Lajuna (beautiful name)

I agree completely. I think that sometimes we forget that this will take a while and we become frustrated with how slow things move. But to be honest, even if I do only lose a pound a week or a half pound a week. Look at far I will be in a year, and we all know how fast time flies.

I have looked back and thought, "I would have been at my goal weight by now if I had just kept going back a year or two ago." So, I don't want that to ever happen again. Next summer, I don't want to be sitting there at 265 or more thinking, "Jeeze maybe I should have kept at it."

It feels good to know that you have lost weight, even if it is only a pound or two. At least we aren't giving up, and we will get there eventually.

Happy WITH myself and proud OF myself,
Tiffany

Tiffany, you are so right, I have had these same thoughts myself through the years. If only I had come to the realization when I was in my 20's that this was a life long journey and not just another diet, maybe I wouldn't be where I am today. I made up my mind almost 3 months ago that next year at this time I will be less than 225 even if it is only 10 lbs, and look how far I've come already.

You have every right to be proud and happy, I congratulate you on your success!

Have a wonderful day!
Oh, thank you for the compliment My name is pronounced much differently than spelled La-ha-na

Your names sounds Hawaiian. Very exotic!!

I love it!!!

Hey everyone!
well! theres been like.....a thousand posts already! and IM just waking up!!!! hehehe!!
So anyways......
Tiff.............I'll be glad to tell you anything i can about highschool! My school goes from grades 7-12 so ive been in the whole high school atmosphere for awhile now!
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome! Im really excited to get started and to keep going.....i am going away for a week or two after the 14th because i am a counselor at a bible camp and i dont know if im going for one or two weeks yet...they will let me know when i get there...but until then! Thanks for letting me join and i hope everyone has a terriffic day!!!
luv
Kayla

The "if onlys". I get those. If only I'd taken notice when I gained the first 10, if only I'd gotten serious sooner.....if only. If only, I'd be wearing a cute bathing suit THIS summer! Drats!
Today, I took my rugrats to Taco Bell. Zesty Chicken Bowl thingy was good...don't know how healthy it was? But, it probably saved me from buying too much at the grocery store. Even my kids were too full to beg. The professional beggers, silenced. Now that's a first!
8)

Hello to everyone - welcome to new ones.

It's nice to "see" you guys! I'm back to work too - yeah, what you all said about THAT!

Woo-hoo! M&M free and proud of it! Bonus: I can see daylight from my new space.

So yesterday in spite of (or perhaps because of?) my bold new intentions I had kind of a fluff day as far as my goals. Yep, I blew them all off.

I guess I'm now feeling the emotional resistance to throwing away my crutch, my safety net, my feelgood or whatever the heck it is that allowing myself undisciplined eating does for me. That's fine though, because moving past any negative emotion is all part of the process. [I didn't gain weight because I was thrilled with my life, did I?]

And I'm back on track today. Did my workout even though it wasn't my best morning ever and stuck it out although it seemed REALLY hard to get my heart rate up to my target and keep it there. And I'm trying to do it all.

Lunch scenario to prove my seriousness: ate lunch with a coworker to catch up. She had the cafeteria lasagna - I ate my sandwich. They gave her a double-portion (God only knows why, it was huge). I ate my carrots. She left over half on her plate - melted cheese dribbling off it. I ate my apple. It went in the trash, ladies and I didn't even quiver.

I'm so proud of all of you. I look at what you've done... Darn it, I want some numbers in my sigline already! And then I hear that you've been patient for a couple of months and that makes me feel better, inspired and awed at the same time. Keep up the good work!

Sipping my diet Coke when there's cans of regular under my desk... and liking it.

Cafe,

YOU ROCK, GIRL!!!!!!

Hey, by the way, Lean Cuisine makes a MEAN lasagna complete with dripping cheese!!!

It's people like you that help me stick with it. I know I am not the only one watching everyone eat that crap and wishing I could have a big plate of it too.

My savior at work was always the Smart Pop Popcorn, a big bag of it in the afternoon always filled me up and kept me from munching. Those hours from 1-5 really are killers.

