We are planning at trip to DisneyWorld,,,waiting on the phone to order some tickets,,,and the hold music is this very lively spanish beat music. We have speaker phone,,,and after waiting for over 20 so far,,a few minutes ago, my youngest son, hubby, myself and our dog was just doing some wild crazy dancing...lol the dog is barking and running in circles,,,we are laughing hysterically. 10-20-30 years from now will he remember this? I know I will! Poor kid we probably messed him up from ever dancing a proper latin cha cha..
And I am calling this an arobic exercise!
My 12 year old son and 10 year old daughter are always hugging me. My son even tells me he loves in front of his friends - I'm waiting for the day someone teases him and he stops . . . until then, I'm enjoying it. They also tell their dad they love him and hug him too. I think it's wonderful they feel comfortable enough with us to do that. It for sure is NOT abnormal and I have to agree that it sounds like your hubby has some issues. It might have been frowned upon when he was growing up so it does seem not "normal" to him. How sad. I've always been a hugger though so it isn't surprising that my kids are too.
Just keep it up Mom - and studies have shown that reading to your kids is the best thing you can do. I haven't always been the best at that part even though I love to read myself.
In my opinion, a boy (or girl for that matter) that has a normal, intimate relationship with their parents (hugs, kisses, sharing the recliner and a bowl of popcorn with a good movie) is on the right track to having normal intimate relationships with the opposite (or whatever) sex when they grow up.
Not only is it normal, but it's healthy...reverse the situation and tell hubby that not only are you going to continue hugging, kissing and reading stories to your son, but you are requesting he do the same. Heck, if he can make demands on intimacy issues with your son, why can't you? NOT being close to your children is the abnormal thing...your husband has it ALL wrong.
ITA!
My dad stopped showing me affection when I was 8ish. It really screwed me up. For years (20), I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was unloveable.
Please, keep hugging your son. He deserves it!
Well, I'd wonder what the heck was wrong with my 9yr old son if i didnt' get a hug everyday. ****, we still get kisses on the cheek from him at bedtime, both my husband and myself as well as our 2yr old boy. Totally normal IMO.
My 19 year old and 15 year old sons both hug me. They went through reserved phases where they didn't want to hug me in public, etc., but I just went with the flow and everything worked out. My family wasn't a huggy family when I was growing up, but we all knew our parents loved us regardless of the fact that we weren't touchy-feely. As long as kids are secure in their families these things will wax and wane normally.
I have a 9 year old daughter (and a 17 and a 20 year old too)
Lately it seems she's become really really mushy & huggable. Perhaps it's something to do with the age... maybe they realize they're on the verge of growing up & don't really want to grow away from us. I'm not complaining... it's fun to have her be so snuggly!
I have a 9 year old daughter (and a 17 and a 20 year old too)
Lately it seems she's become really really mushy & huggable. Perhaps it's something to do with the age... maybe they realize they're on the verge of growing up & don't really want to grow away from us.
My son is 20 and still hugs me at least twice a day. My step son is 10 and hugs my DH at least 4 or 5 times a day and my DH hugs his mom everytime he sees her. I couldn't even count how many times my two daughters (18 and 16) give me a hug.
Don't let you husband get to you, it just proves that you have raised a very loving son!
No, thats not abnormal. I read to my daughter every night before she goes to sleep - have been doing that for as long as I can remember most nights. Gives us something to share & talk about as well as look forward to! (nowadays we usually read a few chapters in books that are slightly above her age level)
Teaching your kids to love reading is a wonderful gift! So many many parents DON'T read with the kids - and the kids just don't read at all, and IMO are missing out on something great!
Have your husband talk to the boys teacher when school starts - reading (alone or with a family member) is ALWAYS recommended! My daughter is far beyond her grade level in reading & comprehension.... it gives her self confidence and a higher level of esteem because she feels good about herself in general. How could that be a bad thing??
He's way off base when he says you're spoiling him... in fact, you're promoting learning & a closer family bond. Isn't that what good parents try/want to do?
