.... I've always felt the motherly pull, right from when I was a little girl! I messed around for a few years trying to 'find' something that I wanted to do, career wise. I started three different degree's/diploma's and didn't finish any of them. I fought the urge for a long time, but i knew that what I really wanted from my life, was to be a Mummy..........
After a miscarriage in 2005, me & my ex-DP conceived our daughter last January, and I gave birth to her on 26 October.... She's the light of my life, and I now can't imagine life without her!
That said, I dont' think that not wanting children is obsurd, or strange, or abnormal! Not by any means. My Aunty & her husband decided not to have chidlren, and then at 38 she fell pregnant accidentally, and it was only after Max arrived, that she realised she REALLY did want children, and Geordie arrived when Max was 18 months old!
I think there is still a lot of emphasis placed on womens 'job' being to have children & run the household...... For me, lol I don't mind, because that is what i DO want to do!
I admire the women who are strong enough to stand up in public & say "hey buddy, having kids just isn't for me"....
I just read some more of the posts to this thread and re-read Nelie's original post and wanted to add the following thoughts:
I have never, ever, felt any pressure at all from anyone to have children. Epecially not from my parents (who were hoping I'd be forever celibate.) But here is something I thought was pretty bad - and I hope it is not happening anymore because this was about 20 years ago - when I applied for a certain job in the 80's I was blatantly told by the interviewer that they were hesitant to hire a young woman because she might want to have kids and quit or go on long maternity leave -- can you believe that???
Nelie - interesting what you say about animals; ME TOO. I feel similarly, and I always wondered if I was abnormal for what I am about to say, along the same lines: I really don't like people touching or hugging me but I can cuddle up with a nice dog or cat just fine.
I am 45 and have never wanted children, even though friends all told me that once I had one the maternal instinct would kick in. I have never regretted being childless.
Interestingly, both my grandmother and my mother also lack the maternal instinct. Both of them have told me that if they had to do it over again they would remain childless. My only sister also never had the desire to have children.
So, nelie, don't make the assumption that some sort of maternal instinct would kick in if you actually went ahead and had a child. Maybe it would happen, maybe it wouldn't. Personally I think it's kind of a dangerous gamble.
Someone pointed this out earlier, but it's a really good point that needs to be resaid. If a lot more people were truly honest with themselves and with their mates about children, we might not have so many coming from bad childhoods. My own mother is adopted, and she had the worst childhood under her adopted parents possible. They were mainly only interested in keeping her around to be their maid (house had 3 floors), and were constantly taking in foster children every other month because the state was giving them money that was supposed to go towards taking care of them, but mostly went into their bank accounts for themselves. My own relationship with my adopted grandparents is very dicey at best, and folks usually think I'm being selfish and self centered when I state that given the choice, I wouldn't have a thing to do with them at all. They may be related to me, but that doesn't mean they are truly "family". Does that make sense?
As for children, I'm currently 27 years of age with no man in sight. I've gone back and forth over this issue many times myself. Right now I'm just nowhere near ready for a child as I'm still living with my mother and trying to make a career for myself. However, after helping to raise my nephew (1 years old now) for a few months there, I now know that I wouldn't mind having 2 at the most later on down the line. But if I don't, that's just fine with me as well. It's all a matter of being brutally honest with yourself, and finding contentment. Don't listen to society/friends/family and their expectations. If certain members of my family had their way, I would've been barefoot and pregnant while a teenager and a high school dropout, simply because it's the only life THEY'VE ever known.
So, nelie, don't make the assumption that some sort of maternal instinct would kick in if you actually went ahead and had a child. Maybe it would happen, maybe it wouldn't. Personally I think it's kind of a dangerous gamble.
Well I think it it isn't the maternal instinct I worry about and I guess others said it, it is kind of being on the fence about things. Some days I think about having children, other days I don't. It would be nice if I could totally say "the last thing in the world I want is a child" or "I really want a child". I think really though what will happen is we won't have any children unless something happens in the future.
A funny thing that I didn't share before is my mom really really wants to be a grandma. A few years ago when I was unmarried, she told me if I planned to stay unmarried that I should go to a sperm bank. It was the funniest thing but I guess the way I was she thought I'd remain single. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married either until DH and I had started dating. I guess that was another thing I was on the fence about.
Nelie,
Although not in regard to having children, I made the huge mistake of feeling beholden to my mother even as an adult and making some big decisions because of her opinions which were terrible mistakes for me. It's your individual life. I know it sounds like you agree with that but I just wanted to add oomph for that sentiment. Mom has her own individual life, she doesn't need two. I advise against making any BIG decisions based on one's mother's pressures. (Why do they DO that, anyway???)
I'm new to the boards but just wanted to add my two cents if that's ok. I have two wonderful sons...18 and 14 years old. I love them with every fiber of my being, but if I had it to do over again I wouldn't have kids. I think I've been a terrible parent, even though my kids and my husband tell me differently. Maybe it's me comparing myself to other moms with what I believe to be perfect little children....but at any rate, I never really had the maternal instinct either but my hubby wanted kids so I acquiesced and we had two children. Again, I love my sons and would be devastated if anything happened to either of them but I don't think I was cut out to be a mother.
At least you are thinking about it before you have children. I didn't realize this until after I'd had both of mine. LOL....
