Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
@jiffypop - I really like my place of work and I don't want to change it. Therefore if this gets any worse I will ask for a transfer to a different client room
@theox - As you mentioned, if I tell them I am doing things to reduce my weight, it will only lead to them bullying me more. I'm am so sick of being around such human beings..
@wtfudge - Yes I think he has an inferiority complex too. Because when he was bullying me and bullying me I snapped and told him "Look at your tummy! Its as if you are pregnant!" (A lousy comeback, yes I know lol). He has a big tummy. Other than that he looks fine. He got so upset for this and he was asking the people in the room "Hey is that true? is my tummy that big?". For a few days after that he never mentioned my weight. But eventually he started again, which led to the situation I am in now. The funniest thing is that A@s of a man eats Fitness Flakes in the morning to lose weight and eats whatever treats that come our way during office hours! Hypocrite huh? Nobody bullies him about his eating habits but if I pick up a piece of cake, immediately come the comments "Oh my gosh! look at the size of her piece!" or "You shouldn't eat like that." My piece is the same size (if not smaller) than anyone else's in the room! And I don't eat sweets very often because it is a pain in the butt to work it off afterwards lol. If I crave a sweet at office I buy myself an orange and have that.
There is another guy in the room bullies me the same way. He is this coward who shoots his mouth off when our supervisor is out of the room but when someone approaches the door from outside he assumes its the super and runs to his seat. He is that afraid of him.
Last Friday I went to the ladies' to re-do my makeup and when I walked in he was talking to a couple of girls in the room. He had assumed it was our supervisor who is walking in but had realized it was me and this is how he explained it to the girls how he realized it was me and not the super (he thought I won't know he was talking about me.). "Oh, I knew who was coming into the room. Because when that person is outside the door that person covers the entire door with her body." (The door is 80% smoked glass so you can see if anyone is outside the door). I got SO angry I gave him the finger!! That is not the type of person I am and I do not like what kind of person these a@ses are turning me into. He was so shocked at my gesture and the girls were laughing away telling "damn good for you! you go Sharmsluv!" This same guy brought marshmallows to the room and asked me "why are you not having?" I said "no thank you." I'd rather starve than eat what they give me and be criticized for it.
I was thinking I will ask for a transfer this week if this gets any worse. I am a mess when I get home. I cry at night. At office I just listen to some music using my mp3 player because I have no one to talk to. I am losing weight and I don't need these jerks pulling me down. I wish I had co-workers like you guys
You are losing weight and soon these comments will stop. It is best you don't tell them you are dieting, because then they will have more to talk about.
If you have cake and other treats at home, don't eat them. Stick to your diet. Give the treats to the bullies and fatten them up as you lose weight.
A guy attempted to bully me the same way. Asked when my next prenatal appointment was. I immediately told him off and no other comments have been made.
You have to make it CLEAR that this will not be tolerated. If you let it happen it will keep escalating.
What kind of a man would treat a woman that way? You are beautiful and seem very sweet, don't let anyone tell you different.
People will only walk all over you IF YOU LAY DOWN FOR IT.
You shouldn't quit because he is a jerk! You need to stand up for yourself. What do you say in response when he is being a jerk?
I saw in the last update you posted that you gave him the finger and he backed off and was shocked... See? You can't let people push you around! HE should not have been shocked, he should EXPECT to be reprimanded for his rude words.
Sorry for all the capitalization but it just really makes me angry that people can treat one another like that and think it's ok.
He is clearly a d!ck. He is trying to deflect his insecurities onto you. For some reason, he feels he needs to direct attention away from himself, and you are his target. You had said that you don't like confrontation, and he probably knows that, so he sees you as an easy target.
Keep up the great work and continue going to the gym. Soon, his audience won't be able to agree with him and laugh at you, because they will see for themselves that you are losing weight and looking great! His co-workers will see what an *** he is and stop laughing at the bully he likes to be.
I'm glad you said something back. Keep it classy though. Got a cel phone? Next time whip it out and ask if they want to repeat the comment for your recording for HR. Calm, no insults, just holding him accountable for his nonsense.
Keep taking notes for HR, and if you want to transfer -- tell them the reason WHY you want to transfer. You are a good employee and you don't need to put up with a hostile work environment just because these guys can't manage to deal with their own insecurities! HR should wanna know about this nonsense.
@MARLA26 - I just walked into office (it's around 10.00 am over here) and there is a treat in the room already! I used to crave the treats that were brought to the room but now they just disgust me. And the best part is they ask me "Oh what's wrong? are you okay?" when I don't eat the treats!! Such hypocrites. Yes I shall silently take pleasure when they gorge on the sweets
@Kay7jay - I don't know why we have such degenerates in our lives.. I am so sorry you went through such an unpleasant experience. I wish I had your confidence to tell them off. But I am very very shy. When they insult me I pretend I didn't hear them. My mom scolds me about this and says " You seem all tough on the outside but why don't you speak up for yourself?!". I try but I can't bring myself to do that. I need to get over my insecurities before I can confront anyone I guess..
@Jacks Big Mama - He likes to have the "spotlight" on him. He knows everyone thinks he is this real fun person to be around. And he helps poor people and all. He must think he is getting good 'karma' by helping the less fortunate. Thats why he likes to bug me and make everyone laugh.. They say every dog has it's day. I can't wait for mine
@novangel - Thank you so much
@astrophe - Yes I do have a cell phone. I shall take your advice believe me, if I go to HR about this, they are going to get every single horrible detail about what I have been going through..
