Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
You're getting great advice. I just wanted to add my support and to echo the comments reminding you that you are NOT the problem. This guy is a harasser and a bully and what he says has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
Be kind and gentle with yourself through this process so that his words don't get to you.
Document and report him. He's creating a hostile work environment. You should not have to deal with personal attacks in the workplace.
I suggest that you research the role of your local employment/labour board anyway so that you can be prepared in case you need to bring them into this.
Don't let some worthless punk ruin your day! There's no reason for him to try and make up for his inadequacies by picking on you. Maybe try a boxing class at the gym, something to boost your confidence level?
Hunny, first and foremost, don't let a loser like that treat you that way. I agree, you need to report the harassment to your HR and if they do nothing, take it further up.
Secondly, If you are feeling great with your progress, don't let anything that this @sshole says go to your head. He is most likely still reliving the "glory days" he had in high school where he acted the same way to others as he is acting to you and somehow got appraisal from other immature minds.
Everyone on this site is beautiful and trying to make a difference in their own lives. Take time to think about all your progress and keep moving forward. This jerk needs to be reported. They will be others he will harass that may not be as strong as you in the future and may be affected in different ways and not be able to bounce back from it.
You're already making a difference in your own life and by getting him reported, you may be making a difference in someone else's future.
Our company provides harassment training (how to deal with it, not how to do it!) and I learned that harassment based upon weight is a firing offense. You could get his @$$ fired! You might be hesitant because you'd worry that your other coworkers would avoid you for getting someone fired, but a lot of this would calm down if Mister Bully weren't around stirring the pot. Personally, I'd rather have my coworkers be awkward around me for justly getting someone fired than be constantly called out and bullied in front of them.
This is very disturbing that this kind of behavior is happening at work. I know it's not easy to ignore because how can you forget the words that hurt you. Obviously this man has some serious issues with himself and I pity him.
What everyone has said about documenting these actions is so completely correct. Better to have ammo if you ever come to a point where it is brought to a higher level. Also, I don't know if your company offers it but it would be a good idea to talk with someone....not just HR but like a therapist. You say this is making you depressed....having to see a therapist because of office issues makes a case for you. Just in case!!!
I think you're a very strong girl, and I would definitely have no problem working with you. I also would have no problem punching the guy.....I don't stand for bullying....that was left for the blacktop back in Grammar School.
Keep your positive outlook....be proud of your accomplishments with your weight loss. Don't let him make you feel bad and then eat something you don't want to eat....I understand wanting that emotional eating..instead...decide to do 10 more minutes in a workout. You have nothing to prove to him.....seriously I wish I could come there and knock this guy around....I'm from NJ I'll do it the Soprano way...LOL
Sending you my support and lots of HUGS.....Be strong. xo
YES YES YES to everything that's being said here. And remember to toss in a few buzzwords like "hostile work environment,", "threatening behavior," "bullying," "intimidation."
in other words, don't sugar coat this. But a word of warning, you will have to be strong throughout this - and as Kathology said, a therapist might help you cope. there's a chance that he'll move to the parking lot as well. If that happens, you can call the police.
We Joisey girls have attitude! and we're always willing to share it.
This is harassment pure and simple. Go to your human resources department. If they don't resolve this issue you have grounds for a lawsuit. You do not have to put up with a hostile work environment whatever size you are.
^^^THIS!
What he's doing is unprofessional and places your employer in a legal liability position. They are required, by law, to protect you from that type of behavior.
I tend to escalate slowly, so the first comment I might have looked at the guy and said, "Really? Did you just say that? That was completely inappropriate." The second time I would have said, "I've already told you those types of comments are inappropriate. If you make any more comments like that to me, I will report them." Then if there as a third comment, I would report it.
At this point though, the pattern is set. So if I were you, I'd report it. And you need to document these comments- time, date, who said it, who witnessed it. Also document that you reported it and asked either your supervisor or HR to address the issue. You may need this information later, in the event that nothing is done.