I agree with what you said about your life and gaining the weight because you were not happy. I have tried to figure out why I ate the way I did and why I have done this to myself....and I have come up with this:

When I was 12 my step-father tried to molest me. He never succeeded, but I lived with the fear at night that he would come into my room and try again. So, I started eating more and more. I let myself get out of control, from not washing my hair very often and letting my skin go. Soon, I was fat and gross and nobody bothered me. (I was also groped by an elderly man from the Moose Lodge when I was 8)

I have discovered that being fat makes me invisible. I can be in a crowd and no one will notice me. I can go to a club and be ignored. For most of my life, this was nice...and I didn't have to feel like an object.

Now, as I get older, I become stronger. I will tolerate no crap from anyone. I will allow no one to make me feel like less than I am. I believe in myself and I treasure who I am. And I know that now, when I lose the weight and those men try to make me feel like a piece of meat, I can put them in their place in a city minute. No one can take advantage of me and that has changed everything for me.

So, I have discovered what I think the root of my problem is, and I think I can finally be free of it.

For me, there WAS a reason for the fat. For some people, there is no particular reason, and some people simply haven't learned how to cope. They supress their emotions and eat instead.

I guess it's up to each of us to find the root of our problem and try to overcome it. Easier said than done.

Well, I am off to Subway, I think I will have a turkey sandwich, no cheese, no mayo...lots of veggies and mustard. Yummmm....

Hugs to you all,
Tiffany

Been gone for a week and actually at least scanned all the posts! Welcome new folks! Congrats on losses, staying on programs, and not going too far off!!! I went to San Francisco. Other than today, which I spent in Atlanta with my bestfriend and her kids (my godson and his babybrother), I didn't do too shabby. (Today I was a pig, but oh well!) I didn't obsess on my trip but I made mostly wise choices. My first day out there, I went on a 3 mile tough walk with my brother's girlfriend (skinny native Californian!). It was tough but I did it. It was along the Pacific with great views of the Golden Gate Bridge and the City at times. So, if you are going to die walking a tough walk.... that's the way to go!

I'm exhausted, so I will cut off there. Great trip though. Missed Monday's weigh-in. Will do so first thing in the morning. Did step on it tonight and it actually looks like I'll be okay!!!

Bye y'all... I'll post tomorrow night...

Good Morning! It's great to see you back Lizzo. Gosh, I guess pretty much everyone took some sort of trip over the 4th. I don't know about the rest of you, but getting away ANYWHERE from my normal hum-drum life has a way of renewing my spirit. Feels good don't ya know!

So off I go to get ready for work........

Lajuna
225/203/150

Running really late for work ... going back is NOT fun!!!

But... just stepped on the scale. Weighed in at a half pound gain since the Monday before I left. Not too bad! I'll take that!

Okay... gotta run... Have a great day, y'all!!!

::: Dropping everything to run to the store for Lean Cuisine Lasagna

Thanks for the tip - I'll check that out!

Tiffany - what can I say about your experience but that I'm incredibly sorry that there are creeps on this earth that will persist in messing with kids. It's terrible - I wish they could be made to feel those years worth of fear and isolation x5 on a daily basis for a LONG time.

But you are SO worth this effort. You're right, we're the grownups now and there is every reason for you to feel good about yourself and confident that the way you look is a reflection of the vibrant person you are - and not be afraid that they will terrorize you for it. Heck, you fought off that step-so-called-parent at 12 - you would PULVERIZE 'em today.

My case is a little harder to define. Maybe I'll call it a general malaise for now? There have been lots of factors contributing to getting me down - and it seems like each one caused a little here a little there.

I think I felt robbed of identity after getting married. Especially when we moved from the beach in so. california back to the cold northern state where I had grown up. I had learned a lot about myself in my independant days and the climate by the beach & attending massage school was one of TOTAL acceptance and openness. Living with someone who gave negative feedback as well as positive was a punch in the eye for me - although pretty normal in any relationship! I had learned to thrive in an atmosphere where I was allowed to be what I want without a defined set of social expectations (except being nice, and man was I nice.) And H is a man - and marriage is a tricky balancing act, especially those first few years. And then coming back to the frozen wasteland as I affectionately call it - that was tough too. All the history of the place I grew up and the set idea that many people had of my identity - trying not to slip into that but keep my new identity which was happier or more in touch with myself...

