[Song of Surly]

I'm a teacher (another snow day today) who suffered with ADHD (Inattentive type) through high school and college. I was never medicated, as I, like your son, made very good grades; however, it was TOUGH. I still find it very hard to work as an adult, and while I am creative and hard working, I struggle to complete tasks and stay focused. I have considered medication as an adult as my inability to organize and stay focused has caused a lot of stress in my life. Your son really does sound like rather typical 10-year-old boy, and he may grow out of this stage and not need further assistance. If that is not the case, however, instead of relying on medication (which I do think helps some children), here is my piece of advice: Give your son the tools he needs to develop self-efficacy in organization. Even if your son does not grow up to have trouble with ADHD, these lessons certainly can't hurt him. My mother, also a teacher, did not do things for me, but she often walked me through the process of how to stay focused on a task enough to complete it, as well as a series of other organizational tools that I have slowly perfected as an adult. I do not understand why treatment for ADHD in children does not include teaching them coping tools for feelings of restlessness and prevention of problems from inattentiveness.

I also agree with Arctic Mama. Most boys needs to MOVE their bodies. I know this may sound silly, but have you considered incorporating some kind of bodily game aspect to his chores and homework? I have one particular class that is quite challenging in that it is packed with a set of very rowdy boys (high school age). It is hard to incorporate a lot of bodily movement in an English class, but I found just letting them do work while moving/standing in some way keeps them more focused. Competition also works quite well as a motivator for boys.

[novangel]

Originally Posted by XLMuffnTop

It's hard to know what's normal and what's not especially since so many parents only play up the good aspects of their children to their family and everyone on Facebook. Often those that speak of the other side, or problems, are often ridiculed as bad parents. Reality tends to get a little skewed.

So true, that's why it's also called Fakebook. I know a few people on there that really try to play up their husbands and then outside of FB they tell you what a scumbag he is. I don't get it. I never air my personal life on FB, good or bad. I try to keep it about neutral stuff...How's the weather?

[Mountain Mamma]

No advice to offer, except to note you have a bright boy who has friends! There are good sides to this - many with ADD, as Song of Surly noted, are also creative and smart. You have not failed him - actually it sounds like you're doing all the right things. It's possible with ADHD he may need years of continued help to learn to stay focused, & more exercise may help - Song of Surly & AM are spot on.

I suffered in the dark ages from ADD when it wasn't recognized separately from hyperactivity so I was a scatter brain, but a quiet one. It was hard to train myself to focus. STILL is.

Many years and several children later, I always admire teachers for their super organization, and always thought that was one job a person with ADD could NOT do - so kudos to Song of Surly!

[Mountain Mamma]

Originally Posted by novangel

Should I start drinking now?

Of course, one should NEVER advise a person to drink!! Having got that out of the way, I would not survive parenthood without a well-stocked liquor shelf!!!

[improbable]

I wouldn't stress too much about the teenage years - I personally was **** for my parents from 11-14, but then I was done, and the rest of my teenage years were great. Sometimes starting early just means that they'll also FINISH early, and the advantage is that I was already out of my rebellious stage by the time friends were doing drugs and having sex. Good luck, mama, it sounds like you are doing just fine!

[celigirl88]

While I'm not a boy, or a parent I can give you a little insight on myself. I'm 24 so I'm still fairly young. Let me tell you, I'm surprised my parents weren't pitched out in front of the bar from about the time I was 11-17. Seriously. I put those poor people through ****. I didn't listen, thought I knew everything, got into trouble at school, etc etc. I wasn't raised like that, it's just what I wanted to do. My teachers said the exact same thing. I was a great kid, and if I applied myself I would literally be in high honors every marking period. I look back at the way I acted now and I cringe to think that's how I acted. I just didn't care. When they say it's a "phase" it really is just that. I am probably the most mature adult out of all my friends (work full time 40-45 hours a week, go to college about 30 hours a week full time, manage all my bills by myself and just recently bought a $25,000 car by myself). The only thing that they do is keep a roof over my head while I'm in school. I'm pretty self sufficient all the way around besides that. Don't ever think you failed as a parent. My dad says that to me all the time when he thinks back to when I was younger and he was traveling for work all the time and missed out on a lot. He feels like he failed me as a kid and I resent him for it. Truth is, most of the time your kids understand. He's a kid going through the phases of life. I promise you, it does get better! My parents no longer have to pitch a tent in front of the bar!! And they recently just had their 27th wedding anniversary so I didn't drive them THAT crazy!! haha

[Missy Krissy]

My son is only 9 months old, so I can't speak from direct experience, but it sounds like relatively "normal" behavior to me.

While not an expert, I do have a bachelor's in psych and have worked with children in many different settings (substitute teacher, camp counselor, child welfare, autism treatment), and am just wondering: How did he get diagnosed with ODD without having any serious disciplinary problems?

I think you're doing all of the right things for your son. With any luck he'll grow out of it as he gets older *fingers crossed*.

[novangel]

Originally Posted by Missy Krissy

How did he get diagnosed with ODD without having any serious disciplinary problems?

Define serious disciplinary problems. He was often disruptive and didn't follow directions, impulsive...nothing that ever harmed anyone though. Just a general pain in the @ss in school/daycare. LOTS of phone calls and complaints about behavior (not listening) when he was aroung 6-7 years old. Things are getting better every year but he's still somewhat a class clown to this day.

