you sound much more upbeat marcie - that's cool - and 15 people is amazing. at the times i've chatted in there it's been relatively empty. do you have phones lines you can ring over there? samaritans or lifeline? i've rung lifeline many times esp when it's the middle of the night ;

K your addition story made me laugh. quick go out and claim it so you can put all your bits n pieces there and move the rest out!!!

back later. toastmasters tonight and i have to have dinner and shower first. argh barking dogs.... later

this person's story about depression might be of interest to others??? http://www.remedyfind.com/newsletter...epression.html

also i have someone coming tmrw who is seriously keen on the place. she sent her father to see the place today! of course that means i have to tidy so you may not see me again tonight :)

still have to tidy the place. i am just so fatigued and tired it is a struggle. i had to retype this several times as i kept reversing all the letters. i need to do something to get some continuous refreshing sleep and to get energy. also would love to kick the headache into touch

marie - what about publishing under a pen name??? lots of authors are reclusive. it sort of goes with the territory

mother is putting in her bid for me to move closer to her. 2nd night in a row she has harped on about it. NOT happening. she is another hour north and in an even smaller town. ok i have to snap out of this and go do what needs to be done

i also have to work out a way to overhaul my diet that is manageable for me. with the fatigue it's unrealistic to plan on me cooking all the time so i need access to healthy prepared food and lots of snacks. one of those vicious cycle things. i don't have the energy to look after myself so altho i have some good healthy meals i also grab crap often. but that in turn saps energy. in theory it's easy to break but in practise when you're exhausted and irritable blah blah not so easy to make it happen

tried a new type of harness on the puppy today that worked quite well in controlling her for walking. so lots of good news today!

Ok SweetPea, what's the name of the new harness. I'm willing to try to get my doggies under control if possible. The Huskies like to pull. Sleddog heritage.

Marcie, sounds like you're doing better. I think when you see the cow you should moo. good luck with the light. I just love mine.

<3 I know what you mean about swimming and being wet. It takes forever to dry my hair so getting it wet just to swim is rarely a fun choice. Too bad caps don't really work. I don't mind the rest of me being wet since towels work miraculously, but wet hair bugs me.

SweetPea, naw, no pen name or anything. Just don't want to publish. Too much commitment from me and it's so personal even fiction. nope, don't want to share. I'm glad there are others that do since I love to read. Okay, I listen to audiobooks since I can't still long enough to read a whole book anymore. My ADD is currently not being treated. :)

Off to work. Really.
Marie

Okay, I don't know what's going on, I am seriously down again today, crying so much. I think it has something to do with hubby coming home next month. It's too much to handle. All my flaws. 220 pounds of crazy and lazy. whereas he is nearly perfect, disciplined, in the gym 1 1/2 hours a day, gets stuff done. TERRIBLE match. You know, I have been the loser of the relationship from day one. I am so damn tired of being the loser! I wish he would just leave me already! Then I don't have to feel so bad about letting him down all the time. There is no clear answer here. and I am running out of time.

it is a HALTI Harness by Dr Roger Mugford. Don't get any other brand!!! It stops pulling by putting pressure on the dog's shoulders. so far it is a miracle

Awww marcie :hugs: i'm sorry you feel so bad about yourself. really i don't know why you are focusing so much on the physical looks. you are a kind empathetic person who puts yourself out for people and your hubby is judgemental and impatient. don't you see you have lots to offer and that if your hubby were so perfect he would simply be there for you without judging? of course i don't want you to hate him. just remember that looks are surface stuff

hmmmm is there anyway you can get your appointment moved forward? not really sure what else to suggest as i don't know what's available where you are. only thing i can say is this is a process. there is a lot of 2 steps forward 1 step back, sometimes 3 steps back!!! :) you just have to hang in there and eventually the good days start outweighing the bad. now i must stop procrastinating and put away the washing blah blah

I know you're right, Sweet Pea, but our world is so focused on looks. And I know it bothers my husband. He is very much into appearances. What's today, Wednesday? Okay, I can make it to the appointment. She only works mon, tues, and wed anyway. But I haven't been to see my therapist fro a few weeks due to ins. crap, so maybe I'll see if I can get in to see him.

Sorry about the downs, Marcie. I sure hope you can get some answers soon. Definitely don't focus on the looks. If it's that important to DH, tough sh*t for him. Your mental health is way more important. He needs to get his priorities together. SweetPea is right that looks are just the surface of who someone is.

SweetPea, I looked a klittle bit on the net for the Halti and found both the harness and head collar. I like the idea of the head collar but don't like the idea that it looks like a muzzle so I think I'd want to try the harness - although I can't find it in the US yet. I just briefly looked. The harness is what you use?

