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Old 08-24-2010, 09:06 AM   #16
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I kind of feel the same way even though for me, it is a little unreasonable. We've been together for 2 years and we both want to marry each other, his finances are just in NO position to support a family. BUT I want him to hurry up and get them ready, therefore, I told him that we should be celibate until marriage and he's a christian so he thought it would be a difficult, but good idea. I just thought to myself, if he's already getting what a husband gets, why marry me?

No offense, but I'm an honest person and men think logically. If you're already living with him, you're probably also having sex and all of that other great stuff... what would be the point in marrying you? He already has the benefits of marriage without coughing up a ring.
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Old 08-24-2010, 01:37 PM   #17
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Your man is a logical one, in the last year of engineering right? Logically, it makes no sense (financially or practically) to get engaged and plan a wedding in his last year of university (which I assume is an intense program).

My best friend was like your man ... yes, my "BFF" is male, and he proposed a few weeks ago - after 10 years (we are all 26). I've had heart-to-heart conversations with him over the years as to why he hadn't proposed yet to his girlfriend, and it all came down to practicality and finances. I'm sorry you feel hurt about that, it's not the same for us women, isn't it?

I'm 26 and we have lived together for several years and have a baby (I was 6 months pregnant when he proposed). We are technically engaged, but don't have any immediate plans (and those plans are just a BBQ). Everyone else is married. I feel just as confident in my relationship, I know it has nothing to do with love, but just our situation with money/practicality.
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Old 08-24-2010, 05:25 PM   #18
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Oh, I know how you feel. I turned 30 a couple of months ago, and everyone around me is paired up or engaged or has kids or is already divorced. It's really hard. I don't know how to get through it either, except to tell myself that I have my work to focus on and that, along with looking after myself, deserves my attention.

But it's really not easy
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Old 08-24-2010, 05:32 PM   #19
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Well, I've been single my entire adult life and I've seen my friend through their first and second marriages. Some are on their third marriage now. After watching the disaster that divorce is, I'm glad I didn't rush into anything. I've been with my sweetie for 9 years now and we do plan to marry but we're in no rush (obviously). I'll be his second wife. But he'll be my first (and hopefully only!) hubby!
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:36 PM   #20
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thanks 170

its more a feeling, its odd thats all. I'm not basing my relationships on others. Its just i see it going on, i know thats where we are headed. I just feel ok i'm ready. (DEFINITELY NOT FOR KIDS, no freaking way.. if it happened whatever BUT we're not actively seeking them. haha)


I dont tell him how i feel about this because i DO NOT want to pressure him, I just love being with him. I know we've been together a long time etc. I know a ring wont change anything its more the IDEA that he wants that and declares it? if that makes sense. I personally do not care if there is a ring. I dont know if that makes sense to anyone, its just him taking a step forward. Even if we were engaged for 5-10 years. I wouldnt care. Its just he took that step to be like "hey you :P your what i want" I know he does but it makes it more official in my mind.


Sometimes i feel alittle conflicted, we talked about it not that long ago and he asked me when i wanted to get married i said "oh no way you tell me when YOU would like to" haha "june 2011" "ok, where" and we sort of went from there, but if i mention ANYTHING about it, it becomes "dont worry about it, thats so far away from now"

So who knows, just gonna wait it out :P
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Old 08-24-2010, 08:41 PM   #21
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Quote:
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Yikes. Withholding sex until you get what you want doesn't sound like an overly healthy relationship, and it rarely works in favor of the one using the sex as a weapon.

I'm of the opinion that a man doesn't have to be suckered into marriage. There are just as many men who want marriage as there are women. Nobody should feel the need to manipulate someone into marrying them, especially knowing they wouldn't otherwise want to.
It would only be suckering if he didn't want to get married. And I'm not into making anyone marry me who doesn't want to. But it is salting the oats, and we're both cool with it and actually... I've heard that abstinence actually does work in favor of marriage... But what do the experts know...

And to add to that... do you really want to marry a man who can't be with you if there is no sex involved? It's really sad to me when women feel like they've got to use their vagina to keep a man.
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Old 08-24-2010, 09:44 PM   #22
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Quote:
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It would only be suckering if he didn't want to get married. And I'm not into making anyone marry me who doesn't want to. But it is salting the oats, and we're both cool with it and actually... I've heard that abstinence actually does work in favor of marriage... But what do the experts know...

