AHAHAHAH!

I did not put the WORST picture though... There is one where I look like I'm doing the biggest toilet job in human history AHAHAHAH!

Well now you HAVE to share!

So, this is embarassing... but, I started a blog here on 3FC.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/jossfit/about/

Alrighty, I'm feeling a bit like myself again, and I'm going to try to catch up on some personals!

Kakers - Yay for small victories! That's really what it is all about, I think. Being a pound down is certainly a nice surprise, and finding a lower calorie substitution for your regular tortillas is awesome! Keep it up.

Jessica - Yeah, what is the deal with September?! I would have liked to have celebrated my birthday at my fittest and happiest yet, but I ended up just having a crap month. I actually am embarassed to admit it, but this month I relapsed into binge eating again. I hadn't done that since like, May. It just goes to show you that it is always just under the surface. Today is the 26th, and I had one indulgent night with my husband on the 1st (totally planned), hit my lowest weight ever, and then since then had SIX binge-filled days. SIX! That is just insane. I bet I have put on 5 pounds this month. Yikes.
Anyway, yes... you are right. I'm anxious to put September behind me and get back to my happy, healthy, NORMAL routine in October!

That's so scary about you passing out! How do you feel now? Normal again, I assume?

How are you doing now getting back on track after the weekend? I know you mentioned having some trouble after all the events you had going on.

Turbo - You are definitely right; it's not going to destroy my hard work and I know it will take a couple of weeks, but I'll be right as rain again as long as I get back up... which I have! I am trying to find the silver lining in it all; extra calories and extra rest are good for my muscles! hahaha

How is your foot feeling today?

Libbywaldron - Welcome to the Feather's chat! I hope you stick with us... this group has been amazing for me!

Chickie - Any progress with your headaches and/or workouts?


I know there are more that I missed, but the thread only shows the last 15 posts!!

kakers It's possible that I was over thinking it, and that made me pass out, but I'm not entirely sure. Usually I have such a high pain tolerance, and have done such crazy things to my body that having blood taken is no big deal. I might've been feeling a bit anxious though because it's been a while since I've had to do anything like that.

Turbo I think it's a pretty good running picture actually. You just look focused, I think.

Joss I feel totally normal now, I was back to feeling normal about 5 minutes after fainting. I mentioned it to my husband, and he gave me a hard time about working out that morning, and said it was probably because I exercised, didn't eat, and then had blood taken. I guess he could be right, not much that I can do about it now.

I've been doing okay for eating since the weekend, but I am having a major mental struggle with it today. Today is my daughter's birthday (her party was on the weekend). She asked to go to a restaurant, because it's something she finds fun, probably because we rarely do it. I had it all planned out for where to go, and what to order, but there's a chance it will fall through. My husband might not finish work on time for us to be able to fit in dining at a restaurant, as my daughter has swimming lessons tonight, so we have a bit of a time limit. If it ends up being that way, then we are going to let her choose a place to order food from, and she said if that happens, she wants pizza. Pizza is a bit of a trigger food for me, so I've debated getting the pizza for her and my husband, and just making something for myself at home, or getting wings, but honestly those don't fare very well nutritionally either. So I'm having a bit of an internal struggle about whether to give in and indulge again or not. I know if I do, I'm probably going to end up eating left over cake, and treats from the party. I actually went out and bought an ice cream cake for my daughter because she kept talking about blowing out candles again, and I felt bad that all we had was a sloppy looking leftover slab of cake. The idea behind the ice cream cake is that I won't feel like it's going to waste if I don't eat it, as we can just put the rest in the freezer and my husband will eventually eat it all. But I'm nervous about resisting that if I'm also eating pizza. I would just give in again if my birthday weren't on Sunday and I weren't planning on indulging then. That, coupled with 2 thanksgiving meals with both sides of the family a week later, and the fact that my brother will probably take me out for lunch on either Friday or Monday for my birthday is really giving me trouble. I just want to throw in the towel until thanksgiving is over, but that would be a huge disaster.

That is tough, and I can definitely relate. I'm wondering, do you think she would notice if you ate a separate dinner from her and your husband? Generally children don't, from what I have seen, and she'll be happy to have it for her. Children don't generally feel weird about other people not eating the same thing as them... thats an adult thing, know what I mean?
If she did mention it, it would be as easy as saying "Mommy has an upset tummy and XYZ (your dinner) will help it feel better" or something like that.