Hello all,
Marie and Sweet_pea, glad to hear that you are both doing well. My sister has a wolf/husky cross and the only thing that works is the halti, otherwise she just pulls and charges wherever she wants. Good luck.

marcie hope you are feeling better.
Hi <3

I'm feeling really down today for some reason. Its funny how things can be going along swimmingly and then one little thing happens and I can go into a downward spiral. Took my full dose of paxil last night and used my light this morning, but still feeling blah.
Hubby is still stuck up in the Yukon. They are waiting for parts so he doesn't think he'll be able to leave until Friday, and then its a two day drive home. Hopefully they can find a load for him to bring back so he can get something out of this.

I should go now read some success stories. Gosh I hate feeling like this. Also have to get dinner in the over, at least I know what I'm cooking.

Take care all, tomorrow is another day.
K

hi just stopping quickly. i am really exhausted

i have been outside trying to get the sun to lift me but not really working. i can't carry on not sleeping!!

marie - i use the harness. i have tried the head collar and it didn't work altho i have had friends who have had a lot of success with it. it's not at all like a muzzle. the harness so far is great. she doesn't like me putting it on her and squirms and rolls over to make it hard but once it's on she settles nicely. your dogs would be much stronger than my girl. she's only 11mo and she's small for her breed - just determined!!! it's bound to be on ebay or somewhere there. look at www.companyofanimals.co.uk it was expensive but who knows what it will cost there. most of this stuff is expensive in NZ. it's a patented design so i'm not sure anything else is the same

marcie - bugger about the insurance hassles! regular therapy might help. at this stage any help would be good so i hope you find someone who can see you this week.

Keira - i know all about blah but at least you're doing what you can to lift yourself. hopefully it will pass soon :)


ok have to rest now. the people came to look at the house but turns out the have to move in 1 week and don't want to rush buying so plan to rent first. so it won't be happening quickly. i guess that's good i haven't found another place to go yet.

i should just add part of the reason the head collar didn't work is they sold me one too big and it was easy for her to escape and now even tho i have sewn it smaller to fit properly she still remembers that she used to escape and keeps trying. plus she's ridiculously clever. the dog trainers at obedience club killed themselves laughing when they heard all the ways she got out of the darn thing. i think i might have had more success if it had fitted in the first place. the harness tho is imposs for the dogs to get out of. i only use 1 lead on her back with it. that double lead stuff is too much hassle

Sweet_pea hope you get some decent sleep. It sure makes a difference.

I hope thats all I need. Gosh I hate feeling the way I do today. Sorry this is just a rant or whine. I just feel the need to connect somewhere. So in other words no need to read further on. For some stupid reason I just want to sit and have a good cry and I'm fighting the irrational urge to hurt myself. Talk about nonproductive. I don't know, I have my kids here and yet I feel so lost and totally alone. I've been depressed for so many years and I don't feel like I've done anything in my life. And yet I'm to terrified to take any steps to actually do anything. I was feeling so good on Monday, everything felt like it was clicking and now I just feel so useless. Oh well, hopefully a good nights sleep will set everything right. Sorry for doing this I just needed some place to be.
Thanks,
Take care all,
K

Buddly-Sweet pea gave me the web address of a really great site with an active chat room. It's mixednuts.net. There are always people on, even in the middle of the night. (I know, I was there last night) They can encourage you, but for me, the biggest thing is just connecting to people in real time. There is someone there RIGHT NOW who is aware of you, and that helps me when I am feeling really isolated.

hi

i was a bit disappointed. the people came to look at the house but turns out they have to move next week so they're actually planning to rent for a while and buy later

the house thing is a big hassle. i really don't know what to do whether to persevere or give it a break for a while

very tired and irritable. hope i sleep better tonight

keira and marcie - hope you feel better tmrw :D

Good morning everyone,

Feeling a bit better today. At least I feel up enough to try the "pretend to be cheerful and eventually you will" thing (wouldn't have been able to pull that off yesterday in any form) Anyway went for a quick walk in the rain and sat infront of my light. So I'm hoping for a better day today. Thanks for the suggestion Marcie. I'll definatly keep it in mind. My mom surprised me and phoned, I thought she had to work, but she didn't and knew I was feeling low. And then DD18 and I watched some music videos on the internet, so it helped to pull me out a bit anyway. Thanks again.
DD16 is staying home from school today as she caught that silly cold we have here.

Sweet_pea I hope you have a better day. Trying to sell a house is so stressful. Take care of yourself.

Well I should go, I'd like to work a little more in the addition today before I do a dump run.

Have a great day everyone and take care,
K