Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
Location: from Houston, TX—now in Maryland (Washington DC area)
Posts: 1,167
S/C/G: 351/267/140
Height: 5'3"
IBelieve— That's great you had such a healing experience in response to Bill Cashell's book! I think it has a lot of wisdom in it, and I keep it handy so I can re-read chapters from time to time.
I had a really rough day: lots of depression pain, in the afternoon especially. But I'm still hopeful that the change in my meds is going to sort things out. It may take a while, though. I'm still on plan with Atkins, and I did my leg exercises.
Hi All, sorry I haven't been able to really post much lately. I have been checking in and reading the thread though, and it sounds like there has been some good progress in spite of the holiday
Believe: Thank you for holding this thread together, and it is wonderful to hear about your cleansing experience. I hope that it continues to reinforce love for yourself and to give you strength.
Fi: I am glad that you are feeling a little better since working with your dr., and way to be on track with your diet, exercise, and... YAY day 12!! Especially since you have been feeling so down, that is a great achievement and something to be proud of. Keep hanging in there, you have a great inner strength that I admire.
I had a really bad day yesterday. Went to the my appt. with my new doctor, since my other dr. retired and I didn't get any notification, and he is great but I gained 4 pounds(need to update my ticker) and because of some stuff at work I am feeling pretty sensitive, so it kind of equated to my feeling frustrated and disappointed in myself. Got my eating back on track yesterday from the holiday, and while I don't feel done with my baking for the season I am going to invest in some disposable pie pans so that I can get them out of my house more quickly with no obligation to follow up to get my pans(can you tell where my big weakness is???). Something else frustrating is that the nerve problems that I have been experiencing, and thought had kind of gone into remission, have come back full force and are causing a lot of pain.
Anyway, over all I am feeling ok, but need to give myself a kick in the butt to keep on track and keep working on JOYFULLY eating my FUEL foods so that I don't have such bad urges to eat sugar...
Location: from Houston, TX—now in Maryland (Washington DC area)
Posts: 1,167
S/C/G: 351/267/140
Height: 5'3"
Just a quick note: I'm on plan, still somewhat depressed, but not as bad as yesterday.
Oh, and last night I had my first serious test of the anti-binge technique I learned from Kathryn Hansen's Brain Over Binge. I got angry about something. Anger is the hardest emotion for me to just live through and not stuff my face with sweets. So I got a bigtime craving for cookies. But I was able to separate myself from the voice that was demanding cookies, and stay in control of my actions. =whew= Hansen says that once she mastered the technique, it took about three weeks for the urges towards emotional/compulsive eating to get less and less persistent, and about nine months for them to go away completely. I am SO psyched to give up this behavior for good!
Hello Fi And CDubs and Everyone! I swear I posted a message to you both this afternoon at about 3:45pm , and now that I come back to check in, it is gone. I had to finish it quickly, because I had to be somewhere at 4pm, so maybe I hit a wrong button or something??? Odd..... Anyway, here goes another attempt!
Fi: So sorry to hear that you had a really rough day the other day. I am happy to read the update tonight, though, that you weren't as bad today. HOORAY for you for resisting that binge for cookies when you were angry!!! That deserves a healthy happy dance!!! I just love those dancing veggies! Seriously, though, for you to be able to separate yourself from the voice that was demanding cookies is a huge accomplishment. Interesting technique! Yet another lesson learned ~ and put into practice ~ from a self-help book!!! I love it!
CDubsGotGoats: Wow, sorry to hear that you had a really bad day yesterday, too! That must have been hurtful and confusing that your old doc retired and they didn't give you any sort of notification. That seems odd, but I am happy that you like the new doc. Don't fret too much over that 4 pound weight gain. You will have that back off in no time! Sorry for whatever is bothering you at work, too. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. Hang in there and please keep posting whenever possible (but please don't feel guilty or bad if you just can't; I understand). I do think it helps! Plus, I am thankful to know when someone is going through a difficult time, so that we can be here for you for support and encouragement. I also like to keep people in my prayers, so I am sending hugs and prayers your way! Good that you got your eating back on track from the holiday. I think I have, too. What a relief! I am also sorry to hear that you are having some nerve problems that are causing you a lot of pain. Do you know the cause? That can be scary and, yes, frustrating! Darn! I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you!
lilturtle: I am so worried about you!!! Please ~ if you happen to be reading along ~ please post and let us know how you are doing!!! We haven't heard from you yet on this new thread, I don't think. I hope you find us and that you are okay. You are in my thoughts and prayers!
