I agree with the post above me.

Also, I believe that you need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else or anyone else can learn to love you.

When you love yourself, everything becomes easier. You want to make new friends, try new things... your entire life's quality will improve. First of all let me say there is nothing wrong with you the way you are and if you learned to fully love yourself right now, you would feel absolutely fantastic, even at your current weight.

However, if losing weight is what it takes for you to love and accept yourself for who you are, then I say go ahead and go do it! As you're reading this right now, right this very exact second, understand that you are completely and fully capable of reaching any goal weight you set for yourself. It's not impossible, it's not out of your reach. The only thing that stands between you and your weight loss goal is your own negativity. You just need to take control of your life, decide enough is enough, and reach out and grab it.

No one can do it for you. Take away someone's friends, and they're equally as lonely as anyone else. We're all the same, just one person in one body.

Remember... you don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body. Take control of it.

Good luck, I know you can do it!

I have fought depression most of my adult life and even the times I was sort of slim I still had a lot of depression.But the weight does make it more difficult because it brings up any insecurity and magnifies it.I do find that when I stay active it really helps.

I came back to this issue because today is one of those days. I have lost weight and have much more to lose. It amazes me how people react. I actually had someone say to me after telling them I lost 70 lbs. "Well, your still obese and unhealthy. Before you could have died and now your just unhealthy. " I felt like someone just kicked me in the head. I know it shouldn't matters what others say but it felt bad.

I have to agree, I want to go out and socialize but start to and just stop because I feel so judged by my weight.

As many of you know, weight loss takes a constant focus to keep it up. As things get harder and I get stupid comments, I have to just let it bounce off.

Bottom line, I am very proud of what I have accomplished so far. I think having POSITIVE people and people who get who I am besides my weight are very important. No one can live without others in their lives, we just have to be picky with people as well as our food choices.

No more bad toxic food or people. lol.

I just feel better saying that.

*hugs* to visionary! You're on the right path by letting comments of the ignorant roll off your back. Growing up, my mom always told me to be careful of who's words I internalize because not everyone has your best interest at heart. Keep that in mind ALWAYS.

The loss of 70 lbs is something to CELEBRATE!!!! *throws confetti* so don't let that jerk steal your joy!

Wow, congratulations on 70 lbs. lost! That's a great accomplishment.

I saw this thread and had to respond because I too have struggled for years and years with feeling lonely. I never tried the online dating sites because (1) I didn't even want a picture taken of myself to post online, and (2) I feared nobody would respond anyway. Sounds like I was lucky not to post.

I feel completely alone in life. No boyfriend, not even any close friends - I have moved around a lot and focused on my career, and while I'm now financially ok, boy have I missed out on building relationships. Both of my parents are gone; my dad died last year which was very tough on me. I have no siblings and no close family. I truly feel alone. I am introverted and shy anyway, and enjoy my own company, but it would be nice to at least have some friends to go out with.

Now I sound like a pity party! That wasn't my intent.

While I am clearly not an expert on how to find love, I do think you did the right thing by stopping with online dating. When I have been successful in dating (which was when I weighed much less, unfortunately), I found people not through online dating but by taking up activities and finding people who enjoyed doing the same thing. For example, I started taking tennis lessons and joined a tennis club, and there were singles events at the tennis club. I also found that men seemed to like to talk to women who played golf!

One thing I have also recently learned is to just go on with life. One poster noted that instead of waiting X years to do something, do it now! That's what I'm going to do. I wrote out a list of things that I want to do and I am going to do them. Example: I wanted to travel more. Even though I don't have a travel buddy, that's not stopping me: I booked a flight to Italy and am leaving next week for what I hope will be an interesting adventure. I am also joining a group that is going to Costa Rica during Christmas week. I am currently investigating some singles travel sites for a potential 2012 trip to somewhere interesting.

I also plan to start taking up Spanish lessons again next year. And getting back to playing golf. I don't expect to meet the man of my dreams, but I do know that I have 0% chance to meet anybody if I'm sitting at home! I feel optimistic about the future for the first time in a long time.

I wish you luck in your journey.

It's really hitting me that the BEST relationship I can have ever is with MYSELF.

When I feel lonely, what can I do to take care of myself, take myself to a movie?

My biggest self care tip: Take myself for a message. ( This also helps because it is PROVEN that as humans we CRAVE human touch and a message will give you that, in addition it helps move toxins in the body if you are losing weight as well as it's just a very nurturing thing for both body and mind and does not involve food. I know it can be expensive, but I look for deals. Even go to a massage school. The money is the best money you can spend on your health and well being. This has been my experience. I get one about 1 x a month and would do more if $$ was not an issue.

It's been so many years since I even went on a date so I am not a relationship expert but I do know that I don't need a man and I know how to make myself feel really good and not feel lonely without a significant other. In fact, I felt more alone than ever with my x husband.

I just think once I feel really great in my own skin the HEALTHY relationship will come when I am ready.

I have felt the same way before. Try for 10 years! The worst was being dumped a few years ago and feeling like no one would ever want me again, especially at over 230 pounds. BUT, I prayed a lot and I put myself out there. I got an awesome new hair cut, I taught myself how to do awesome makeup... especially my eyes, because I hear they are kinda pretty... so play it up!I decided to make good use of my curves. This was hard, but I quit wearing baggy clothes all the time and started wearing tops that curved and were snug around my top parts, but flowy down near the tummy and hips. One thing about being overweight... you have more to work with up top!

Anyway, I started to FEEL pretty. I went on eharmony and yahoo personals and posted a current photo of my face all dolled up and I made sure to write in my bio that I was a "Big and Beautiful" woman. I wrote with confidence in who I am and that in my way I was beautiful. There are a LOT of men who dig big girls... you just have to be confident about it and speak about it as if its a good thing. I also wrote that I was wanting to get fit and was hoping to find a companion that would support my efforts. The men that wrote me were excited about helping me become healthier.

