OH
to
lilmiss and Petite Your long, well thought out, caring posts mean SO much to me. I have been doing some thinking latley. I think it is a mixture of things that are creating this abundant amount of stress. Yes, losing weight is a huge part of it. But so is my job, dad, school, and just like Petite said, being in my 20's. At work we are SO slow. For the past year, every single day I come into work to count down the hours from 9 to 5:30. Literally NO work all day. Unless you have been in a job like that, you cant imgaine what it does to you stress wise. You might as well put me in a torture chamber. Going into work day in and day out sitting there for 8 hours with NOTHING to do. Well, whats that saying; An idle mind is the devils playground? I think thats why I have become obsessive compulsive about losing weight. I literally think, calculate, obsess, etc. ALLLL day long at work because there is nothing else for me to do. But in the end, I am
THINKING about food all day; therefore wanting it more..
I DO want to lose weight. But even more so, I want to learn to have confidence with who I am regardless of my weight. I honestly like healthy food now. So I have decided to just eat healthy and exercise. NO obsessive calorie counting, carb counting, fat counting, and no destructive mind games when I eat something like a piece of white french bread. I know how to eat healthy, I enjoy healthy foods, but I am not going to be so strict on myself. It gets to be too much. If/When I am ready to be extremely strict and stick with something then I will try it out. But for now, its about getting healthier. And I think generally eating healthy most of the time and exercising regularly will get me there. I used this calculator a girl in another chat shared and it said I can be at 18% body fat at 123 (I already have a lot of muscle). So eventually, that will be my goal. Ive been told by professionals women really should not drop below 20% for health reasons so I would be happy with that. And that would put me at 125.
Regardless, I have learned how to eat healthy and I think if I take off the pressure of
having to be in a certain calorie range everyday I might be able to relax and just make this my lifestyle. I
HONESTLY believe if it werent for my job and the 8 hours a day I have nothing to do, I would be able to do this a lot easier. I wouldnt be thinking about food every waking minute and I would be occupied. But for now, while I work here, I will have to just learn to make healthier choices.
I cant thank you all enough for truly caring and being there for me! All of your comments show me you really understand my mind and how it works being a "featherweight". Its hard to stay motivated in such an uncomfortable situation when you know youre not overweight or unhealthy. Its more of a personal comfort thing. But again, I want to learn to be comfortable with myself regardless of my weight.
Have a great Friday!!!