Waving hello to everyone else! Please post with an update about yourself and let us know if you are feeling Up or Down.
Today (Dec. 4th) was my 47th birthday. I would normally say (and feel like) "YIKES!" , but I have decided that this year is going to be a great one for me! I will be healthier next year at this time. I just feel it in my bones! One big sign of PROGRESS for me is that I scheduled a workout with a personal trainer today. In the past, I always avoided strenuous or unpleasant things on my birthday. This year, when the trainer said, "How about Wednesday, December 4th, at 4pm?" I initially responded with, "No, that's my birthday." Then, upon further consideration, I said, "You know what?!? I will give myself the gift of a workout on my birthday! Sign me up!" So I worked out with Cheryl today at 4pm ..... and it felt GREAT!!! The facility where I go is called "GoodBodies." That title would have scared me off, but I found the place on Angie's List and it got great reviews. I really love it! They have awesome Cybex strength-training equipment and lots of treadmills, ellipticals, etc, and the trainers seem really knowledgeable and down-to-earth. I had started with a guy who I really liked prior to my foot surgery in July, but he took on another job along with the personal training, so his hours are limited now. I actually prefer a male trainer, but they encouraged me to go with this lady (who is actually training my handicapped daughter, too), and so far, so good! I was very reluctant to start back up with the training, but I am so glad that I did!!! I really need the professional assistance and accountability right now. I figure that if I am working out for an hour, I want to get the most from that time, and they really seem to know what they're doing. Okay, I am rambling and it is late, so I will wrap it up here. I had a great day with my family. Met my hubby for lunch, went to a Christmas performance at my daughter's school tonight, and then out to a nice dinner at a local fish market. So, for the moment, LIFE IS GOOD in my world!!!
good morning, and hey IBelieveInMe2, it is nice to read such positive posts from you, real nice energy
when you say you drive your family crazy with your own self-image problems, do you mean, as you might verbally speak of your anxiety over it, and they try to reassure you? Just wondering how it goes with you . With me, my DH will compliment me, and I'm sure he means it, but I'll say something negative about myself, which frustrates him I guess, because it appears that I'm not placing value on his opinion? sigh.
Yesterday I would have said my mood was DOWN because of a silly comment first thing in the morning that I took too seriously, and let it put me in a downward spiral of bad thoughts. I fought it and salvaged half my day, made myself get out of bed and took my birthday gift money and went shopping, and wow got a beautiful Calvin Klein coat and a Steve Madden handbag both marked down over 50% so I felt fabulous I almost NEVER use shopping as a 'feeling better' cure but it worked this time.
Oh and belated Happy Birthday IBelieveInMe2, and so great that you chose to work out on your b-day! Mine was the 2nd, I'm 53 so a few years on you.
Hello VermontMom! Happy to see a post from you. I drive my family crazy because I am always reading self-help books and talking about what I am learning about myself. I guess you could say that I am a bit obsessed with my self-esteem right now, but it takes constant vigilance for me to catch my own negative thinking and turn it around. My hubby doesn't like it when I talk negative about myself. My kids don't see why I need all of the self-help books. Thankfully, we have raised them with great self-esteem, so they don't get why I don't already feel good about myself. My handicapped daughter, who has way more self-esteem at the age of 14 (despite her handicap) than I do, says that I should read some novels instead of all of the self-help books. I say I like and need my self-help books!
Sorry your mood was DOWN yesterday because of a "silly" comment early in the morning. Good for you for fighting that downward spiral and salvaging part of your day. PROGRESS!!! Oh yeah, shop therapy works for me often! Hope you had a happy birthday! We are almost birthday buddies! Let's make the coming year our best yet!!!
