Joyfuloser, thank you for posting this! I am the EXACT same way. I had an INCREDIBLE childhood, and am married to a wonderful man. I love my life, and I love food. i love how it tastes, and everything about it. I am having a very hard time losing weight, because there is no "deeper reason" to why I'm eating so much. There aren't very many people out there like me, and I'm definitely in a bind.
I became overweight because I was lazy and I ate a lot...plain and simple. Growing up I was a fairly active kid, I was not in sports but I was roller skating, bike riding, walking etc. I ate a LOT as a kid, my mother always used to say she was glad she did not have any boys because us girls ate so much she would not have been able to afford boys lol
I don't think I weighed over 125 lbs until I became pregnant at 19 yrs old. Even then I did not gain weight until after the 5 month mark. It is amazing how much weight you can put on in 4 months though.
I put on the weight while I was pregnant and I did not exercise during or after having the baby. I like food and those things mixed together means I stayed overweight.
To sum it up I think my weight is simply because I was lazy and like food.
WOW...I see myself in soooo many of your posts!!! It's sure nice to know I'm not the only one who really LOVES food! haha!
I do think it's helpful to each one of us to know "why" How can you change what you do not know?
For me...not placing any "labels" or medical "conditions" on my lousy eating habits and lack of exercise...is helping me in not only correcting the situation, but also helping me to make "lifelong" changes to prevent reoccurence. For example...since I know I really LOVE food...taste, texture...the chewing sounds, everything about it...I realize that it is a MUST, that I keep my menu's interesting. Give me grilled chicken and veggies everyday...and it's only a matter of time before I'm back at McDonalds...
I've learned to make food taste even BETTER than the fatty food I used to eat that got me fat in the first place. I long for NO FOOD...as I can make a lower fat/lower calorie version of any food and make it taste ooohhh soooo good! I have made the art of doing this a priority and mission in my life.
Please do not take my starting this thread as having any sort of "disrespect" for people who DO have real eating disorders. I would never try to offend anyone like that. My own daughter has a real true eating disorder, and so do at least 2 other family members. I'll admit, they all DRIVE ME CRAZY...and frustrate the heck out of me...why? Because they REFUSE to examine the root cause of their problems...and consequently (although they'll drop a few lbs here and there) never WIN the battle of the BULDGE! I love em fat/skinny/whatever, but they are all suffering the ill effects of obesity...and my daughter at age 25 has IBS, sleep apnea and is pre-diabetic!!!
That said...FEELINGS and EMOTIONS don't solve problems. I'm a "solution" finder..haha...that's how I show love.
Thanks again to all who shared your story...it was motivating and therapeutic...and actually, makes me hungry...a little..
Please do not take my starting this thread as having any sort of "disrespect" for people who DO have real eating disorders. I would never try to offend anyone like that. My own daughter has a real true eating disorder, and so do at least 2 other family members. I'll admit, they all DRIVE ME CRAZY...and frustrate the heck out of me...why? Because they REFUSE to examine the root cause of their problems...and consequently (although they'll drop a few lbs here and there) never WIN the battle of the BULDGE! I love em fat/skinny/whatever, but they are all suffering the ill effects of obesity...and my daughter at age 25 has IBS, sleep apnea and is pre-diabetic!!!
There are many people with eating disorders who have been able to successfully lose weight but it may require different strategies than someone who doesn't have an eating disorder. Honestly, I didn't admit to myself that I had an eating disorder until I had lost some weight.
There are support groups out there including Overeater's anonymous and therapy can help. It isn't just the same 'eat less, move more'.
There are many people with eating disorders who have been able to successfully lose weight but it may require different strategies than someone who doesn't have an eating disorder. Honestly, I didn't admit to myself that I had an eating disorder until I had lost some weight.
There are support groups out there including Overeater's anonymous and therapy can help. It isn't just the same 'eat less, move more'.
