I LOVE THIS THREAD!!!!!!!

Dear former boss

You disgust me. You are a pathetic excuse for a human being. You work in the fitness industry, and all you care about is money. You sell memberships based on lies and false hope. You pray on insecurities. You give unhealthy eating plans without being licensed to do so. And then you ask me to do the same? No way.
I call you on all the lies you tell me. I stand up for myself. And I get fired, all because *I* am the one who does what is best for the gym's clients. I know there is a silver lining here, and within months (if not weeks), I will be thanking you. Well, I will never thank you, actually, you pompous, ignorant, POS, stupid, completely hated and pathetic excuse for a boss. I hate you. You, and only you, made this experience awful. (and to quote novangel because there is truly no better way to say this....)

GFY!

Sincerely,
One of the best trainers you never liked



Dear the rest of my life,

Seriously, how much more awesome could you be right now? YOU
-just got engaged to the love of your life
-have already found an amazing venue at the right price
-are having friends over tonight for a party
-recently found a home for a wonderful stray dog who would have had no chance without you, leading to one of the most fulfilling moments of your entire life
-have an interview, hopefully this week, for a job with a great company in a completely different field
-have friends who are helping you bone up on all knowledge you will need to rock the interview
-haven't been bitten by a fire ant in almost TWO WEEKS!! :carrot:

Love,
the me who really appreciates you right now!!!

Dear diet mojo,


I don't ask for much, we've been together half a decade now and you're a constant companion. But could you please, for the love of cheese, pump yourself up enough to make this last little tiny push to goal territory? This constant snacking and dithering is annoying, and is really like to be done chipping away at this mountain that was my excess fat. But without a little more oomph, I'm stuck circling the drain and maintaining. So please, diet mojo, please pep it up for this final push so I can languish in the land of maintenance without feeling like I'm quitting before the finish line.

Sincerely,
The only dieter on the planet who maintains effortlessly but sucks at losing. Boo!

Dear eggs,

I love you. I loveyouloveyouloveyoulove you. You would be perfect if only you didn't weld yourselves to every single one of my pans except for the nasty old nonstick one that I want to get rid of. Breakfast shouldn't have to end with an upper-body workout.

Sincerely,
Egg lover

Dear Kids Sitting Nearby In The Food Court Today,

Y'all just made my day. Truly, you did. All three of you were so creative and funny!

Signed,

The Middle Aged Woman and Fellow Avengers Fan Who Was Laughing at Your Jokes

One more. :)

Dear ballsy renegade,

You absolutely made my day when I came back from my offsite meeting and was trolling the packed parking lot for a spot to park. When I followed those two young women with hopes to grab their space, seeing your tiny Fiat 500 crossing the PEDESTRIAN LANE 10 feet behind them totally broke me. There was one instant of anger and WTF, and then I was in tears laughing. You earned that spot. I was in a great mood the rest of the day, and proud to work in the same company with you. Thumbs up, dude.

Gratefully,
A Rule Follower

Dear 100 lb 10 month old Bernese Mountain Dog:

Just because everyone wanted to see you when you were a 2 month old little thing, doesn't mean they want to see you now. You barking, squealing, pulling, lunging at every person you walk by does NOT look friendly. Hey, I know you are just overly excited because you love everyone so much so. But they don't know that. You actually look quite scary and give off the wrong vibes when you do that. And please do not do your bad behaviours 10 fold with each dog we pass. You can say hi when you know how to say hi calmly. But guess what! You don't... so you can't say hi to strangers or their dogs until you can think before you act! I've already spent $500 for special reactivity classes and basic obedience (which I still have 5 classes left). You were doing so well before I went on a 3 week vacation and left you at the kennel where you got to play with dogs all day. Seems like you have forgotten everything I taught. You see a dog and think "Hey, you're fun, let's play" but you can't bark, whine, lunge, pull on leash to get what you want. Not everyone of those furry creatures is friendly and I like to prevent accidents from happening. Feels like we are back to square one with your training.

Love,
Someone who'll be taking you to your remaining 5 classes, on 2 walks a day (full of training proper behaviours/leash manors).... and who is quite frustrated and feeling like I failed you.

Dear old friend,

I am making a huge effort to try to reconnect with you. Yes, I know it's been a while, and I know things are a lot different now than what they used to be. Now, could you please give me a little bit more than short, useless answers? I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment, I have apologized for things in the past, so please just get over it already! Or if you just don't wanna keep in touch, then be a man and tell me so I don't make a fool outta myself!

Signed,
I miss you and your cold behavior is killing me.


Dear husband,

I really need you to be quiet sometimes. I know you like to talk, but come on! I need some silence every now and then, and you know it!

Signed,
Wife who sometimes wishes you had a mute button.

Dear guy across the street.

I don't who raised you or if you were born in a barn. But civilized people use the bathroom INSIDE The house!. So please for the love of all that is holy please stop peeing in your bushes. Your front lawn faces my house and I think I should be able to look outside without fear of seeing mr pickle. Thanks.


Dear cat.

Please stop waking me up at 4:00 am to let you out.

Dear Clingy Friend,

When I say I need some space, it has nothing to do with you personally. I'm an introvert to whom time alone to recharge is absolutely vital - stop getting offended when I don't want to hang out and turning it into a big drama fest every time! I love you, but get a grip!

Signed,
Exhausted

Dear Butterflygirljb,

Ok. I was just thinking I should start peeing in your yard anyway.

Hugs and kisses,
Guy Across the Street

(sorry.....I absolutely could not resist :rofl:)

Dear Fiance,

I'm glad you're feeling better. Now could you stop using my car every morning to go get junk food? My car smells like popeyes and chinese food. I filled up my tank last week, and with the amount of driving I do I should be at 3/4 a tank, not almost on empty.

Stop wasting money on robots and get your truck up to date with all its tags and inspection so you can drive your own vehicle without putting all sorts of extra mileage on mine. I get you like to collect Transformers, but right now there are more important things you need to spend that $45 on (like putting the gas you used back in my car, or getting the oil changed, or groceries for the week, and the list goes on).

Stop trying to justify why you're not going to the gym, all I wanted to know was if you went so I can wash your gym clothes. I don't want to argue with you about your terrible eating habits, but don't use excuses like "I'm a food addict" to try and make yourself the victim, and then turn and tell me that I can't be addicted to food because I'm able to restrict myself. I got this way because I was addicted to food, but now I'm choosing to do something about it. Obviously you are not ready to make that choice as you thought you were, and that's fine! I can't force you to diet or work out. But don't lie to me, or our family, about working out and eating healthier when you're not.

Signed,

Your irritated and annoyed soon-to-be ball-and-chain

Dear Emotional void,


Please stop wrecking my life and becoming a mindless drone. Just because severe injustice was done, does to warrant stuffing your face.

Sincerely,

The sick and tired of you me.

Lol. Glad I could give you a giggle. I promise this is absolutely a real problem that has been happening all summer. Not sure what is wrong with the guy other then he has no raising.

Dear Movie Theaters,

I want to see a movie and have a little popcorn, why is that easily twenty dollars? Just sayin...

Signed,
Former Cinephile

Dear people sizing women's clothes...

What is wrong with you? Don't you know I would be more apt to buy tops if they had some type of uniform sizing? Then I could buy wothout the hassle/heat/sweatiness of the fitting room. I mean an xlarge should be an xlarge...come on. Once again I trusted you, only to get home, try on shirts to find one in the mix that squishes my boobs flat as a pancake and makes my arms look like sausages.

Signed,
Thanks. but I didn't want to look like breakfast.