Location: from Houston, TX—now in Maryland (Washington DC area)
Posts: 1,167
S/C/G: 351/267/140
Height: 5'3"
Say folks, I've been reading what promises to be a very useful book for those of us struggling to lose weight. It came up because in another thread we were talking about the problem of going off your diet plan, the later in the day it gets. The book is The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal. According to the author (a Stanford psychologist who teaches a very popular course on how self-control works and how to get more of it), the more stressed & tired you are, the more likely you are to eat impulsively.
That may sound totally obvious, but what's interesting about this book is that it explains why stress & exhaustion undermine your self-control, and offers some surprisingly easy ways to fix the problem. They include:
• making sure you get a good night's sleep (at least 7 hours uninterrupted)
• taking moments during the day for a brief period of relaxation: it doesn't have to be a nap, it can be just 5 minutes during which you relax your body completely and breathe as deeply & slowly as possible
• doing 5-10 minutes of meditation in the morning: nothing fancy, just sit comfortably, completely still, eyes closed, concentrate on your breathing, and each time your mind drifts away from your breathing, pull it back & focus again on inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale...don't worry about the fact that your attention drifts, just pull it back to your breathing over & over again
• at least 5 minutes of being outside and in motion—walking, gardening, playing with your kid or your dog, any kind of outdoors activity
All of those suggestions have been shown in repeated experiments to improve function in the part of your brain in charge of self-control: the prefrontal cortex (located right behind your forehead). So even if you just do one of them, daily, you'll be better able to stay on your diet.
I'm finding this book fascinating, so I may report back with more info from it...
It will be at least a few days before I see if this change makes a difference, but already I feel more hopeful, just that we did something.
I sure hope you see a change for the good, SOON.
and real sorry to see that you suffer from actual pain from depression. I have seen that as symptoms, but I am lucky I do not suffer from that.
And I'm very impressed at how many books you and IBelieve read, on self-help!
IBelieve, I also do NOT like or embrace darkness, our electric bill must fund the town I have the brightest bulbs I can find, and have most of them all on in whatever room I'm in. Thank goodness my DH and son don't mind. Something that helps me also, is my string of white lights that I have around the window by my bed, it's draped by sheers; but with a timer, so the string of lights go on about 30 minutes before I'm supposed to get up in the morning. And they're so pretty
Location: from Houston, TX—now in Maryland (Washington DC area)
Posts: 1,167
S/C/G: 351/267/140
Height: 5'3"
Tonight I've been beseiged with cravings for sweets. I'm eating macadamia nuts and trying to ignore the hubbub in my head. No binge behavior, just Zevia soda and macadamia nuts.
I hope I don't have to go through many more nights like this before the urges to binge die down and go away. This feels like giving up a powerful drug. I was a bigtime emotional eater for nearly 50 years, and this is the first time I've tried to give it up completely. I guess it's not surprising my brain is kicking up a fuss.
I'm trying not to fight it... just letting it roar without acting on the urges...
Fi: You are so strong!!! Just think ~ 14 days.....nearly halfway to your mini goal of 30 days without a binge!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!! I am so proud of you for resisting the sweet cravings that attacked you earlier tonight!!! (I am writing in the middle of the night. My pups frequently wake me up to go out at this time....... ) Macadamia nuts sound like a yummy substitute for sweets! Great choice! You are so right that after nearly 50 years of emotional eating, your body is going to fight you tooth and nail and THINKS it's going to win the battle........ BUT: it is being introduced to the NEW Fi who RESISTS that unhealthy behavior!!! Look out world, Fi isn't messing around this time!!! Dr. Judith Beck says that every time you RESIST a negative behavior, you are strengthening your resistance muscle (and weakening your giving-in muscle)!!! That is fantastic!!! I enjoyed your summary of The Willpower Instinct, especially the fixes to the problem of impulsive eating. Makes sense, but it is difficult to follow through with all of the "fixes!" It gives us something to aim for, though! Wow, you are cruising through these self-help books WAY faster than I am!!!!!