I wish my 10 year old would hug me. My husband is doing the opposite. He tells our son that he SHOULD hug his mom every day! Really a lot of this comes from our insecurities as parents and social stigmas. We want to be the jones and do everything perfectly right. Guess what? We make mistakes as parents. How our kids turn out has something to do with us as parents, has something to do with outside influences and has a lot to do with their own personalities and perceptions. You can raise 10 kids in the same house and every single one will turn out differently no matter how you try to keep things the same. Be a good parent. Let God and fate handle the rest. I will say we worry too much (myself included) that we are not living up to society standards. Men have this idea that the climate has to be just so to make sure their sons turn out to be manly men. It's a normal thing for dads to worry about (though unnecessary). Hopefully he gets it through his head before he develops a bond that isn't as great between your son and yourself. My son...he decided the non-huggy thing on his own. My middle son is only 7. I hope he keeps hugging me everyday.
One other thing....I recently went on vacation to visit the relatives. My dad, with every single one of my sons thinks I'm raising them to depend on momma's "tit" waaayyyy too late. He bases it on everything. I nursed them too long (the longest was 13 months). I talk to them like children (instead of adults who can understand everything I can say) too long. They aren't potty trained soon enough (yeah, I wish they would potty train sooner, but hey..it happened before they went to school). They take baths with me too long (What do you want me to do with my 2 year old when I need to take a bath? Leave him locked outside either screaming or getting into everything? (I'm deaf so I couldn't hear if an accident happened)). I let my children cry when they are hurt or upset too long. Again....I'm not gonna spank a 2 year old for crying because he got into trouble. I go through this with each child. My oldest (10) is already acting like a teenager before my eyes and his friends are paramount. So do not tell me I raised them to be momma's boys. It's just the way men think though. They really just want to make sure they don't get sissy boys (even thier perception of those negative terms can be skewed).
There is NOTHING wrong with hugging. Actually there has been research stating the we all NEED at least 4 hugs a day.
It seems like your husband is the one who is uncomfortable with showing affection in that way. tell him to think about it this way ( Iam gonna be very blunt) "if your son were to pass away suddenly tomorrow, will he have wished he hugged him more?" I bet the answer would be yes, I know your would be, no questions about that.
I don't understand this fear of showing love...I personally think we don't show it or say it to those we love enough!!! I hug my dad and tell him I love him all the time...and he to me! My BROTHER who is 28 hugs our dad every chance he gets...
Oh and as for reading, why would that be ABNORMAL? the BEST thing a parent can do is read to their child even at 9 years old...not only does it help academically but it also helps to build a STRONG bond between the 2. The child can COUNT ON the time every night where it will be just YOU and HIM no distractions!...THAT is a great parenting strategy!
I have two boys -15 yr old and 17 yr old- both of them are big time huggers moreso with me ..they do the macho wrestlin and shovin with their dad but everytime i come in from work or they come home from work or just if they need one they come give me a hug and tell me they love me .. -sometimes i wonder what it is they are wanting as they seem to think i have a money tree stashed in my sock drawer- .. but basicly my husband and i both have very different relationships with our boys, not to say they don't hug him either. the one question i would pose to your husband is - did anyone hug jeffrey dahlmer?? I agree with a post earlier and frankly have posed this question to a clinical psychologist friend of mine and was told the same thing ... the hugging and affectionate relationship he has with his parents will carry over into every relationship he has in his life and will make him a more well adjusted and CONFIDENT person, secure in himself and his place in life.
I would think your husband had a very *stiff* upbringing and maybe it is just something he is not comfortable with or he was told as a child it was being a sissy if ya did that but he was told wrong. I am sorry that he feels this way and i hope he doesn't feel the same when it comes to him hugging you.
Oh and as for reading, why would that be ABNORMAL? the BEST thing a parent can do is read to their child even at 9 years old...not only does it help academically but it also helps to build a STRONG bond between the 2. The child can COUNT ON the time every night where it will be just YOU and HIM no distractions!...THAT is a great parenting strategy!
Exactly... and the hugging is normal too. I don't have brothers or sons, but in my family my mum, my sister and me hug quite a lot. My dad doesn't do hugs, with any of us, and will often pull away if we try to hug him. I know that he loves us, but this hurts more than I can say, and I'm sure that this is partly why my sister and I have had problems with relationships with the opposite sex. His inability to show that he loves us, and his fear of intimacy have had a lasting impact on his children (and his marriage), so I agree with the other person who said that you should tell HIM to hug your son as well.
I think it is important to keep in mind that though hugging is natural for some people.. lack of hugging or wanting to be hugged does not necessarily mean problems with intimacy. Love is expressed and accepted in many different ways.