I would concur that "eat less, move more" is absolutely not the solution for everyone just because it's (most of) the solution for me. Bodies and minds are so very different, and this site has really opened my eyes to that.
I suspect that it's a continuum, not discrete categories that never touch: no "eating-disordered people here, couch potatoes there, hypothyroid folks form a line to the left" kind of thing. Mostly, I do just need to "eat less, move more"--but I can read other posts here and think, "Yes, that's familiar too." I'm glad this thread is in "General Chatter" and not "Chicks in Control" given the separate angles that this thread and that folder take, but I'm glad that the forums are structured in such a way that those who deal with a little from Column A and a little from Column B can participate in relevant discussions without censure.
There are probably a lot of us who are mostly this way, but a little bit that way and the other way too.
I wanted to add that I didn't actually start gaining weight until I married and had my first baby...not using that as an excuse just happened to be the way it was. I don't blame anyone or any thing that has happened in my life. My body has a mind of it's own!
WOW...I see myself in soooo many of your posts!!! It's sure nice to know I'm not the only one who really LOVES food! haha!
I do think it's helpful to each one of us to know "why" How can you change what you do not know?
I agree in principle, but the problem is that our preconceptions affect where we look for the answers. By assuming that there were mental/emotional causes to my weight loss, I never explored the physiological possibilities. My self-sufficient attitude prevented me from even considering physiological issues, because that would be "blaming" someone other than myself. That would be "failing to take responsibility..."
All that effort I spent trying to understand why I had disordered eating (I don't think I ever thought of it as an eating disorder per se), I never could have guessed that my answer would have been birth control and low-carb eating.
Those possibilities weren't even on my radar. And because "eat less, move more" in the short term is extremely effective, I assumed that long-term failure was a result of a personal failing. I wasn't motivated or committed enough.
We don't know enough (individually or collectively) about obesity causes for the "why" to be the main focus. Even the experts can't agree on the whys and hows.
The questions have to be explored, but we're not open-minded enough (individually or collectively) to find the answers easily.
Assuming there are not factors beyond our mental control is as dangerous as assuming that there are.
We still treat weight loss as a one-size-fits-all problem. Even the research is aimed at finding which treatments are most effective - not which treatments are most effective for whom. Identifying the factors that contribute to obesity is not a popular science (any factor that isn't willpower based is ridiculed as giving obese people something to "blame" other than themselves).
I was so determined not to blame anyone but myself that I never considered physiological factors. Heck, until my mid-30's I never had a doctor who considered physiological factors.
It the experts, using empirical research can't agree on all of the "whys," what hope does an individual have?
I think the how is just as likely to tell the why as the reverse. I didn't realize how physiological my issues were until I found (accidentally) the how. Birth control was a huge clue.
I was interested in birth control, long before I needed it for it's intended purpose. I had severe PMDD, even before doctors used that diagnosis. From the time I was 9 or 10 when I started my period, I had intensely painful, long periods (on a short cycle). Early on birth control was mentioned as a way to control the worse symptoms (probably since I was 15 or 16), but doctors warned that I was likely to gain weight on birth control. Until my late 20's, I always had a doctor who discouraged me from bc (and I agreed - I didn't argue it, because weight loss was too important to me).
It was only when my symptoms got bad enough that I was willing to risk weight gain, that I tried bc - and found that it was far easier to maintain my weight and even lose weight on bc.
Holy Moses, if I had been put on bc from the beginning (or at least by 11 or 12), I probably wouldn't have ever exceeded 200 lbs, at least not by much.
It was a blindspot not only for me, but for my doctors.
Low-carb was a similar accidental discovery. I'd always thought about low-carb as unhealthy, and I never had a doctor who disagreed until my current gp. When he recommended low-carb, I thought he was nuts (but he's a very concervative doctor and recommends nothing that hasn't received peer-reviewed support). He said that some new research had found low-carb to be more successful for people with insulin resistance and some diabetics (I was diagnosed ir at the time and am now diabetic). He warned not to go "too low" but admitted he couldn't tell me how low that was.
