I love shopping for other people at Christmas. It's so exciting to find the exact perfect gift for the person. I spend hours and hours looking because I refuse to just pick up a nice sweater or a gift certificate to a restaurant or something. I love buying holidays for people, too, especially those that really need them. (And I never get young kids clothes! Remember how much you HATED getting clothes when you were little?)
I always receive a lot of gift cards, but not because I ask for them. I'm admittedly quite hard to buy for, so most people, especially my family, think "Hey, she loves reading and cooking, so here's a certificate for Chapters or Williams Sonoma." LOL. The exception has always been my good friends, who always seem to find the perfect thing. I like gifts with heart. Once a boyfriend gave me a boxful of random little things representing stuff we joked about a lot. It's hard to explain but it was lovely.
My stepdad drives me a bit insane at Christmas, though, because he is forever giving my mother gifts like workout gear and exercise DVDs, and she doesn't really exercise, and he also watches if she eats chocolate or plum pudding or whatever. I mean, lay off on her for a day, it's Christmas!
I have 2 sisters and a brother that are still alive out of the 6 of us kids that grew up together.(one sister died at age 21 and a brother at age 23) I think part of my resentment towards the selfishness of my DH's kids is that every yr. every penny affordable is spent on them and I haven't been able to buy my own sisters and brother a gift in our entire marriage. By George,, I'm buying for my family this yr. Both my parents are deceased. I love shopping for my own kids because they appreciate getting gifts. I will continue to always cook the traditional holiday meal, but I don't care if his girls show up or not. My kids still enjoy it and so do me and my DH.
Although I'm in support of the xmas spending to boost the domestic economy, I hate that xmas is now getting more and more commercial (not to mention, controversial! "Holiday Tree"???). I'm not religious, but I really think this is a good time of year to really savor the entire year with your family. I cannot fathom being in your shoes, lilybelle. I feel like I might just abadone everything, the gifts, the fruitcake and the xmas cards along with xmas dinner if NO ONE sees the real meaning of quality time. Your kids should really appreciate what you give them, even if it was just a HUG. I love xmas because each time I think of it, I remember all the great memories I had, not all the great presents I had. To be given a chance to spend time with people that really matter, people that are close to you, that's more than enough. To have some great dinners and brunches wouldnt hurt either.
Maybe I should have a little talk with your hubby's kids. I'm around their age, but I could never agree with their pickiness.
I look forward to it every year! I love making cookies, wrapping gifts, decorating the house. Maybe this is because I still have small children, but I absolutely love it!
My very favorite time of Christmas is the day I spend with my sisters and brother for a holiday get-together. We just all enjoy this day and there isn't any pressure to give or receive gifts, we all just do whatever we want or can afford to do for each other. My own kids and all their kids are there. My step-children aren't with us on this day. We play a white elephant game and all have fun with it. We also sing music and have a great meal together. This yr. I am definitely wanting to buy a nice gift for my siblings, I really miss picking out special things for them.
You are not alone. Christmas is a huge binge inducer for me. Always has been. There's a lot of tension in my family. Dh's family is no better, and it takes six hours to get there to watch his mom have the fit o' the year. I do all the shopping which means rushing around at lunch time, all the wrapping, all the planning, all the cooking, all the cleaning and all the decorating while dh sits around watching tv. My mom wants us to give her a list so she doesn't have to work too hard to get gifts. I just decided to save her even more trouble and ask for a gift card. She prefers that anyway. Now that my sister will finally have a kid, I hope we can stop with the adult gifts altogether. That would be a huge relief.
This year we are living in a tiny rent house. Our tree and all the christmas stuff is in storage. I don't even know what we'll do for christmas this year.
kateful, sorry to hear Christmas is always so stressful for you too. I do all the shopping, wrapping, cooking and cleaning too. I do the inside decorations. My DH helps with the outside decorations. After all, someone has to get on the roof and it's not gonna be me, LOL. I worry that it will cause me to binge eat too. It didn't last year. I do have some recipes for Low Carb cookies and fudge that I want to try this yr. Plus LC cheesecake.