And to add to that... do you really want to marry a man who can't be with you if there is no sex involved? It's really sad to me when women feel like they've got to use their vagina to keep a man.
I do hope you realize that people have varying views about sex and their sexual relationships. If someone has sex with someone, I wouldn't say they are trying to keep a man or even a woman but because they feel it is the right thing to do for their relationship
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Old 08-24-2010, 11:50 PM   #23
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OO! i didnt see the 2nd page.. oi me!

Thank you guys so much, everyone has such valid points!


Sacha!!! YES my man is a man of Logic.. it rules him and i LOVE it. I sometimes need someone like yourself to point that out to me.. ahaha because it DOESNT make sense to do it now, not saying we would get married right away. But yes.. Thank you for that Yes, huge course load, when he is done he will have a degree in Physics.. then an Engineering Physics degree.



Carbs, sorry love.. i would NEVER with hold it, ever (1. because he = awesome. 2. i'm a firm believer in knowing someone fully, in all ways. 3. I'm not religious i'm rather atheist or agnostic.)
And i'm not trying to be "that person" but your previous post kind of stated that you were using your Hooha to keep/get what you want. So your posts are contradicting themselves. Also these marriage experts also state the opposite, it really depends on the couple.
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Old 08-24-2010, 11:52 PM   #24
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I am only 21 and married. My husband and I were together for 6 years before we were married, and I was very jealous of people around me, as well. It IS frustrating when people who have been together for 2 years go and get married before you. I totally understand. I was able to graduate college before we were married, and while we are struggling financially, I can't imagine not being a college graduate and trying to survive. My husband and I did not live together before we were married, so we were able to save. Anyway, have patience, because you will be thankful for waiting when your time comes. Go and snuggle with your hunni, and ignore that piece of paper that the government tells us is so important.
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Old 08-24-2010, 11:56 PM   #25
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I just want to say, not every group of friends marries as early as yours do! I was 24 at mine, and I was the very first of my little cohort of friends to get married...more weddings are starting to trickle in now, but honestly, 24 isn't "old" by any means. In fact, we were together 6 years before we got married, for the simple reason that we WERE quite young and wanted to be graduated from college and established and more grown up before we took that step (we're both logical, too).
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Old 08-25-2010, 12:02 AM   #26
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hahaha i know it isnt old :P


aww i wish i could go snuggle with him hes been gone since april, workin :P he comes home next week!!!!
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Old 08-25-2010, 12:03 AM   #27
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Wow, since April! Is he in the military?
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Old 08-25-2010, 12:08 AM   #28
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annddd some pics of us :P





thats us a few years ago, him picking my nose.. im pretty sure that had him laughing so hard he was crying. :P also dont mind the other pics :P no make up no nothiN! campin!
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Old 08-25-2010, 12:09 AM   #29
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No, this summer he is helping his dad with their farm, they have a big BIG farm.. and its about 3 hours away, hes been home about 4-5 times for a day or two here and there.. but finally he is HOME for good~!!
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Old 08-25-2010, 11:54 AM   #30
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Quote:
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OO! i didnt see the 2nd page.. oi me!

Thank you guys so much, everyone has such valid points!


Sacha!!! YES my man is a man of Logic.. it rules him and i LOVE it. I sometimes need someone like yourself to point that out to me.. ahaha because it DOESNT make sense to do it now, not saying we would get married right away. But yes.. Thank you for that Yes, huge course load, when he is done he will have a degree in Physics.. then an Engineering Physics degree.



Carbs, sorry love.. i would NEVER with hold it, ever (1. because he = awesome. 2. i'm a firm believer in knowing someone fully, in all ways. 3. I'm not religious i'm rather atheist or agnostic.)
And i'm not trying to be "that person" but your previous post kind of stated that you were using your Hooha to keep/get what you want. So your posts are contradicting themselves. Also these marriage experts also state the opposite, it really depends on the couple.
I would never suggest that you stop having sex or do anything at all for that matter, it's not really my concern. I'm just giving my opinion.
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