When I started to put on weight H was (legitimately) like "what's going on?" Man, I hit the roof. "IF you don't love me the way I am no matter WHAT than you can hit the road, JACK!" Well, he quit talking about THAT topic, LOL. So yeah, I guess food became a way to give myself positive input in a way that was not conditional on anything or anyone. It's not that I stuffed myself all the time or would ever eat when I was seriously upset - no, but I never watched what I ate - and I hadn't before so it didn't seem like a big deal to me - and with a little negative feedback from H it was soon not even an OPTION to consider depriving myself in that way. (I'm a little stubborn, did you notice?)

So circumstances would bump me up a little more - like working through my first winter here at a gourmet cafe & bakery. Seriously the best scones I have ever eaten, 25-30 fresh desserts every day, and a whole lineup of food - a free meal on every shift eaten during your break. Awesome food. I'm sure I could credit 25 of this 85 pounds to that place - I worked there for a year.

This and many other honored contributors, LOL. Icky jobs, lackluster surroundings, perceived loss of freedom, limiting circumstances playing into that perceived loss of freedom thing, apathy, giving up and rollercoaster rides of all types.

At times I would try to change things - but I was used to RESULTS and if they didn't happen quickly I'd cut my losses and go back to my comfort zone.

Okay, reviewing this it is starting to sound like I'm at an AA meeting or something. I'll quit now. Anyway, I'm glad to be here and I went back to the gym today so I'm off to a good start on my day. (Take that Bob Greene!)

Welcome back, Lizzo!

My youngest son calls the baseball field consession stand a CONFESSION STAND. Is'nt that the truth!

I just saw in my local grocery ad that they have Lean Cuisine 50% off! I'll have to be checking out that Lasagna too. It's usually when I'm starved and in a hurry that I make the worst choices of food. Having some handy dandy frozen meals might help. But then I get those voices in my head....how processed is it? Is it really healthy? Healthier than that bag of chips w/dip. Argh. It is so hard deciding what to eat. In dream land, I would plant a garden and grow all my own food.

Do you think kids are fatter today than 20 years ago because of video games and tv or because of all the processed foods and fast food joints on every corner? When I was a kid, my town only had a Dairy Queen..and it didnt even have a drive-thru. Now, that same little town has at least 5 fast food joints. I live in a different town now...in a rurual setting. But, just down the road at a highway intersection is a McD's, Arby's and Burger King.
I'm ramblin...better get busy. It's actually NOT 90 DEGREES today and I should get some yard work done.
Here's to a great day on program! Cheers!

Jo's about to gripe for a moment or two. Feel free to skip over this paragraph. After spending 4 hours yesterday afternoon unable to leave my desk long enough to go to the darned bathroom and unable to leave at 4:30 like I was supposed to, I fumed and cursed and, this morning, I cornered my boss and told him that I came very close to quitting. I am so sick of working my *** off and getting no appreciation, no respect, no money, especially while certain other people come and go as they please and get away with it!!!!!! Anyway, like I said, I vented to the boss (don't you hate it when you're trying to make a point and you start to get all teary-eyed and emotional???) and he at least listened to me. Not to say anything will be done about it but I feel better anyway.

OK, I'm done whining ... for now. We have visitors in today so hopefully it'll keep him busy for a while. So I can do important things like post here!!! Did finally get to the gym last night but the place was really crowded. I spent some time on the machines but couldn't get one of my beloved elliptical machines and just went home. Would love to report that I got on my treadmill when I got home but I can't lie to you guys.

Lizzo, I'm with you! Getting back to work is NO FUN AT ALL! Hm, maybe I should just hit the lottery and tell these folks to take this job and ... well, you know. Ooh, a gal can dream, right?

Cafe, congrats on your new "home". My desk is about as far away from the cafeteria and its vending machines as it can be and still be in the same building and that's just fine with me. BTW, I agree with Tiffany on the Lean Cuisine lasagna! In fact, I like most of the Lean Cuisines better than Healthy Choice or Weight Watchers. Pick me up a box or two? I really liked your comment about "so many other contributors" (honored or otherwise!) It's so true!! If we only ate when we were actually hungry, we wouldn't be in this shape in the first place!

Tiffany, my friend! Since I've been here you've been so funny and personable and witty and I really admire you. Now I admire you even more! And you are so right about being fat making you invisible. I remember losing some weight and wearing my tight (as in "supposed to be tight") jeans and walking into the bar to meet my friends. There were these young guys shooting pool who immediately started coming on to me. Is it possible to be flattered and creeped out at the same time? Either way, I had no idea how to react.