The reason I would recommend that you stick to your guns and stay on track is more of a personal one. I ate HORRIBLY the past couple of days (check out my blog if you want to see the nastiness... ugh) and today, even though I'm re-committed to getting back on my path, it's still a struggle. When you're feeling mentally vulnerable I think that is the MOST important time to prove to yourself that you CAN do it. It can be a slippery slope, and when you've already slipped a few times it just seems to compound itself.

You and I BOTH need to get our confidence back, and I think that getting through today and getting a good streak of on plan days behind us would help immensely.

Maybe I just need you to do it so that I know I can too.

Joss : I red your blog post this morning and I took some time to think about it through the day. I did not wanted to say the cliché usual stuff. First : BIG cyber-HUGS! I know that nothing that we could say will take off the things you ate or the way you felt. But let me tell you that I admire you SO much for taking the courage coming clean (even if none of us would ever judge eachother! that is why this place is so awesome) and most of all aknowledge the incident, and decided what to do about it. That is a huge win.

And if it can cheer you up a bit... there ya go! LOL It was about 100 meters from the finish line. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE ahahahahah!



Jessica : I'm with Joss here, chances are your daughter won't even realize that you are eating something different! If you have many eating out/reunions meals stuff coming in, don't give up! you'll only regret throwing the towel once they all passed. Indulge a bit, but moderation is the key. Good luck!

***

Back down to 137.0 this morning after peeing all day yesterday. PHEWWW. The foot is getting better too, now I can walk without being in super pain. I'm still on a ibuprofene diet but yesterday afternoon, while I was doing my things in the lab, I turn around really quickly to grab something and IT HURT SO MUCH, it was like someone stab me in the foot, I had to grab a chair to lean on. But after that, my foot was so much better! Maybe something just snap back into places. Now it only hurt a little when I do unusual torsions but I can now walk to my car without being in pain.. big improvment. I'm super happy, I'm going hiking for the next two saturdays and I don't want to cancel that. I'm gonna test the foot tomorrow night on a bike ride.

I also started my abs routine back on this morning, maybe it will help the rabbit pooping situation. I felt so weak doing them this morning after skipping for the last 4 days, my plank was super shaky! It's kinda nice to go back to a normal routine avec the carbs/run extravaganza of last weekend though. Tonight is chili's night, yay!

Joss She probably wouldn't notice or care, it wouldn't be the first time I've eaten something different from them, I often at least eat a slight variation of what they eat, so I know it wouldn't phase her.

You know, I read your blog before reading your response to my post, and being in the state of mind that I am in, it was like reading a trashy novel, I was drooling and feeling envious. I know that's horrible, and I really need to work on my relationship with food. You are such an inspiration, and it helps to know that you have your struggles too, it makes everything seem so much more attainable to know that you have done it, even though you struggle with the same type of behavior.

So since you have been such an inspiration to me, hopefully I can help to return the favor. I'm making a pact that I'm not going to eat pizza today, or cake or any of that junk. In addition, I'm also going to commit to choosing something healthy for lunch when my brother takes me out for a birthday lunch. I struggle with this, because I don't eat out often, and I feel like I should eat whatever I want when I do because of that. So that's my pact, I will stay on plan until Sunday, at which point I will allow myself to enjoy my birthday. Maybe after that I'll make an additional pack to be reasonable during thanksgiving, but for now I'll keep it at that and see how I fair until then.

Turbo Fingers crossed for you that your foot is better for your hike on Saturday!

Turbo - YEAH, MUCH better picture! LOL that's what I'm talking about! Thank you for sharing!

Thank you for your kind comments as well. Something about this experience the past couple of days made me just feel icky; I think it was the low quality foods, the secretive nature of it. It just felt shameful and I realized that "coming clean" about it might help. And you know, it really did. I don't think I need to be ashamed to admit that I fell down and rather than come here and gloss over it and say "Meh, I overate" or "I ate more than I wanted to the past couple of days" I wanted to really explain how it happened.
I did it for myself, but if it helps anyone at all, that's a huge bonus.

Jessica - It sounds like you and I have the same goal in mind; one little indulgence coming up (your birthday and for me, dinner with my husband) but then solidly on our plans until Thanksgiving. It's a bit lofty, but I know that I can do it if I set my mind to it because I have before several times. I'm leery of the flippant nature of making a support pact with someone because it's not generally taken seriously (there are no consequences and no system of accountability) however if you would like to try and encourage each other and provide support to one another I'm all for it.

