[thewalrus0]

Hi everyone. I don't have clinical depression but I have a long(as long as a 21 year old can have) history of drug abuse and alcohol abuse. In the past year I've been clean and even quit smoking cigarettes, which was hard! I've been using, drinking and smoking since I was 13 years old so it's a big deal to be off all that stuff.

I also had some eating disorder issues when I was younger where I would binge and purge or would fast before trying to live off 800 calories or less. It'd be vicious and of course I would never have sustainable losses.

I'm much more stable now but I still have my run-ins with alcohol. Drugs are definitely out of my life, but as a 21 year old college student a lot of my peers drink a ton and have really no regard for their health. Also, when I say drugs I mean more than one kind and a lot of them were pretty bad. I was in deep for a while. I'm just lucky I didn't ruin my life.

Another issue I'm having is that I live at home. My mom doesn't drink but my dad has had issues in the past and, over the last two years, has steadily gotten worse. He now drinks at least every other night and he drinks a lot. It really hits me hard to see him that way but I can't make him change. He gets defensive and angry whenever I suggest he has a problem. He claims it's to 'help him sleep'. He drinks at his computer all night and then rampages the kitchen and eats everything. He tries to talk to us when he's drunk but how are we to have a conversation with someone in that state? Then he gets mad and complains that we don't like him.

Anyways, I don't want to make too long of a post, but I basically have a very addictive personality as does much of my family on my dad's side. It's hard living with addiction and I just feel blessed everyday to have broken free. I have some drug memoirs that I read every once in a while to remind me of the life I don't want to go back to. I just wish my dad could see what he's doing to himself.

I was just hoping to find some people who may have dealt with similar problems? Either being addicted or having family members being addicted to a substance. I think, ultimately, my food issues come from my addicitve personality. Giving up and giving in feels good and it's as simple as that, wether it be drugs, alcohol or food. My brain knows it and food is the one substance I can't quit cold turkey.

I tend to be more optimistic these days than I used to be but the life I left behind still haunts me. I won't go into terrible detail but I'm certainly ashamed of the person I was. I just hope some of my actions in the past year have been more honorable and that, for the rest of my life, I can strive to be a better person.

Anyone else ever get feelings like this?

[TeachMe]

Thanks for your post.
I've never felt addicted to anything but food, but have had plenty of close contact with all other types of addicts. I don't know if you 12step, but I do know they help a lot of people. At various times I felt better with al-anon and over eaters anonymous.

But that aside, I'd like to comment. I work with a lot of troubled young people and most times their substance abuse felt helpful at the time. If there are problems in a person's life and they are unable to get some help (whether through lack of money or power) then it can make sense to abuse substances at that time.

But time passes. You are now in college. You've come a long way from those other addicted days and are working toward a good future. The shame you feel is not allowing you to give yourself credit for doing the best you could when times sucked for you. The shame is hard to shake, but it is really not warranted, in my opinion.

Keep checking in here. See if your college offers any counselling services. I'm thinking that maybe its not that you have an addictive personality so much as the behaviour you learned was from addicts. You have already changed. And one day at a time you, and I, will learn better ways to deal with the stresses that come with our lives. Stay in college, work as hard as you can and make a good future for yourself. God bless your dad, but he's a grown up and as much as you care, it's up to him to sort himself out.

Good luck.

[dangerouscurvesahead]

my husband is an alcoholic (sober almost 8 months now) and i have alcoholics on both sides of my family! im not sure why i didnt become one as well. either its because i see how they all live or have lived n how its affected everyone around them in negetive ways n all they lose or have lost or what BUT i will tell u what i tell my husband who i am sooo proud of... IT TAKES A STRONGER PERSON TO FIGHT THE ADDICTION THAN IT DOES TO GIVE IN TO IT! ur already a stronger person by seeing the problem n making the change for yourself!

[stimkovs]

Hey, I have an exceptionally addictive personality as well, and I know exactly where you are coming from. I am also 24, and fresh out of collage =). My friends are still bar staff, and that is fine!

I really suggest doing some research, and just reading up on "dopamine deficiency syndrome".

If there are counseling services available at your collage- check it out, it won't hurt!

If you feel like you need to talk, feel free to shoot me a inbox message!

[thewalrus0]

Thanks you guys.

Those are kind words and it's nice to hear them. I often feel like there's no one close to me to talk to because they have never been addicted or else they still are.

I have considered seeing a therapist or something like that but working 30 hours per week and going to school always keeps me from feeling up to it. I guess if I could get some of it out it'd be healthy for me.

I'm probably just feeling blue because of a lack of sleep last night. I developed some strange pains and twitches in my right leg and it was keeping me from falling asleep. Then I woke up, grabbed my glass only to find a huge beetle under them! So I had to catch it and get it out of my room and, even though I was tired, my legs would not stop moving. Eventually I got worrying about the new semester and the fact I have to wait until classes have already start to get my book. I got roughly 2 hours of sleep.

On the bright side, I'm not hungry. :P

I suppose a lot of my anxiety comes when I'm in states like this. Tired, in pain and stressed. I have some healthy coping skills but on days like this it's hard to pick myself up.

Perhaps I'll schedule an appointment to talk to someone once a month. It sounds do-able.

Life isn't bad for me, I just always feel like I've lived my life as an entirely different person and one day I woke up out of the fog with a bad family relationship, friends who use, no idea what to do with my life and an obese body! Luckily, I've distanced myself from my friends who use and me and my family are on great terms now. I suppose I can't complain.

Thanks for listening you guys. I'll look into some of those options. The hardest part is making time for them. I think I can do it though!

[glennyphn]

Addiction is our worst enemy, we can easily say, we will not do it again but without thinking, we have done it again. Family is the best counselor to avoid such drug or alcohol addiction, good for us my parents don't have any vices that's why we tend to follow them.