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Old 05-03-2010, 04:42 PM   #1  
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Default Dating a Skinny Guy....You? Experience?? This is a first!

I never thought Iíd be dating a SKINNY guy! Itís soÖweird. Every single guy Iíve ever dated has either been the beefy, husky, football player type or just chunky or to be honest, fat. And Iíve never been attracted to skinny guysÖ

But this one? Iím kinda crazy about. And he doesnít seem repulsed by my weight butÖI kind of get the feeling that he likes me in SPITE of my weight, you know what I mean? The guys Iíve dated before actually preferred my body type and I was able to feel safe and accepted in the relationship. The one Iím with now (Matt), tells me Iím beautiful and sexy and that heís super attracted to meÖbut I feel like itís mostly on a mental and emotional level and heís avoiding the weight/body type issue. (It doesnít help that he once mentioned in conversation that his ex weighed ďninety pounds soaking wetĒ. Way to make me feel like a moose!)

Iím just used to being the smaller one in the relationship. And I kind of think thatís preferable. It makes me feel safe to be with a bigger guy and also kind of makes me feel smaller, lol. This is a major role reversal for me. We havenít been very physical, but when we have kissed and touched and snuggled, I felt soooooooooo insecure and fat.

SoÖany of you girls ever date skinny guys? How did you deal with being bigger than your man? And did you have some trouble believing that he was actually into your body?
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Old 05-03-2010, 04:46 PM   #2  
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I've never dated a fat guy but the body types have ranged. I've always been attracted to skinny tall guys.

My husband is really skinny, so much so that he has trouble finding clothes because most average mens clothes are bigger than him.

How do I deal? Not sure what there is to deal with I know he loves me for who I am, regardless of my weight.
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Old 05-03-2010, 04:48 PM   #3  
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I dated a skinny guy when I was teenager. I didn't like it. I can remember sitting next to him and looking at our legs and thinking "my legs should not be bigger than my bf's". Of course those were all my insecurity's, he didn't seem to mind my being a bit bigger than him.

I'm not sure if I have any real advice to give other than to say, I know how you feel
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Old 05-03-2010, 05:02 PM   #4  
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I have been through the same thing girl. I've been dating a guy since November 2008 that weighs 125 lbs... and he's half an inch shorter than me not to mention he sometimes can't find clothes that fit in the mens department. I have always dated chunkier guys too.. and I've struggled a lot with this one thinking I wasn't attractive or that people looked at us and wondered why he was with a whale.. Not to mention that my friend made a comment when we first started dating that I could squish him like a bug during "fun time"... But as much as he cares about me.. he doesn't pretend like my weight isn't an issue.. So, I can be open with him about my insecurities.. My point is, Talk to him. Tell him how you feel about your weight and make him aware of what you're going through.. He may not understand from experience.. but opening up about that sort of thing also shows how much you do care about and trust him. Good luck on your weightloss and I hope this helps
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Old 05-03-2010, 05:04 PM   #5  
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My guy is SUPER skinny-lean, and it's really hard to find shirts and jeans for him, too. We tend to have to shop at the more flamboyant stores (which he's not nearly as stoked as I am about, hehe). When we first started dating I was really shy and uncomfortable about being bigger than him (and his legs being so much skinnier than mine!), but now, most days - everything feels *perfect* with us! He makes me feel beautiful -all- the time. If anything, he's more insecure about his body type, I think, because he always wanted to be the beefy football type I have my days where I just feel chubby and he doesn't understand it - but he's always super supportive anyways. Skinny guys rock
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Old 05-03-2010, 05:06 PM   #6  
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My ex boyfriend was bigger than me for the most part, until I ended up gaining weight. I also felt a bit better at that time because he preferred me being bigger, he hated that I was skinny-er.

