I've tried a bunch over the years to make accounts on here and elsewhere and lose weight, but I never really get anywhere. I've gained quite a bit recently, and my health is deteriorating because of it.

So in 2014 I want to make a change. I'm moving to a better area, so I want a better me.

Hi there!

I know my suggestions can be slightly offbeat sometimes or not directly related to the problem at hand, but what occurred to me when reading your post was that you might benefit from some Al-Anon meetings. Even though they're for friends and family of alcoholics, everyone can go to those meetings and I've been in meetings with people who's families didn't have problem with alcohol, but other types of addictions and problems. It sounds like you're in a situation where the boundaries have been blurred and another person's well-being is getting a priority over your own. Those are the sort of people you'd see in those meetings. I've been there, or rather forced to go there by a friend, and it was surprisingly effective in great many ways.

There are some books on the topic of co-dependency, but I think that the meetings give something that the books can't. Everyone has a chance to talk (though you don't have to) and nobody else is allowed to comment or interfere during that time. Different groups have different vibes, and it can be rather interesting when you have a room full of people who are all concerned about what someone else thinks about them :-) It's still very rewarding.

I guess there are other similar groups as well that are based on the original AA. The 12 steps aren't to everyone's liking, but to me the most important thing was listening to others and seeing myself in them. That helped me a lot in finally starting to set some boundaries. Anything that happens within your body belongs to you and is also your responsibility. That includes thoughts and feelings. They're yours and you're free to say "no" to any kind of emotional manipulation. It just may be too difficult when there's the guilt and the blurred boundaries. That's why I hope you'll find some help with that. When the lines are blurred and the responsibilities become unclear and you'll eventually drain yourself.

There's a saying that bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies. I think that co-dependents reverse that, and they try to take care of others, hoping that some day the other person will turn around and say "I will now take care of you, you deserve it". It's just not going to happen, and it's not about worthiness. They're just stuck in their own world, not seeing other people, just like we can be stuck in someone else's world, not seeing ourselves.

Losing weight isn't really that difficult. I mean the physics of it. Just pick a plan that you like and stick with it. It's all the other stuff around it that sometimes makes it seem impossible. Our beliefs that we're not going to be able to do it. Even if it was someone else coercing us, it's always ultimately down to our own decisions and beliefs. Sometimes we think that we don't deserve to have a voice of our own or to do what we would want to do with our lives. Sometimes we just get really tired physically and mentally. But it's never too late to make even small changes towards autonomy and control over our own lives. It's not actually linear where you'd take steps forwards and backwards. You accumulate wisdom every step of the way, no matter what direction those steps are taken.

Hi antisocialinthecity! BACK! Hm, looking at SparklyBunny's response, I obviously am missing something post-edit, so I'll just say it's good to have you here! You'll get lots of support! The more involved you get, the more you'll get out of it, so browse around and start posting. Good luck!

Welcome!!! I think we've all gone on and off diets only to fail. Let's hope 2014 brings GREAT things for you.