Run out of Meds :( - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

marie81 · 04-10-2011, 05:06 PM

I ran out of meds on Friday and I havent had the money to pick up some more and wont until tomorrow, I feel weird, I can feel the mania setting in I am having black outs in my memory, I cant remember anything after a point last night and according to my husband we had a good time

I am freaking out I can almost feel it in my body the manicness setting in I am jittery and just feeling strange. I have to go to work tomorrow and that scares the crap out of me i could snap and go mental at someone, I dont like them much as it is, I am thinking of staying at home and getting the pills PDQ.
this is the 1st time in months i havent taken them for long periods of times and I am worried.
I have my sleeping meds that I have just taken I am hoping I will sleep soon and be semi normal in the morning, with BPD that is possible so fingers crossed. I am not feeling good right now, its scaring me

Thanks for reading i need to tell someone, my husband doesnt understand what it feels like then I dont have my meds so I cant really complain to him

Rasdreamer34 · 04-10-2011, 05:13 PM

I have depression and anxiety and have been in the same boat. The only thing that helped me get through till I got me meds was meditation. I would just close my eyes and think of the most calming things possible and know that in just a couple days I'll be ok. I dont know why it worked but it did.

Hope this helps! Good Luck!

marie81 · 04-10-2011, 05:19 PM

Thanks darling i will try that, I just feel like control is slipping out of my hands tonight I hate being like this xx

chris313 · 04-10-2011, 06:24 PM

I just want you to know that you are not alone, and you will feel better again. It's always best not to run out of medication, but it happens. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have felt completely overwhelmed by it many times. I usually find I do better when I don't isolate myself. Could your husband lay by you until you fall asleep? Or just talk to you until you get sleepy? Try to divert your attention to something joyous, calming. You could always write on 3fat chicks for awhile, it's only 5:24 here.

marie81 · 04-10-2011, 06:33 PM

thanks chris I am calming alittle now the sleepers are kicking in, it will take a while before i get to sleep its 22:30 now I will go to bed soon and try and meditate if i can stop my head whirling. if im not asleep by midnight there is not much hope i will sleep at all. my body is tired but my mind isnt I hate this so much. I was so stupid to run out

Sweetcaroline · 04-10-2011, 07:38 PM

Hi... If you are feeling 'manic' already, I'm sure you know its only going to get worse... Maybe your situation is different, but I have bipolar disorder and I can't be w/out my meds for more than a couple of days without symptoms. The worst thing is I think I'm fine' when I'm not.. especially when you can't sleep.

Can you or buy a few pills at a time ? or get samples from your doctor or clinic ?
Please take care...

marie81 · 04-11-2011, 04:20 AM

Hi Caroline, last night was bad I dont remember much i never do when I have an episode my sleeping pills kicked in and I passed out around midnight. My husband is good when I get like that but he never knows what to do until i lose it, but he keeps me safe.
I have a prescription for the meds so as soon as the chemist opens at 9am I will go and get some. I live in a small town and on sunday's nothing is open so I had no way of picking anything up yesterday.I thought i would be ok till monday but how wrong was I!
Im feeling better this morning a little jittery but not manic, i havent gone to work just going to take it easy and try to get to a more normal state before tomorrow.
Bipolar is such a curse, I would give anything just to be normal, happy and not manic. I just hope I havent set myself back by not taking the pills for 3 days

VermontMom · 04-12-2011, 08:45 AM

marie - I hope you made it through yesterday alright and are OK today!!

marie81 · 04-12-2011, 01:41 PM

A lot better today thanks still a little hyper but that should go soon once they get fully back in my system xxx

RebekkaG · 04-14-2011, 11:10 AM

Marie, You are very strong for hanging in there and fighting. Amazing! I hate this disease with a passion. And I also wonder why I can't be normal. And why can't I be happy without worrying it is mania beginning? I'm so glad you made it through!

marie81 · 04-14-2011, 02:59 PM

Thank you Rebekkag, it was awful though I am not going to be that stupid again and let them run out.
Its a horrible disease, but we are born like it I guess. What meds are you on?

RebekkaG · 04-14-2011, 07:33 PM

I'm going to skip dosages (as I'd have to go look at bottles) but the list is: Lithium, Tegretol, Lamictyl, Lexapro, Abilify, Klonopin, Ambien and Ativan as needed. After a hospitilaization last spring, we finally worked out the right cocktail and I've been mostly stabile. Which is pretty much all you can ask for, right?

marie81 · 04-16-2011, 06:32 AM

im glad they are keeping you mostly stable, iv still got a long way to go before the find the right mix for me, i was only diagnosed in September after a failed over dose. for years it was always something else, when i was a child i was branded hyperactive, then as a teenager i was just a "bad girl" then i had my children young so it was postnatal depression its only now they couldnt fit me in to a brand i got the correct diagnostic. pretty disgusting really i have had to suffer all these years.
The UK is crap with things like this i feel they just keep me like a zombie to stop me having the manic out bursts. I take lexapro, zopliapram and diazapram. (sorry my spelling is bad)
Whats bothering me now is that the doctors want to take me of zop and diaz as i am classified as chemically addicted, but i would rather be a addict then be the mental wild woman i am with out them.
Do you have therapy of any kind? sorry for all the questions I dont know any one else that has bipolar.

RebekkaG · 04-18-2011, 02:10 PM

Sorry I'm a couple of days late answering. I see my Psychiatrist for med management and a Psychologist for therapy. The two have both been necessary to my continued well-being. I will always be bipolar. I have Very Bad Days. But, since my failed suicide attempt, things have gotten much, much better. In the hospital, I learned so much more about managing this disease. That meds are important, but so is therapy, regular sleep (sucks sometimes to tell friends, no I can't go out to see a midnight movie), diet, etc. I abstain from alcohol (a hard one to give up as I love a glass of wine at dinner). All these things together have been very important and seem to be doing the job. Feel free to ask me any questions. I try to be as honest as I can about my struggles. You never know when you might help someone.

marie81 · 04-18-2011, 03:42 PM

Thanks for the response it does help, people don't understand whats its like my husband trys to help but he has no idea and my dad well the little he knows the better I don't want to stress him out to much.
I am due to start therapy, i just got to make the call and arrange it i have been trying to avoid it as i really am worried about them making me go though all my "marie stuff" i try not to think about.
They have tweaked my meds again and I am feeling awful today its my 3rd day on them and I have been up and down all day and feel really heady
Sleep is a great help but i have real trouble sleeping even with all the sleeping pills i go to sleep then wake up after 2 or 3 hours then i awake, i stay in bed and try to go back to sleep but i never feel refreshed in the morning, and considering i am out the house a good 14 hours a day with work i should be shattered.
I do drink but i plan to give it up when i start my new job in may i don't drink alot i just go wild on a friday night with my friends, but its a small thing to give up it makes me feel better in the long run

Hope your feeling ok day xx