately masculine and women being innately feminine, we are conditioned to believe that these traits are natural to our sex and that if we do not behave in a masc. or fem. way then we are somehow out of the ordinary. I buy pink, but I also buy blue and red (and green’s my favourite). I pluck my eyebrows but I also have a male friend who does that too (he hates his monobrow!) and many female friends who don't. I process my hair but then so do a lot of my friends (male and female) and my boyfriend spends more money on a haircut than I do.

Anyway, I’m not sure if you want to be more girly or if you’re happy the way you are, but I would say don’t worry about it. You can be feminine and not do all of the things you mentioned or you can just forget about trying to be 'feminine' and just be you, which I reckon is always the best policy :) I do feminine things, masculine things and sometimes things that are a blurry incoherent mix of the two. It's not a big deal and in fact is a lot more fun.

The posts are interesting. Well, maybe some people think these things are high schoolish in character, but I observe people. And I see how different I am.

I could add to my list,

18. I never feign weekness and I am strong (or so I believe). I can lift and carry and do so on a regular basis. I don't wait to ask my husband to do it. I do it.

19. I am mechanical and use tools to build and fix things (that i know how to do). In college, I bought a set of basic tools so I could put things together and take them down by myself and not have to wait for a dad to help out.

20. I don't do flowery, girly purses or diaper bags (like Vera Bradley or JuJuBe)

Anyway, I live with my mother in law. She's always slathering on creams and perfumes. She does her hair up and always remembers to put her necklaces back on and so on.

When I belonged to a moms group they all had painted toenails and would talk about self-tanners. They would be wearing cutesy clothes, carrying their Vera Bradley purse or their JuJuBe flowery pink diaper bag and so on.

I just realized I don't fit in!

Sure, OK, I could 'do' all those things, but that would be from peer pressure, not wanting to do those things. And, I'm too lazy to do all taht stuff. I'm clean, with presentable hair and face and so on. I just can't imagine wasting so much time, effort and money on girly things.

It doesn't matter what size I am or at whatever age. I've always been this way. Maybe it's no coincidence that almost all my friends in high school were men. Made more girlfriends in college. I prefer working with men than women too. I don't get into those catty discussions.

Once in awhile I meet a nongirly, feminine woman and we usually INSTANTLY click, but they are few and far between.

And yes, feminine is different that girly. Girly are like the things mentioned above. Feminine is the type of relationships I have, the way I communicate, the shape of my body and and the curves and the soft, longer hair. I dress in skirts and very womanly clothes. In summer, I wear skorts (the skirt with the built in shorts), and I wear slacks with flattering to my curves tops/sweaters in winter. And I love artsy clothes and I adore (practical) purses that are a bit artsy. I love getting dressed up and feeling pretty and all that stuff. I just don't need to do all that self pampering to feel sexy or pretty. I'm much more of a natural girl.

Maybe that's what it is - I'm a nature girl? instead of the gussied up girl? And i'm not saying there's anything wrong with doing all the girly stuff. I just don't get it.

There as many ways to be "girly" as there are girls and women. Everyone has their own style. As for your list... I have all the same but 3.

• I do use lotion on my feet.
• I have worn a formal dress to my proms.
• And though I rarely wear make up, I do not buy from supermarket -- I have allergies so I'm fussy about it.

I would put it as "I'm a low maintenance woman." I don't spend a lot of energies or time on more elaborate fashionable looks, because I prefer a natural look that is less work. That's the bulk of it there.

I know there are other women who do like a higher maintenance look and go all out -- and that's fine too.

So you aren't alone, but I wouldn't worry about it. Just be the woman you are and be cool with it. ;)

A.

I never used to think I was particularly girly until I gave birth to two sons, lol. I've recently begun to assert myself as a female presence in the house. I'm not all-out girly like Kim Kardashian BUT I like pink and purple. Always paint my nails (hands and feet), wear makeup except when I'm working out or at the beach, color my hair, shave every other day (I'm 75% Italian, you do the math, lol) and various other things you listed. But that being said, I don't think it makes a difference one way or the other how girly someone is. I love myself (after many, many years of not) and so do my sons and DH. Although I will say that many a man has been surprised at my strength to lift and carry heavy things, the usual assumption is because I'm not a very big woman, that I need help lifting things...NOT SO. :D And though I'm somewhat girly, I've always gotten along better with guys. There's always an air of competition with other women I've found: who's prettier, skinnier, taller, bigger boobs, has a nicer house, better-looking husband, cuter kids, more money, etc. With men, it's just 'hey, how are you?' I have the best time with my hubby's friends, we laugh for hours on end, seriously.

I am an independent, strong-willed feminist AND a bit "girly."

I can use power tools, change a kitchen faucet, a lighting fixture, carry heavy things, kill bugs without screaming and basically anything that doesn't require a professional license (plumbing, electrical, etc.). I like doing these things because it makes me feel secure and confident.

I have a professional job and value my career. I make enough money to be financially independent.

I will ALWAYS stand up for myself with a man and make sure that the relationship is equal.

I have feminist beliefs on women's rights and the way that society treats us.

These are things that have been part of my personality regardless of my weight.

However, the part that seems to be changing in me is my level of outwardly "girliness." I used to pride myself on my lack of maintenance. I was a LOT like what you describe above. And I liked it that way.

Maybe I am going through a phase (in fact I'm probably certain of it) but, being on my own now and having lost weight, I am enjoying getting back in touch with myself and finding that I do like "girly" things. I am wearing more feminine clothes (skirts, ruffly tops, trendy shoes) and makeup (colored eyeliner, eyeshadow that's not just gray or brown, lipstick and not just lip gloss). I never thought I would be one of those girls that does these things. I always felt like these were things that the "pretty girls" did and I was not part of it because I was overweight. I tried to keep a sense of pride by saying that I was better because I was not that way. Now, I am more relaxed about that and realize that it's just fun. It's playful and gives me something light hearted to enjoy. My nails are pink and sparkly. It makes me smile.