My Current boyfriend is 160ish pounds and 5'10" so hes 40lbs lighter than me and he looks fit even though he doesn't do much. I'm comfortable with him, but there are certain things that I still have issues with; Like him picking me up and stuff like that. I've kind of always preferred bigger guys because of the whole me being smaller thing, but I am psychically attracted to skinny guys hands down. I love my bf's body and almost feel lucky as **** that I'm with him, he always says HE's the lucky one! He's been really supportive of me and my weight loss. he liked me when I was a heavier so I'm not really worried about him NOT liking my body. His ex was a little on the heavy side too, not obese but overweight. I told him how "I" wanted to look eventually and he just wants me to be happy with myself. And this might be TMI but since we are on the subject of Skinny guys (lol) I can say as far as things in the bedroom going, its a lot easier and so much more you can do!
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Old 05-03-2010, 05:56 PM   #7  
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My boyfriend is 5'8 and 135 pounds, he's thin but not too skinny.
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Old 05-03-2010, 06:16 PM   #8  
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My boyfriend is the same height as me, and is weighs around 165. So he's not skinny, but he's not "big" either. He's the smallest guy weight wise that I've dated, and the best. As I stated in another post he hadn't dated a bigger girl before, but he's always telling me I'm beautiful and sexy. I have to agree with JennieLovesKisses on the bedroom front. And added bonus the more I lose, the more flexible I get.
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Old 05-03-2010, 06:45 PM   #9  
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I have never dated a skinny guy - not because I don't like them, fate simply did not send one my way.
You did not say how long you have been with Matt but since you mentioned you haven't been overly physical I am guessing this is a fairly new relationship. I don't think that at your height you don't have to feel insecure with 174 lbs .... I swear we often get ourselves worked up over nothing. He is with you so he obviously likes you, regardless of what his ex weighed. What do you know, maybe he found her too thin.
You would be surprised but a lot of men actually do like a woman with curves. Last year, I met a guy through an online dating site and we emailed each other very extensively for aobut 2 months prior to meeting in person. We have seen pictures of each other. I was very disappointed to find out that I was TOO THIN for him. (he did not say that out loud but I knew enough from his emails and his hints etc. Also, I was too obsessed with my diet (according to him - I, who is not on any specific diet except that I try to not have too many carbs, and who does not count calories) and too obsessed with going to the gym (that he spent almost every week an entire Tuesday afternoon and an entire Saturday on a golf course was obviously irrelevant). Imagine, what if he wanted to have sex on Sunday morning but I would want to go to my usual gym class?!? Oh horrors.

So I would say don't worry about it too much. I hope everything will work out to your complete satisfaction. :-)

I forgot to say that my BF is 6'4" and weighs about 245 lbs. I have seen him heavier. He is trying to lose weight and ideally, should weigh probably 220 but that would be only he built up a decent amount of muscle.

Last edited by Tomato; 05-03-2010 at 06:48 PM.
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Old 05-03-2010, 08:14 PM   #10  
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My physical ideal in a guy is tall and beefy - muscular with a bit of extra weight. Personally under six feet tall starts feeling to short for me. From experience to me height is more important than weight. Dating someone that I feel bigger than doesn't make me feel comfortable.

I've always been told that I "carry my weight well". Sometimes I've dated guys that have really liked my shape but I could sense or divine would really have preferred me smaller. I never felt entirely comfortable in those relationships especially if I started to gain a bit of weight. I've also dated guys that LOVE curvy women and find "too skinny" more repulsive than "too overweight". It is really nice and more comfortable to feel as if you are the ideal of your mate or close to it.

Happy relationships are often based on compatibility. Attraction needs to be there, though thank goodness that is a combination of looks and a lot of other factors. If neither of you meet each others physical ideal does it mean your relationship is doomed? Not at all. Individuals connect on many different levels - intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, fiscally, lifestyle, etc.. The various aspects of our mates are important to us in varying degrees. To one individual the physical look of their mate may be the most important thing to another it may be how well they connect on an emotional level or how similar their interests are.

So you need to ask yourself how important are his physical looks to you? Also, you need to really try to determine what his ideal body type is and not what you think it is. Being direct is good, but guys don't always talk about it directly. You can get a good sense from what actresses, models, and famous people they find physically attractive. If you truly don't meet his ideal then you need to ask yourself how important is it to YOU that you don't.

Finally, I can tell from personal experience that we often need to change our own body images. This is something I struggle with personally and still haven't mastered. I've been with guys that really, truly thought a size 20+ me was gorgeous and I just can't accept it. I don't think they are lying but it was a problem with my own self image. If you can figure this one out please share the secret!

Last edited by Renwomin; 05-03-2010 at 11:42 PM.
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Old 05-03-2010, 08:44 PM   #11  
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My boyfriend is skinny and has no issue with weight which does NOT help with my dieting at all. He is constantly eating junk and encourages me to do the same with him. He also doesn't like even one trying to eat healthy with him is extremely difficult. It is honestly, aside from the obvious self blame, a big reason why I have gained so much weight. I'm not someone who can just eat and be merry like him. I have to work for a thinner self.
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Old 05-03-2010, 08:49 PM   #12  
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Most guys like women a little curvier than women like women, so I wouldn't assume he's not into your body exactly as it is.