Fi: You are so strong!!! Just think ~ 14 days.....nearly halfway to your mini goal of 30 days without a binge!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!! I am so proud of you for resisting the sweet cravings that attacked you earlier tonight!!! (I am writing in the middle of the night. My pups frequently wake me up to go out at this time....... ) Macadamia nuts sound like a yummy substitute for sweets! Great choice! You are so right that after nearly 50 years of emotional eating, your body is going to fight you tooth and nail and THINKS it's going to win the battle........ BUT: it is being introduced to the NEW Fi who RESISTS that unhealthy behavior!!! Look out world, Fi isn't messing around this time!!! Dr. Judith Beck says that every time you RESIST a negative behavior, you are strengthening your resistance muscle (and weakening your giving-in muscle)!!! That is fantastic!!! I enjoyed your summary of The Willpower Instinct, especially the fixes to the problem of impulsive eating. Makes sense, but it is difficult to follow through with all of the "fixes!" It gives us something to aim for, though! Wow, you are cruising through these self-help books WAY faster than I am!!!!!
Holly: You are cracking me up about lighting up your whole town!!! Anything to avoid the darkness!!! I love the string of white lights idea around the window by your bed! Sounds peaceful and soothing.
I had a definite UP today! While my daughter was working out with our trainer at the gym, instead of just watching her and waiting, I chose to walk on the treadmill for 35 minutes!!! I am working on walking without holding on to the grips, and I walked for 20 of those minutes (in 5-min. increments) without holding on!!! It felt great and I am really proud of myself for doing it!!! It is definite PROGRESS for me, who usually avoids working out, especially when I don't HAVE to. It is amazing how much harder my core has to work when not holding on. My trainer says I'll burn more calories doing it that way, which makes sense. A huge DOWN for me was going to the funeral home for my good friend's husband, who had a stroke 2 and 1/2 weeks ago..... and died the other morning. I just feel so bad for my friend. They had been married for 32 years. I cannot even imagine how she must be feeling right now. Anyway, I had eaten dinner prior to going to the funeral home, and ~ after our visit ~ I felt really hungry again. Some of it might have been real hunger, since I ate the modest meal right after working out. But, after eating an Arby's roast beef sandwich (after the fun hm), I still felt hungry..... this time for chips or something crunchy. I realized at that moment that my "hunger" was definitely emotional. I hate to say that it didn't stop me from downing a small pack of Cheetos when we got home 45 minutes later (fun hm was way across town), but at least I was aware of what I was doing. Next time, I will RESIST the urge to munch and crunch when it is just emotional hunger!!! Or, looking back now, I could have substituted baby carrots for the Cheetos. Oh well, we live and we learn, right?!?
Well, since it is the middle of the night and I need to leave for the funeral (also way across town and it is freezing rain right now; my part of Ohio is in the midst of a winter storm warning) early in the morning, I better get back to bed!!! I know that this interrupted sleep is a negative behavior, but I just LOVE being up in the middle of the night because it is so QUIET and peaceful! Anyway, hope everyone gets their weekend off to a great start! Talk to you tomorrow! ZZZZzzzzz.......................
i just finished reading all of your posts and all i can say is wow.
i will tell you a little about me. i am in my 50's (55 actually) and i have quite a few serious health problems. i am a jp teacher but i had to retire early because of illness. i got insurance (a huge amount) and my super, and spent it all!
fortunately i paid off all our bad debt. so we own our cars, furniture, etc. no more credit cards for me. i can't be trusted! i am working on saving now, and being very careful with my money since i'm on a disability pension.
well one problem i have is anxiety. it is treated well with cymbalta. i have had periods of deep depression because of my impossible situation but i will draw strength from, well nelson mandella would be an appropriate idol, yes? i also have oa. lucky me.
now i sleep too much. all afternoon. the rest of the time i'm sitting at my imac! i worry about all that, constantly. feelings of guilt. i wish i could stay up. i'm so bored though. i must do something. i know this. tomorrow i could set a little goal, yeah?
i have pain, nerve pain in my foot and leg. it's from surgery, i had neuro-surgery, twice, 2 years ago due to a brain tumor that decided to appear on my brain stem. non-malignant, i'm good now really. except for wobbly walking, pain, chronic fatigue etc., i'm lucky to be alive. i nearly wasn't here.