I could go on a lot longer but, bottom line, I ended up with 3 very wonderful men wanting to date me and I even ended up marrying one of them.

I wasn't trying to be slutty and I was definitely careful about where I met them and being in a safe place... I met several other men who were only interested in physical relationships.. (Yes, with a big beautiful woman), and even though I wasn't into that, it sure felt like a compliment that they saw me as attractive physically.

So, YOU make a resolve to love yourself and your body as you are. Take extra time on your hair and makeup, and wardrobe... become beautiful in your own eyes, and let that confidence out! A quote I read almost every day is this:

"It's not what you are that holds you back. It's what you think you're not." ~ Denis Waitley

Believe it! Believe in YOU!

Mighty Hugs,
JenniBean

Trust me when I say being single is not really the issue. I have been married for 25 years and every since the Depression set in I feel just like everyone here. Alone and lost. It seems this depression is not picky on who it devours. Sitting in a room with people who claim to love me seems to be getting harder and harder to do. You know they love you but don't understand why they can't prove it or why you can't accept it. I think it comes down to us. Loving and accepting ourselves first before we can let anyone else love or accept us seems to be the key. I understand it, I see it, but grasping it is a whole other thing. Good luck everyone..... don't give up.

*hugs*

I've been on dating websites for about 4 months, and I've had the same response as you -- none, lol. And I typically only message guys who are overweight too.

I dress very nicely and fashionable. Nice makeup and mani/pedis. I have a great career and tons of friends. Yet I've been single for the entire duration of my 20s. I've never been popular with guys even when I was thin as a teenager. And I'm lonely and feel left behind as my peers are marrying and/or having children (which I want desperately).

It's tough dealing with rejection and being continuously placed in the "friends zone" or being seen as an asexual "maternal" figure/funny sidekick by everybody, but I continue to put myself out there because I can't let the weight or low self-esteem restrict me from living life.

I really admire all of you online and trying to date. I have pretty much given up. I keep hoping as I get older I will be less and less interested in a relationship. Pretty much all of my friends are married and have children. It is hard for me to understand what they brought to the table that I didn't.

I do try to focus more on making sure I am a good person, good friend, and making a positive difference in the world around me. And to a degree that helps. The loneliness does get overwhelming at times; but I am getting much better at powering through the worst times of it.

I spent all day today sinking deeper and deeper into a depression that has been revolving around how alone I am for nearly 5 years. When I saw your post, I had to read it. And I read ever response so far.

I saw someone else post that being one can be lonely and married, and I agree. I have been with my husband for 11 years, and (almost) 5 years ago we had our first baby as my DH went into medical school. A few month later my mentally ill mother and I had a falling out and I forbid her in our lives until she was under medical care for her mentall illness, because her behavior was causing turmoil in our family. When I refused to be apart of her self destruction, her family cut me off.
I have no siblings.
My husband's family lives on the other side of the country.
The friends I had at that time were not getting married and settling down, so as I became a mother/ wife, my friends moved on without me. Continuing with their careers and active lives that I couldn't do with an infant in toe.

And my DH was gone for days at a time because of commuting 1 1/2 hours to school and sometimes up to 4 hours for a rotation site.

His career still keeps him gone most of the time. I have tried to make friends, but it probably comes down to me being that kind of girl that never really hung out with girls. lol I've never enjoyed sitting around with other women, talking about fashion or what not. I'm not a tom boy, but my track record is about 80% male friends.

So, fast forward to today. And I am home with the kids every day (We had a 2 nd baby) and lonely. I shuffle them around to where they need to go, but I have not social network for myself. Its so depressing because I used to be a moderately social person! I liked having a small circle of friends. I just can't seem to find a group I fit into as a mom.

I'm also an atheist. Its hard not evening having a higher power to turn to. I was raised catholic so I did grow up believing in and turning to god. Being an atheist also prevents me from joining a church group. A few years back someone had recommended to me a church based moms group and specifically said that the group was only run by the church, but was open to all moms in the community that needed support, regardless of beliefs. I joined and started to become rather close with the other moms. Most of them went to the church that hosted the group, and often invited me to Sunday church. I always declined and I felt so bad. Then I made the mistake of telling one of the moms (after she asked what church I belonged to ) that I was an atheist. And that was that. They all knew the whole background story, and how alone I was with no family or friend support system and a baby, and they dropped me like yesterdays news. I think I would have rather them commited to getting me to find god. So I was back a square one, with a new distain for church based mother groups.

Being alone is so hard, for whatever reason we are lonely. Its depressing. I eat out of lonliness and bordem. Even the exercise I do, I run, is a lonely sport. I don't want to join a running group because I don't feel good enough. And even working out daily doesn't stop me from feeling consumed by loneliness.

I wish I could help you. I just want you to know that your not alone in your loneliness,

Try Vitamin B-12 shots, they really helped me.

You were created just as beuatiful and equal as anyone else. Start by honouring that inside of you. You are not your weight. You are not your depression. You might be hidden right now deep down, but the fact is you are a light, and your beautiful. Search for it if you can't see it, it's there. Start small, be kind to you, go for a walk and enjoy the cool breeze on your face, enjoy the little moments of enjoyment that life brings, even if it's just reading your favourite book for the 100th time, or soaking in a hot bath. Small steps to pamper yourself in healthy ways, honour yourself. You are not any different than anyone else and deserve all the riches life brings. We are our own worst critics, we are the ones that block goodness. Do you want it? Deep down, search for the desire, it's there. It's not easy but you can do this. You can find you xoxo