For the record, I think most employers take stuff like this VERY seriously. I had a guy in another company branch once tell me that he got a shipment in from our warehouse that was damaged and he blamed it on my warehouse supervisor. He said she was so fat she couldn't bend over to pick things up or put them down, so she must have dropped his package. EXCUSE ME? I let him know in no uncertain terms that he was wrong and that if I ever heard him say anything like that again I would report it to HR.
SHARMSLUV ~ it doesn't matter whether he is popular or not -- this is very UNprofessional conduct; and he is being very rude. The fact that he has continued this personal attack on you at work constitutes "harassment". I'm surprised no-one else has called him on his behavior by now. Don't you have any managers or supervisors in your office?
And please don't take this out on yourself! He is an ignoramus and I'm sure many of your co-workers feel the same about him, trust me. I would definitely keep track of his comments and if they don't stop, report them to Human Resources. I am positive they won't like it either -- one word from them and he may just stop it because he knows that it could affect his work record. A bad record is a bad record and can prevent promotions. As a matter of fact, the more he mouths off; any supervisors who hear about his conduct will not likely think well of him in the future. I'm surprised he is taking such a foolish career risk.
Now some people may say he must have low self-esteem himself, or more likely -- he may even have a crush on you. I've seen this before; some guys are just very immature when it comes to women. You know, bad attention is better than no attention at all. For example, the Blackberry comment doesn't even make any sense.
Why he is so concerned about your eating habits is a puzzle otherwise. You know, some idiots actually think they are helping you by making these nasty comments (that it will provoke you to lose weight). Take care of yourself for YOU. The guy at the gym was quite encouraging; listen to him.
I'm sorry you are going through this; I am praying for you that it will be resolved very shortly. In the meantime, hold our head up high and just plant a great big smile on your face -- that is the best revenge of all.
PS ~ Dee has a good point there: the next time he says something to you -- tell him exactly what she said below ...
Quote:
" ... those types of comments are inappropriate. If you make any more comments like that to me, I will report them."
Sometimes, that will put an end to it right there.
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 03-09-2012 at 03:55 PM.
Oh my gosh!! I wish I found this website sooner!! Thank you so much for your support. I truly appreciate it. I'm almost in tears now. I always used to talk to my mom about these things and she used to get so mad at them. She always tells me "you are not fat, you are beautiful!" I know she means well but I tend not to believe her much coz it's her job to say those things right? After all, she is my mom lol..
The last time this guy spoke to me was two weeks ago. I stopped talking to him. Because of a particular incident. One of my co-workers said she is going to the gym after office and this jerk said
Jerk: "Hey, you know you guys, Sharmsluv should go to a gym!"
Me: (I got so angry, I turned to him and asked him) "How do you know I am not going to a gym?!"
Jerk: "Because I can see that you don't when I look at you."
Me: "How can you say that?! I wear baggy clothes. So you can't tell if I lost weight or not."
Another guy in the room: "You know Sharmsluv, when I skip dinner, I have noticed I lose a lot of weight that week." (I am sure he meant for me to skip dinner as well."
Jerk: Gave an 'you should listen to him' nod.
After that I stopped speaking to the jerk. Please don't hate me for what happened next, you guys The jerk tried to talk to me the next day. He came up to me and asked me "Are you angry with me?". I was so angry I just left the room in a hurry (plus I am an introvert who does not like confrontations). The next day he tried to get my attention by saying "Psst.. Psst!!" (Real gentleman, I know!! lol). I didn't even look at him. Then he turned to his 'Don't eat dinner friend' and asked,
Jerk: Hey buddy, why is she not speaking to me?
Jerk's friend: I don't know. You go ask her yourself!
Jerk: You know what, I think its better I stay put. Rather than go over there and get scolded. (For which everyone in the room laughed)
I didn't talk to him for two days. I felt bad (Idiot that I am) the next day and I brought some food for the room and went around offering it to people. When I went up to him and said "Hey! want some?" He just looked at the food and said "Uh, no thank you!" (In a very snobbish way). After that he does not speak to me and I didnt make an effort to speak to him either.