When we were young adults without children me and my sib's all bought for each other. No matter how broke we were. Sometimes it was just socks or something really cheap but it still meant a lot. I miss this.
My MIL is very difficult to shop for. She has a lot of money and buys herself anything that she wants or needs. It is hard to find a gift for her. My DH needs new tires for his Jeep, so this is what I am getting for him. Very impersonal, I know, but he needs them.
I was trying to figure out what I was trying to get at with my post earlier and I think my point is that...and this is a stretch...and not to condone the step kids' behavior...but how have they managed through their parents' divorce? I know you guys have been married for some time now, but are they maybe deep inside resentful that their parents got divorced? I know I was bratty and impossible to please because I was really deeply depressed in my early 20's. Maybe they've got some deep seeded issues and Christmas brings them out? What they really want is their own original family back together, so since they can't have that, they're looking for big gifts to compensate?
I still, really, really like the idea of donating funds in their name and giving them a card telling them so. But it should be coupled with a holiday experience that shows them what it's like to have less than they have...like working with the soup kitchen or meals on wheels or visiting people in nursing homes. Something to help them realize the reason for the season.
In fact, I would like to talk to my husband about that...our daughter is only 12 and our son is 5 (almost 6) and I'd like to start to donate in their name to a charity they choose...maybe we can start with toys for tots. Hmmm...maybe this might be an avenue you can go with your step kids...take them out to Toys R Us and pick out a toy for them to give to Toys for Tots? Or find an Angel Tree in the mall and buy something for that child? Help them to understand what it's all about. I think their age...early 20's...can be a very egocentric time. It's all about them and what they want. YOu should sit them down and tell them that they are invited to dinner, but they should have enough respect for you and all of your family to sit down and enjoy. As for the Grandma's present...I would have taken them aside and told them they were being rude and spell it out for them what's expected of them. Even at 20 years old, they're still growing up and learnign how to be responsible adults and I'm sure you could tell them how to be in a nice way, Lilly. I have an example:
There is a boy named Ezra that lives across the street from us. He used to scare the you-know-what out of me because he had dark, long hair, tattoos and wore baggy, dark clothes. He went to the high school for the bad kids down the street. Anyhow...he aspired to be a roadie for a rock band. Great...so he moved to Florida after he graduated and ended up bottoming out. Well, to make a long story short, he moved back, cut his hair, got a job at the local radio station and is now about 25. Lives with his mother, BUT, he bought her a new lawn mower, mows the lawn all the time, cooks her dinner before she gets home. He's turned out to be a great young man! My point is...kids in their early 20's are still learnign how to be normal adults...teach them the way, Lilly! Tell them what 's expected at Christmas and if they can't conform to YOUR rules, then they should just go to their mother's house. End of story.
I'm rambling...I hope things work out for you this year!
I love and hate christmas both. DH and I are both very close to our families. On DH's side, we spend christmas day with his family, we get up early and watch his 18 and 11 year old (this year) neice and nephew open their gifts. We have breakfast go home and are back for dinner....in between breakfast and dinner our kids open gifts that we didn't take with us to the other place.
We usually do christmas eve with my family which is tricky because my mom and dad are divorced, my mom is remarried, dad is not. We used to have a big dinner with everyone at my house because it is the biggest of my sister's/and mine and it gives both parents a neutral place to come.(my sisters: 11, 13, 27, 31) Last year though we had christmas on the 24, 25, 26 and sepearated my parents. It is just to crazy I love being with my family, DH's family has a big problem with me right now (well since march) and I just dont want the hassle.