anyway, i am on the intensive phase of optifast VLCD diet. i've lost 14 kilo's and i'm very happy about it. i hope to lose 27 more. in usa talk, that's about 30 pounds lost, 59 to go, approx.
that will do for now i think. oh congratulations to everyone for taking the steps to BE HERE. i appreciate your journeys…take care now, xxx, saraphin. here's my ticker factory ticker in aussie speak LOL
Location: from Houston, TX—now in Maryland (Washington DC area)
Posts: 1,167
S/C/G: 351/267/140
Height: 5'3"
Let me start by sending out a BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! to both IBelieve and Holly!! I hope there's still a bit of a birthday glow on these days....
saraphin— 'Looks like I get to be the first to welcome you to the Ups & Downs group: lucky me! =smile= It's nice to have an Aussie on board. I have several Aussie friends that I've gotten to know through the international mail art community, and they are all stellar people. I, too, am in my 50s (58) and retired early due to illness (Bipolar Disorder). My husband got severe treatment-resistant depression and anxiety, and lost his job last fall, so now we're both doing our best to live on disability. Say, saraphin, I have a suggestion for you, if you are bored and would like something engaging to do with your time: www.swap-bot.com. Swap-bot is a large community of people all over the world who enjoy sending and receiving mail—yes, I mean real physical snail-mail. What you do there, after registering and writing up a profile about yourself, is sign up for swaps: A swap can be as simple as sending a postcard and receiving one, all the way up through various crafts such as mail art, collage, papercrafts, needlework, knitting, sewing, even writing, you name it. When I started at swap-bot in early 2010, I just signed up for postcard swaps—a postcard from your home town, one about the beautiful sights in Australia, as simple as that. With time, I happened to get into collage and mail art (see link at bottom of my sig), so those are the kinds of swaps I mostly do now. It's all very protective of your privacy: no one else except the person assigned to send something to you ever sees your mailing address. And the community is so friendly, with lots of swaps open to newbies and a forum where you can ask any questions you have. (Or you could always send me a msg here on 3FC and ask...) It can be a real boost to the spirit to receive friendly mail in one's mailbox, not just bills & junk mail! And it can be as little or a lot time-consuming as you wish: there's zero pressure to sign up for any more swaps than you feel comfortable with. There's even a section of the site (called a "group") for swappers with mental health conditions.
IBelieve— Thanks so much for the enthusiastic support: I really really appreciate it. I ended up turning on our set of the complete Beatles on "shuffle" (random songs) on the stereo, and fell asleep on the couch listening to the Fab Four—not a bad way to end the evening! That sounds great about your workout on the treadmill: those core muscles are so important. I plan to join a gym when I get down about a hundred pounds or so. For the time being, I do daily non-weight-bearing leg exercises to keep my knees in good shape. I plan to start walking soon...And about those suggestions from The Willpower Instinct: you don't have to do all of them, silly. =grin= Just pick one and try to incorporate it into your daily routine: meditating for 5-10 minutes in the morning, before you start your day, will get you the most "bang for your buck," in terms of increasing your "I will" and "I won't" power.
Holly— Your lights around the window do sound nice! I love putting strings of little white Christmas lights in various places around the house. They're somehow both peaceful & cheerful at the same time. But I have to beg to differ with you and IBelieve on the subject of darkness: I also like spending time in the low-stim environment of a completely dark room. I had an abusive childhood, and darkness was the only place I felt completely safe, because my parents couldn't see me. So I often meditate or listen to music in the dark. Say, please tell us more about your Biker Chick identity! Do you ride every day? Do you belong to a club? Can you fix your ride, like minor repairs, yourself? Have you ever read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance? What a terrific book that is...