So now I don't have anything to complain about to HR. But it is so uncomfortable for me in the room. Hardly anyone speaks to me. I hate going to office now.
I am from Sri Lanka. And being overweight is "not acceptable". Being teased about it accepted. I used to like this guy in church who also liked me. His mom, who is usually nice, always makes comments about my weight. Around December last year I wore this red blouse to church and she said with a giggle that I look like Santa.
There is a supervisor in my room who the jerk is dead scared of. But when he is in the room the jerk behaves like an absolute angel. And even if he did make those comments when the super was around, I highly doubt he will take action because he LOVES him.
So since he does not talk to me or make any comments about me anymore, I can't go to HR.
Your encouragement has made me realize he is the ugly one and not me. And that means so much to me. Thank you so much you guys
oh geezz. sharmsluv. i thought you were in the US!!! I have no idea what the labor rules are in Sri Lanka - but I'd like to think that there's SOMETHING in there that would help you in this situation.
i'm glad you're feeling a bit better about your ability to deal with this idiot, though. be sure to continue to take steps to help yourself. and look for a new job, while you're at it.
You're working out regularly, you're smart enough to know that skipping meals isn't a good weight loss strategy, and you're probably doing other healthy things you haven't written on here about. You're doing well. Their arrogance and unkindness are reflections of their own need to feel important and their ignorance. (He really thinks he would be able to tell if you were working out, because you'd suddenly look different? ) Socially acceptable unkindness is still unkindness. If what they say and do isn't helpful to you, recognize that and try not to let it take up space in your head. Fill that space with knowledge about healthy living and supportive comments from people who really know and care about you (like your mom ).
Silence can work well as a response to stupid, critical comments. Even if they don't recognize how their words are inaccurate or inappropriate, it at least keeps you from getting sucked into their games. If they start bothering you again you could always point out their ignorance to them like you did before. If you wanted to, you could also tell them what you are doing. Like, "actually [Jerk], I have been working out regularly for [length of time]" or "That's an interesting idea [Dinner Skipper], but all the health literature I've read says that eating a healthy balanced diet is better for weight loss than skipping meals." However, since it's not their business AT ALL anyway and they may just use it as an excuse to criticize you more, that might not be a good idea.
At any rate, they sound like lousy coworkers. If you can get a transfer without going into the situation or you can find another job, take it. If you can't, just do the best you can and treat their comments as the ill-informed brain trash they are. And document anything they say or do that makes you feel harassed.
I cannot even fathom that an adult could act like that! It is just despicable. Don't let him feel bad about yourself at all. You are too beautiful to let some jerk bring you down!
Just so you know, cuz you said that this is really getting to you, the bully is ridiculously insecure. Further, while he is suffering from an inferiority complex to combat whatever it is of his that is lacking or subpar (i.e. his crayon penis), definitely report, document, and don't take the bullshit. Why change yourself for a boy like that? Rather: change him and make him cry and feel magnitudes crappier than he made you feel.
Good that silence seems to be working...kind of. Yeah I don't know what kind of laws for harassment in HR there are.
Is it an American company you're working for by chance? Regardless of where you are if you are working for one of ours, you HAVE RIGHTS.
Just keep in mind, although no one is probably saying anything, I'm sure the rest of your co-workers think they're as big of jerks as we think they are.
The jerk tried to talk to me the next day. He came up to me and asked me "Are you angry with me?". I was so angry I just left the room in a hurry (plus I am an introvert who does not like confrontations). The next day he tried to get my attention by saying "Psst.. Psst!!" (Real gentleman, I know!! lol). I didn't even look at him. Then he turned to his 'Don't eat dinner friend' and asked,
) Socially acceptable unkindness is still unkindness. If what they say and do isn't helpful to you, recognize that and try not to let it take up space in your head. Fill that space with knowledge about healthy living and supportive comments from people who really know and care about you (like your mom 
).
