I wish you the best, sweetie! It is completely reversible at this point, if you are committed to parenting in a predictable, consistent manner. Give it a few weeks of solid, enforced rules (not too many, but stick to your guns on the few you choose) and evaluate from there. I would be shocked if things didn't get worse at first, then drastically improve as your son learns the new system and understands what mommy expects of him
I don't read parenting books. Kids don't come with manuals. I'm a mom to an 8 year old and I must say agree with one of the other posters that All kids are different.
You have to use what works best for you, your child and your household. But with understanding that, you do have to be consistent. Let your child understand that you are the parent, not their friend or someone on their level.
Although I play with my daughter, she knows her boundaries and knows that I'm her mother not her equal. As a single parent to a young girl, I don't want her to grow up to be a "hot a**" , brat or girl with a nasty attitude.
As for your situation with your son, he's still a tyke and will test boundaries as far as you let him. I agree with the choice technique and offering "snacks" rarely. Even now, my daughter will say I want some chips. I'll say there's some apples or yogurt in the fridge, your choice, but no chips. Then I'll point to our sign that's in the house that says "No Whining". It goes for both of us.
Consistancy! Like everyone else said. Whatever you do - just be consistant with it.
We have been lucky with the time outs. Logan is 2 yrs, 4 month old and we have been doing time outs for probably about a year now. Yeah - he was pretty young when we started. But sometimes, just the warning that if he does something again, he will get a TO is enough to stop him. And after one warning - he gets a TO. Even if we are out and about.
We have been lucky in that we put him in time out and he stays! He cries the whole time - but it isn't for his enjoyment.
I agree a lot with what others said about choices. "Do you want an apple or a banana?" "Do you want to wear these PJ's or these?" "Do you want to brush your teeth first or take a bath first?" This helps them feel in control of their environment - but you are giving appropriate choices.
We do tend to ignore tantrums. Now that his vocabulary is getting larger and clearer, I have noticed they are FAR less frequent. If he wants to cry and bang his head on the floor - so be it. I just place him in a safe spot away from me and let him work it out.
Please don't beat yourself up over how you got here. We are all supermoms, maybe not in every way, but each in our own way. I think we are all the perfect moms for the children we have.
When we hit this stage with my DS (although he would cry for what he wanted) that crying was for when we were feeling sad or if we are hurt, but we don't cry about whatever it is goes here . My strategy was to help him learn to manage his emotions. If he chose to continue crying I told him that was fine, but 1) I couldn't understand him well when he was crying and 2) if he chose to continue crying about whatever it was he could do that in his room.
He didn't really see this as a punishment, and in some cases he would go to him room and cry for a few more minutes and then come out a little more reasonable than he went in. A lot of the time though he would stop when I said I couldn't understand him, or when I suggested continuing in his room.
I can't say this never happens, he still gets whiny sometimes, and he's 6 now, but it improved things a whole lot.
You've had lots of great ideas shared here, try some out and see what works for you and what he responds to best. Good luck!
As EZ says, Parenting is a crap shoot. That is so true.
But, I had fraternal twin boys, with totally different personalities. Even as newborns. They were my first. And only. It was a a tough row to hoe.
That being said. I am the parent. I am the adult! I am in charge! It is my JOB as a good parent to raise this child with a sense of responsibility, understanding and to be a good person/productive member of society when they leave my house.
This does not mean that I"m a mean or a non listening parent. But it does mean that I have to make choices. Sometimes, I have to say, I'm the MOM and that is the only reason I need, and sometimes, I need to listen to my child, and work through a situation and see it from their point of view. However, we had talks and I explained to them, my point of view and why the rules were the rules and they were not going to change.
Today, my children, who are 30, are very well adjusted, college educated, love their jobs, productive members of society, and happily married and giving me the cutest grand kids ever!
After their freshman year of college, they came home and thanked me and their Dad for being tough parents, , because they met so many kids that couldn't even make toast, let alone change a tire, or jump a car, or sort their laundry, or bake a chicken with stuffing, or make a meal in a crock pot.
Being a parent is a tough job. And some days it's great, and some days it sucks. But, in the back of my mind, it was always to be able to send my children into adult hood with a good set of morals, ethics and skills to make it on their own and be productive members of society.
Right now, the older of the twins is a Nebraska State Patrolman, DOT officer and SWAT sniper, and has a college degree in real estate with an emphasis in finance. The younger has a BS in human biology, a radiological tech degree and a teaching degree and also a Football and Basket ball coaching endorsement and is teaching at the HS level and coaching.
If I never succeed at another thing in my life, I did justice to my children!
Saying NO to your child is not the end of the world. But sometimes you need to listen as well. It's all about balance!