Gift giving on the other hand is pretty easy. DH's family only the kids get gifts, the 18yo will get gifts until she's 90 because she is a spoiled brat. but We will stop giving her gifts when she turns 20. My family gives to the kids and each individual family draws a name and we give ornaments. This year we are doing small homemade gifts or low priced gifts for the kids.
techwife, they are definitely resentful of their parents divorcing. Always have been, but it wasn't my fault. I came afterwards. Before that, they had been in a very strict Mormon home and I know it is difficult for them to ever accept things to be different. Their dad is now married to me and their mom lives with her boyfriend. This isn't how they were raised. Every one of them have left their religious upbringing and so have both parents for that matter. To me, they all seem to be way too impressed with monetary things and will only hang out with the "rich kids" even though they aren't "rich". My own kids are so different. Many of their best friends are very poor and it doesn't matter to them.
As far as taking them to a nursing home, angel tree or a soup kitchen, there isn't time. They only show up for 30 min's at most at Christmas time. Long enough to open gifts and refuse the dinner that I cooked and say they have to leave. I don't know how it will turn out this yr. 2 of them are living in Nevada, one is still in OK. and one is in Arkansas.
Believe me, I did let them know how badly they had hurt their grandmothers feelings last Christmas. It was undeniably wrong.
jcatron, I know how this is. We have Christmas at home with my kids and his. Another Christmas with his mom, sister and Aunt. Another Christmas with my family. It is so hectic to do it this way.
I used to buy my older brother (20) birthday gifts and cards. He never thanked me. About two days after his 17th birthday, I found the card I gave him on the floor of the car, covered in dirt and torn.
I've never bought him another thing.
If they don't like what you give them, why bother? If they don't appreciate the effort you put in, then why try? Don't stress out over people that aren't worth it.
Lilly...if you've got it in you, I would LOVE to see you do the "This amount has been donated to <pick a charity> in your name" thing. That would really scorch 'em! Please, please, please.....
What a horrible thing for those girls to do to their grandmother! They sound so selfish and thoughtless. It sounds like Christmas is just about getting gifts and being forced to sit through a family visit that they don't want to be at. That is so unfair to their dad.
Maybe you and your DH need to sit down and review what is important to both of you at Christmas and start making some new traditions. One thing you could do is have a Christmas morning breakfast/brunch with your kids and open gifts in the morning, then have his daughters over for tea and biscuits in the afternoon since they just seem to show up to get a gift anyway. That will reduce the amount of work you have to do for the dinner and then you can relax and enjoy the rest of the evening on your own with DH and the kids that want to be there. You will have less hard feelings since you hadn't planned on serving the selfish girls dinner anyway.
I know gift cards are easy but I prefer getting a gift that someone put some thought into. It doesn't have to be anything expensive it's just the thought behind it.
techwife, I would love to do the charity donation with their gift money. It would make me feel good. I am afraid that DH would not like it at all. He is extremely sensitive where his ungrateful kids are concerned and would think I was being mean to them. I am leaning toward just giving him money (I control all the money in our household) and let him give them a gift, gift card or whatever he chooses. I will let them know this is what I did and whatever they get is what their dad chose to give them. I will shop for my DH, my kids, my MIL and Aunt and my siblings and that is it. Oh, I will buy my 2 grandbabies some gifts. Maybe this could help take gift giving pressure off of me.
techwife, I would love to do the charity donation with their gift money. It would make me feel good. I am afraid that DH would not like it at all. He is extremely sensitive where his ungrateful kids are concerned and would think I was being mean to them. I am leaning toward just giving him money (I control all the money in our household) and let him give them a gift, gift card or whatever he chooses. I will let them know this is what I did and whatever they get is what their dad chose to give them. I will shop for my DH, my kids, my MIL and Aunt and my siblings and that is it. Oh, I will buy my 2 grandbabies some gifts. Maybe this could help take gift giving pressure off of me.
They sound so selfish and thoughtless. It sounds like Christmas is just about getting gifts and being forced to sit through a family visit that they don't want to be at. That is so unfair to their dad.