So I've been experimenting with low-carb and "how low" I can go, ever since. The results have blown out of the water all of the "whys" I thought I understood. I had no clue that I was looking for the whys in all the wrong places. And I had very good doctors and a graduate degree in psychology helping me.
As a culture, we consider weight loss as something people should be able to do mostly on their own (most insurances cover almost no intervention until long after it becomes life-threatening).
I believe more often than not, it requires more intervention than we currently culturally support. If you seek out support, you're seen as "looking for excuses" and there are just so many ways in which "popular weight loss" is ineffective weight loss. So much of what we think we know about weight loss (even the experts), just is plain wrong. Until the science is better, searching for the why's before the hows, is often a wild goose change.
We can't assume that we know our own whys, because what can seem true, often isn't. I thought I had emotional issues (it sure looked like it - and experts thought so too - but the experts are just as biased) when I actually had primarily physiological ones. Until the science is better, the whys cannot be taken for granted. For that matter neither can the hows, because I've learned that what works in the short term is not always what works in the long term.
stress eating, boredom eating...paying attention to my grades and not what was going in my mouth i just put the scale away and knew i was getting chubbier...regretting it now. was probably eating almost 3000 calories a day, just started measuring and oh my gosh, i used to eat a lot!
"Insanity is defined as repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result"....Albert Einstein.
Barring biological, physical and/or physiological reasons...most people CAN find out the WHY....and taking responsibility doesn't mean playing what I like to call "the blame game". I hate blame. It does nobody any good...and IMHO is a total waist of time. I'd much rather assume "responsibility" for my actions and then correct those actions. In my case...I have a tendency to love my couch extraordinarily! I also love fat laidened, fried foods, pastry goodnesses, and so on and so on.
Additionally, I dealt with stress (any type) by not wanting to cook and eating out alot. I figured I was overworked as it was...the LAST thing I wanted to do was come home and cook! I also quit smoking and as such, needed to have something to eat that was sweet to help me overcome this terrible habit. Ok....in looking back that's my "why"...but how knowing my helps me:
1. Stress happens...plan for it...know that one bad day isn't the rest of my life...cut myself a break and even plan for "cheat meal" once a week or as needed...remembering that one off-plan meal isn't going to "ruin everything".
2. Exercise is one of the BEST stress relievers out there...move more...stress out less...scientific fact based on endorphins release.
3. Most import lesson...bury this ALL or NOTHING attitude. It's viscious and leads to yo-yo dieting!
4. I...CAN....COOK!!! Even better...I LOVE TO COOK..and there isn't a CHEF in any Applebees in the entire country that's got a thing on me. Anyhoot...how can I expect any fast food joint to put the TLC I do into my food...mass production foods stink and are low quality...I miss nothing!
5. Sodium and diet sodas trigger cravings. Keep these two under control and to a minimum (moderation) and maintenance will be painless.
6. Lastly...but certainly not least...I don't need to be on anybody's diet plan to lose weight...counting calories is FREE and EASY to do if you plan your meals ahead and freeze them. And an added bonus is you don't waist food...cuz everything gets portioned and frozen until eaten!
Of course there's more...but I just thought I'd name a few to emphasize my point...
"Excuses are like 'butts'...everybody has one" - I donno...but I like whoever said this!
Last edited by joyfulloser; 02-28-2011 at 10:21 PM.
It was only when my symptoms got bad enough that I was willing to risk weight gain, that I tried bc - and found that it was far easier to maintain my weight and even lose weight on bc
I had the same experience with birth control. My weight was very stable on it, and ballooned out of control when I went off it about 7 years ago. If I had an inkling at the time that the bc was helping to keep my weight (not just my cycle and cramps) in check, I never would have gone off of it when I did. Of course now I'm trying to get pregnant, and so being on bc isn't an option. I somewhat dislike the idea of being back on hormones for many more years, but I may seriously consider it when I'm done having children.
