[EZMONEY]

HEY LILYBELLE~

Don't let "one bad apple spoil the whole bunch girl!"

Being a christian, I am all for giving to charity or your church during the season of Christ's birth, however, I feel giving to charity in the name of your step-monster kids would be done more to hurt them than benefit the charity ~ although I will say that that is something "I" would do!!

Personally, I feel the best thing to do would be to include them in everything just as you are doing your own children, buy them nice presents, just as you are doing for your own ~ if they don't show up (all the better!) too bad for them....take the high road dear...it will pay off at some point..

don't listen to TECHWIFE...she is evil ...she thinks too much like me!

[BridgetJFan]

I sympathize about young adults only wanting money--it really is more fun to pick out gifts. However, my in-laws always gave us a monetary gift in addition to some personal gift and they never knew how much that money helped catch up bills and actually made it so we could afford to come home for Christmas. We never wanted anyone to know how we were struggling. Now that they have passed away, I wonder if I showed my gratitude enough. BJ

[lilybelle]

I can see where you all are coming from. To me, they do ruin the spirit of Christmas. After all, it is Christmas, not PAYDAY and I have even had them call in advance to ask how much they would be getting for Christmas or B-days before. They usually take the money or gift cards and buy for their boyfriends with it.
EZ-Money, there is no way on earth that I will stress myself out again to pick them out gifts. DH can pick them out gifts if he chooses. After 8 yrs. of this, I surrender.

[Jen415]

Good for you Lilybelle! Way to stand up for yourself. Maybe now your H will see what his kids do to you every year!

[bandit2]

Lilybelle - I have a similar situation going on but with older children of my bf.
What we have done is each buy for their family & put both our names on the tags. That puts the onus on the individual to buy for their own families. And I know everyone should all be one family, but we are not. This has saved me alot of money & aggravation.

Good luck.

[lilybelle]

bandit, I completely agree. We should be "one, big happy family" but this is never going to be.

[phantastica]

Lilly, I'd advise not skipping on gifts for the girls no matter how ungrateful they are, because it could come back to you in a negative way - "you guys love HER kids more, and the proof is that THEY got gifts for Christmas and WE didn't!" Trust me, I've seen enough blended families, and this could easily happen.

Making DH do shopping for his ego-centric girls is a great idea. I personally LOVE the charity contribution idea.

I think there is still hope for them. Early 20s is still a pretty developmental stage.

I guess my focus this year is going to be less on gifts and more on tradition and togetherness. Gift-giving is so hard, because our economy and standard of living is so opulent that we (at almost any income) can purchase what we want at any time. I tend to purchase consumables for gifts.

[mauvaisroux]

I totally agree. Christmas is about spending time with family and friends. Things were getting difficult for us financially a few years back so we decided to tell everyone we were only going to buy gifts for our respective parents and our godchildren (and 3 kids belonging to close friends) due to financial issues.

When we spoke to our friends most of them were relieved to hear it at as they were struggling too and were quite happy to just visit with us and exchange tins of home baked goods and share a glass of wine or two while watching the kids open their gifts. We sometimes do a potluck dinner too.

We've continued this over the last few years and it has taken a lot of pressure off both us and our friends and we look forward to our get togethers and sharing time toghether during the holiday season.