New plan... post often and the personals won't be so overwhelming! LOL... I have ADD so putting it all together can take me like a half hour. Not even exaggerating. Underestimating possibly. I'd use multi-quote but dang would that be a LONG post! If I ever forget someone, don't take it personal... I either missed it when replying, or just couldn't think of what to say.

Anyways...

JossFit Woah. I thought that any binge you may have had would be like my typical day. But no, you really did it good there! I can see why you didn't feel so well the next day. My body actually makes me stop eating sweet food pretty quickly, with the exception of toasted marshmallows and a couple other things. Even apples, if I eat them with something sweet, my body will yell at me. But hey, you are allowed to have a day once in a while where it just goes bad. Ever think of just planning them in? Planning out exactly what you will allow yourself for your binge day, so you don't end up with a whole bag to 100 calorie packs? Or ya know, eat one 100 calorie pack every day or two so the craving can't hit so bad? Either way, one badday won't kill you, you're back on track now so it's all good!

TurboMammoth That is one heck of a face! I'm pretty sure I had a similar face in my finish line picture when I walked/ran a 5k. I'd be pretty shocked if your pictures were flattering after over 2 hours of running!

JessicaB Honestly these situations are part of why I could calories, I can factor in cruddy dinners. Papa Johns cheese pizza, for all it's gooey, deliciousness, is under 300 calories a slice (for the large pizza.) I can completely justify a 600 calorie dinner, ya know? Though depending on where you order from you could either get an "adult" pizza chock full o' veggies, or if it's a local pizza place most have a decent menu of options in my experience including sandwiches and salads etc.


Again, if I missed anyone, sorry! Not intentional!
__________________________________
SUCH A GOOD DAY! I am in a super mood I had breakfast today, a whopping 90 calories. I can manage that. But it is WEDNESDAY!! Do you now what that means? I have gymnastics today! That is 1.5 hours of a darn good workout, so I can afford to go over in my calories today. I've been good so far,it's 6:15 and I still have 510 calories to go even if I DO choose to stay under goal. I had a pretty light lunch, 430 calories. Joss, to make you feel better, my lunch consisted of jello (WITH sugar), string cheese, potato chips, pepsi next, and apples with caramel dip. Not horrible, but definitely not the definition of healthy.

Since I got home I have been BAD... well, I have avoided being really bad. I had a lowfat yogurt (pumpkin pie flavored YUM!) and otherwise a lot of not-good-for-me stuff. Throwback Pepsi. With coconut rum. And one small corn tortilla... cut into chips, deep fried, and salted. Fun with deep fryer I miss deep frying everything!!! And my dinner WILL BE DEEP FRIED!! Once I can figure out how many calories it will add to everything. The chicken I think it will only add like 50 calories to. I may have to skip the fries, but that's OK. (*edit to add... pre gymn snack, frozen $1 cheeseburger... 150 calories... so reasonable... for me... so horrible health wise though I am sure)

OH and I think I may have figured out *some* of the appetite issue... I think TOM is on the horizon. I tend to get ravenous right before. I also tend to lose a pound or two once it starts, so here's to hoping!

~Katy

Joss- I love your blog. There is a reason "coming clean" is so cathartic! That secretive feeling is gone, and boy, that is a huge relief in itself. And I think I love coming on here because I know my bad days don't make me abnormal...I knows others can relate and that, too, makes a huge difference! Hugs.

Turbo- Holy crap. The first picture was good, but the second....definitely my FAVE! ;-) Thanks for being a trooper and posting it. I thinkit is the double fist clenching that makes it look bathroom-esque. Sorry about your foot! I am not, not, not a runner. So every time I do a race, I can barely walk for days afterward. I'm pathetic.