Just out of curiousity kaplods - were you on a monophasic or triphasic bc?
I had the same experience with birth control. My weight was very stable on it, and ballooned out of control when I went off it about 7 years ago. If I had an inkling at the time that the bc was helping to keep my weight (not just my cycle and cramps) in check, I never would have gone off of it when I did. Of course now I'm trying to get pregnant, and so being on bc isn't an option. I somewhat dislike the idea of being back on hormones for many more years, but I may seriously consider it when I'm done having children.
Just out of curiousity kaplods - were you on a monophasic or triphasic bc?
I was on a monophasic - and it worked best. Now (because my medical coverage no longer covers it), I'm on a triphasic, which still is helpful, but not nearly as much so as the monophasic was.
I was on a monophasic - and it worked best. Now (because my medical coverage no longer covers it), I'm on a triphasic, which still is helpful, but not nearly as much so as the monophasic was.
Hmm, I was on a monophasic as well. I wonder if our physiology is somewhat similar. Just calorie counting + exercise has been working well for me, and right now I can't stomach the thought of a low-carb diet... but considering how well it has been working for you, it may be worth a try for me if my loss on calorie counting seems to slow down.
Thanks very much for your always-informative posts.
I think I got fat because I used food to deal with my crappy childhood. But I did it big. I didn't know when to stop. Or I did, but I chose not to. I ate to feel STUFFED. And I kept eating even if my stomach hurt. If I tried to tell myself no and that I was doing something wrong, I ate faster. Blech. It was really, really messed up but that's how I managed to get to 260 by the time I was 17. Nobody in my family is obese either... I just had an unhealthy "marriage" with food. It's much better now though. I still like feeling stuffed though, and sometimes I still get the weird thrill from serious overeating like some rabid animal, but it doesn't happen often.
First of all, my name is Natalie, too. Second, I have the same exact reason for getting fat...except it was more my pre/adolescence than my childhood. I was a very happy little "normal-sized" kid until middle school, when my depression manifested and I lost some friends (because they weren't in my classes). I got bullied badly and I used food to cope with the stresses of school and my overall depression.
Over time, I would just eat and eat until I couldn't anymore, to feel "full." I'd actually get extremely anxious if I didn't feel like I was getting enough food (even though I was really getting plenty). I stayed in the lower 200s from 7th grade through 10th, and then once I got a job and my own car in 11th grade, my weight rapidly jumped to over 300. I ate a LOT of fast food, would buy large pizzas probably twice a week and eat them in one sitting, go through entire bags of chips/Doritos, etc etc. I did it all in "secret" because I was ashamed. I felt like a drug addict--eating a lot very quickly gave me a temporary high.
Luckily, I decided last spring it was time to make some changes; having that kind of a relationship with food was NOT the way I wanted to live. I'm working on making a lifestyle change (as so often championed in this forum!) which, for me, includes dealing with the emotional issues surrounding food.
Barring biological, physical and/or physiological reasons...most people CAN find out the WHY....
counting calories is FREE and EASY
I strongly believed these statements for most of my life. I still mostly do - but I have no proof at all, and it's very likely that I'm wrong. I'm starting to suspect that I am.
For myself, it was certainly believing them that held me up for so many years. I assumed that calorie counting was the only plan that anyone, including I needed, and I believed that most people (and certainly I) did not have biological/physiological factors making weight loss more challenging. I was so wrong, and so I could easily be just as wrong about it for everyone else.
There was nothing in my weight loss pattern that suggested otherwise, until I stumbled upon the physiological issues that have helped me gain much better control of my eating and wieght loss. Who knows how many people just haven't found their physiological issues yet.
I would love to believe that I am a freak of nature, an exception to the rule, but I've begun to have serious doubts. I don't have any factual basis for my beliefs, or for my suspicions either, and that's a shame (the state of nutrition and weight management should be better than it is).