A short while ago while I was on a call the jerk threw a stress ball at my head very hard. He sits behind me and was with a bunch of the other roomies. I was not sure who threw the ball and for the jerk's sake I was praying it was not him. I asked one of the girl's in the room who it was and she said it was him and not to get into a fight with him. I got so upset that I started shivering with embarrassment. I called one of my good friends at work who knows about this issue and told her I want to speak to her immediately. When I met with her I just started bawling my eyes out. She told me not to get upset and not to show any reaction to what he says or does. She said since he is very popular in the office and has been here for longer the senior management may think I am overreacting.
I was thinking of mentioning this to the supervisor in the room instead of my supervisor. I have worked with the supervisor in the room for the past year and I know he won't tolerate such an uncomfortable work environment. But I don't know how to tell him all these incidents without looking like I am making a big deal of nothing. Can you please tell me how I should mention this problem to him. My friend told me not to get emotional in front of him and to be very professional. But I don't think I'll be able to hold back my tears.
The reason I am going to the room supervisor and not HR is because I feel that he will be offended that I didn't come to him first since this all happened in his client room and I didn't mention it to him.
Please tell me how I should proceed with this situation. I don't want to mention the jerk's name specifically. I just want out of the room. Is it okay if I don't mention his name?
If you do have an HR department, I would take your documentations of comments/dates/times/witnesses and bring it to them. They will direct you as to when it is an appropriate time to involve your supervisor.
Just keep documenting.
I want to add that while I can understand your frustration and anger, your reaction wasn't professional. Just remember, you can be angry, but never stoop to his level. I'm not sure how lax your environment is (sounds very much so) but it's important to keep your composure in the workplace. Your actions will speak for themselves, just like his will.
I agree with the documenting part: I was getting harassed at work and that's what my manager said. Dates and time, what was said/done exactly and witnesses. Once you got a couple of proof, just give him the sheet if you don't want to meet him and get emotional... I cried non-stop when I did.
Yes, it was a stress ball but he is throwing stuff at you none the less. You really need to get this to stop, regardless of how you believe he is perceived in the office.
Let us know how the talk with your supervisor goes.
I was thinking of mentioning this to the supervisor in the room instead of my supervisor. I have worked with the supervisor in the room for the past year and I know he won't tolerate such an uncomfortable work environment. But I don't know how to tell him all these incidents without looking like I am making a big deal of nothing. Can you please tell me how I should mention this problem to him. My friend told me not to get emotional in front of him and to be very professional. But I don't think I'll be able to hold back my tears.
In general DEF speak up! But depending on the size of your workplace there may be procedures already in place you are supposed to follow when reporting in. If you have some sort of code of conduct manual for the workplace, look up where he's breaking rules and how you are to follow rules in reporting these types of things.
Worried about falling apart?
Write a short letter. Bullet list some points. Run off 3 copies. Deliver. There. You don't have to cry or anything. Something short and sweet -- one page facts. Maybe like...
Quote:
1) This person threw a stress ball at my head on date/time/place/witness.
2) This is part of continual verbal harassment that is now escalating into physical assualt. Three most recent verbal assaults are
a (date, time, place, witness, etc)
b (date, time, place, witness, etc)
c (date, time, place, witness, etc)
I can provide more list/examples if required of verbal abuses.
3) This is creating a continuous hostile work environment not just for me, but for those witnessing these types of unprofessional and intimidating behaviors from PERSON NAME. This affects our work productivity which in turn hurts the company.
I would like you to look into the matter and ask PERSON NAME to cease and desist unprofessional behavior in his interactions with fellow employees.
Thank you.
Your name.
CC: your boss, room boss, HR office
You can put in for transfer too if you want, but let them know he's still left in this group causing this ruckus. Just cause you leave and escape the nonsense doesn't mean the company doesn't still have a problem in this employee!
You don't have to cry, you don't have to appear unprofessional yourself. Be classy, drop the letters, and put the ball in their court. I know you can get caught off guard, but DO NOT stoop to his level of unprofessional behavior.
You've done your bit. You have reported it. Now you expect them to do THEIR bit. AND you are creating the paper trail in case they slack off and you need to take it higher.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Here is my advice about handling it -- of course, you decide what is best for you, but here is my advice.
You need to go look in the mirror and say to yourself: "I approve of myself" and "I love myself" and say it many times a day.... hundreds of times a day is barely enough. This will be the starting place for you to believe that you deserve to be treated well. Once you know you deserve to be treated well, the answer will be obvious.
I do not know exactly what you need to do, since I know nothing at all about employment law or your place of business other than what you have already shared with us. But I believe that on some level, you know what to do, and that the issue has to do with a lot of delicate issues that you have to balance. I can tell that you are intelligent, socially and intellectually, and therefore, I know that you have the answer inside of you.
If this sounds too hard, imagine that you are someone you love and care about -- perhaps imagine that you are your own daughter. Imagine what you would tell her to do. Then do that.
Last edited by lettingslenderin; 03-12-2012 at 03:37 PM.
Reason: had to go answer door, now came back to finish
Where do you work ? Sounds like your coworker is stll in the fifth grade. Start documenting every time this jerk makes a remark about your size. Just jot down the dates and the comments, when you have a few, go to human resources.
I agree! You have the right and deserve to be respected for WHO you are, not for the SIZE you are! Keep telling yourseld that you are beautiful and it's not your fault that others are to blind to see. God bless and hang in there.