There are men and women who are very particular about dating a specific "type" of partner (personality and/or physicality wise), and others are open to a broader range of possibilities. Just because this guy's last girl friend weighed 90 lbs, doesn't mean that she was his preferred body type - It's possible that he prefers your body type and liked her "in spite of" her weight.

Or maybe he is attracted to a wide range of body types.

My husband has dated women of all sizes. He's a big guy, but very outgoing, and women are drawn to him because he's so friendly, soicable, funny and fun to be with. I've had women flirt openly with him in front of my face, I suppose because they think I couldn't possibly be "competition" for them - they're wrong.

I've dated thin guys and fat guys, short guys and tall guys, attractive guys and homely guys. I've always dated good guys who were attracted to me. Was my personality or my body their favorite part? I don't know, I never really dug that deeply, if I dug a guy and he dug me, that's all that really mattered.

I did usually bring up weight issues fairly early in the relationship, because there are guys who only date women they are physically attracted to and if they're only attracted to a certain body type they need to know that my body type tends to do quite a bit of changing. I never felt that anyone liked me "despite my size," because I always felt that dating is always a package deal - if you don't like something in the package - you can't assume you can fix it. Peope aren't houses, fixer-uppers never work in the real world.

When I began dating my husband I was very clear that I did intend to try to lose weight, but that I couldn't guarantee it. I actually felt very reassured that he had dated women of a wide range of sizes, because it reassured me that I didn't have to stress about how he would react to size changes as I lost weight. Knowing that his physical preferences are "flexible" was a load off my mind. I always felt that most guys who dated larger women, liked them that way and were as likely (or more likely) to leave a woman over weight loss than other guys might leave a woman for weight gain.

Interestingly in my own dating experience, the fat guys were most flexible (they were less likely to have a rigid "type"), whereas the thin guys interested in me were mostly "want you fat" or "wish you were fatter" types. I never (knowingly) seriously dated anyone who had a fat preference, because it was not my preference to stay fat.

I say knowingly, because some guys will hide their preference for larger women (probably because they're embarassed). They can't hide it forever, though. A guy who sabotages (seeminly intentionally) your diet efforts at every turn, may have a fat-only attraction (or he migfht be a control freak or might just be stupid about weight loss). I also think some guys are so focused on getting the date, they say whatever they need to, in order to get you to go out with them. I certainly had guys be more understanding of my weight loss intentions before we dated than afterward. But I've also had guys say they were interested in things I liked and then after dating a while, you found out they really hate your interests, but they wanted you to like them anyway.

Guys are just as insecure as girls. Maybe not about weight, but they have all sorts of other hangups.

Regardless, you can just learn more about him and see where things lead.

Last edited by kaplods; 05-03-2010 at 08:54 PM.
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Old 05-03-2010, 09:07 PM   #13  
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Originally Posted by Renwomin View Post
Finally, I can tell from personal experience that we often need to change our own body images. This is something I struggle with personally and still haven't mastered. I've been with guys that really, truly thought a size 20+ me was gorgeous and I just can't accept it. I don't think they are lying but it was a problem with my own self image. If you can figure this one out please share the secret!

I think this is at least in part that all of us want someone to be attracted to us for more than our body types. A man who is ONLY attracted to larger women is just as hung up on body size as a man who ONLY attracted to very small women. I wouldn't want to be with a man who would have an issue if I lost a lot of weight any more than I'd want to be with one who would have an issue if I gained that weight.

Fortunately, I think those are the extremes and that most people, men and women, have a type that they tend to find most attractive but in the end, it comes down to the individual person they met. Lots of people have a type yet end up with someone totally different from that type because they are ultimately attracted to the person, not just the package it comes in.
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Old 05-03-2010, 09:26 PM   #14  
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I think he may or may not prefer you thinner. But if he does, it's not necessarily because he's thin. I think different guys just have different preferences.
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Old 05-03-2010, 10:11 PM   #15  
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My husband is thin and I hate it LOL He says he has he has no problem with my weight but when we fight he often says that I am fat and he prefers a women a little thinner.. Of course, I think , why don't you find one. So I really think he does think its unattractive but doesn't say so unless he is mad and as often as he has said it there must be truth to it. My preference has always been larger men, they just seem so easy going and unpretensious.

Last edited by lilithb; 05-03-2010 at 10:13 PM.
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