Chelsea— I was so sorry to hear about your bad day at the doctor's office! What kind of nerve problems do you have, if you don't mind telling us more about them. On the subject of "Fuel Eating," Brooke Castillo (in her book If I Am So Smart Why Can't I Lose Weight?) recommends that 90% of your eating should be Fuel Eating, which can certainly be very pleasurable, and 10% should be Joy Eating—those foods, like chocolate, you go for simply because of how wonderful they taste in your mouth. The last thing you want to be in is a deprivation mindset, because deprivation leads to reactive overeating &/or binging. So maybe you should try incorporating a candy bar, or whatever it is you enjoy most, into your daily food plan. Just an idea...
lilturtle— I, too, am worried about you! You haven't checked back in with us since Thanksgiving, a meal you were worried about in advance. I hope we see you soon, girl! =smile=
Amy— Can you tell us more about abstinence, what it means to you? What exact foods are you abstaining from? Does abstinence help you not crave those foods? Just curious...
Well, that's more than enough palaver from me today. TGIF, everyone! Get your mindset in place to have a terrific weekend, one you'll look back on, come Monday, and be pleased with...
Sorry I haven't bee around. I ran out of my meds last week and ended up in the hospital on Monday. I got out yesterday and they got me my meds for the month. My diet has completely sucked the last two weeks. I need to update my ticker. I had lost more but I don't know if I gained any back. I'm going back to low calorie. I did better on that then Atkins. Things are kind of stressful right now. I'm trying to get into out patient treatment and fighting with the insurance company.
lilturtle: I am so, so very happy to hear from you!!! Thanks for posting. Sorry that you ran out of meds and ended up in the hospital. Been there and it sucks! Glad to hear that you are out already, though, and that they are getting you meds for the month. Things might be stressful for you now, but at least you will get your meds to help you function better through everything. Sorry that you have to battle with the insurance company. I hope that you find a quality outpatient facility that will help you get back on your feet. Understandable that your eating hasn't been good during this difficult time. Just do the best you can. Baby steps. Be patient with yourself. You are in my prayers!!! Sending a BIG HUG!!!
saraphin: I am glad that you found our group and posted here. Sorry for my ignorance, but what is a jp teacher? Not sure what "jp" stands for. Sorry that you are dealing with serious health problems. My advice to you would be to take little tiny baby steps toward better health. Can you walk? I think you said that you walk "wobbly." If you could manage to take just a very short walk each day ~ like maybe down the street and back; then you could EVENTUALLY and GRADUALLY increase your time and distance. Just focus on getting SOME movement into your day for now. It would help your anxiety and your depression and your overall health so much. Maybe you could write about your guilt feelings in a journal. That has been very helpful for me, especially when I can't manage to do much else. Just write freely and uninhibited.......whatever comes to mind. Write, write, and write some more. Pour your feelings out on paper. It will help! That is great that you have lost about 30 pounds (USA talk)!!! How did you manage to lose that weight? Best of luck to you with the rest of your journey!
Fi: Thank you for the belated birthday wishes! I am feeling more hopeful this year than I have in a long time, so all is good! Why not join a gym now, if possible? You certainly don't HAVE to wait until you "lose a hundred pounds or so," do you? I would think that a good trainer could work with you to lose THAT weight, too. If they are good, they will meet you right where you are NOW and help you to make progress. I figure that, since they know what they are doing (more than me), I will get the most out of my hour workout this way. And you are never "too big" to be at a gym. That's where you need to be....... working on your health....... if you are super big. Anyone who would judge you for your appearance obviously has not been there, so the heck with 'em!!! Do it for YOU!!! You crack me up about me worrying about doing ALL of the suggestions from The Willpower Instinct at once!!! I told you that I have an all-or-nothing approach to things, didn't I?!? And, yes, I am silly in that way!!! Well, I'm kind of silly......period!
CDubsGotGoats: How are you today? Please write when you get a chance, if only to let us know you are okay..... or not. We care about you!
Hello to everyone else! Hope everyone is doing well!
Missing Post......???
, and now that I come back to check in, it is gone. 
I had to finish it quickly, because I had to be somewhere at 4pm, so maybe I hit a wrong button or something??? Odd..... Anyway, here goes another attempt!
I am happy to read the update tonight, though, that you weren't as bad today. HOORAY for you for resisting that binge for cookies when you were angry!!! That deserves a healthy happy dance!!! 
I just love those dancing veggies! 