Jessica- ooooh...it is so hard not to eat what the kids eat sometimes! In the name of confession here, I have officially eaten eight tiny ice cream cones in the past three days. :-( WTF? I haven't bought the actual cones in like five months, because I can't framing find any that ont have trans at, which I have banished from the house. But *I* am a sucker for the cone, so I gave in an bought them. I could care less about the ice cream, but for a stupid 20 calorie cone, I add 150-200 cals of ice xream. And I eat two or three to have more cones. Seriously? Sorry...got off topic, but I am so mad at myself! Is apparently one of those foods that I simply can't have in the house. Who would have thought? Cones?? :-/

Doing alright here physically, which is huge for me! I have been on a nightly medication for a little over a month, and it has really helped me to get out of that weird cluster migraine cycle that was running my life this summer. Workouts are still few and far between. I just can justify screwing up my health and taking the risk right now. Hubby is going near nuclear with school and the house project, and last week my youngest had a five day flu, and now my oldest is on day three of the same thing. Super high temps and fever and coughing. I am just drained, but surprisingly feeling good overall. I a, trying to focus on just getting back to my happy place of having my house and general life in order. Might sound silly, but I was just so out of commission for almost three months! For a type-A person like me, that was torture and I felt so behind until about this past week.

But....what in the **** is up with my eating? I am skipping lunch and dinner frequently and just snacking and snacking instead. My cals are mostly on track, I don't count every thing like I used to, but I just don't know. Sometimes I feel like I only eat lunch or dinner because it is "that time of day", no because I'm really hungry. My snacks aren't bad, banning twice cream cone binge, but it's no really meals anymore. I have been eating a lot of natural PB on an English muffin and oatmeal. Worst thing I can see is that I am not hitting the protein like I used to.

Joss Yes, our goals are similar, but the main difference I think is that Canadian thanksgiving is only a week and a half away. I guess what I'd been struggling with is all these things happening so close together, and I definitely don't want to put on any real weight. After thanksgiving, I can't see anything that will get in my way before Christmas, so I'm hoping it will be reasonably smooth sailing after that.

kakers I understand that I could have reasonably had 2 slices of pizza without it being the end of the world. My main concern was that it would have led to me eating a ton of other things, and at this moment I have tons of leftover goodies in my freezer from my daughter's birthday party. I have been fantasizing about them, it's horrible. I tried to send as much stuff away with other people as I could, but we still have a bunch left. I don't count calories, but I do roughly estimate the calories in what I'm eating and keep a rough running total. I can't be bothered with the rigidness of putting that much effort into it, and I have managed to lose what I have so far doing that, so I've never been able to convince myself to commit to calorie counting.

Chickie Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. If you're eating well aside from that ice cream, and staying around the calories you need, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. You are doing much better than me, as I still need to ditch the all or nothing attitude.

-----------------------------

I am happy to report I didn't eat a bunch of junk yesterday. I just made myself some salmon and a bowl of french onion soup. I had a sugar free pudding while my husband and kid were eating the ice cream cake, and I did lick the knife used to cut it, but that's not a big deal. I do feel like I've renewed a bit of confidence in myself, and now my internal struggle is the opposite that it was before. I'm still up 2.5 pounds from the weekend, and I don't see it dropping off in the next couple days. I know it's not the end of the world, but while I have been indulging more lately, I have been sort of justifying it as long as I was at a low weight prior to my overeating. I figure that way, I will not only maintain, but possibly lose weight VERY SLOWLY. I just don't know if those pounds will drop by my birthday, and now I'm almost thinking I should just change my birthday plans completely, but I also don't want to be too rough on myself. There goes my all or nothing attitude again.. what I really should do is ditch the plan for the buffet, have a nice meal somewhere where I can indulge a bit, but not go crazy, and then have one small treat when I get home. Why is it so hard to commit myself to doing that?

Oh, well that makes a big difference! haha

Awesome! I too am happy to report that, though my diet wasn't perfect yesterday (fewer veggies than I would have liked) I got back to my natural foods and was about where I should have been in terms of calories. That first day for me is always the hardest.
I just made myself a program to 'peak' for my photo shoot. Slow and steady is going to win this race!

That is going to be my approach as well; I'm cutting calories this week to shed some water weight and get back into the game mentally, but then I'll be bumping up the calories and SLOWLY tapering them down in order to focus on keeping my muscle mass and steadily peeling away a bit of fat.

I think that sounds like a great compromise! Just tell your brother you'd rather to to another place for dinner, and pick one. It IS your birthday, so you shouldn't feel guilty for indulging a bit, but you can make a deal with yourself before you go; if you order alcohol, drink something with a sugar free mixer OR wine (no big coctails), order an appetizer OR dessert, but not both, and whatever you choose for your entree make sure there is at least some sort of veg/salad (just to make sure you are getting some fiber and micronutrients.

Yeah, I know calories are what matters but really, this might help with the all-or-nothing attitude you mentioned. You will be over your calorie goal for the day I'm sure, but better to be over by 1000 than over by 3000, right?