He got ODD dx from NeuroPsych with short term memory problems. NeuroPsych said no ADHD but school says ADHD.

All in all he's a great kid, super compassionate and smart. Just immature for his age and terrible at following anyone's instructions except his Father.

[Missy Krissy]

Originally Posted by novangel

He gets good grades, had lots of friends (but can be a little bossy but maybe that's from being an only child), never gets in any serious trouble or uses profanity but he's very immature for his age.

I'm using your definition of serious trouble, lol.

[Missy Krissy]

But really, from the way you talk about it it sounds like this will be a passing phase. Good luck!

[CIELOARGE]

I have 4 brothers, they all were like your son (minus the ODD Dx). It seems to me like a normal boy.
Boys are usually very, very inmature, so it just doesn't surprise me.

[novangel]

Originally Posted by Missy Krissy

But really, from the way you talk about it it sounds like this will be a passing phase. Good luck!

[CabernetKitty]

This sounds EXACTLY like my little cousin...he's 13 now. Less goofy, but still a silly kid. Not in any real teenagery trouble though. Some kids just require a lot more attention than others. I think he sounds pretty average...let's face it, kids are a pain in the butt.

If it makes you feel better, I set my bathroom sink on fire trying to cast a spell (yes, cast a spell...lol) when I was 10 and I'm fine now. I have a job, going to university & have a 4.0, stable relationship, etc. Common sense and attention span do get better with age.

[zoesmom]

So...I don't have a boy and my kid isn't as old as yours but...I saw ODD and went..UGH! And then wanted to throw my story and my two cents in.

ODD runs strongly on my mother's side of the family. Just about all the kids had/have it. I did not. But my sister did. All but one of my cousins did (that makes 14.) My soon to be four year old daughter was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder mid last year.

That was after she forcibly kicked me in the mouth and shattered one #11 eye tooth. The strongest bone in one's body. A tooth I had absolutely no problems with in any shape, form, or fashion. All because I told her it was time to leave the park.

That's not the first time she's done something like that. She's broken her dresser. She's broken the hinge on her door. She's broken a window...lsit goes on.

Super bossy...can make friends with everyone and anyone...and can ALWAYS manage to get 700 people to do what she asks and I still can't figure out how. Just last week, she managed to cross a language barrier and convince 9 kids who knew not one word of English to do her bidding, even by teaching them a few words along the way.

Late last year, she was diagnosed with ADHD as well. Probably because the kid NEVER stops...and by never, I mean NEVER. She gets up at 4 am, refuses naps all day long, and I am struggling to get her to sleep by 11 (bed time is at 8.) And she runs. All. Day. Long.

Super smart. Her doctor wants us to get her tested for giftedness. he also said kids with learning disabilities OR kids with advanced intellect tend to have more behavior issues.

Plus, to top all that off, she exhibits extreme OCD traits (I guess she picked that up from myself...opps.)

My kid does not run over me. I am boss. But her will sometimes is astonishing. How can something so small have such an effect?!?!

UGH! I'll say it again...UGH!!!

But anyways...I feel your pain. But I also think that ODD is just a diagnosis doctor's give so they can medicate super active kids who have a type A personality. Sure, my kid is a beast at times, but that is at times. She is very well behaved most of the time. I can take her just about anywhere and everyone is always commenting on how she is one of the best behaved kids they have ever seen. Sure, she gets in trouble at Pre-K, but that is usually because she is trying to be helpful and ends up over stepping her boundries when she over runs the teacher. I would wager 98% of the time, she is amazing and awesome. 2% of the time I want to throttle her as her latest tantrum over being told wash her hands extends into 3 hours long.

But I don't think she needs to be medicated. Our kids are over medicated as it is. We just had to learn to adapt to her personality. We now have to lay out our day in advanced. Tell her step by step exactly what we are doing that day and absolutely do not deviate. We can't spring things on her. When we lay it out in advance, she has a chance to mull it over. Then, when it comes time for whatever, she feels like she has control as she tells us precisely what we are to do next...which makes life a lot less dramatic for us.

All our punishments, regardless of the "crime" has to be uniform. All rewards, regardless of the good behavior, have to be uniform. For her age, that means if she hits the cat, draws on the wall...or breaks my tooth...regardless of wanting to adjust the punishment to fit the crime, we just put her in the corner (for her, that is the WORST possible thing anyways.) If she does her chores, kisses a baby, is good at school, she gets a star. 20 stars means her choice of whatever (within reason.) Granted, you'd likely have to do something different...but adjust to your kids actual needs.

The thing with ODD is the kids that have it tend not to be able to differate between good behavior and bad behavior. To them, it was justified. I bet, if you watch, all his acting out was likely because he thought he was doing the right thing and cannot, no matter what, really understand why it was wrong. Rewards and punishments have to be uniform. And they it has to be explained over and over and over again until you are blue in the face. But the good news is, MOST kids grow out of it by their teenage years.


Do I think your kid is normal? No. But that is because who can clarify what normal exactly is? I sure can't. Heck, most doctors can't either. Heck, normal is boring. But do I think you need to worry? No more than any other parent. You did not and are not failing your kid. You are there for him. You are concerned for him and about him. You'll get through this. Just keep loving him and keep teaching him and one day, it will get better. Promise.