Since this post is already a book, I'm going to tell my story. I was a thin (as in average) kid. My family moved in the summer of 1972 when I was 10. I was very shy and didn't make new friends very easily. Food became my comfort and my best friend. The next summer I went back to my old neighborhood and was swimming in my old best friend's pool and at one point she said, as only one 11-year-old best friend could say to another, "Boy, your thighs are sure getting fat!" I remember it vividly to this day! And she was absolutely right. I can pinpoint that year as the year I started to get fat. And I've been going strong ever since.

I've rambled on long enough. Besides, I really have to pee! Yeah, like you needed to know that. Then I get to fill my water bottle and start all over again.

Hope you all have a good one!

Picture me strutting around, chest stuck out (although that happens normally) nose in the air....."Jo likes me. Jo thinks I am Coooool. Jo admires me. Jo wants to be my friend...Neener neener neener".


Thanks Jo, I feel the same about you.

Ok, here is the Tiffany problem for the day. Last night about 9:00 I was adding up my calories for the day and realized that I had only eaten 772 calories for the day. A first!!! But I had the munchies. My calorie range is 1450-1700, so I went to the store and picked up a small bag of Heath bites. The total calories in the bag were 720 calories. *YIKES* But....added to my calories for the day, I had consumed 1492. Right in my range.

Now, I realize that this is not what is typically known as "healthy eating"!! But....would this do any harm to my diet for that one day? All together, I did eat only 1492 calories, although half was chocolate.

Just curious. Anyway, my eating was back on track today, everything healthy...but the guilt from eating that bag of chocolate is still lingering. LOL

Anyway, I am off. My daughter has a half-bath next to her room. It has been painted with Kilz for almost 2 years. It also basically has no windows and is a rectangle. Today I picked out a pale sage green color for the walls and a decorative rod and a beautiful cream curtain. (kind of a half curtain) and I am painting the walls the sage green, putting dark green towels and a dark green rug and toilet cover in there, and painting a dark green ivy stencil around the top of the walls, and then mounting the decorative curtain on the wall, so it gives the appearance of a small window in there. (clever, I thought.) But the dark green accents with the light green walls will look, hopefully, very tropical and lush. I will also throw a big green plant in the corner. Fake of course, but that is my goal, to create something out of nothing.

That will also keep my mind off of munching. LOL....two brilliant plans rolled up into one! I'm a genius, I tell ya. A genius.

Hope everyone is hanging in there and being good little soldiers. I will check back later, no time for shout-outs...but....I have a room to create.

My best to everyone!
Tiff

Hey everyone!
Well i was terrible last night! I ate too many chips at my friends party and crackers and cheese and cookies! it was crazy! But i plan on starting weight watchers tommorrow and then start on slimfast maybe next week sometime.....when i get some money to go buy the stuff.....
Well since you guys all got to tell your stories.....heres mine!
When i was younger i was pretty average.... My mom was ALWAYS on about eating good and not being fat and stuff because my dads side of the family is all bigger( although my dad is tall and built....but not chubby in the least) she used to always say....."Only one helping dear, we wouldnt want you to end up looking like micheal".....micheal was my older...and much larger cousin.....When we lived in the city i was always out doing things and having fun..... then we moved to a small town and it was all good for the first few years and then my parents got divorced. I stayed with my dad in our house. My dad had always been the one who went to work and brought home the money and my mom took care of all the cleaning and cooking. My dad managed to keep up all the yard work and keep the house clean and stuff....but all of it and the cooking wasnt something he easily mastered...so we ate out ALL THE TIME! mcdonalds like....twice a day sometimes! Then i started working out and I started helping out and cooking more and it was good again for awhile.....
Then i started to get really depressed and turn to food for comfort. I finally realised what i was doing and joined a few exercise classes. When my friend got sick with cancer and eventually lost her battle, i stopped caring about anything in life, school, friends, family, my diet. after a couple months of letting my whole life slide my parents and teachers and friends all noticed and i got into some counseling and eventually started to get better. I am really happy to finally be getting back on track!!!



Anyways! I am starting weight watchers tommorrow and my sister is doing it too so hopefully that will help! I am headed out for a walk now! talk to you all sooN! have a terriffic day and remember: what lies ahead of us and what lies behind us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us!

luv Kayla