My husband is coming to visit 5-8 October, so I've already made the deal with myself that I will go out to dinner and enjoy myself that night, but I'm going to employ some of the same principals; wine only, going out for sushi and ordering soup, edamame and sunumono salad to start, and keep the rolls relatively simple. I'll still eat a lot of calories I'm sure, but not as many as if we went to the Cheesecake Factory or something!

Jessica : Great job with your salmon last night! Oh, Thanksgiving and overeating... I planned in advance to go for some huge hike this weekend, so at least I'll used a few calories there before stuffing my face LOL Personnaly I rarely pick buffet when we go out. It is just too hard to control. I prefer indulging on one meal and not panic for days because I might want to just eat.eat.eat. I just don't have that type of control yet, I think.

Joss : TOLD you it was an horrible picture, huh! LOL Glad you like it Ahahahah!

I do agree with you that coming clean about it was probably the way solution. Facing the situation is always harder than avoiding it, but you feel so much better afterward. Is the puffy/bloaty feeling going away?

kakers : You know you don't HAVE to write big big personnals stuff all the time We won't hate you for that! ... I guess we're just all chatty LOL You're low fat pumpkin flavored yogurt ... YUMM! I have some pumpkin puree at home, I think I'm going to try to throw some in my plain greek yogurt next time I have some! You seem to be a deep fry passionate If you can make it work in your calories budget, well good for you!

Chickie : ''bathroom-esque'' = love it! LOL Of for recovering after a race, I have to admit that right after the race and on Monday, stairs was not something I enjoyed much LOL

Maybe taking it slow on the workout and adding them gradually to your daily life might be a good idea, but I'm so happy for you that your migraine cycle seem to be in control! It must be such a relief. Is your kiddo better? Poor littles guys!

krampus & LeilaJey : Where are you at, girls? We miss you!

***

136.0 this morning (yay!??!), I'll definitely take the drop! This might be for all the calories burned in the race that were hidden by the water of the salty stuff I had afterward + TOM being finally over.

I am eating super good but last night I just wanted to stuff my face. I baked some little bread pumpkin and chocolat chip loafs and after dinner I am usually having half of one (about 180-230 calories, I think). So last night I had it, and I so wanted to go and get the other half. AaaargHHH! But I resist and I had grapes instead.

The feet is also better, I only feel a little something from time to time. I'm gonna try the hiking on saturday with my friend. We are planning for a 12k but if it starts hurting we'll just do a shorter one. I really want it to be okay for the weekend after that, for my girly hiking trip in NH. I wanted to go biking today (because I haven't work out since Sunday) but the boyfriend suggest to keep it cool until saturday to it a rest a bit. I miss just moving soo much, I want to go out for a run so bad

I'm here! I've been feeling frustrated, fat and awful recently. This morning I weighed in at 126.2 after a super salty Korean dinner and a beer and 2 wings, so I don't know what the big hullabaloo is about - I seem to be doing fine. Just been feeling "quiet" and stressed out at work planning conference stuff. Last night I was feeling a little bingey - after salty dinner I wanted to poop, and couldn't - constipation was always a binge trigger for me since you know overeating forces it out of you. Sigh...

TurboMammoth NICE half marathon pics! Your running faces say nothing other than "I'm actually trying" so don't worry. I am really craving a trip to Montreal soon...I am getting sick of America. I hope you have a good hiking trip!

JessicaB If "all or nothing" were easy to understand and kick to the curb, well...3FC wouldn't exist. It's a struggle to see small gains from the weekend (I haven't lost mine!) and not feel like the world is ending, even if you are doing well RIGHT NOW (which you seem to be!).

ChickieChicks I know how you feel about snacking and getting "sloppy" with eating - even if the calories are the same it feels like you're not doing well. I'm so sorry your kids are both sick - may they get well ASAP!

kakers How is that lowfat pumpkin yogurt? I'm curious but I generally don't care for regular (non-Greek) yogurt much. Frozen burgers and deep fried corn tortillas? You are living like a king. God bless America!

JossFit I read your blog and while my initial joking-to-cover-up-serious-feelings was "f**k yeah gotta eat big to get big," it really hurts to read a play-by-play of your binge days - what's going on? That is the worst part about binge eating - the urge strikes and there isn't always a reason you can find. How are you doing now? Slow and steady is going to win the race and I can't wait to see the photos, though I know that's a ways away yet.