I don't think the growing obesity epidemic has psychological causes. I don't think Americans are significantly different than our healthier predecessors a couple generations ago. Our physiology hasn't changed, but our food and activity levels have - drastically.
We're living in an environment that is overly abundant in simple-carbs, and one in which a more natural diet is difficult to acheive and a natural activity level even more difficult. The "obesity epidemic" and lifestyle diseases have been on a steady increase for the last 15,000 years. In many ways, the changes (and their impacts) have occured very gradually over most of that time, and extremely rapidly over the past four to five generations.
I don't think everyone has to be on a very low-carb diet, but I do believe that the diet that is commonly considered "healthy" may actually be far too high-carb for many, if not most folks. I don't think humans are designed to live well on an 80-90% carbohydrate, and virtually produce-free diet that is the SAD (the Standard American Diet). Potatoes and ketchup should not be considered vegetables in our school lunch programs.
But all of my beliefs (and everyone else's) have very little basis in fact. There is no way (except through research that isn't yet occuring) to determine how much of a role physiological and other factors play. But obesity research hasn't been up to par with other branches of scientific research, and I'm not sure exactly why. I think partially because obesity is still considered more of a moral failing than a health crisis - something we assume a person should be able to handle on their own, without outside intervention (and that may have been largely true, or at least more often true, than currently).
I do suspect that calorie counting is sufficient for most people - but I have no proof or even factual support for that. It's just a guess, and not even a very good guess. The weight loss statistics are dismal, and it may be because calorie counting doesn't work well for most people. It's very possible that a Paleo approach or a lower-carb approach, or some other approach not designed yet, would work much better for most people, or at least more people. It's possible, but not necessarily true. It's all guesswork at this point. Considering the advances in other branches of science and medicine, it's criminal that nutrition and weight management are so poorly understood.
There's also the problem that weight control, as it is generally done in this culture, is with mostly ineffective methods. We're encouraged to take an all-or-nothing approach. We're taught to see less than a pound lost per week as a failure. We're taught and encouraged to be disappointed with slow weight loss. Sustainable habits take a far backseat to impressive results. The topic is taboo enough that most of us don't have a realistic image of successful weight loss. The models for weight loss that we do see, are most often the poor ones. We may know a few people who lost weight and kept it off, but few of us know how they did it on a day-to-day business (and it's generally assumed to be none of our business - even here on this website).
The more I read about paleolithic dieting, the stronger I suspect that our physiology might play a much larger role in obesity and the control of it than any of us imagine. I believe that most people eat more grain foods than their bodies can handle, and far too little low-density plant foods. We believe we eat a greater variety than our ancestors (if we think about it), but we'd probably be wrong. As early hunter-gatherers, humans ate everything we could, and we had to move around to hunt/gather it. How many phytonutirents are we missing, because we no longer eat every edible plant we have access to. How many micronutrients are we missing because we no longer eat every every mammal, reptile, amphibian, fish, and insect and every part of every animal in our environment. There are so many "natural foods" that we no longer eat, how do we even begin to discover what we may be missing?
Why is the state of nutrition and weight management knowledge, so far behind the other sciences. Why isn't the existing knowledge being applied.
What we know about zoo nutrition, we don't apply to human nutrition (for example zoo's in the last couple decades are experiencing unprecedented weight management issues with omnivores and herbivores, because fruits and vegetables across the board have been selectively cultivated to increase the sugar content and decrease the fiber content. Feeding formulas used for decades are no longer appropriate, because the food supply is different).
I may be completely off base. It wouldn't surprise me, because there isn't enough good science for anyone to be on base. Hopefully the science will catch up and we won't have mostly guesswork, but that's not what we have now. What we have now is every single person having to use trial and error on their own.
How can you change what you do not know? 
i just put the scale away and knew i was getting chubbier...regretting it now. was probably eating almost 3000 calories a day, just started measuring and oh my gosh, i used to eat a lot!
I also love fat laidened, fried foods, pastry goodnesses, and so on and so on. 