Seriously, though, for you to be able to separate yourself from the voice that was demanding cookies is a huge accomplishment. Interesting technique! Yet another lesson learned ~ and put into practice ~ from a self-help book!!! I love it! 
Good that you got your eating back on track from the holiday. I think I have, too. What a relief! I am also sorry to hear that you are having some nerve problems that are causing you a lot of pain. 
to everyone else! Please post with an update about yourself and let us know if you are feeling Up 
, but I have decided that this year is going to be a great one for me! I will be healthier next year at this time. I just feel it in my bones! One big sign of PROGRESS for me is that I scheduled a workout with a personal trainer today. In the past, I always avoided strenuous or unpleasant things on my birthday. This year, when the trainer said, "How about Wednesday, December 4th, at 4pm?" I initially responded with, "No, that's my birthday." Then, upon further consideration, I said, "You know what?!? I will give myself the gift of a workout on my birthday! Sign me up!" 
The facility where I go is called "GoodBodies." That title would have scared me off, but I found the place on Angie's List and it got great reviews. I really love it! They have awesome Cybex strength-training equipment and lots of treadmills, ellipticals, etc, and the trainers seem really knowledgeable and down-to-earth. I had started with a guy who I really liked prior to my foot surgery in July, but he took on another job along with the personal training, so his hours are limited now. I actually prefer a male trainer, but they encouraged me to go with this lady (who is actually training my handicapped daughter, too), and so far, so good! I was very reluctant to start back up with the training, but I am so glad that I did!!! I really need the professional assistance and accountability right now. I figure that if I am working out for an hour, I want to get the most from that time, and they really seem to know what they're doing. Okay, I am rambling and it is late, so I will wrap it up here. I had a great day with my family. Met my hubby for lunch, went to a Christmas performance at my daughter's school tonight, and then out to a nice dinner at a local fish market. So, for the moment, LIFE IS GOOD in my world!!! 
Holly
Hang in there, Fi!!!
) Macadamia nuts sound like a yummy substitute for sweets! 
Great choice! You are so right that after nearly 50 years of emotional eating, your body is going to fight you tooth and nail and THINKS it's going to win the battle........ BUT: it is being introduced to the NEW Fi who RESISTS that unhealthy behavior!!! 
Look out world, Fi isn't messing around this time!!! 
I am working on walking without holding on to the grips, and I walked for 20 of those minutes (in 5-min. increments) without holding on!!! 
I just feel so bad for my friend. They had been married for 32 years. I cannot even imagine how she must be feeling right now. Anyway, I had eaten dinner prior to going to the funeral home, and ~ after our visit ~ I felt really hungry again. Some of it might have been real hunger, since I ate the modest meal right after working out. But, after eating an Arby's roast beef sandwich (after the fun hm), I still felt hungry..... this time for chips or something crunchy. I realized at that moment that my "hunger" was definitely emotional. I hate to say that it didn't stop me from downing a small pack of Cheetos when we got home 45 minutes later (fun hm was way across town), but at least I was aware of what I was doing. Next time, I will RESIST the urge to munch and crunch when it is just emotional hunger!!! Or, looking back now, I could have substituted baby carrots for the Cheetos. Oh well, we live and we learn, right?!? 
Anyway, hope everyone gets their weekend off to a great start! Talk to you tomorrow! ZZZZzzzzz....................... 
I am glad that you found our group and posted here. Sorry for my ignorance, but what is a jp teacher? Not sure what "jp" stands for. Sorry that you are dealing with serious health problems. My advice to you would be to take little tiny baby steps toward better health. Can you walk? I think you said that you walk "wobbly." If you could manage to take just a very short walk each day ~ like maybe down the street and back; then you could EVENTUALLY and GRADUALLY increase your time and distance. Just focus on getting SOME movement into your day for now. It would help your anxiety and your depression and your overall health so much. Maybe you could write about your guilt feelings in a journal. That has been very helpful for me, especially when I can't manage to do much else. Just write freely and uninhibited.......whatever comes to mind. Write, write, and write some more. Pour your feelings out on paper. It will help! That is great that you have lost about 30 pounds (USA talk)!!! 
How did you manage to lose that weight? Best of luck to you with the rest of your journey! 